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December 06, 2004

MAYBE IT'S TIME TO CONSIDER SKIPPING THE MIDNIGHT BUFFET

American passengers damage a ship .

(Thanks to sct72)

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first?

he's not heavy, he just eats too much...

OMG! I was first!

~dances around and hugs SP2~

*WOOHOO!*

I'm new here!

just another thing to blame us americans... we get such a bad rep... :)

*goes off to finish a chocolate cake in the fridge, the whole thing*

"The seating is mainly in the bar and restaurant areas."

C'mon! It's a cruise ship... a floating buffet... They should have known that the heaviest traffic would be lining up for the food.

uh... DUH!

"For instance, there are some problems with the chairs because some of our passengers are heavier than we imagined."

When you are heavier than an engineer imagined, you are some kind of heavy. According to the general theory of relativity, time slows down the closer you are to a heavy mass. No wonder my watch always loses minutes on a cruise.

"Ma'am, do you mind if I stand next to you while you eat? I'm actually getting YOUNGER."

I mean, can I postulate a special general fatso theory of relativity, that some people are so fat they can cause time to run backwards?

I just did.

Lard ho !!!

...not only that but the general fatso theory of relativity predicts that light will actually bend in the vicinity of a buffet-buster,causing it appear as though there are identical twins of a thinner distant person, especially in the presence of immature people drinking Coors.

Purser Curse those damn Americans!

Captain Keep signing them up for cruises, though, the rates they pay for a cruise are exorbitant and will more than cover the cost of some cheesy chairs!

American Did someone say cheese? Are there crackers too?

I forgot we couldn't do bold here - there should be a colon (:) after Captain, Purser, and American-
joke kind of loses something...
*wasn't that funny to begin with*
*just trying to participate*

One might wonder if there is any risk of running aground, with this unplanned for Yankee tonnage.

"...they tend to be bigger when they get off."

(giggle)

Anybody ever read "The Gentleman from San Francisco?" It's sad, really.

Eating is the whole purpose of cruise ships! Didn't those guys ever read Dave Barry's column (or was it a chapter in a book?) about them?

I live in a cruise ship destination. It's kinda funny to see the folks walking around town--they move real s...l...o...w.

Having just returned from a cruise to celebrate my nuptials - I can honestly say that they STUFF you on a cruise ship!

Although I was amused by one entry - the Senior Citizens Midnight Buffet started at 10pm....

I put on 9 lbs in 7 days!

Congratulations, Higgy! Now you get to work it all off...

Mike Weasel wins funny points.

I vigorously worked out before a cruise last year so I'd look soooo hot in my cruise clothes.....and I did as I tried them on while packing for the cruise.

The last night, I put on one of my favorite sundresses to wear to dinner. It didn't fit.

Would you believe, the sea air shrunk it!!

*snicker*

Ummm, Snickers.

I think for most people, the sea air follows them back to their homes and begins to shrink their clothes even [F#@$ing BOLD!]more[/F#@$ing BOLD]

I miss bold.

'

Sorry — that wasn't supposed to happen.

...and that wasn't either!

What's going on with this blog?

Betterthannothing...don't know if you got the memo, but our HTML's hve been stripped.

It's supposed to keep out the spammers.

Sorry, th@t wasn't supposed to happen.

Does this mean we've gone from "ugly Americans" to "fat, ugly Americans?"

During Medieval times, in the British Isles,(and other places, I won't mention France,hahaha) the Kings and Lords of the mannors would hold great feasts that lasted for hours stretching into days. (like the modern cruise ships) Every 2 or more hours, servants would come give enemas to those at the feast so that they could continue to 'pig' out at the table.
We're too civilized now to stoop to such crase behavior. We have the chef and his helper remove all of the calories before presentation at meals on board. Now you know why airlines are going broke. The can's afford the fuel any more to haul around our 'fat' asses!

they can't not cans. Thank you, I'll have another helping of chocolate cake and ice cream, please.

don't forget 'stupid, greedy, & irresponsible' bbescuela

*belch*

Oops, pardon.

Obese Americans wbagnfarb (?)

The chairs on the Queen Mary 2
Come in red or yellow or blue.
But, whatever its class
An American's ass,
Will reduce it to nothing but goo.

