ATTENTION, L.A. RESIDENTS
It's safe to go Christmas shopping now.
(Thanks to a bunch of people)
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December 17, 2004
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LA... where the cops are the assailants.
Posted by: Somewhere North | December 17, 2004 at 07:40 AM
Flashlight Strike!
Posted by: Marvin | Paranoid Android | December 17, 2004 at 07:46 AM
Q: Why did the LA policeman leave the ball game early?
A: To BEAT THE CROWD!
Bah-Dum-PSSSH
Posted by: Sarcasmo | December 17, 2004 at 07:50 AM
Yes, Rodney, there is a Santa Claus.
Posted by: Jeff P. | December 17, 2004 at 07:51 AM
"LAPD Plan to Curb Flashlight Beatings"
I'm rather dissappointed. Sure, it's nice to be all touchy-feely, but if we let these flashlights get away without the sound beating they deserve, soon we'll have to put up with not just flashlights, but torches, flashers, and floodlights walking all over us.
Yes, I only read the headline, but I think I got the gist of the article. What's your point?
Posted by: reneviht | December 17, 2004 at 07:52 AM
rubber flashlights?
-------------------------------------------------
"Hey Jim, you going to walk the strip?"
"Yeah, We got a call. There's some kinda activity going on over there."
*snicker* "Don't forget to bring your rubber!" *snork*
Posted by: Marvin | Paranoid Android | December 17, 2004 at 07:54 AM
"require critical review"
Fred: Gee, Bob, you smashed his head in with 5 blows...
Bob: So? It was an emergency!
Fred: Yeah, but you should have been able to do it in 4. And look at that technique - very sloppy. I'm sorry, you're going to have to do better in the future...
Posted by: Higgy | December 17, 2004 at 07:57 AM
*meanwhile, at LAPD headquarters*
"Where ya goin', Ponch?"
"To protect and serve, man."
"Not with that flashlight, you're not."
"Why not?"
"Didn't you hear, chief wants us to start carrying these tire irons instead."
"Sweeeeeeet."
Posted by: Christobol | December 17, 2004 at 07:59 AM
*staggers around in a daze*
Posted by: Mike Weasel | December 17, 2004 at 08:35 AM
"At least this will give officers some training on how if they're going to strike with a flashlight to do it," Garcia said. "Before this, they could pretty much do anything."
Next on This Old L.A. Crackhouse -
How to remodel the master bedroom with a police flashlight.
Norm Abrams: What we got here is an extremely run-down shack in the bad end of town. We called in the experts, the LAPD, and their tool of choice? The Binford 2500 Flashlight. This little jewel can work wonders, lemme tell you: It's all in the biceps.
Posted by: MOTW | December 17, 2004 at 09:41 AM
today: nerf flashlights!
tomorrow: Slinky handcuffs!
the future: LEGO prison cells!
brought to you by: Corrections R' Us
Posted by: insomniac | December 17, 2004 at 09:43 AM
Aw heck, everybody knows that the very same day that nightsticks were illegal the thirty-inch flashlight became standard cop issue. Not just in LA. Everywhere.
Posted by: Dana Sutton | December 17, 2004 at 01:01 PM
Aw heck, everybody knows that the very same day that nightsticks were illegal the thirty-inch flashlight became standard cop issue.
Posted by: Dana Sutton | December 17, 2004 at 01:03 PM
Maybe they are from the Rampart division
Posted by: Mad "about Weasel" Scientist | December 17, 2004 at 01:46 PM
Nightsticks are illegal?
But, how ... when you ...
OH!
(Nightsticks. Not night sticks.)
Never mind.
Posted by: Uncle Omar | December 17, 2004 at 06:49 PM
Sounds like its real hard on the LAPD flashlight budget.
Posted by: SAB | December 19, 2004 at 08:27 PM