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December 10, 2004


This is the perfect gift for the person who has to attend a lot of business meetings, or study hall, or LaMaze classes, or ....

(Thanks to Janice Gelb)


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I just can't bring myself to say fi...

Fun with watches ... just add ammo.

You'll shoot yer eye out!

Not mentioned in the writeup is that in addition to shooting "BBs, dried peas, popcorn kernels, lentils " I bet that catapult watch can shoot BOOGERS pretty good too - just wrap 'em up in a ball, place on the watch, and fire away! ;-)

Hmmm great Christmas gift to get for my 10 yr son that is ADD ...

What a great idea! I'll have to find someone without a cell phone to give this to, though, since they already have a perfectly good way to annoy others around them.

I wonder what the 'FREE supply of ammo with every order' is. Fresh spitballs?

Thank god I don't own one of these. I'd take about 5 minutes of a typical day's conference calls before I was beefing it up with an industrial spring and loading mini-molotov cocktails into the dang thing...

I say we all pitch in and get Christobol one of these. He can use it on long flights to pelt the screen during movie showings, say, or Fed Duck when they get together for martinis and goat cheese after work on Fridays.

I'm sticking with my "catapult thong". (Throwing distances vary, void where prohibited, but encouraged nevertheless)

Hey! An article I sent in to Dave gets mentioned...'cept I didn't get credited. Am I being whiny, or what?

Dave, thanks. This is great! I'm putting it at the top of my holiday want list, right after the Liquid Oxygeon Charcoal Starter (courtesy of Wurm42).

Now that is a guy present!

BigD: correct. Let's see: 78, last drive on the expressway, yeah he's ready for the move to Florida.

Schadey, as I've learned from bitter experience, your (not you're) chances always improve when you sign the item as from "Claire Martin."

I want one!

Whoops, my apologies, Judi, I stupidly assumed this was a Dave item but I see my mistake. No semi-naked men so I didn't think of you. Sorry.

"Catapulting Kernels" cbagnfarb

Did anyone else check out the guy who trebuchetted
himself in the trebuchet section of the website.
I want one!

You could use this to target those annoying cellphone talkers. Imagine the conversation:

Cell "Bob - It's me. NO, it's me. Me - CAN YOU HEAR...*catapult*.. ow! What the dangnabit was that? no - Bob, I wasnt' swearing at you. I called you for the Helman contract... *catapult* OW! Who the h*ll??? No - NOT you Bob. I'm did not say who the hell are you?... *catapult*.. OW! WHat the ... OW - BOB?"

"Um, boss - we lost the contract"


You did not get credit because you are not Ms. Claire Martin...that's why!

"I'll take that pink princess diamond studded cell phone and the catapult watch, please. You don't have to gift wrap it, I plan to use it right now."

"Hello, Geordgie! I'm calling you. If you will only turn around, that's right! Now watch this!"

*Makes super cheese ball. Mixes it with spit, takes aim, and 'whizzer-roo!' Right in the old kazoo!*

This is right up there with the remote control farting machine! A must-have for the office.

a must have for every 12 year old boy.

total waste of money when you can buy a packet of rubber bands for less than a dollar.

if you wanna get fancy, flexible plastic rulers are also really cheap. although less concealable.

"is that a ruler in your pocket or are you just... hey, wait, you're a woman! aren't you? no, don't answer tha... OW."

queensbee - no, thanks anyway. My ADHD 12-year old has enough trouble as it is. He built a trebuchet of his own design last year for the Science Fair. Nobody knew what the heck a trebuchet was until LOTR came out and there they were in the battle at Helm's Deep. All of a sudden, every boy wanted to build what my son had built! If he ever sees this, he'll be a sixth grader in perpetuity ...

sixth grader in perpetuity

Sounds like the men I tend to date.

What is a trebuchet? A three bucket gizmo?

Here's a great use for rubber bands and plastic rulers: First, you need one of those three-sided rulers ("scales" in my business) and a fairly hefty rubber band. Stretch the rubber band along the length of the scale, hooking one end into the indentations on the side. The other end, not held by the indetations, will eventually slip off, and the rubber band will rocket off in the opposite direction. What is so cool is that this can take several minutes. You can set the device down in the office of a co-worker when they are not there, (on a bookshelf or wherever), aim it at where their head will be. The surprise really throws some people. I saw one guy nearly hyperventilate when he got shot square in the chest from under his monitor. Also, you get to watch and enjoy the results while maintaining plausable deniability. (Or is that deniable plausability?)

The more you search on siege engines, the scarier it gets. Trebuchets, balistias, catapults, mudstuffin's Scale Power Launcher ...

the trebuchet link also mentioned 'other hurling related equipment for your enjoyment' . Bloggers ,start your engines !

I just ordered one of these:
The RubberBand Machine Gun

I like the t-shirt on the trebuchet site that says "Have you hurled today?"

sixth grader in perpetuity

Sounds like the men I tend to date.

Slyeyes, you say that like it's a bad thing...


Stop it, punky!

*at Big Buford's Goat Cheese Bar and Skeet Shooting Range*

Fed: Yes, C-bol, I too think the socioeconomic impact of cow flatulence is of utmost....


Fed: Crapmatic Fugemonkeys! What the friggin' frak was that?

*c-bol peers around innocently*

C-bol: I think the waiter just spitballed you dude. Are you gonna stand for that?

Waiter: *wanders up, clearly not paid enough for this* Can I take sirs order? Perhaps a used boot with a nice hollandaise? We also carry a fantastic line of bananas for your monkey.

Fed: Just gimme the goat cheese special with a martini. And he's not a monkey you pretentious....

Waiter: Oh my god, a talking monkey!

Fed: Now lookie here....


