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November 21, 2004

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Now they're using toads.

Key Quote: "It looks like the ground is moving."

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SECOND!

Bangi!!

Wallum froglets sound cute.

Glad 2 hear U in a peppy mood 2day, Bangi!

How'z mum?

Man:(lighting cigarette or similar post-coital cliche) Did the earth move for you?

Woman: Nah. It was just those toads under the bed.

"Wallum froglet?" Sounds like a cutesy pet name.


"Mommy's widdle wallum fwogwet is soo cuuuuuute!"

Good morning eeveryone from sunny southern California, where we are having torrential rain(!), thunder(!, lightning(!) and wind(!) -

this is off topic but here are 2 items to give you something, either to think about or do -
First (I know I'm not first, but...) sentence from an article in the New Yourk times regarding recall of Vioxx and other problematic drugs:


Second (I know I'm not second either, bite me) -
from my son who lives in Amsterdam:

How to start your day the optimistic way:
1. Create a new file on your PC.
2. Name it "George W. Bush".
3. Send the file to the trash.
4. Empty the trash.
5. Your computer will ask you "Do you really want to get rid of
George W. Bush?"
6. Calmly click "yes".
7. Repeat as necessary.

Whatever floats your boat, Eleanor.

My italics didn't work - HELP! what am I doing wrong?????????
I did -

Don't you just love those posts that start out "This is off topic but..."

what I did didn't show - just forget it!
*bummed out before 8a.m.*

If terrorists use toads, does that mean they want you to croak?

I feel the earth....move....under my feet

I'll bet a herd of kangaroos stampeded through their midst would take out quite a few of the toadlettes, not to mention the PPV revenue potential. But I would NOT want to hear resulting sounds of toad squishing.

The biological warfare experiment backfired as the beetles could fly and escape being killed.

"As God is my witnesness, I didn't know beetles could fly."

BANGI!! Cane and Unable...too funny.

Is it just my imagination or is Dave looking more like Harlan Williams?

Everquest widow - are you being mean to me? Sarcasm or sincerity? All I wanted to do was share some thought with friends -

*waving back to Peri*

wow... I might actually rather be here on the East Coast today, even with all the leaves to rake, if it's windy and massively rainy in SoCal.

While cane toads will eat anything and appear easy prey for larger animals, they possess highly poisonous sacs behind their heads which kill predators quickly.

I wish I had poisonous sacs behind my head which would kill predators quickly.

Sigh.

They must be contortionist frogs to get their poisonous sacs behind their heads.

*concentrates on sending good vibe waves to Polly*

When running low on poisonous sacs to use against enemies, chocolate always helps to console the soul.

And wine.

Ya know... I think I have a solution to Australia's amphibeous problems. If they introduced the rare Carnivorous Pigmey Deer (immune to poisonous head sacs) to the Australian continent, it would eat up all of their Dinner Plate Toads (as the locals call them) in no time!

Course, they have 35,000 young at a whack.

And they like to eat young children.

And they have insatiable sexual appetites that include beings of other species.

And they're from France...

Cane and Unable

This reminds me of something funny. My mom remarried a guy and his name is Abel. Well a few years ago at a family reunion my grandfather quipped to me under his breath. "So he calls himself Abel, huh. More like, Barely Abel."

The name has stuck, because as with most jokes there's a slight truth about them.

narf, if he's Barely Abel, why did your mom remarry him? Didn't she learn about his shortcomings (har!) the first time she married him?

Sorry - couldn't stop myself.

I should clarify. She married Abel. She didn't remarry him. It was her second marriage.
Kapish Paisan.

Yo, I got yer poisonous sacs right here.

*grabs upper inner thigh in a macho fashion*

And they happen to be right behind my head, if youse know what I mean.

Perhaps the Wallum Froglet and the Wallum Cane Frog should unite in battle and use the same tactics that Henry V. of England used against the French during the battle of Agincourt. Out flank them, by one flank surrounding, and the two flanks progressing towards each other, going wallum to wallum,using long spears tipped with New Zealand poisonous worms.

