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December 10, 2004

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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Maybe we can confine them to the back of the plane, now that it's not being used for a smoking section.

Perfect. Just perfect.
Between cell phones, crying babies and drunk yuppies, flying is going to be akin to the Spanish Inquisition.

Hey - I am not a yuppie - but I must fly slightly inebriated. However, talking on my cell is the last thing I wanna do on a plane.

Just another reason to fly!! Just think, now you can watch the pilot talking on his cell phone while driving! Just like driving on any road in the world.

"OK, honey, I'm passing a...I think it's a cloud. Or maybe it's a dinosaur...Anyway! Ok, there's Miami...No. Cloud again..."

"Yeah Sue, it's me, Jim! WHAT? JIM! IT'S JIM! YEAH, I'M ON THE PLANE! I DON'T KNOW. WHAT? CHICAGO! YEAH. NOT MUCH. DID SHE? REALLY? I KNEW THAT...WHAT? NO, I THOUGHT YOU WERE .... OH! REALLY? ARE YOU GOING TO JENNY'S FOR NEW YEARS? NO, SHE SAID SHE'S GOING TO WEAR CLOTHES... YEAH. NO... STILL FAT. YEAH. CAN YOU HANG ON A SECOND, I THINK I'M BEING LYNCHED."

So how bad can it be?

"UP in the air! Junior Birdsmen!
Up in the air, upside, down!
Up in the air! Junior Birdsmen!
Whenever it rings,--- 'ding-ding-ding!'
The passengers seem to frown!

Laptops to fry their crotches and cell phones to fry their brains... This is a ploy to kill off the American Yuppie or at least make sure they don't breed anymore.

Increase funding and research on personal teleporters NOW!

As a frequent air traveler, I have to say that the one thing that passengers fail to understand is that flights are for sleeping. Not watching movies, not talking on the phone, not having sex in the restroom (with other people... or not), not telling me about your grandaughter's cheerleading tryouts... No, go to sleep. Talk on the phone when we land. Sleep... precious sleep... (can anyone tell I have a three week old?)

That's okay, just as long as they have to step outside to do it

Good "call" MKJ

Witchiecoo - That is the best idea I have ever seen. I take a commuter train everyday and I could have really used these the last few months! Now THIS is a product I can really use.

Witchiecoo - That is the best idea I have ever seen. I take a commuter train everyday and I could have really used these the last few months! Now THIS is a product I can really use.

Jenny - Me too! One day a week I get stuck on the public transit "school bus": teenagers and cell phones!

There aughta be a law!

At the risk of being lynched, I have to say that I don't understand most people's beef with people talking on their cell phones. Where I'm at, people don't talk that loudly. Maybe I'm just not that senstitive to it, but it never bothers me to see someone on a cell phone. And I never can hear their conversations. So what's the big deal?

I think that cell users on planes should do what smokers have to do. Step outside.

only if the rest of us are armed with (*&^* baseball bats. it isnt bad enough on amtrak. now they have to be reached in the air. what the (*&^^& you gonna do - you're up in the air!
"yeah, sure, Bob, I'll be right there."
duh.
these are obviously the same asshats who need to talk on their phones in church.
what has to be done is to de-criminalize the sound beating of anybody on a cell phone in public...... especially in a confined public place...hey, why dont they build little kiosks all over the place, say,they could call em phone booths!

Ya gotta giggle when I'm in a public potty and hear someone say, "Hold on...I gotta flush."

Ok, as one who would stand around a commuter area and talk on a cell phone... *damn honey and feathers*

If they are talking loud enough for you to hear them.. don't get mad.. get glad.. and point and laugh.. it will quite them down.

Queensbee - Obviously you've never worked for the federal government.

I will say though... I don't talk on a cell in church (well, don't go to church.. but that is another topic), in public bathrooms, etc. Some of us just like to be connected to the home world...

MzVette *on cell*: Wait.. let me ask...... excuse me random commuter.. can you take me to your leader

Random Commuter walks away

MzVette: nope.. guess not

IT'S RAINING MEN ... WITH PHONES

Joel Smith was on his way back to his farm after his regular poker night at Billy Bob's barn, when he saw something falling down from the sky at rapid speed. Seconds later Smith heard a loud crash and followed by what sounded to Mr. Smith like a human grunt. He quickly raced to the site of the scene and found what appeared to be a 6 foot deep crater. As he peered over the edge he was amazed to find a young man in his twenties, in a business suit, clutching a cell phone in his right hand and a palm pilot in his left. Just as Mr. Smith was about to turn and run for help, the cell phone rang. Miraculously, the man holding the phone started to stir. With great effort and much agony, the man struggled to answer the phone ... with tears in his eyes and wincing from searing pain, he flipped open his cell phone and put the phone to what was once his ear but now appeared to be his nose, and in his dying breath whispered .....

