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November 30, 2004

THE NEWS FROM PALATKA

It is not good.

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You really think so?

Pythons are made out of foot balls?

Sorry, I don't know what I'm talking about, really. If you were to hand me an armadillo, I'd be, like, what the heck? But we can safely assume that isn't going to happen, so I'll leave it alone (unless you bring it up again). But Palatka? Who knows! Snakes, ladies, detrimental fun - it's all good! After all, all I know is that what nobody can know is what I am aware they know about is not something like this. Geez, Ladie's never been to a zoo before?!

A woman in home town called the police on three differnt occasions to report a large snake in her bedroomm closet. The police came out three differnt times but couldn't locate he snake. The fourth time she called, they said, "sure, lady, we'llbe right out!" But they didn't go. She called the next door neighbor and asked her if her yard man would come over and get the snake out of her closet. He did. It was a 12 foot Cottonmouth snake. She wouldn't let him kill it, but made him take it to the lake which was just about a block from her home. The large snake was actually living in the attic and would slither down through a hole in her closet. Whenever the police came, the Cottonmouth would slither up through the hole in the ceiling. I saw the snake once down at the lake crawling through the brush. I thought at first it was a large turtle because the back was about 24 inches in circumference.

"The snake crawled inside Hagen's refrigerator, where it stayed until Putnam County Sheriff's deputies dragged the unit outside, allowing the snake to slide out."

Uh...why didn't they just open the refrigerator door?

Yeah, but there'd be one hell of a rodent problem.

I suspect the snake was in there looking for all the mice that presumably had been the ones who chewed the holes in her walls. Doesn't exactly sound like the place was the Ritz...

LMD, they tried that with flies in China. While I heard that they made a fair impact on the fly population, I believe they are still going. I for one am happy to leave a snake that is outside well enough alone - too many of them are poisonous here to go looking for trouble.

SPAMMED!!!

send in the snakes, this would be the place for them to be detrimental, n'cest pas?

My lord what was all of that back there then?

I wonder if this lady is related to the late, great, Uta Hagen.

Time for everyone to begin their Object Exercises!

"They're detrimental...but they can be real fun."

That's exactly what the doctor told me as she played with the cholesterol tassles that had formed on my nipples. I smacked her. Well, after a few minutes.

Oh, and your royal davejudiness? Call me crazy, but since "bodazhang" keeps signing his spam the same way, couldn't it just be blocked? Or do you have some sort of marketing agreement with badazhang inc llc whereby for every naughty english bit viewed you get to rub an albino monkey the wrong way? That's what I'll assume until I hear otherwise.

wysiwyg,
The woman with the cottonmouth snake wasn't dealing with a full set of marbles. Those snakes are deadly and dumping it right in the middle of town in a small lake isn't cool! I had taken my young grandsons fishing in the lake when I saw it slither through the brush and slide into the lake.
This was the grandaddy of grandaddies.

Some of those spam link names are actually quite amusing, no?

The manifestation holds
B liver
Spin and weave AND Spin and weave the machine
Spread to feel machine

Quite.

Cbol, sorry to hear about that nipple thing. Sounds detrimental, but it could be fun if you maybe tried to get a three and a half football python interested in them.

"a slithery housewarming gift"

Yeah, my landlord tried to give me one of those when I rented his upstairs apartment ... I kicked him in his Ball Python and that was the end of that.

This just proves that Florida is not for the squeamish!

What does she do when she comes across the other Florida mascots such as Alligators, Baby Rattlers and Hurricanes?

Maybe she should move back up North with the 40lb sewer rats!

Gainesville-based 'Snake Busters' co-founder Jean Howard says the python most likely entered the house through an open door.

so......close the door. Duh.

Gainesville-based 'Snake Busters' co-founder Jean Howard says the python most likely entered the house through an open door.

so......close the door. Duh.

I heard it fled there from Punky's landlord's pants.

I am curious how it got into the fridge, though. The story says the lady saw the snake in the kitchen from her bedroom, and that she freaked (and really, what lady wouldn't? Snakes are for the bedroom, not the kitchen!).

So what, during her freakout she got all thirsty like and went for a beer and the snake said "blimey if that don't ssssssssssound good" and then she shut him in the fridge?

snakes say blimey? Wait a minute! Snakes TALK? And Christobol, look around and I'm sure you'd find some ladies who wouldn't mind a snake in the kitchen as well as the bedroom...

