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December 03, 2004

REALITY TV

Yet another example of how people in other cultures do things differently.

(Thanks to Stephanie McKiernan)

Comments

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What? This is DEFINITELY a repeat!

Was it good for you, Porky?

"In one of their more delicate rulings of recent years, British television watchdogs ruled that a pig sexually pleasured on television by a minor celebrity did not feel degraded by the experience."

How do they know the pig enjoyed it?

Simul-OINK!

and this isn't the FIRST time there's been a repeat, either!

And when asked to comment on her technique, Mr. Beckham responded with a distinctly uncomfortable, "No Comment."

*Smark* @ Jeff P.!
Jeff M. - two simulposts? creepy.

yes, but did the minor celebrity even bother to call the next day?

swine.

Inside sources tell this reporter that, despite having "a pleasurable and non-degrading experience," the pig in question has since refused to return Ms. Loos' phone calls. Looks like one more celebrity couple is on the outs this Christmas season.

How many times is this pig going to be "pleasured"? More than some of us, I would guess!

"The task performed by Rebecca Loos is one that occurs regularly on UK farms."
Ok... I could care less that a 'minor celeb.' did this. What I want to know is how Uk farmers wake up in the morning and eat their breakfast knowing this is the day of the week they have to go outside and...uhum.... 'stimulate' a flask's worth of semen from their pig.

Ha-HAAA!!! The rest of the world can't make fun of us any longer for last year's Superbowl Wardrobe Malfunction and its subsequent court hearings!!!

Note to self: Just to be safe, avoid shaking hands with any UK pig farmers.

Bow, salute, whatever, but no no handshakes.

Sorry Judi. You're the ultimate blog goddess and all, but I posted this one as the "WTF Headline of the Day" a couple of days ago.

Of course, that was back when I could post links. *cough*

It's not a repeat Marvin, just a rehash.

Mmmmm. Hash.

She obviously heard that to become a major celebrity, one had to sleep with a lot of pigs, and just got confused.

It's all a part of animal 'husbandry' no matter what kind of animal one is refering to. There are several 'stud' farms outside of Kerrville and in the Hill Country. How do you think they collect the semen?
*the exception is in human beings*
(just thinking; Maybe girls should be more selective about the source of semen they accept in the future)
After a number of generations, society reaches it's lowest common denominator. So maybe 'collection' isn't so bad after all!

I've never seen animals during "the process"... Do they get excited and grunt a bunch? If so... how do you possibly retain your dignity while the hog is grunting at you like that??

Why can't they just let the sows (female pigs) in with the boar? Wouldn't that be less messy and less revolting?

Does this say something about pig farmers - they actually want to stimulate boars? We are crossing lines into homosexuality, bestiality.... speciality...

thefly: if by "animals" you mean "men", the answer would be yes.

federal duck: i hate to break it to ya, but i don't read a lot of the comments, and i never EVER click a link.

Also, judi changed the subtitle from 'British Style' to 'Yet another example of how people in other cultures do things differently.'
Will the madness never cease?!

I agree that the experience probably wasn't degrading to the boar.

But then, surely that's not the question? Better questions the court could have answered:
"Should the show have required a person to 'stimulate' a barnyard animal for their (the show's) amusement?"
and
"Should this have been shown on television?"

Yes, this sort of thing happens on farms all the time, but out of necessity, which i think is a doggone important distinction.

Okay, i'm off my soapbox now. Now back to witticisms that Judi won't read. *sniff*

"The audience were treated to the sight of Rebecca Loos, the self-proclaimed ex-lover of England football captain David Beckham, stimulating the boar for 10 minutes to produce a flask of semen."
10 minutes is an awfully long time. I've walked in the house, turned on the tv, nuked the pizza, got a drink, gone outside for the mail, sorted through and thrown away the junk... and she is STILL working on that boar.

LMAO at Debbie's comment.

As for the piggy ... I'm thinking it's probably the best hand job he'll ever get ... I mean, have you SEEN the female pig's hooves? Ouch!

Hey, it's not her fault, thefly. Let's be honest, Ms Loos isn't really all that pretty. Not to a boar, anyway - she doesn't even have the right number of ramparts!
It probably just took him a few minutes to conjure up the right mental image of Miss Piggy.

Zaphod: They know that the pig enjoyed it becasue he asked for a cigarette after the hand job.

Great... now I've got this mental image of the dumb pig with one of those thought bubbles floating above his head with Ms. Piggy doing her best "OH OH KERMY"

My brain is still struggling with the concept of obtaining a FLASK (damn the last of italics) of pig juice. A FLASK?!? (damns lack of italics and bolding). And she did that in 10 minutes?

Time to change the batteries on the ego-shield....

What about milking a cow? Isn't that degrading to the cow? After all, the milk was supposed to be for her young'un! How 'porkish' of man to steal her milk!!!!!!

Actually... a flask is probably right. I once read some rather disturbing comments about Pigs reproductive habits... aside from the shape (spiral) I think I remember reading that they actually DO derive pleasure from it.