Perhaps they should "dump" a load of bananas on top of them. Then the poisonous cane frogs could slip and slide, and learn to fight the tide, when they went (unwillingly) into the surf, like a Smurf! Perhaps they can't swim. I know it's only a whim, but to go out on a limb, to h-ll with them!

Kat - lol!

I'm having the same type of thoughts - the article talks about eradicating as many of these toads as possible, but doesn't mention how.

Killing a "seething mass" of toadlets sounds like a non-trivial problem to me (not to mention the disposal issue).

Did anyone read the Hiassen book wherein they bulldozed the frogs to make way for a development? Let's just say that, in true Hiassen fashion, it didn't end well for the bulldozer drivers.

btw kat, it sounds like you're still drinking the good stuff today. :-)

Jeff - I'm not Punky but I just wanted you to know that I was dissed earlier so I'm not playing today - just watching the Chargers and tennis on TV - altho I guess I'm here right now - OK I have a frog story - ex-hubby and I in a remote spot on Kaui, driving down road at night and a million frogs are on roadway - horrible noise driving over them -
Did anyone see Magnolia?

*re-dons instruct-the-US-masses-in-things-Australian cape*

*swooshes cape around a bit - not a bad look for a wannabe superhero*

*that is, it is not a good look, but...never mind*

They weren't kidding when they remarked that cane toads are the single worst ecological disaster ever to happen in Australia.

These things are an outright menace, and have not a single endearing feature about them. They have no natural preditors because of the poison they exude, which is highly toxic, and they breed better than flies - which is saying something in Australia.

In just a relatively few years they have swept right up the Queensland coast and are now threatening Kakadu (don't you just love the names we have for places here) National Park, one of the most special places in Australia, and a must-see if you ever travel here.

This is not the first time that Australia has stuffed up in this sort of fashion. There was another case of a nasty cactus called the Prickly Pear that was planted to make natural fences for cattle. Whatever loon thought up that idea either forgot or didn't know that the thing propagates like wildfire and within a very few years there was nothing left except acres and acres of cactus everywhere.

Fortunately, in that case, Australian scientists came up with a catapiller of a moth called, not inappropriately, the Cactoblastis Cactorum which burrows into the Prickly Pear (and very importantly, nothing else) and destroys it. Within a very few years the Prickly Pear was virtually eliminated.

They have been trying for something to sic onto the cane toad, but nothing has worked so far - or at least nothing that works on that problem and doesn't create another problem.

Australia's environment is highly sensitive to these sorts of invasions because of the lack of local preditors - it is one of the reasons we have very strict quarantine laws here, and why people get excited about finding a squashed frog in a bunch of bananas. Lord knows what would happen if a live one got through.

The rabbit and the fox, both introduced by the English for no better reasons than so they would have something to hunt for sport, have fairly overrun the entire country.

In the case of the rabbit, this has caused disasterous results as the little buggers eat everything down to the ground, rendering wide areas unusable for aything else. With the fox, it has led to the extinction of a wide range of local wildlife.

So if you come over for a visit, be sure to read the quarantine information very carefully and declare anything that is on the controlled list.

That is all. You may now return to your normal programming.

*swooshes out of the room to the sound of Taa Te Tee Taaa Ta, Taa Te Tee TAAA Ta, Taa Te Tee TAAAH Ta Tah, tah tee tee Taa!*

and Eleanor, don't let the dissing get you down, its an occupational hazard. That is unless we all start dissing you, in which case there may be something to it....

Slart - I thought that was what I did - I even have it written down - here goes again -

italics

bold

*fingers crossed, Eleanor wants Slart to be proud of her*

Yay for me!

*goes to watch end of Chargers game , where is tennis final, rain delay!*

Chargers won! Tenis final is starting!

*hugs to Slart for tech support*
*hugs to wysiwyg for emotional support*
Moatinis for all on me!
See you later -

Hey Guys,

I need your help and I have a feeling that Eleanor will save me!..This is the first time in my 38 yrs that I am cooking Thanksgiving dinner all on my own...I have almost everything down pat, the mashed potatoes, the corn, the stuffing, the cranberry sauce, not to mention the latin in me will have some tasty latin sides.... HOWEVER I am having a problem with the Turkey part of it..I have no idea how to do it...I need a recipe that will result in a moist and tasty turkey...Can anybody help???..PLEASE???..I promise to mail you some...