Fed: Mothersnogging goatflickers! *glares about the place*

*cbol, about to blow a gasket with silent laughter, feigns deep concern*

C-bol: *whispers* He did it again!

Waiter: Is sir alright? Shall I summon maitre d? Or your trainer?

Fed: You sockplucking piece of....

*fight ensues. Fed gets his arse handed to him. Waiter was a black belt in Peruvian 3-clawed ninja ass-whapping*

C-bol: I love my life. *munches some goat cheese*

*and fade to black*

I've never actually had my ass handed to me before. Does it come on a nice platter? I guess since it was a waiter, it's fairly likely in that instance.


Crapmatic Fugemonkeys wbagnfarb

Take a stiff piece of paper, preferablly card stock. (any color) Fold it into thirds, equally.
take rubber band and pull it until it is the width of the inside piece across. Staple each pulled ends of the rubber band to the side of the cardstock. Take a paper clip and attach it to the very middle of the stretched rubber band. Twist the paper clip around and around the rubber band. Fold the two other sections over the middle section that contains the 'weapon of crass instruction.' Place the 'armed gizzmo' into a legal size envelop. Address to office mate and place in mail basket. Wait and see reaction.

Duck... quack! Brilliant.


i am torn between "i really, REALLY needed a good laugh today" and "my sprained back is never going to forgive me, owwwww".

gotta try that ruler (er, scale) ambush idea.

Check out the rest of that site, catapults, rubber band guns, bbguns ( including a machine gun that fires a 30 shot clip of copper bb's in a few seconds), lots of cool, semidestructive stuff.

Anyone hear that Dimebag Darrel form Pantera died?
I'm so bummed.

Lickity Split!

Was that on topic?


Ok then, Booger, that's always on topic, YO.

Yeah and I also heard that Kuarterpaper Keith was seen doing a line-up.

Anyone hear about Eightball Eddie?

It's Friday you know, and I just got paid.

Just askin.........

mothersnogging goatflickers wbagnfarb

No, some "FAN" killed dimebag yesterday.

I'ma skin that punk ass if i ever see him.

And yes. I'm off topic.

And the rubber band gatling gun is great,
if it didn't cost 400$.

Condolences, Psycho Joe - yes, I saw it on TV - terrible thing - and for what? Outraged fan mad because he broke up his old band and started another - if it wasn't for the cop, he would have killed Dimebag's brother too -

Seriously, dimebag died the same day john lennon died.

That's prophetic in a way.
Dimebag is my favorite.
I saw him live ONCE.
Oh well.
But i am so mad that he's dead.

you know it wasn't a Gwar concert.

Gwar would've killed that poor prison bitch.

I mean WHACK, dead, by an axe.

No one fu**s with a member of gwar.

Me thinks a flying lentil could take someone's eye out....

That's all I'm saying....

Carry on....

on topic - a slingshot watch would be good t use against spammers -

that is all -

Dammit, PeeJay! I'm a robot, not a journalist!

And you guys get ticked off with cretinous cellphoners (mouthy mobilers in other parts).. but a trebuchet timepiece would be fun.

PeeJay, that was merely an attempt to mock your pathetic 'Bones' of Television Series Star Trek fame. I'm sorry your undeveloped brain could not comprehend the reference, but it is not my problem. Life! Don't talk to me about life.


It's a good thing I don't have one of those. I always hit people in the eye. And it would probably get me in a lot of trouble somehow.
Like pelting a State Trooper incessantly after he's pulled me over for doing 95 on 95, ...or something.

"95 on 95" = terrible idea for a porn

Porn Producer: What's your idea?
Porn "Director": 95 on 95
Producer: Come on Jimmy, we've never gone more than 37 and 1/2.
"Director": They're ALL women.
Producer: That's a GREAT idea!

Porn actor: I'm no mathmagican but 34 and 1/2 sounds good to me.
"Director": Actors, bah! If I didn't needem....


On topic: I sorta think that catapult arm thingy might also serve well for picking boogers, if you can bend it upward just a little bit.

A self-loading catapult!

Off topic: I caught your blog last nite and answered (twice, not shy).

Just FYI

Flying Lentils wbagnfa circus act.

I see us (we?) lateniters are at it again.

What else is new? (Not gnu?)

Not much inspiration on this end.

Everybody else took all the good lines.

Toilet Flushing Phones wbagnfarb.

I officially endorse the notion that Mothersnogging Goatflickers would be a good name for a rock band.

Does someone have the link to a game that was on here eons ago? It was called "The Amazing Machine", or something along those lines. You added things like a windmill and a rocket to this large sphere... Help?

Uncle Omar -

Will we never be in the same time zone????
*sighs wistfully*

Uncle Omar -

Will we never be in the same time zone????
*sighs wistfully*

re-posted using correct name - I hate it when Eleanor infringes!

"Launched into Space" (or the day when the 'earth' decided to pass 'gas' and blew wind right out of it's south pole, causing a reversal effects that turned it inside out with the internal fire core igniting the gaseous emissions and propelling it out into space where it continued on it's journey heading straight for a 'black' whole. (big dark funk) But then, Scoty saved the day by firing the reverse rockets to slow down the big ball of flaming fuel.


Well, we ARE actually in the same time zone, but just in different parts of it.

Tomorrow is another day (to coin a phrase), and I'll likely be checking blogs at a more reasonable hour.
(I just got in from work and it's 6:53 p.m. PST now, but I still hafta do something about an evening meal ... four brownies just won't do the trick for me --that's all I've had to contemplate so far today.

(sighs, tiredly -- VERY tiredly)

Omar, if four brownies is not enough, just eat a fifth one! Etc., etc, and so on.


I thought of that, and so I did.

Then I had a T-bone steak for dessert.

mmm, Beefy!

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