DEPARTMENT OF THINGS YOU NEED TO WORRY ABOUT

In this report, Sean Doody fills us in on what the toads are doing to the goanna.

Comments

[Sean]

Reporting for DOOOOTY!

[Beavis]

Heh Heh...he said Dooty...

Err...Uh...not first...heh

[Somewhere North]

Okay we've got: Pig nosed turtles - check, yellow spotted monitors - check, quoll - check, goannas - check. Cane toads - bad.

Who's naming these things? And what the heck is a quoll? Another name for Golum?

[Eleanor]

FIRST - I am not the Eleanor Hall in the report -I categorically deny that I have ever had sex with a goanna or anything else mentioned in the article -

SECOND - Sean DOODY (which I believe is an alias for Sean POOP) is from Canberra University, which is where wsyiwyg lives -

Do you see where i'm going with this????
Conspiracy or.................?

[Sean]

Goanna's Demise wbagnfarb.

[Sean]

He is thier best number two reporter.

[Somewhere North]

Wsyiwg had sex with a goanna? I missed that.

*goes back to reread article*

*Wsyiwg immediately contacts Fox News to declare that he is not gay and does not know where these rumors started*

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Goanna be tough . . .

[Lairbo]

Goannas are one thing, but when toads go after poor, defenseless quolls, then I really get mad.

[Sean]

this could goanna'n on and on and on..

[Sean]

Goanna guanno gonna go 'onna Goanna gonad.

[Higgy]

"they do not know what the cane toad toll will be"

Might I suggest $1.00 per set of legs? Seems to work with axles on most toll bridges....

[Somewhere North]

Ok! Got that cleared up. Just for the record, it was Eleanor sleeping with quolls, not Wsyiwg sleeping with goannas. Apparently the cane toads are sleeping with the goannas and are passing along the AIDs virus which is wiping out the perverted little things.

*belatedly checks facts*

[Somewhere North]

Not really clear on how the pig nosed turtles are involved....

[Mr.Fishair]

Just imagine how his poor wife feels.

Her maiden name is Smearmewit

[Leetie]

Did she hyphenate, Fisher?

[mudstuffin]

Is that Sean "Puffy" Doody?

[trillian]

Wow. Four in a row with an on-topic first post. Congrats all!

*149 days*

[Goanna]

Further development's in the "WYSIWYG claims 'Not Gay' (not that there's anything wrong with that)' story from earlier...
In an effort to prove his 'not-gayness', he has offered to sleep with the goanna's female partners.

The Goanna's replied that they feared WYSIWYG might be on the verge of a breakdown, as evidenced by his snarky comment and willingness to stray outside his species.

[Mr.Fishair]

No Leetie, I'm pretty sure she Hyperventalated.

Now I think she uses a clothespin. ;)

[insomniac]

Drive through: Welcome to Queensland Fried Cane-Toad, may I take your order?

Customer: I'd like a bucket of extra-crispy, can I get that skinless?

Drive-through: We recommend it,sir.
* can't work in a 'is that for here or to goanna?' joke*

[Somewhere North]

In other breaking developements, Eleanor offers to sleep with Wysiwyg to help prove that he is in fact heterosexual and very much interested in women along with goannas and quoll.

Adrian Nastase, the Romanian Prime Minister, countered this by offering to sleep with the pig nosed turtle to prove that he is not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that).

Polls show that Wysiwyg is ahead 47% to Adrian's 43% based on the amount of bloggers who would like to see a threesome between Wysiwyg, Eleanor and the quoll.

[boss]

somewhere north (we already know where you are so you can drop the anonymity),

perhaps your boss keeps staring at you because you AREN'T DOING ANYTHING?

just a hunch.

[Somewhere North]

Dear Boss:

You are on the wrong blog. Please refer to the correct blog when correcting me.

And please, stop looking at my ramparts.

As to my name, please offer suggestions on what you would like me to use from now on. True Canadian - always willing to compromise...

[Eleanor]

While I might agree to a 3-way with wysisyg and a goanna, I will never have sex with a quoll! They're spotted for heaven's sake!
Or are you all talking about Eleanor Hall??

If so, never mind.

[Somewhere North (until boss thinks of a better name)]

What about a pig nosed turtle? What are your feelings about them?

[boss]

somewhere north,

until I get a better look at your ramparts, I can't offer an alternative blog name.

[Eleanor]

A PIG!