"can you hear me now?"

Could an attractive young male be dropped in front of my house?

Thanks.

Small ray of sunshine: Airplane cell phones could 'wreak havoc' with cell phones on the ground. People would start moving into airline flight paths.
" Yeah, the flights landing every 10 minutes, have caused incontinence,impotence and loss of my sense of smell, but I haven't heard a cellular call in years."

In honor of 'bag:

"This is beautiful, this is absolutely beautiful," Sweeney said, referring to the growing crowd.

At one point, a naked young man stood in the middle of the street, arms raised, repeatedly cursing Gale. The crowd cheered boisterously, and the man took off in a full sprint across the parking lot as four police officers gave chase.

He was soon tackled and a man in the crowd yelled out, "We got your bond, dude!" as the streaker was led off in handcuffs.

I'm with queensbee. Except I don't think we should stop at decriminalizing those beatings. I call for government subsidies! Rewards! Valuable prizes!

How about a cell phone buy back program? I think we can all agree that would be way better for society than gun buy-backs. (Well, all of us except SchadeBoy. No offense, Mr. I.)

Jeff M.-They could bring back the 'Cone of Silence' from 'Get Smart'!
Oh this is weird, this morning my breakfast cereal spelled out Dave's comment,(it was Cheerios) (mixed with Grumpios for those with bipolar tendencies).

Jeff - They're little business cards that you cut out that say things like:

Dear Cell Phone User,
We are aware that your ongoing conversation with, (fill in the blank) is very important to you, but we thought you'd like to know that it doesn't interest us in the lease. In fact, your babbling disregard for others is more than a little annoying.

Brilliant, I say. Absolutely brilliant.

First, I must admit that I love my cellphone.

HOWEVER, please know that if I receive a call in an inappropriate setting (ie a restaurant), I excuse myself and step out to the lobby, outside, wherever.

Having said this, I cannot understand why people cannot live for an hour or three without talking on the @#$%ing phone! If a nicotine-addicted smoker can go without, so can these idiots!

They wanna talk? Let 'em pay the $12 a minute to talk on the in-flight phone. THAT makes for short conversations.

re: Jeff Meyerson's 'soundproof phone booth.' I imagine there'd be a lot more couples 'talking on the cell' in groups, if you catch my drift. I lack the skill necessary to make really good innuendo...Hmm?
The Mile High Club is now accepting applications from people who can't keep their mouth shut.

Well this is just annoying. Especially with the earpiece things you can get - you can never tell who is the weirdo talking to himself and who is the guy on the phone. Airplanes are the last place you can tell the difference! Now, by the time you realize the guy isn't on the phone, is a weirdo and is actually trying to talk to you, he's already decided that since you haven't left like everybody else, you must like him.

Speaking of weirdos, I have a stalker (my next door neighbor) who professed his love for me the other day since he said I was flirting with him. When my husband (shortly before dropping him) asked why he thought I was flirting, he said because I was wearing pink. Just a warning for all those blogettes out there... Pink is flirting.

Somewhere North: that is too creepy. It's like Sheryl Crow's stalker (who got off -- no pun -- as the jury must have had their minds clouded) who said she was sending him love messages through the ozone or something.

But how can pink be flirting if pink is the new black? Every woman in NY must be flirting with me...

(*prepares to go out and check for flirters*)

Oh dear. A friend is knitting pink pullovers for my cats.

Should I get her to change the colour?

Worried.

Sidcup, Kent.

insomniac: the Cone of Silence! Brilliant! Why didn't I think of that?

I'll save you a seat on the geezer bus.

He also said that I would let my cat in wrapped only in a towel. When I pointed out that I would have to be inside my house to let the cat in he said "Well, I can see in your windows." We just got a king doberman to keep the cat company.

So ladies (and stalkers) pink clothes are flirting. Shame on you for sending mixed messages! Never dress in anything less than a full parka while inside your home so that stalkers are not turned on when they look inside your windows. And if they are talking to themselves, do not take a chance. Just shoot them.