Oops! I forgot...No sexual favours will be offered for the recipes... :-)

Jeff: neither do I.

"Dr Blair and the Torpid Bats" MBAGNFARB

*swoosh*

The problems with these sorts of fences is the fact that you are talking vast distances to be covered, and a lot of money to maintain them, and they don't work well because it really only takes one escapee to defeat the whole purpose of the thing. They had a similar problem with the rabbit-proof fence that runs like the great wall of china in Western Australia. There is also a dingo fence which has met with rather more success. But to do the job properly, you need something quite elaborate.

It gives you some idea of the potency of the poison though - the crocodiles up there grow to be 15-20 feet long and think nothing of snapping up a tourist or two each year. To kill one off in a an hour or so is no mean feat.

*swoosh, stage left*

Julietine: You are obviously not desperate enough yet. We'll wait another couple of hours to see whether your vulnerability levels have increased sufficiently for you to drop that last condition.

Seriously, though, I have no idea, apart from the vague understanding that you have to start thawing a frozen turkey about three months ago, and cooking one involves bunging it in an oven and then waiting for that little button thingy to pop out.

Or something like that. I'm generally out by the BBQ during these sorts of exercises.

If its any help, this is what Google coughed up - and remember that the top Google post means the site has been ranked the most popular by others, so it might be a safe enough bet.

W,

You are too funny...I was drinking a glass of VERY EXPENSIVE chardonnay and I spit itout when I ready your post..but thank you anyways..you are a doll...or maybe not...

Ok by my post you can tell I have had a few too many CHARDONNAYS..oh hell who cares!

I was just reading through that site, and towards the bottom it remarks:

"...giblets are located in a bag in the abdominal cavity. They will not be from the original bird."

What have they done with my turkey's giblets, hmmmm? Did I get some lessor bird's giblets instead? We need a Senate committee to investigate this immediately!

And I like the word "giblets". It sort of rolls off the tongue, like "wombat".

Giblets. Giblets. Giblets.

*Note to self: when this sort of thing starts to happen, its probably due to low blood-sugar levels. Remember to have lunch this time.*

Jeff,

You have a wife???...Sh%$^t...my hopes are dashed!...BUT hAPPY bIRTHDAY!!!!...YOU ARE A DOLL!!!!..THANKS FOR THE TIPS!!!...I WILL MANAGE SOMEHOW....

I can see that Jeff's last post caused a sharp increase in julietine's intake of Chardonnays...

Oh Yeah Slart..

Two for One!!!..I am despondent...

julietine, you have asked the right person - I make the best turkey anywhere, and no one else thinks it works but it does and it's very moist, abd people beg to come to my house for Thanksgiving - Be sure and take the giblet package out of the inside, stuffing or not inside as you prefer, then...take 2 long peices of tinfoin, seam them together put the turkey in the middle and wrap it up very tight - you cook it at 450 degrees american and the last 20 minutes you open the foil and it browns - all the juices are in the bottom of the pan (oh, the bird is on a rack, let it rest (the bird, not the pan), for 20-30 minutes, then carve and eat -
this recipe is from a really old Better Homes and Gardens cookbook, and it only takes a couple of hours - I started doing it this way because I didn't want to get up at 3am like my best friend did - if you tell me how many pounds it weighs and whether you're (not your) oing to put the stuffing inside, I'll tell you how long to cook it for - it's truly fabulous!

julietine - or you can e-mail me if you like -

this cook at 350 and baste every 20 or 30 minutes is b.s. -no basting, etc here

I knew Eleanor will come through for me...YOU ARE THE BOMB!...ARE U IN THE MIAMI AREA???I WANT U TO COME OVER!!!!..SO THE SECRET IS WRAPPING IT IN TIN..I GOT IT...ok so what time should I expect you over???..the sutffing is taken care of...

Jeff: Har!