I'm Jewish and it's the second day of Hanukkah and you ask me about having sex with a pig! I mean, I might have a BLT every once in a while, but sex with a pig ----oh, wait - are you referring to my ex-husband???
Been there, done that!

Oh wait, it's a pig-nosed turtle - never mind - I got carried away - a turtle is a different story altogether - but... the hard shell and all....
*too much thinking here, needs a drink*

[Targetgirl]

"SUP-ER DOODY!!! Who's the cutest doody boo boo in the world? YOU ARE!! You're my doody booby poopy doody. Yoooou are the rooty tooty doody boo boo!!!"

*brindle great dane prances around the room, does the 'bean dance' when her body resembles a kidney bean while wagging happily and knocking all items off nearby coffee table*

[slyeyes]

*peaks in. Senses people have been licking toads.
goes to check on other threads*

[slyeyes]

Just one thing, though...do we know why Trillian has been counting down the days?

[Marvin]

That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid reading. She must have a good reason.

[pogo]

Sly - Rumor has it that trillian has only 149 more days of probation to go after that "incindent blown out of proportion" at the kindergarten graduation.

[Uncle Omar]

Rats!
You guys took all the good lines.

Toxic Toad Skins wbagnfarb.
Yellow Spotted Monitors wbagnfarb.

Mebbe the Aussies could work on their (not there, or they're) immigration laws? (" ... just before the toad arrived ..." Did they come in by boat? Or Quantas?)

Wow Eleanor, you're sure taking some raps today. Could that have anything to do with the "law school" reference on some thread or another?

[Eleanor]

Whatever do you mean, Uncle Omar? Have I missed some insult, dig or snide remark?

And what's wrong with law school anyway? I defended the innocent, oppressed victims of society!

*is worried now, just wants everyone here to like her - puts out a box of chocolates*

[Uncle Omar]

Left-handed Lily (Eleanor):

No, just taking a cheap shot at lawyers in general. Some of the funniest jokes I've heard are about lawyers. Or Catholics. Or Norwegians. Or ... put in your special minority group here ...

The essence of my point might be (If I had one ...) that all humor tends to lean toward cruelty ... or at least unkindness ... and so one should be careful of how far one goes with a particular premise.

Long ago in another century, in another milennium, I attended a meeting for local government officials. The association lawyer was there, and we all gave him a rough time.

He silenced us with the following: "What's the difference between a lawyer and a proctologist?"
"A proctologist only deals with one ... anal sphincter ... at a time."

What kind of chocolates?

Hey, I DO REALLY LIKE YOU. Your (not you're) posts are amusing, erudite and sophisticated ... have I gotten redundant yet?

I really enjoy your offerings.

What kind of chocolates?

[There's (not theirs, or they'res) nothing inherently WRONG with law school, it's what escapes from those confines that cause the problems.]

Okay, that one wasn't very sharp. And I can't remember any others at the moment.

What kind of chocolates?

[Doug]

"Uncle Omar," the real anagram of your name is, of course: "Narco Mule."

You could be hosting a Saturday morning TV show!

[Uncle Omar]

Lily:
Whenever the topic turns to lawyers, I tend to remember the lines of Dr. Bartolo in The Marriage of Figaro ...

" ... I will equivocate, argue and litigate ... "

We (US) have become a tremendously litigous society.

I'm enuf of an apprentice cynic/curmudgeon to think that this is not necessarily a completely good thing.

[Uncle Omar]

Lily:

What kind of chocolates?

[Uncle Omar]

Lily:

What kind of chocolates?

[Uncle Omar]

Doug:

Thanks. I needed that. (Sometimes I miss the obvious. Or ignore it.)

[Uncle Omar]

Dang.

How'd I do that double?

But the question still stands, entirely upon its (not it's, or itch, or itsy) own merits.

[Left handed Lily]

I left after my last post and just decided tocome back and check in for a minute - mainly to see if you had answered my question, Uncle Omar -

Lawyers who sue for money, IMHO, have given lawyers a bad name. We criminal defense attorneys (past tense) who represent crooks (an affectionate term!) for little money, being court-appointed, feel we are defending the Constitution, although it gets more and more difficult -
sorry, I didn't mean to be so serious....
I'll go back to being slick, flip and witty tomorrow!

The chocolates are Godiva- assorted

[Uncle Omar]

Lily,
So, it's getting a bit latish here on the coast, and I've got a workday again tomorrow, if the wind doesn't get out of sorts, but I have a question.

(The above sort of might offer an excuse for the inanity and/or foolishness of the query.)

