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December 15, 2004

TWO SHEETZ TO THE WIND

We are hoping they get married...

(Thanks to Alex Estable)

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Yet another Jeff Foxworthy joke. You just might be a redneck if you report your stolen drug stash.

Admission without Miranda warning may be inadmissable.

... and reproduce!

That will ensure the fate of mankind.

Sounds like a gag from a Cheech & Chong movie. (or Refer Madness maybe)

They're in "possession" of a few stems?

Sheetz and Holmes
Both scratched their domes
Because their stash was missing.

Sheetz called the cops
Who busted his chops
And Holmes was busted thereafter.

"Sheetz and Holmes"....sounds like an '80's cop show.

are ya stoned, or just stupid!!!? duh, uh. how do we keep em out of the gene pool?

Eugenics was useful for something after all. The government should be subsidizing forced sterilization of these folks. Since they are probably also brother and sister, (and their parents were uncle and niece) the next generation can only get stupider. Their kids will be calling to report crimes they are planning to commit.

But isn't stealing against the law? Is there a law against sell. . . , oh, yeah, right.

"Hello? Police? I'd like to report a robery."

"Well, I came home from my nightly stalking..."

"Yeah, stalking. And, well..."

"Over at the college. You see..."

"Yeah, most nights, yeah. Anyway, it seems that somebody broke into my house and stole the dead bodies from my basement, AND the one that was in the freezer!"

"Oh, about five, I think. Yeah, five."

"No, just the one. The others were in the basement."

"Okay, yeah. I'll be here waiting."

Ummm.. hullo... occifer, offciver, lucifer... um cops? Yeah, hi. I'm... I've, I got home and thers... uh... there wuz summun.. someone here an' they took my pot. All of it! An I needed it tuh sell tuh feed my kids... Yeah, thas how I make money. Yup.. sellin' pot. Can you come right away and find my pot?... Yeah, I'll be right here.

IQ total between the two: 110
Bond Price: 17,500.
LMAO at their stupidity:Priceless.

Misty Sheetz sounds like a name for a porn star.

LOL... I have two funny words now.
booger.... vesicles lol

thank you, reddsuss, i was beginning to wonder...

if they switched last names you'd have Misty Sheetz and John Holmes, wasn't he a porn star,too?

Actually, due to the phenomenon in statistics (and genetics) known as "regression to the mean", their kids would probably be vastly superior to them intellectually.

And that's why these two should be forcibly sterilized.

It's be too cruel to the kids to let them reproduce...

Geez, do the italics and leave in the typo..."It'd" be too cruel...

I'm a reporter covering the police beat and this actually happened in my town...

Some moron, about 22, walked into the police station to report that his older brother had stolen his marijuana, about a quarter-ounce, from his pocket while he was sleeping on the sofa...

He explained that his brother was the only other person there and he was gone, along with the pot, when he woke up.

The desk sergeant said it was all he could do to keep a straight face, but he actually filled out a report. The kid was not arrested though because he had no marijuana or any paraphernalia on him...

I think they informed him that marijuana is actually illegal and said they'd keep a look-out for his brother. I think they felt sorry for the guy and figured locking him up would be too mean...

I put it in the paper and in a rare moment of compassion on my part, I didn't even use the guy's name. I figured he had enough problems....

But won't the police have to solve the crime, recover the pot, and give it back to the Sheetz's in order to prosecute?

Can't the Sheetz's just come before the judge with a defense of "just kidding" otherwise?

That's what I always do.

I used to work as a courtroom clerk and in Small Claims Court people would sue each other and tell the judge they'd been ripped off; i.e., "Your Honor, I paid for pot and when I got home it turned out to be oregano and now he won't give me my money back!"

Or the smarter (?) ones would only allude, as in, "Well, Your Honor we had a business transaction and the product I bought was inferior and now he won't give me my money back" - Duh!!!

I now completely believe that Car Hiassen doesn't make stuff up for his novels, he just reads the papers.

Or Carl, neither.

I prefer to use the "psyche!" defense myself, cbol.

Can't believe nobody's said it yet: "Ain't that the Sheetz?!"

Bow, O citizens of Imbiciland, to your new King and Queen!

Who says pot makes you stupid?

Maybe there just isn't enough oxygen on Planet Sheetz.

We'll find your pot if you help us get that log out of the middle of UM lake.

Lived in Bay County (Panama City Beach) for a while... Spring Break, nice beaches and boneheads... lots of boneheads... unique and sometimes enthusiastic boneheads. Usually one of them always managed to kill themselves every spring break jumping from balcony to balcon... whoops... splat... but then some of them decide to take up permanent residence... and breed. Yup, not living in Bay County anymore.

Sean, dude you got my line.

Pinto: "could I buy some pot from you?"

Judi, loved Misty Sheetz. Thanks.

More proof that drugs kill brain cells.

Many years ago, I was staying in a hotel in a rather seedy part of San Fransico, when there was a knock at my door. There stood a young man, about my age. "Dude," he said. "I was staying in this room last night, and I left something here. Can I get it?" I was dumb enough to let him in. He dragged a chair under the heating vent, climbed up, unscrewed the grate, and removed a large bag of white poweder. He replaced the grate and said, "Thanks, Dude!" and left.

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