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November 23, 2004

THE WORST PART IS WHEN THEY START SINGING IRISH FOLK SONGS

Getting rats drunk for science.

(Thanks to many people)

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And again?

Wow, what a great job. you play bartender to rats, then you stay up with them all night while they pray to the porcelain god, then you sober them up, wait a number of days, kill them and count their brain cells. I am glad that I am a chemist and not a biologist. What do you think, Mad Scientist?

*waves to Dave* Late night, huh, Dave? Me too. I think my sick kidlets finally went to sleep.

"Each rat is killed at a different point in recovery, depending on the experiment."

Is this a good reason to keep drinking or what?

Does anyone else have this running through their head right now?

"Ooooh, eidy eidy eidy eidy eidy eidy eyeee!"

No, but I do now. As well as:

"Oh when Irish rats are smiling
La LaLa LaLa Leee Laa"

Sorry, I'm no C-Bol. I'll think of something better once the blood returns returns to my brain from my stomach (which is currently digesting lunch).

Scientists noticed a surge in the sexual activity of the rats when they were drunk. Head scientist, Ralph Alfurtail, remarked, "At one point one of the male rats, after being pumped full of grain, tried to get it on with what he thought was a female rat ... only to pass out and wake up straddling the waterbottle."

You sure we evolved from primates?

Bartender! A formaldehyde martini...hold the neurons.

Rat to his rat buddy: Hey! Would you get a load of the tail on that one!

Rat Buddy: Whoo Hooo Baby! Wanna meet me later in the petrie dish and see what hardens?

Punky: Sounds like a good night out actually, like the B&S ball my cousin went to, only it was a beer keg not a waterbottle.

...drinking harms them and their families

*spewing G&T onto the monitor*

Holy air-cooled crapmatic monkey doots! Drinking is harmful? Who-da-thunk?

Lab Rat: You shientishts are all the same. You just want to get a rodent drunk, kill them, and count their neurons/
Researcher: Here, drink up. It's 'nutritious'.

"Ish the bartender here? Well, I'm rat thirsty!"

So, people who frequently quit drinking have more brain cells than people who quit only once? How long does one have to quit? Until tomorrow night?

regularly dose the rats over four days at eight-hour intervals - mimicking drinking binges

It occurs to me to opine that by the end of four days of repeatedly having a 0.3 blood/alcohol level drunk, I think I would just about prefer for someone to take my brain out rather than face the hangover.

I was the King of rats until immigration did me in.

When Irish rats are singing
All the worlds a raucous place
You can hear the drunken squeaking
Damm near to outer space
When Irish rats are singing
It gives scientists the shits
They sharpen up some scalpels
Then remove rats brains and bits

"Man, these ones can REALLY put it away! They've been drinking all night and no sign of stopping. And they're damned big!"

"Let me see.... You idiot! Fed, Punky, Bangi, C-bol, Joshkr, Polly, Wysiwyg, Kat, Mad, Mike, Jeff, Mr. Barry?, all of you, get the hell out, and leave the ratsuits.... How much of our hooch did they get this time?"

"Let's see, erm.... All of it."

"Oh, I thought you said FRAT party. Never mind."

*Wheels keg back home*

Of course, UK English has had "rat-arsed" and its (not it's) derivative "ratted" as synonyms for "drunk" for as long as I can remember (admittedly not that long after a night "on the rat")

Yet again, British scientists (or at least British medical students) have led the way

Davey at the Door

Davey awoke with an ache in his head.
Bad dreams had made him ill.
And he grumbled as he dressed and he looked a mess
To the Herald he headed still
Well he never wanted to work that day,
But the editor made it clear.
So Davey dreamed of the eve to come
When he'd drink him beer after beer, singing...

"I'll drink from dusk till dawn
I'll drink a toast to day's end.
Yes, I'll put my rat suit on
And I'll drink to the health of me friends."

As he searched the web for a story of squids
Oh, he wished that he had him some ale.
Just one fine glass of stout Guiness
And he knew this column coulnd't fail
His editor's eye ne'er left him all day
And his struggles led him to decide
That not even Death could keep him away
From his friends and their favorite dive.

They'd sing...

Davey worked hard all the day
His mind away drinking alone
And he told his friends of the pledge he'd made
And the fantasy that kept him agoin'.
"Come hell or high water I'll drink with you
Nothing could keep me away."
When the day came to end, he left with a friend. Davey turned to Judi to say...

On the road they came to a traffic jam
And there they met a man
With a scythe in his hand and an evil grin
Twas Old Death who cut Davey down.
Davey's friend crossed herself, swore t'was the truth
As she retold the scene to the bar
And they raised a glass to Davey's last words,
"I'll drink with ye come hell or high water!"

He said...

Well the door swung open, a cold wind blew in
And there stood a man unafraid.
He called for a beer. They realized when near
It was Davey come back from the grave.
He said, "You could keep me away from work.
For there's nothing I live for me there.
But I told you today of the pledge I made
You can't keep a man from his beer! They sang...

I'm tired of putting up
With your sober wit
Tired of looking at you
Through an alcoholic haze
You better change
I'm begging you please
Cuz if you don't start drinkin'
I'm gonna leave

I wake up in the morning
I'm under the roof
But I get no sympathy
Baby you're too aloof
You better change
Yes, I'm begging you please
Cuz if you don't start drinkin'
I'm gonna leave

Budweiser, budweiser, miller lite
Take a little nip baby it's alright
All a fellow wants is company
Come on baby have a taste with me

Yeah, you say it's alright baby
You don't care
But as soon as I indulge
I get that icy stare
You better change
I'm begging you please
Cuz if you don't start drinkin'
I'm gonna leave

Don't give me no lectures
'Bout stress and strife
So-ber-i-ety
Just ain't my way of life
You better change
Yes, I'm begging you please
Cuz if you don't start drinkin'
I'm gonna leave

Yeah, budweiser, budweiser, miller lite
Take a little nip baby it's alright
All a fellow wants is company
Come on baby have some fun with me

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEFF MEYERSON!

*pop-off! beer?*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR.FISHAIR!

Yes, happy birthday to Jeff! I understand Clair Martin has several things she plans to submit in your honor today!

mud, I almost spit out my coffee.

"More experiments are needed, but this is a first tantalizing step," said Antonio Noronha, as he savored a morsel of tender, brandy-marinated rat brain.

HaPpY BiRtHdAy, JeFf!

hApPy bIrThDaY, fIsH?

Love you guys!

I happen to know Mad performed a similar experiment on rats in her college days, but I'll let her tell the details if she so wishes. Let's just say it wasn't beer...

I happen to know Mad performed a similar experiment on rats in her college days, but I'll let her tell the details if she so wishes. Let's just say it wasn't beer...

Hmmm, I'm stuttering now. Next I'll be singing Irish folk songs...

Oooh, how many KS points is Roo Roo worth?

*takes rat suit off*

Booger! Just as I had figured out how to use the tail to best effect on Punky. But it was time to move on, all the booze was gone.

*puts super hero suit back on*

Swooosh!

Happy birthday Jeff! Turns out your web site present arrived at the perfect moment.

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