To reply to an earlier post:
(just thinking; Maybe girls should be more selective about the source of semen they accept in the future)


Umm.. where to start? First off, are you suggesting we do as pigs to an procreate from flask-got semen? Second of all, from the impression I get of most women on this blog, they ARE selective, and I for one know I AM. I mean... If I'm going to be selective about the shoes I put on my feet you can be sure I am about that. I think thats why they have those things called 'relationships'....

just sayin'...

Vile!

Hey, why no linking?
:-(

Assuming, god forbid, that I ever spawn, I can tell them that I have officially been addressed by Dave *and* Judi!!

Now that I've achieved all my goals in life, I plan to achieve someone else's goals.

MKJ, they cut out linking because of damnable spammers. And apparently in the housekeeping process they have barred Bangi, Elle and a lot of other people from posting.

I think I read somewhere that a pig's orgasm last for 20 hours.

Can we put in requests for our next life reincarnation assignments?

Punky - I heard the same thing... I was trying to find the exact facts online but no luck. :(

"Did you know?...A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. A pig's penis is shaped like a corkscrew and it is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky...unless of course, you played 'pig-tipping'."
-http://www.area51newmexico.com/didyouknowsex.html
-

30 minutes ... 20 hours .... same difference.

The point is ... longer than mine.

Hey Just, my above comment was not intended to be snippy. I'm just jealous of the pig ... not annoyed at you :)

the pig's penis, is, indeed corkscrew shaped, and thus we get the vernacular word... aw, screw it, you guys knew it anyway.

Punky said "...I'm just jealous of the pig ... "

Not a phrase that one hears everyday.

You guys all laugh at this... But in the early 90's, I had an opportunty to move to Australia to help start a software company, and you're all wondering how this is relevant to the story other than Oz once being a penal (not penile) colony for the Brits. The guy who was forming the company made his millions selling pig semen to the Japanese. I think I lost the opportunty when I asked what soft drink it was for.

it puts a whole new spin on the advice given to Victorian brides on their wedding nights, 'Just close your eyes and think of England'
it also gives a new meaning to 'pulled pork' sandwiches.

"pulled pork"

*snork*

Be hold the Duck!
It does not Cluck!
It Quacks!
And when it Spawns,
It seems to Bonds,
With Generations
yet, 'to come,' at dawn!!!

Being Jewish I really don't feel I can make any comments about pigs, pork, bacon, ham or pepperoni- although I'm enjoying reading everyone's comments.
I'm just checking to see if I can post.
Carry on.

...Not to mention 'jerked chicken'...

Alas, Punky - read the fine print on that 30 minute (or 73 hour or whatever) orgasm. It occurs during sex with a PIG.

So...double bonus is all I'm saying.

Actually, the flask thing makes good sense - pigs produce the largest quantity of semen per ejaculation of any animal in the world - A PINT on average!

Punky - thats alright... I thought I had a disclaimer on that post that said I found conflicting numbers... most say its longer (than 30 ms), and one said 30 minutes is a minimum....
No worries!

Key - THAT is the second fact I was looking for... no luck finding it though, so THANKS!


*****WooHOO for Double Bonus!!!!!******

Beckham’s ex tart Becky Loos
Found her a new job to do
Her life had new meanin’
From milking swine semen
But the audience gave bad reviews

*pssst* Slowlayne - theres a search party lookin' for ya!!!!

I've been hiding out in the pig pen.

TO THE BLOG GODS AND BLOGGODDESS

I miss my HTML! Life without Links is no life I want to lead! If Evil Spammers still manage to infiltrate the safety of an HTML-Free Blog, can we have our privaleges back????

We promise not to abuse it or fill up the blog with links to various pharmaceutical websites!!!!

Sincerely-

Faithful Blogger

The following post is courtesy of ELLE ... who has been blocked from this blog ... we don't know why, but we think it has something to do with the incriminating photo she has of Judi and The Killers in the hotel pool.

---------------------

What a boar-ing job.

posted by elle at 3:30 PM EST

Seems to me the sub editor missed an opportunity here;
Beckham bonking Beccky gets morbid & sordid for samples of semen.
BTW Beccky, Hoa Trung Nugyen would like your phone number.

*Smark*

A pint?? Zowie that's a lot! But, still, what about elephants or even whales? Surely they must produce more. I think Judi the Research Goddess needs to research this.

WARNING....UNFUNNY COMMENT AHEAD

Being raised on a farm, I happen to know that it is in fact dangerous to breed pigs the natural way. The weight of the boars often harms the sow. I have seen a sow "positioned" between two bales of hay so the boar can put his feet on the hay instead of resting all his weight on the sow. The weight can actually break a sow's legs. Poor girl.

MEMO TO: punky

FROM: computer moron

What exactly does"can't post" mean? Does she type in the square and click "post" and nothing happens? Or has the square disappeared? I'm just curious -
*slow day here*

Hmm.. I guess the pigs have never heard of *cowgirl* or *missionary* ... yanno, I feel bad for the lil' piggies...
Considering they have Orgasms that last at least a half an hour, they can't even have *full sex* without worryin' about their men breakin' their legs or hirting them!!!

THAT is a rough life....I'll take the Orgasmatron any ol' day....

Welcome back Slowlayne - long time, no type.