*swoosh*

I don't know if it percolated up to the US or not, but Lindy Chamberlain was eventually completely exonerated of the charge of killing her baby.

More than that, dingos have been caught in tents rummaging around for food, and in one place (Fraser Island), the local Dingos have been known to attack quite sizable kids, and even killed a nine year-old on one occassion.

*swoosh stage right*

And the AK-47 idea would be fun, except that over here you can't even own a repeating shotgun, let alone an assault rifle. The Government banned a whole bunch of these weapons and placed tough restrictions on sporting shooters following Martin Bryant's use of them in the Port Arthur massacre, may the heartless bastard rot to death.

And Julietine: If you haven't noticed, it looks like your wine glass is resting on the shift key. Just thought I mention that.

And on that note: time for lunch.

julietine. My mom swears by the bag things to cook a turkey. They do provide for very moist turkeys, but I don't like them. I think the turkey is more stewed than roasted.

I prefer covering the turkey with cheesecloth drenched in butter and basting it a lot.

This year, I'm going to brine the turkey. I've heard a lot of good things about that.

but don't baste your turkey inthis.

By the way, julietineButterball's website is very helpful.

Ok..Now I am f*&^%ing confused

Stick with me julietine, I promise this is the best way, no basting, no looking, takes about 2 hours -
*makes airplane reservations for Miami*

wysiwyg - I just finished watching the tennis tournament - one of your mates (in the Australian way of course, unless there's something you want to tell us), Lleyton Hewitt, played Roger Federer - I'm sorr to be the one to tell you this, but he got his a** kicked - *condolences and a Moatarita for wysiwyg*
I also found your post re Australia's environmentl issues interesting and poignant - dou you live in a big city or are you near the cactus?

has anyone else noticed that the Associated Press appears to have only a loose grasp on the fundamentals of journalism, ie lack of transitions and, specifically, "Tucson also should" is not only dumb, but unless it's an editorial, you shouldn't 'demand' things, especially not in such a moronic manner. (honestly, I have a firm grasp on english, but like to save it for important things...)

'Inactive Option' wbagnfarb, along with possibly 'Water Era' and 'AP and the Loose Graspers

Oh, julietine, that wasn't our intention. Keeping it simple is best. The basting bag and Eleanor's idea both are low maintenance.

As personal preference, I do like the cheesecloth way...but it is a lot of basting.

And the Butterball website/hotline has helped me when needed.

*sigh*

I guess my trash can turkey isn't up to your ladies' so called standards. But you don't use a used trash can!

I'm also working on finding a way to make 'dumpster dumplings,' but all my efforts so far have stunk...

Dahh....Da de dada dahdah dah dee daaaa....

Dueling Turkey Chefs!

WBAGNFARB

*ducks for cover*

dumpster dumplings wbagnfarb.....

Julietine: I've been watching this conversation, and its simple really:

Take your ingredients:

1 * turkey
1 * cheesecloth
1 * trash can
1 * packet of giblets
1 * tub butter
1 * plastic bag
1 * doz bottles of expensive wine

Method

1) Open the first six bottles of expensive wine, and chug them down.

2) Take turkey, cheescloth, giblets, put them in the plastic bag and drop them into the trash bin.

3) Bring the tub of butter and the second six bottles of wine and come out for a turkey dinner with me.

4) Use butter as appropriate when I drop you home.

Eaaasy!

Mom: Dinner's ready.

Kids: What's that stuff?

Mom: Dumpster Dumplings.

*Pause*

Kids: Pass the brussel sprouts please.

Kids: Whose dumplings?

Parents: Dumpster's!

Kids: Pass the string beans as well please....

I'm going to brine my turkey too... somebody linked to this recipe (I think it was Lab Specimen?). Here's more info about the benefits of brining to get a juicy bird.

I think it makes sense to start out in a really hot oven to seal in the juices and then wrap the bird up in foil for the rest of the lower temp cooking time.

poison toads to Thanksgiving recipes.....just another day in DB's blogland.

Then there's my sister's method. She gets a fully cooked turkey from the grocery store.

Really pretty good.

