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November 17, 2004

TODAY'S NEWT UPDATE

It's a dramatic race against time in Oswestry.

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I order you to remove this news article post immediatelyk!!!


another first?

Don't make me come down there with my "Contract on America" young man...

And dare I say "painstaking newt project" w...

No, I can't say it.

Did I hear that Wayne Newton was willing to volunteer his time to help out with the move?

And if he is, well, that's newts to me.

Shropshire? Hmm. Shropshire? Ha ha ha.

Mr. Fishair — that's old newts.

Out with the old, and in with the newt.

Actually BTN, I already newt, I just thought I'd play along.

Hey do happen to know, say if a guy had an expired drivers license, where he might go to re-newt?

Sounds like a monewtonous job to me...

A cold snap in the next fortnight could send the amphibians into hibernation, which would delay the road building until the spring.

Silly Brits, hiring hibernating amphibians to do a mammalians job.

On the plus side, Russell Crowe's thoughts and prayers go out for the project's successful completion by March, so everything's gonna be okay.

If you put hibernating newts in a blender and then push "puree" they wake up.

It's messy tho.

Yeah, I always forget to put the lid on to.

Weird.

The whole problem would be solved if the amphibians could be newt-ralized.

And remember, Have your pets spayed and Newterd!

Why wait?

Gather up all your pets and get going to Oswestry today.

I got turned into a newt once.

I got better.

It goes without saying...so I won't.

Otherwise, if Oswestry had newtered their (not thry're) newts, they wouldn't have had the problem in the first place.

Anagramically Challenged — you got better what?

all those nervous-nelly scientists complaining about 'global warming' oops! sorry 'climate change' ! you haven't picked up this side benefit: later newt hibernation so road crews can work through the winter.
(wouldn't newts be easier to handle when they're (not their) hibernating?)

Do you know what really in Fig Newtons?

Do you know I can't type a properly spelled comment before noon?

So what precisely WAS the Newt Problem... were they laying in the middle of the *proposed* road? Did they change themselves to trees to prevent the cutting down of said trees? What???

Inquiring Minds Want to Know...

err - Change - Chain.

Carry on.

Anagram - You beat me to it! I was going to say that they should just wait until they all "got better" and then moved on.

Just - I would imagine the real problem has something to do with nature lovers making a fuss about building something in an area where an endangered species lives, or something. Much like the ruckus that tree-lovers made when they wanted to build some cool telescopes on Mt. Graham here in AZ. The telescopes were going to be right smack in the middle of some owl's nesting grounds. The tree-lovers lost that battle, though.

lead scientific advisor for the project -Isaac Newton.

I've been trying to figure out how to work "eye of newt" into this, but haven't come up with anything.

Truth be told, I haven't been trying all THAT hard.

Sly- I think you should try doing it in the newtd.

Truth be told, it probably wouldn't help, but I'd be all THAT hard. ;)

Full Frontal Newtity?

And I thought it took the Dade county workers a long time to fix the roads.

Oh! and This goes without saying

Gotta love the tree-huggers.

*Warning: minor rant ahead!*

Nothing like tying up progress with stuff like this. Don't get me wrong, I don't agree with cutting up old-growth forests in order to turn them into wood-chips, but saving a colony of newts?

Locally, there has been something like a ten-year delay in building a link road because of a protracted fight over whether a much-needed expressway could cut a 100-yard swath through about a mile of scrubby bush. I can't begin to imagine how much money was wasted on that debacle that might have gone to something useful like a hospital.

*/rant*

With apologies to those that have already contributed:

Dave’s Weekly Column Tribute and Farewell Card

Have YOU signed the card yet?

Being in New York and all, I know about roadwork and streets getting "fixed" but can't quite grasp the concept of them ever being, whaddayacallit, "finished". What's that like, anyway?

laster

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