Barry, I would reconsider. Otherwise your cats are flirting with my next door neighbor and that is just wrong.

A long time ago (read: when I was married) a 15 year old boy who lived across the street decided he was in love with me - and the way he showed his affection/obsession was to hang out (probably literally) beneath our bedroom window at night! After he was caught, we think he stopped, but were never sure - very, very creepy! And our curtains were always closed and we had small children so we didn't make a lot of noise but.....
so be careful somewhere North, the Doberman is a good idea - but don't dress him in a pink dog sweater!

North, your cat wears a towel? In any case, ech... and I'd like to think the new Doberman has picked up the same trick as the police dog we talked about yesterday.

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone and he explains all the features on the phone.

The next day, the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband:

"Hi honey", he says "how do you like your new phone?"

And she replies:

"I just love it, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though".

"What's that, baby?," asks the husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal Mart?"

As the highway patrolman approached the accident site, he found that the entire side of the BMW had been ripped away, taking with it the driver's arm.

The injured yuppie, a lawyer obviously in shock, kept moaning, "My car, my car," as the officer tried to comfort him.

"Sir," the patrolman said gently, "I think we should be more concerned about your arm than your car."


The driver look down to where his arm should have been, then screamed, "My Cell Phone! My Cell Phone!"

Apparently the Shoppers Drug Mart cashier really has the hots for him too (so he told the cop) - she always smiles at him. So pink and smiling are both out.

But if any blogettes are unattached and looking, he's a great catch. Fifty, unemployed, lives with his mommy with about 7 cats. I can even give you tips on what to wear to get his attention.

Apparently we have some people trying desperately to get back on topic.

FedDuck, is that a "dumb blonde"joke?????

*on topic response to dumb joke*

Easy, Dave. You don't want to stretch the margins on your own blog, do you?

*Belatedly realizes she may have been insulted by Fed's post*

*Belately realizes that she could be called a dumb blonde for belatedly realizing that*

*Reacts anyway*

Hey - a dumb blonde post? No fair! We can insult republicans, democrats, Canadians, hetero & homosexuals and express virulent hostility for cell phone users but you are just pushing the limits with blonde jokes!

I recently flew with my parents and sister to a family wedding. As we were waiting at the gate at the airport, there was a woman quite aways from us talking on her cellphone with that earbug thingy. We could hear every bit of her conversation. I could see my dad simmering.

After 10 minutes, we moved further away, but could still hear her making exclamations at times.

Twenty minutes later, we passed her to board the plane and of course she was STILL on the phone. We heard her saying "I just don't like that chick. She gets in my business too much and you know how much I hate people getting in my business. Why they got to know my business?"

My sister said as she passed, "Then hang up the damn phone."

When we boarded, it ended up that she was right across the aisle from my parents. She dug out her phone and started talking again until the "turn off all electronic devices" announcement was made, and started talking again as soon as the wheels touched down.

If the FCC goes through with this, I'm sure she will be the first fatality.

* please pardon the extent of this comment, I'm on a quick break from an all-day training session *

"Can you imagine being in the middle seat between two business people making phone calls for 3 hours?" said Les Glass in an e-mail to CNN/Money. "What are the airlines and the FCC thinking?"

Les - Here's a newsflash for ya: they're NOT thinking!

Airlines: "Hmmm, well, we've lost a LOT of business because of 9/11 and increasing fuel costs. Let's take away perks like in-flight meals, add extended Frisk And Search times, charge fat passengers more, and let passengers make cell phone calls in flight. Yup, that should bring our profits right back up to pre-terrorist attack levels!"

Trystan - excellent point, Dude. $15/minute!
Somewhere - sheesh, how creepy (the neighbor, not the dumb blonde joke)! So, are you supposed to burn all the pink garments you own because of this nut?

Am I the only one that hates talking on the phone? When the phone rings at our house, we argue over who has to answer it.

I hate it when people can't even get off the phone while they order something: "yeah, I hate her, too--double-tall skinny latte to go--and did you see what she was wearing?" Rude!

Fawlty Towers
Bedroom scene: Basil enters and gets into his bed, while Sybil is in hers. She has a cigarette in one hand and phone in the other, talking to Audra.