But first, good point. The Constitution needs defending -- against all enemies, both foreign and domestic.

especially, domestic. If one might call Congress domesticated ...

Oops. Getting a bit testy late at nite are we? (Heh. Testy. Nah.)

So:

Is "Godiva" pronounced Go divah, or Go deeva? (I mean, I know, perhaps, how the commercials might say it, but the train of thought gets derailed when fatigue sets in ... what else is new?

Besides which, I have yet to see a blog (tho I'm rather new at this) that adheres to the originating point.

I mean (or did I say that already?) one could make a case for GO - DIVAH (as in a drawled "diver") and then get off (oops) on yet one more tangenital (oops -- I told you it was late) digression that we wouldn't want slyeyes or somewhere north to notice ... or judi ...

but on the other hand,

if one says GO - DEEVA, then it could be construed as a reference to the operatic (and tragedic) implication, or in another slant (yet again) the connotation of DIVA, as in "prima donna" or some such attitude of superiority.

Just curious, and exploring possiblities.

Sheesh!

That even put ME to sleep.

g'nite

[wysiwyg]

*** ATTENTION! ATTENTION! ***

--- This is NOT spam. This is NOT spam ---

--- Please keep Fluffy on a chain! ---

With apologies to those that have already contributed:

There is a Dave’s Weekly Column Tribute and Farewell Card we are trying to get everyone to sign by the end of December.

Please ensure you have signed the card soon - click the link below to find out how.

*** That is all. That is all. ***

[Bangi_Sizzles]

yeahhhh!!!! Im not forbidden!
one more day of that and i was goanna scream...

[Doug]

ATTENTION BANGI. PLEASE REPORT TO MY DORM ROOM IMMEDIATELY FOR EXAMINATION. THANK YOU.

[Bangi_Sizzles]

Dear Doug
plz remain handcuffed and covered with whipped cream as per the guidelines, and my assistant will be with u shortly.

P.S have u found any $20 notes lately?
*goes back to cursing accting course*

[Doug]

Dear Bangi,

I have found precisely zero $20 notes lately, defined as "within the past half hour," although I did get an extra big soda at dinner last night for no extra charge. I have a debonaire charm.

[neophyte]

BANGI!!!!! (Yes, I'm shouting)

You are back!!!!!!!!!!

Hooray!!!!

[Federal Duck]

Bangi! Welcome back! *lick*

Eleanor, put wysiwyg down! You remember what happened last time with that boomerang and the dingos. They had to pass a new federal mandate over that one.

Doug, I got a receipt from backyard burger recently where you can call the number listed and take a survey for a free "specialty sandwich" (read: burger). It was 15 minutes long (the survey, not the burger) and I calculate that at a BY Burger employee's wage ($8 per hour?) I did $2 worth of work for them, non-taxed, and got a $3 burger out of it, plus I was at a wedding at the time (multitask!) so I figure I scored pretty big. It's not $20 at the Rose Bowl, but it's better than a swift kick in the teeth.

Uncle Omar: it's pronounced "Worstershire."

That will be all.

[Somewhere North]

Fed, don't be mean! Eleanor is being very reasonable considering she is abstaining from sleeping with pigs during Hanukkah. Let her have her fun with Wysiwyg.

[elle]

CONFIDENTIAL to the stealh bloggerette and hear team:

THANK YOU!

[trillian]

Marvin, well spoken you miserable robot. You should know what happens in

*148 days*

So should startibartfast and zaphod.

Back to Milliways for a gargleblaster! TA!

Tricia

[insomniac]

Eleanor- aren't turtles (pig-nosed or not) trayf?

-insomniac (not Jewish, but left-handed)

[exotica]

Insomniac,

Male or female? I think left-handed men are dead on SEXY!

Exotica

[kat]

Federal Duck,
At your backyard burgercue, did they serve chocolate covered souerkraut? Yuk!!!!

[Doug]

Federal Duck is still the greatest name for a band I can possibly think of, with Federal Cow being a distant second.

[Ford Prefect]

I saw the Trailer while i was waiting for "Christmas with the Kranks" which i luckily only had to fork out $2.50 for.

I can't wait Trillian!

Do you suppose it will also be a "trilogy"?

[Eleanor]

Eleanor- aren't turtles (pig-nosed or not) trayf?

I don't know, but they don't have cloven hoofs (sp?)(hooves?) feet? - so....