I don't cook anymore and I like your sister's idea - you can get all the side dishes too - throw away the cartons and you're (not your) home free!

And Leetie, if brining (whatever that is) will get me a juicy bird, count me in!

(Ed Note: To ensure correct interpretation, I meant "Bird" as in "Sheila"). That's another thing this comments box doesn't do: on the fly translations.)

wysiwyg - nice Canberra website - and thanks for the map- one of my favorite things is my National Geographic Atlas - I love maps I'm going to find Canberra with the help of your map -

*goes to Social Studies class*
See you tomorrow -

Dahh....De dada dahdah dah dee daaaa....
Dum Dum....De...Dum Dum Dum Dum Daaaa....

Rinnnng!

*Urk!*

Hello? Boss? Yes Boss! I've almost got that financial plan done! Sure, first thing in the morning!

*Swooosh*

Canberra and the Bundy Girls = agnfarb?
Sheila and the Fly Translations = ditto?

*refuses to make B&S Balls/Bundy Girls/Prickly Pear joke*

wysiwyg - the cape's a great look for you. You might look into the matching tights next time - I hear they increase ones aerodynamic potential.

Loved the B&S link: "For at a B&S you get all types of people. You get Ag College students, shearers, UNI students, jackaroos, jillaroos, try hards, city slickers, bushie wannabes, mechanics, legends, ute fanatics, pommies, locals, interstate Mexican’s, musicians, cowboys, cowgirls, stockhand’s and many others."

I think I'm gonna head to Australia, just to figure out what what a jackaroo is.

Jackaroo and the Bush Wannabes wbagnfarb (but not in the US until 2008).

One recipe for brined turkey:

take your fresh bird (turkey). don your bikini. remove the giblets from your bird. take your bird swimming in the ocean for several hours. Use an appropiate sunscreen for your bod. Use butter for your bird. When you get home, turn the oven on to 450 degree setting. wrap turkey in nice aluminum gown. place bird in oven after the oven has reached the desired degree. bake for about 2 hours. Then check the internal temperature of Mr. turkey. He should be about 165 to 180 degrees. If you open the foil for a few minutes, he will brown if he has not done so before. but in all probability, he will have a nice tan, too.

kat - ocean in Oregon much too cold for swimming, hate to send bird out by himself due to undertow. Understand it is warmer in Australia.

*makes a note to see if "turkey" is on the Australian contraband list*

*remembers Australia currently covered in large, poisonous toads and cancels plane tickets for self and bird*

*swoosh*

Shaay: A jackaroo is a male jillaroo.

*swoosh*

I tried the skin-tight pants, but the Honey started to question my masculinity, and I believe my knees to be on the knobbly side - a vanity I know.

I get away with the cape because I can always say I'm playing a game with the kids.

And don't cancel you ticket! The poisonous toads are further north with the vampire bats and Ross River Fever mosquitoes - you'll be perfectly safe visiting me in Canberra. Provided you stay inside the box the travel companies transport tourists in to avoid law suits.

Of course if its an adventure holiday you want, we could arrange to let you out of the box at mealtimes, provided you promised to not go outside....

W,

You are too much baby!

:-)

One time I found a $20 bill at the Rose Parade.

FIRST!
FIRST!
FIRRRST!

I AM FIRST!

(at 5:16 in the morning!)

Doug, you know you're going to have to get past that, don't you....

I would have been willing to bet that a jackaroo was the Australian version of the American jackalope. I'm glad I didn't make that bet.

Sly: Ha! I hadn't thought of that.

But then again, neither would I have ruled out the generation of strange offspring - it gets lonely out there in the outback, and who knows what Jack (or for that matter Jill) might have got up to in a moment of desperation....

Q. What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?

A. A wooly jumper.

(Ed Note: jumper = sweater)

I was going to add one about "what do you get if you cross a field with a milk-maid", but I couldn't remember the punch line. Google coughed up this alternative joke instead:

A serial killer said: "If you shoot a mime, do you use a silencer?"

Gotta love those search engine people. Always a relevant answer.

Well, seems all the good comments about wallum froglets and poisonous sacs have been taken. And Polly seems to have something unsaid about the latter.