60% of Americans qualify as being overweight.

Chilhood obesity & Type 2 diabetes are approaching crisis levels.

Don't worry, government subsidised gastric by-pass
surgery will solve everything!

Oh, & the Euros are gaining (heh!) fast in the lard-butt Olympics.

Here in Russia, the young chicks are skinny as rails, but they balloon once they hit a certain age. The babushkas are all porky.

Would Porky Babushkas bagnfarb?

Of course, over here, your sour cream is not considered good unless it has a high percentage of fat. The more the better! That's what they say.

They eat a lot of sour cream here. Also mayonaise. I think it's the mayonaise capitol of the universe. It's Mayonaise Central.

Also, for reasons beyond my ken, the old ladies like to dye their hair purple. Forget wearing purple! They dye their hair.

Purple-haired Babushkas WBAGNFARB.

I heard a statement awhile back that there are very few obese people over 70.....and that's not because people reach the age of 70 and suddenly lose weight.

Shortly after that, I had lunch with my parents at the retirement center where they live. In looking around the lunchroom, I noticed the only obese people were the children of the residents who were visiting their skinny little parents.

Here's a great Stones song that I couldn't resist butchering all to hell.

Hope it gives you all heartburn. ;)

Did you ever wake up on a cruise to find
A chair that broke under your behind
Destroyed your notion of relativity and time

It’s just that a foodemon life has got you in it’s sway
It's just from midnight buffets you can't seem to stay away

Ain’t flinging no chicken bits around
For fear all my friends will eat it off the ground
Can’t stand up, ate too much, I really need to sit down

It’s just that a foodemon life has got me in it’s sway
It’s just these damn chairs aren't made out of the same material today

There must be something I can eat around here
Love of food is the only way, If Cbol could just figure out how to keep it from adhering to my rear

Hey, hey, hey now
One day while on a cruise I woke up to find
Right in the bed next to mine
Someone had made it a smorgasboard for me and it gave me a little smile, yeah

It’s just that a Foodemon life has got me in it’s sway
Man, you just don't get catered too like this anywhere but in the states

It’s just that a Foodemon life has got me...

I think I just heard this damn bed start to give way

It’s just that a Foodemon life has got me...

*grissel*

Once a relative (abrother-in-law) came to live in our house in Nashville. He weighed in at 480 lbs. He broke all of the chairs in the house that he sat on and all of the commode seats in the bathrooms before I could work out a regimine for him to follow at meal times. I just prepared each of his meals and didn't put additional serving dishes on the table for the family. He lost down to 320 lbs. over a 6 month period. He went home to stay with his mother and she put all of that weight right back on him. Talk about Mother's Love!!! (He didn't last too long after that, unfortunately)

blogchik, you're the first person I've seen that knows the proper use of 'ken'. Guess English Lit. DID do something.... :-)

#1 reason you don't find many over weight old folks.

Heart Attack!

I gotta ask - how come Canadians are basically the same as Americans (except for the gun obsession) but we're generally skinny? We eat the same stuff - McDonalds, Wendy's, Taco Bell. What is it - the cold?

Somehwhere North,

Maybe it's the poutine? That stuff coats your arteries so much that no fat can get through?

Did anyone else see listed in the headlines at the bottom of this article the following:
"British take a STAB at peace talks"

Well, why not? They're already taking a stab at larger passengers, saying they're all American.

Hey, I know ken. (Even before Eng. lit class, I knew it/him. Scots ancestry mighta had something to do with it.)

Actually, its a dialectical or colloquial pronunciation, one that is sometimes misunderstood by those not from around here (or there) (not they're or their).

As in: "Ken ah haylp yew?"

[Or is that kin? I've got so many kinfolk I get confused.]
{I'm usually confused. Why would today be any different?}

MOTW: Yeah, I thot having a "stabbing" wasn't too auspicious a concept for "peace" talks.


Kith and Kin,

Well well well, I see the American fatsos are damaging the British sense of honor...as if fox hunting bans, the loss of the Empire, etc, haven't already! Add to that the fact that Cunard is now owned by Americans and the Queen Mary 1 is now a California landmark!

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