I put in a call to the rabbi but they said he was having bacon and eggs for breakfast and couldn't come to the phone (we're a very Reform congregation!)

p.s. good morning everyone!

[trillian]

Been waiting over four long, long years for this. I sure hope they make all 6 in the "trilogy," but in any case, at least the first four. Through "So Long and Thanks for All the Fish"

6 May 2005, just 8 days before the anniversary of Douglas Adam's death. (3 years).

Tricia McMillan

*148 days*

[Somewhere North]

What about quoll and goannas? Are the cloven hooved? Or chewers of cud. This could really put a damper on your sex life Eleanor.

Kind of like lent for Christians. I always abstain from sex with goannas over lent and I'm not a Catholic.

By the way, glad sly finally got my gender straight.

[Christobol]

I missed the gender straightening? Dang.

[Somewhere North]

Sly finally got my gender straight(not that there would be anything wrong with a gender bender)

[Somewhere North]

Hmm... I'm repeating myself.

*puts down the coffee*

[Christobol]

I don't even remember you peating yourself.

[Sarcasmo]

Trillian,

I've always had this strange connection to "42" before and after reading the books. how weird is that.

[trillian]

Sarcasmo,

Not weird at all, since that is the answer to the ultimate question, everyone should have that connection. Don't ya think?

[Christobol]

Dave, when I tried to add this to my list of things to worry about, I got an Error 268952CCCCCX94B12 Too Many Worries, You Must Delete A Worry To Continue.

So I'm deleting Global Warming, Global Cooling, Global Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and Honduran Fruit Fly Invasion (nighttime only).

[insomniac]

Exotica:
Alas, I'm taken, but there are plenty of us southpaws out there, bumping into things, leaving illegible notes etc.
Eleanor:I thought turtles might be 'forbidden' (as food) because they have shells.
I learned Yiddish words by reading 'The Joy of Yiddish'by Leo Rosten, which a la Tim Whatley, Jerry Seinfeld's dentist, I read for the jokes.

[Sarcasmo]

Trillian,

Too bad we don't know the question.

oh, wait, was it "How many roads must a man walk down?"

[Uncle Omar]

Wow! A whole BUNCH of stuff happened while I was @ work.
So ... to the subject(s) @ hand ... (heh, I said "hand" ... is that still an operative word in these parts?)

Trillian:
I sure do miss my highspeed. It took so long to load the trailer that I watched the entire finals of Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest on the Deuce while waiting.
Takeru Kobeyashi won the title for the 4th year in a row (a record) with a NEW WORLD RECORD of 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes.
Second went to Nobuyuki Shirota with 36.0 and third went to (A GIRL!!!) Sonya Thomas, with 32.0 'dogs.

My question is this: Why is it the Japanese are so far ahead of us in hot dog consumption? [NEWS FLASH -- DAVE -- Those terrorist bastards ... now they're (not their, or there) using HOT DOGS !!!

OTHERWISE:

Ford Prefect! FORD PREFECT!!! A pal in college had a Ford Prefect. I lost my ... never mind what ... in his Ford Prefect. (His dad was some sorta honcho with FoMoCo and all he'd get for his kid in college was the least imposing vehicle on the road at the time.
Now, I finally get to meet the person for whom the car was named!
Howdy, Ford.
(Is that anything like Howdy Doody? That's Sean's brother, right?)

Gender Straighteners wbagnfarb

Fed: tnx for straightening me out on that pronounciation. However, I always was sorta intrigued by Essex as the name of another Shire in England. Mebbe that's why I have two hubcaps from an
Essex on my rolltop desk @ home.

Fly: It's ... KISS a FROG ... LICK a TOAD ...
Gotta keep the formula straight ...

gotta check the rest of the blog

[Doug]

And people say my posts are confusing.

[Uncle Omar]

Doug,

THANK YOU!

I MEAN THAT.

I used to hear that all the time when I was a newspaper person.

It was only in reference to my personal column, which was basically a random train-of-thought (often derailed) dissertation, but I had FUN with it.

Your comment means I'm getting back to form.

That's normal.

For me.

Thanks again.

u.o.

[Uncle Omar]

Besides which, I've only got time to blog after work, and sometimes my day goes late, so it's catchup time with all the blogs from during the day.

Therefore I try to get caught up in one post, and hence the "confusion" -- to every one buy moi ownself.

Hey, I can follow yours. No problem.

Keep up the good work.

[Eleanor Hall]

Hey! My name's Eleanor Hall too!!! Isn't that crazy?