Sybil: "Oh, I kn-o-o-w. Oh, I kn-o-o-w. Well, I ... mmm-hmmm. Oh, I kn-o-o-w!"

sandy - I hardly ever answer the phone too - except when the caller ID says it's my daughter, and then mostly to avoid "Jewish guilt" -

Somewhr North--i really did think u made ur cat wear a towel.
so here's sth on ur behalf:

What do u call a good looking man in the arms of a brunette?
Ans: a prisoner!

Somebody sent me a pink diamond studded cell phone yesterday. I don't know who sent it, but, if you're on the blog, thank you very much!
My BD. isn't until next month, but I intend to use it right away, I have to make an important call to Santa. I want him to help me locate the 'three wise men' so that I can give them a 'piece of my mind.' If they think that I am just another 'dumb' blonde, then they have another 'thunk' coming!

kat - you're not just another dumb blonde. Would you prefer THE dumb blonde?

*ducks*

As far as the airphones go, have you ever heard anyone make a call and say anything other than "Guess where I'm calling from? Gotta go, this is $8.00 a minute. Love you , bye."

and to be completely on topic, just not this one:
i know somebody who bought that racket which zaps insects.
zapping bugs is really fun.
no really...

I was on a red eye from San.Fran. to Atlanta one time. The plane was pretty empty (ahh, the good old days), and this guy was talking really loud for over an hour on the airphone. I was just about ready to strangle him when he finally hung up. Couldn't imagine what that phone call cost.
It is bad enough to fly with all the weirdos already, no cell phones on planes, please.

When I flew back into L.A. from visiting my dad in Dallas, as soon as they gave that "ok to use cells" message, there was a chorus of electronic beeping throughout the plane.

*cough* not that I was one of them or anything *cough*

Funny you should mention this - I just got a phone call from my brother (up in the Bay area) who was on his cell phone and said he had a few minutes to talk to me as he was walking from his house to his office - I was going to tell him about all of this but he really didn't have time -(it's a short walk) - this is the brother who until a year ago said he would never have a cell phone, couldn't imagine why I had one or why anyone would ever use them! Oh - and the reason he called today is because he called (again from cell phone) last night while he was waiting on the street for someone to pick him up (a date, not a pick-up), but after he relayed that info his ride showed up-
"Gotta go, Sis, call you tomorrow!"
I can hardly stand it when he pays that much attention to me!

*hopes she doesn't sound bitter*

I once had an American Bull Terrior that was smarter than that 'Wise Guy'. At night, I would be working downstairs in my office. The wall telephone would ring, I would run over and pick it up, but before I could answer, I heard"click!"
This happened several times. The third time, I ran upstairs to see 'Bull' the dog, pick up the phone and then drop it back on the cradle (for those not familiar with the old days, cradle is something that the handheld device rests on while it is not in use.) He had learned this previously by watching a detective show on TV. In the show, omeone knocked on a hotel door, went in to the room and then picked up the telephone and made a call. Bull turned around found the phone on the floor, picked up the receiver and then put it back in the cradle. I think that he would have been a marvel in the cellular age!

kat: smart dog. Too bad you couldn't train him to bite loud cell phone talkers in the balls.

He bit me in the rear once when I went upstairs and didn't notice that he was up there. I think that he was still 'teething,' but 22,000 lbs, of pressure on an adult American Bull's jaws isn't something to sneeze at. However, he wasn't fully grown, and he was darn lucky that he survived that night!

This will NEVER be allowed, though. Surely all the paranoid Homeland Security nazis will put a stop to it. What about all those terrorists conspiring with their leaders on the ground as to the perfect time to hijack the plane?

Guin, I'm sure they'll post a notice saying "Except for terrorists planning naughty things."

So, no sweat.

BigD: I couldn't "read" the commercial -- just a huge amount of wierd symbols. Can anyone explain?

What? (What's on second ... which is specially appropriate in this context ... number 2)
Do they use their (not they're or there) cell phone to push the flush handle?

SchadeBoy: "Work" and "Federal Government" in the same sentence. Sounds a little oxymoronish to me.

Canda has PINK?

Why are all "Blonde" jokes so short? So brunettes can understand them.

Lily,
Jewish guilt? Wassat? Mother guilt? or? Explain, pliz.
(Bitter? No. Sad? Perhaps. Bewildered? I'll get back to you on that.)

Topics?

Topics?

We don' need no stinkin' topics!

