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December 17, 2004

ATTENTION, L.A. RESIDENTS

It's safe to go Christmas shopping now.

(Thanks to a bunch of people)

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LA... where the cops are the assailants.

Q: Why did the LA policeman leave the ball game early?

A: To BEAT THE CROWD!

Bah-Dum-PSSSH

Yes, Rodney, there is a Santa Claus.

"LAPD Plan to Curb Flashlight Beatings"

I'm rather dissappointed. Sure, it's nice to be all touchy-feely, but if we let these flashlights get away without the sound beating they deserve, soon we'll have to put up with not just flashlights, but torches, flashers, and floodlights walking all over us.

Yes, I only read the headline, but I think I got the gist of the article. What's your point?

rubber flashlights?
-------------------------------------------------
"Hey Jim, you going to walk the strip?"

"Yeah, We got a call. There's some kinda activity going on over there."

*snicker* "Don't forget to bring your rubber!" *snork*

"require critical review"

Fred: Gee, Bob, you smashed his head in with 5 blows...

Bob: So? It was an emergency!

Fred: Yeah, but you should have been able to do it in 4. And look at that technique - very sloppy. I'm sorry, you're going to have to do better in the future...

*meanwhile, at LAPD headquarters*

"Where ya goin', Ponch?"
"To protect and serve, man."
"Not with that flashlight, you're not."
"Why not?"
"Didn't you hear, chief wants us to start carrying these tire irons instead."
"Sweeeeeeet."

*staggers around in a daze*

"At least this will give officers some training on how if they're going to strike with a flashlight to do it," Garcia said. "Before this, they could pretty much do anything."

Next on This Old L.A. Crackhouse -
How to remodel the master bedroom with a police flashlight.

Norm Abrams: What we got here is an extremely run-down shack in the bad end of town. We called in the experts, the LAPD, and their tool of choice? The Binford 2500 Flashlight. This little jewel can work wonders, lemme tell you: It's all in the biceps.

today: nerf flashlights!
tomorrow: Slinky handcuffs!
the future: LEGO prison cells!
brought to you by: Corrections R' Us

Aw heck, everybody knows that the very same day that nightsticks were illegal the thirty-inch flashlight became standard cop issue. Not just in LA. Everywhere.

Aw heck, everybody knows that the very same day that nightsticks were illegal the thirty-inch flashlight became standard cop issue.

Maybe they are from the Rampart division

Nightsticks are illegal?

But, how ... when you ...

OH!

(Nightsticks. Not night sticks.)

Never mind.

Sounds like its real hard on the LAPD flashlight budget.

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