HI POLLY!

julietine, I'd say both Eleanor's and sly's turkey methods work well. I've used them both with much success. I've also found a light coating of oil increases the browning effect. (It's also a hint with the cooking bags.) It's pretty difficult these days to mess up a turkey, although I'm sure it's done. The cooking bags work well with fresh turkeys too. (only type we get over here)

Traditionally I've made up the entire feast for my single and local national friends. (Usually numbering around 10 - 12) I'm thinking of NOT doing it this year to give myself a break. Though I'd REALLY miss the turkey sandwiches later .... ok, maybe I'll do a small one for myself.

Wysiwyg - have you (on behalf of your continent) considered Killer Bees to combat the poison frogs? I don't see how THAT could backfire.

The best turkey is deep fried.

Deep fryed is great too. But you need the right equipment.

Not only are deep fried turkeys good, but then there's always the entertaining news footage that evening of the idiots who burn down their garages and/or decks. "I just went in the house for a half hour..."

"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fry."

Oh, Bangi. It's so sad. Salvador The $13.4 Million Frog has died. In fact he died several months ago by now.

There was no way to save him. I'm sorry to do this to you, Bangi, my friend. All we can do now is say: Rest in peace, Salvador. You were a good frog.

Family: Great turkey this year!

Mom: It's a new recipe.

Family: Where did you get it?

Mom: Internet.

Family: What website

Mom:Dave Barry's; the thread about poisonous toads.

*pause*

*Family rushes to medicine cabinet for syrup of ipecac.*

The map of the rabbit-proof fence made my jaw drop. That's one (or 3) looooooong fence(s)!

"Alex Crawford was appointed the first Chief Inspector of Rabbits..." *snicker*

"They used to come in droves off the sand plain. They'd be that thick, they'd be running around the main street in Dongara, eating the figs that dropped off the trees, after dark. Not just one or two - dozens and dozens of them."

The only thing missing from that is ...with large, sharp, pointy teeth!

Thanksgiving at Aunt Duyser's House

Diana: Who wants some TURKEY?
Little Timmy: I don't like turkey, I want a grilled cheese sandwich.
Diana: Well, we're having turkey. I didn't make grilled cheese this time.
Timmy: What about that grilled cheese sandwich by your bed? Huh? What about that?
Diana: You can't have THAT! It has Mary's face in it!
Timmy *fit*
Timmy's Dad: Oh come on Diana. I f*&^ed that sandwich anyways.
Diana: Oh alright. But you can just nibble around the image, ok?
Timmy: And I want some potatoes.
Diana: No potatoes. Sorry, they bear the image of Miss Nibbleskirt, my third grade teacher.
Timmy's Dad: *zip*
Diana: OK FINE. EAT EVERYTHING.
*takes bottle of whiskey and leaves trailer*

wysisyg, What was that Australian film about the rabbit plague? I recall a little bit about it. A little girl had a pet rabbit she had to give up??

There's been some good, if not strange, Aussie movies.

*snork*

Jeff - I'm not cooking this year - ask julietine to invite you - she's making my recipe -

C-Bol: We don't have killer bees, but we do have European Wasps. Trouble is, all the frogs are up north, and all the wasps are down south.

Which inspires me to sing:

Wasps to the south of me,
Toads up in the north,
Here I am
Stuck in the middle with Shaay....

Leetie, the Dingo fence is even longer at 5,400km long (about 3,300 miles). Non-trivial piece of work that.

And didn't I mention the killer rabbits? Key quote: "...because of the continuous thumping noise of the wall-to-wall killer rabbits"

Actually, a bit further down it tells the story of the loons that established rabbits in Australia, together with some interesting rabbit facts.

MKJ: There are MANY more things to do with toads, as demonstrated here.

Note: this site also offers a taseful range of other merchandise made from the poo of various Australian icons, such as Koala-poo earrings and Roo-poo paperweights, a must for Christmas!

Time to promote Dave's Farewell Card some more. With apologies to those that have already contributed:

Dave’s Weekly Column Tribute and Farewell Card

Have YOU signed the card yet?

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