Other people talking on the phones would be bad enough, but for me, a plane is the only place in the whole damn world where I can't be reached. They just can't take that away from me!
And, maybe I'm just tired, but I had to read the "dumb blonde" joke six times before I got it. (And no, I'm not blonde.)

So, I don't get the joke, or if it is funny in the way that I think it's supposed to be funny, then I don't really find it all that funny. Could someone just elaborate a little more.
And neither am I (blonde, that is).
And I'm too lazy to read it for the 6st time.

alanboss,

Where is everybody? Or is this a regular occurence on Friday nites?

oblivious,

I'm -- well, I used to be -- blond (no e on the end, hence "male") and I have three blonde daughters, so I usually "get" these right away.

HOWever, even I, in my radiant brilliance and goofiness had to look twice.

It's not THAT subtle, but it's Friday, and it's late.

Sleep on it.

Check again in the a.m.

g'nite

And the BLOND (not me,hee,hee) said when she answered her new cell phone while she was shopping at Walmart,"How did you know that I was shopping at Walmart, dear?"

(off the cuff)
Well, folks, I left my hometown just as soon as I could. The city "fathers' beat all of the "blonds" in the world.
After W.W.II, Sam Walton and his family moved back to Jackson Co. AR where all of his relatives lived at that time. They went into business (Ben Franklin's 5 and dime) The owner of the property was a son of a man that owned alot of substandard rental property. Seeing Sam was doing such a great business there, the young owner refused to renew Sam's lease. He took over and started his own dime store. Sam moved down the road, and opened the first Walmart's. He came back to town and went to the city council to get permission to build a large distributing center there. They decided to stick him with the cost for property, utilities, taxes, etc. He declined and went down the road to Searcy.

Uncle Omar and kat (and anyone eles reading day old posts....)

You know, I never new that blond and blonde were gender based. I always thought that blond was just a common misspelling. And, at one time in my life, I was a licensed cosmetologist. I do recall that brunette, contrary to popular usage, refers only to black hair. Brown hair is refered to as brownette. (I know that sounds like a really stupid joke, but it's true!)

alanboss - if you check back in here, yes it is a really stupid joke - and I feel I can say that with some authoroity, since I am a brunette who has been going to a hairdresser since I was 16 years old, and no one ever called out "hey brownette, nice to see you!
That is all.

alanboss, kat, Lily, et. al.

Yeah, i dunno whirr I picked up on that "final e" item, and it may just be something that has not been formalized in Fowler's or the AP stylebook ... but I'm pretty sure on it.

Yah, den dere, I knew the "brunette/brownette" item too.

(True story follows ... ) At a recent celebration of family friends on their 70th wedding anniversary [their son was a classmate of mine, we grew up together) ... we were taking pix.

As I ended up next to one of his older sisters, I felt that I should share with her the fact that I had once had a very large crush on her ...

She said, " But ... you were just a little boy ..." (Note, same age as her brother)

My answer: "Hey, I was ALWAYS interested in girls. Just too shy to do anything about it ..."

All of this is to merely offer an excuse/explanation as to why (perhaps) I have all that "blond/e" brunette/brownette info in my trivia banks.

(My daughter is a beautician/hairdresser, and I doubt she knows of the brunette/brownette info. I'll ask her.)

Nice that everyone stayed on topic, but :( no one answered my question.

obliv,

sorry.

I'll try.

She simply fails to grasp the concept that the phone is portable -- and will ring her up no matter where she is [Subject to cell service, of course] -- hence the "dumb" part of being blonde.

any help? or did I mess it up even more?

OK, so the joke is that she thought that he would have had to dial something special to reach her in Wal-Mart! Oh. My. Gawsh! That's so fricking hilarious! HAHAHAHA! ha! ha! hahahahaah....HAHAHAHAH! Wooo! That was good! Hold on! I'm not done holding my sides yet! HAHA! hehehe! HAHAHA! ha, aha, ha....

...HAHA! Wow! I haven't heard one like that in a long time! HAHAHhahhahaHAHaahahaHAHHAhaHAhahahaha! Good one, whoever said it! HAHAHA! I can't stop laughing! I'm...I'm...HAHAHa...overwhelmed! HAHAHAHAH-

..aha.. ha...

Wait! I'm not done laughing yet! HAHAHAHA! haha! ha..hahaha...ha..haaa... ahhh...

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