I wonder if you can get a snake for $20. I found $20 once. At the Rose Parade. You should've been there. I'm going again this year, if anyone wants to stay up all night playing pranks on drunk people. It's loads of fun.

djtonyb, you and me both missed something here. I missed it by a mile.
Did Gainsville-based 'Snake Busters' co-founder Jean (can't compose coherently) Howard say Marvel (Detri) Hagen was mental before or after (or both)meeting the snake?
BTW, snakes that spend time in refrigerators don't move very fast, if at all.

what's a palatka? sounds like it could be kosher. but i would have to check.

Ok, she was "...patching holes in her bedroom walls when she spotted the giant snake resting on the kitchen floor." AND this is her new home.

It makes me wonder:
1. WHAT was going on in the bedroom to cause these holes?

2. The holes were large enough to see into the kitchen?

3. How does this impact her Kinky Scores?

4. And (from other comments made) IF the snake can open refridgerator doors then front doors are not a problem.

you may be suprised to know that certain snakes are available as upgrades in some new homes.

the tricky part is choosing the RIGHT snake - one that compliments the wall color, ceramic tile, crown molding, etc.

fortunately, I am trained in the field of new home snake selection.

I am a graduate of Punky's New Home Snake Selection School - a very intense 30 minute program.

call me if you would like my assistance: 867-5309

http://www.3333999.com/01-200.htm" target="_blank Lubricant]!,
bodazhang, you crack me up!
Detrimental mebbe...but fun!

sometimes I drag my unit outside and let it slide out

As a Kansas girl forced kicking and screaming to move to Florida, snakes are the least of my worries. Fire ants, people that don't put their shopping carts in the shopping cart corral-thingy, and youth-challenged drivers are way worse.

The detrimental but fun guy does sound as if he needs help though.

'Detrimental But Fun' WBAGNFARB, n'est-ce pas?

At Punky's New Home Snake Selection School:

"Ok, let's try again."
*let's snake out*
"Thisssss isssss a sssssshitty housssssse. That tile isssss abssssssurd! The drapesssss are a joke! I wouldn't put that crown molding in a trailer! Who picked the wall colorsssssss? Ray Charlesssssss?"
"Ok, now concentrate. Is this the right snake for this house?"
"Yes. I mean No! I mean... dammit! This is so hard!"
"No, it really isn't. Were you listening to the snake?"
"Erm..."
"Alright, I'm going to have to let a possum nibble at your earlobes before we continue."
"But... that's terrible!"
"This is an intense program. I'll be at the bar when you're ready for another go."

rita,

Do you mean those cute little "friendship" bugs that meet at the Mall? (palmetto bugs)

*corn, where are you?*

kat

rita,

Do you mean those cute little "friendship" bugs that meet at the Mall? (palmetto bugs)

*corn, where are you?*

kat

You mean those ginormous cockroach-looking things? With teeth and party hats? Nope...I think the drivers are waaaay scarier than the bugs.

That and lizards in my house. Lizards should not be in the house. Or frogs. Maybe I should start shutting the door. Or get a snake. The snake could eat the bugs, lizards, and frogs. Or get an old person to drive around in my house randomly squishing them.

Chinese art of home snake selection: Fang shui

Tech, look at it another way?

The lizards eat the cockroaches and snakes eat lizards. Now, because you have lizards around you can be safe in knowing you don't have snakes or cockroaches (or as many)(he he, I said cock - twice).

Now, Fire Ants? You're screwed. Serious chemicals or gasoline are your only hopes.

I am all for killing things that scare me. It's a heat of the moment thing, however. There is only ONE kinda snake I know that is both detrimental AND fun ... and its a big bla ... Oh wait, is this a family blog?

Yep Cheryl, we've run into the PG13 timeframe.

kudos to insomniac

(wiping up coffee)

What part of VA? Must be northern - I am in southeast VA and ours are wearing raincoats and boots and carrying umbrellas ...

queensbee:

what's a palatka?

Why it's a Polish palooka, of course.

Sorry, I really should take a break.

You say palatka
I say palooka
You say fung shui
I say fang shui
Palatka ~ palooka
fung shui ~ fang shui
Let's call the hole thing off!

Let's patch things up. Put that snake in the fridge, Fred, before he hurts someone.

I live in Kentucky and have a vacation home near Palatka, so I've seen some snakes. A 3 1/2 foot snake is nowhere near being a "giant". Also, it's a Ball Python! You'd have to be a real wus to be afraid of one. I've stopped to get bigger snakes off the road so they wouldn't be hit.
As for the lady who saw a 12 foot Cottonmouth, she should have saved it. She could get some real money for a Cottonmouth that size because they don't get anywhere close to that big.

Palatka is the sound a cow pie makes when hitting a rock. that's how the town was named.

SMACK! 7-22-04

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