TODAY'S NEWT UPDATE
It's a dramatic race against time in Oswestry.
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November 17, 2004
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I order you to remove this news article post immediatelyk!!!
another first?
Posted by: Mr. Gingrich | November 17, 2004 at 05:10 AM
Don't make me come down there with my "Contract on America" young man...
Posted by: Mr. Gingrich | November 17, 2004 at 05:12 AM
And dare I say "painstaking newt project" w...
No, I can't say it.
Posted by: BetterThanNothing | November 17, 2004 at 05:16 AM
Did I hear that Wayne Newton was willing to volunteer his time to help out with the move?
And if he is, well, that's newts to me.
Posted by: Mr.Fishair | November 17, 2004 at 05:20 AM
Shropshire? Hmm. Shropshire? Ha ha ha.
Posted by: Boo Augustus | November 17, 2004 at 05:25 AM
Mr. Fishair — that's old newts.
Out with the old, and in with the newt.
Posted by: BetterThanNothing | November 17, 2004 at 05:25 AM
Actually BTN, I already newt, I just thought I'd play along.
Hey do happen to know, say if a guy had an expired drivers license, where he might go to re-newt?
Posted by: Mr.Fishair | November 17, 2004 at 05:30 AM
Sounds like a monewtonous job to me...
Posted by: Rachel | November 17, 2004 at 05:34 AM
A cold snap in the next fortnight could send the amphibians into hibernation, which would delay the road building until the spring.
Silly Brits, hiring hibernating amphibians to do a mammalians job.
On the plus side, Russell Crowe's thoughts and prayers go out for the project's successful completion by March, so everything's gonna be okay.
Posted by: Lairbo | November 17, 2004 at 05:38 AM
If you put hibernating newts in a blender and then push "puree" they wake up.
It's messy tho.
Posted by: Christobol | November 17, 2004 at 05:43 AM
Yeah, I always forget to put the lid on to.
Weird.
Posted by: Mr.Fishair | November 17, 2004 at 05:45 AM
The whole problem would be solved if the amphibians could be newt-ralized.
Posted by: BetterThanNothing | November 17, 2004 at 05:47 AM
And remember, Have your pets spayed and Newterd!
Why wait?
Gather up all your pets and get going to Oswestry today.
Posted by: Mr.Fishair | November 17, 2004 at 05:54 AM
I got turned into a newt once.
I got better.
Posted by: Anagramically Challenged | November 17, 2004 at 06:04 AM
It goes without saying...so I won't.
Otherwise, if Oswestry had newtered their (not thry're) newts, they wouldn't have had the problem in the first place.
Posted by: BetterThanNothing | November 17, 2004 at 06:06 AM
Anagramically Challenged — you got better what?
Posted by: BetterThanNothing | November 17, 2004 at 06:11 AM
all those nervous-nelly scientists complaining about 'global warming' oops! sorry 'climate change' ! you haven't picked up this side benefit: later newt hibernation so road crews can work through the winter.
(wouldn't newts be easier to handle when they're (not their) hibernating?)
Posted by: insomniac | November 17, 2004 at 06:19 AM
Do you know what really in Fig Newtons?
Posted by: MeganBNL | November 17, 2004 at 07:30 AM
Do you know I can't type a properly spelled comment before noon?
Posted by: MeganBNL | November 17, 2004 at 07:32 AM
So what precisely WAS the Newt Problem... were they laying in the middle of the *proposed* road? Did they change themselves to trees to prevent the cutting down of said trees? What???
Inquiring Minds Want to Know...
Posted by: Just | November 17, 2004 at 08:29 AM
err - Change - Chain.
Carry on.
Posted by: Just | November 17, 2004 at 08:31 AM
Anagram - You beat me to it! I was going to say that they should just wait until they all "got better" and then moved on.
Just - I would imagine the real problem has something to do with nature lovers making a fuss about building something in an area where an endangered species lives, or something. Much like the ruckus that tree-lovers made when they wanted to build some cool telescopes on Mt. Graham here in AZ. The telescopes were going to be right smack in the middle of some owl's nesting grounds. The tree-lovers lost that battle, though.
Posted by: SchadeBoy (aka Mr. Incredible) | November 17, 2004 at 08:32 AM
lead scientific advisor for the project -Isaac Newton.
Posted by: insomniac | November 17, 2004 at 09:05 AM
I've been trying to figure out how to work "eye of newt" into this, but haven't come up with anything.
Truth be told, I haven't been trying all THAT hard.
Posted by: slyeyes | November 17, 2004 at 09:24 AM
Sly- I think you should try doing it in the newtd.
Truth be told, it probably wouldn't help, but I'd be all THAT hard. ;)
Posted by: Mr.Fishair | November 17, 2004 at 09:41 AM
Full Frontal Newtity?
Posted by: MeganBNL | November 17, 2004 at 10:11 AM
And I thought it took the Dade county workers a long time to fix the roads.
Oh! and This goes without saying
Posted by: crash | November 17, 2004 at 11:21 AM
Gotta love the tree-huggers.
*Warning: minor rant ahead!*
Nothing like tying up progress with stuff like this. Don't get me wrong, I don't agree with cutting up old-growth forests in order to turn them into wood-chips, but saving a colony of newts?
Locally, there has been something like a ten-year delay in building a link road because of a protracted fight over whether a much-needed expressway could cut a 100-yard swath through about a mile of scrubby bush. I can't begin to imagine how much money was wasted on that debacle that might have gone to something useful like a hospital.
*/rant*
With apologies to those that have already contributed:
Dave’s Weekly Column Tribute and Farewell Card
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Posted by: wysiwyg | November 17, 2004 at 04:20 PM
Being in New York and all, I know about roadwork and streets getting "fixed" but can't quite grasp the concept of them ever being, whaddayacallit, "finished". What's that like, anyway?
Posted by: Lairbo | November 18, 2004 at 06:32 AM
laster
Posted by: Slartibartfast Mark II | November 19, 2004 at 07:48 PM