I have now learned more about pigs than I could ever have wanted. And I am still asking myself why?

Wonder when they're going to eat pig penis on fear factor.

Eleanor ... well ... from one computer moron to another ... so far as I can tell, there are a few people who can not post ... I think when they try and post it says something about being "prohibited". And in many cases, there earlier posts have disappeared.

That's the word on the street.

crap on toast ... I meant "their"

*runs outside to stare at pavement to see if she can pick up more info. the same way punky does*

PROHIBITED!!!!!!!!!!! (oh, where is bold when you need it?)
That is such a harsh word - now I'm really concerned - why would they be punished - aren't they good bloggers?
Calling Joshkr and wsyiwyg - you're (not your) the computer people, can't you put on your Superman, spiderman, Batman outfit and fix this???

rhealist ... you have to put your ear right up next to it ... and ask it nicely.

rhealist ... you have to put your ear right up next to it ... and ask it nicely.

The pig or the sidewalk?

Hmm.. I guess the pigs have never heard of *cowgirl* or *missionary


don't you mean "sowgirl?"

/rimshot

Hmph. Well, I tried that punky, and all my street told me was "You suck!" I had no idea I was living on the mean streets.

"The pig or the sidewalk?"

LOL.

slowlayne ... so good to have you back.

LOL at rhealist's "mean street" comment.

Better than living on easy street, though. Just imagine the things it could have said...

All things considered collecting boar semen has gotta be easier than bulls and stallions.

Hey Baby, I'll pull your pork, if you know what I mean.

Dear Sir

My cats were shocked out of their fur when reading this article. Absolutely shocking.

Rusty Ford

Sidcup, Kent

Does this problem have something to do with judi lifting (?) the html???

Has this ever happened before?

Joshkr, whre are you?

nava is working on it, and will let elle post as soon as she sends me a decent copy of a picture of dave (the guitar player, not barry) with wet hair.

Eleanor...Wysiwyg and I can only point people to Judi (and thereby Nava). I was blocked a couple months ago for 3 long days. But once Judi and Nava realized what was wrong, they (being Nava) fixed it quickly. It seems the spam blockers are being a bit overzealous. I'm sure Elle, DJT, Peri, Bangi, and any other unfortunates will have their scarlet letter (S) removed before long.

I only hope that spam doesn't cause so many problems and work that the comment feature is pulled. Just looking for a little reassurance, Judi :)

Is this the place where the minnow was sank?

I think this story and the comments just show how split the country is between town and country....

Punky said: "... you have to put your ear right up next to it ... and ask it nicely."

If I had a nickel for everytime I've tried THAT line.

Thank you Joshkr, I'm feeling a little less anxiety now, thanks to your soothing ways - and I do mean soothing, or is it smoothing - uh, oh, my Xanax seems to be kicking in -

*hugs and a MOATarita to Joshkr*

Yet another case of the sword being mightier than the pig pen.

As bad as getting the semen from the boar may be, I have to point out that fertilizing the sow is likely worse. Unless, of course, the "turkey baster" comes with the optional orgasmatron attachment.

I have worked to inseminate cows and, while it wasn't the last time I was up to my shoulder in a birth canal, it was certainly the least entertaining. Who knew that there was a market for silicone gloves the length of your arm?!?

And another thing, there has to be a SPAM/sperm joke in this topic somewhere, but I spent an hour trying to come up with it and I'll be damned if I can come up with it.

I'm off to find cold glasses and olives . . . .

Jeff P. - Did you notice the cow tends to follow you around after that?

Yeah, and she pushed for monthly calf support. Now I have twelve bales of hay taken out of each check, and I have to go to livestock shows every other weekend.

I don't really know how this makes any real sense, but "Pampers" anagrams to "Sperm Pa."

Hey Doug, it makes as much sense as certain individuals saying that they found $20 at the Rose Bowl Parade one year...

I once found $20 in the pocket of my old winter coat.

....also, 2 quarters, a Certs, stub to a movie ticket and lint.

I once found a Nacho in the shape of Mr. Spock's face in someone's old winter coat. Sold it on ebay for 20,000.

Then I felt guilty so I replaced it with $20, 2 quarters, a Certs, and stub to a movie ticket. Quite a bit of lint in that pocket.

When I was in college I went to visit my cousins who lived in rural PA - he was a large animal vet -wnet out with him on a call (I not being either an animal person or a country chick) and he did the arm (in rubber globe) up to the shoulder in a cow's rear - eeewwww! He also told me never to buy chocolate milk because it's milk that's not good enough to be white milk!!!Writing that it almost seems non-PC, but he didn't mean it that way -
That is all.

Eleanor...ROFL! Anyone ever see Cheech and Chong's The Corsican Brothers?

Joshkr - your nacho story was hilarious.

do you think talk about us (and by 'us' I mean those of a zoophiliac persuasion)?
Petunia: So, I'm minding my own business and Farmer Zeke sneaks up behind me and says ,"Get ready, Petunia, squeal like Ned Beatty!" Then only 5 minutes later he's done !
Snowball: Yeah, the whole male half of that species are premature ejaculators. No wonder they're so ^&**5!ed up!

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