THE FRENCH

They can be so freaking French.

(Thanks to Jennifer Arko)

Comments

[slyeyes]

From the comments about the "headline of the day"...I'm not going to click on it.

*ding* paragraph. (Topic change.)

So, both Punky and Christobol are MIA today....Coincidence????

*this is how rumors get started*

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

I don't say anything for a week and nobody notices...Christobol and Punky don't say anything for a few hours and rumors start cropping up...jeez, I tell you what. Booger (not Bougairre), that's what.

And, slyeyes, you know it! We all know what happened. *lecherous laugh*

[Leetie]

Please toot your bulge in private, Fed.

[julietine]

Fed,

I agree with the Headline of the Day!...weird, funny...just perfect for this blog...and where's Christobol when you need him???

[slyeyes]

Slart, I was silently mourning your absence.

*did that work?*

[kat]

Fed,
There's a "stud" farm down Harper Road about three and a half miles. Are you interested in working there? Or maybe doing a "story?"

[kat]

Lee,

Was it Mamacita's?

[alanboss]

Hey! I say things here darn near every day and nobody seems to notice!

[slyeyes]

I do.

[bbescuela]

Not to get back on topic or anything, but did it occur to anyone that since the U.S. financed, participated in, and was largely responsible for the success of the project that kept France from now being referred to as "Southwest Germany" (i.e., WW II), the French government should use this precedent to now declare, once and for all, that France is officially not French.

[alanboss]

Hey! Thanks slyeyes! Just excersizing my inordinante need for attention.

[Uncle Omar]

I notice that no one seems to be interested in whether the activity was degrading to the actress.

Or degrading to civility, or good ... no, don't go there ... I've been questioned on my choice of words before ...

Does anyone ever wonder if the British have a real life?

(Or mayhap she was simply "boared" and wanted some free publicity?)

[Zoodle]

Excellent point bbescuela

** claps **

[everysandwich]

bbescuela -- to quote the Guiness spokesanimations, "Brilliant!"

[kat]

Bbescuela,
How about Lend Lease?
The French have a lot of de gaul to critize the yanks about de euro.

[kat]

I'm OK, slyeyes. How are you?

Dave,
I finally figured out how to go on-line and read your 11-29 column...I told you so! Everytime you write an article on Sophie, it's always a winner.
Keep up the good work. I've been to those socker games and they really are hilarious!

Uncle Omar,
You're (not your) back on the blog. How's the weather in CA? I guess it's only 9:05PM there, now.

[bbescuela]

Right kat, in addition to declaring France not French, they should give us (in final payment on the Lend Lease Act) the French Riviera, Bordeaux, EuroDisney, and Jacques Chirac's "Le Petomane" memorabilia collection (for the Smithsonian).

[kat nap]

Alanboss,

Ho, hum. Think I'll snooze for a while. Are you on duty all night? Eastern time? We're on central. Did you read the story in the paper today about Godzilla getting his foot print made on the Hollywood Walk of Fame? Was I correct when I referred to Godzilla as "his"?
I wonder if Godzilla was courteous to elderly persons and only nibbled on them a bit, but really didn't have an appetite for "beef jerky."

[kat]

I don't think that anyone ever paid us back for anything. Maybe we should stake out claim, anyhow.
Debs on the Rivera!

[kat nap]

Riviera instead of Rivea. Semi-sleep will do that to ya. Can I keep the 'Deed of Trust' in my bank deposit box?

Uncle Omar,
Since I'm only about 1/3rd British, I'm not sure about the other 2/3rds. So I really can't speak for them. In fact my ancestors were at war with them (teh British) most of the time. That's why I have a "split personality."

[kat nap]

Riviera instead of Rivea. Semi-sleep will do that to ya. Can I keep the 'Deed of Trust' in my bank deposit box?

Uncle Omar,
Since I'm only about 1/3rd British, I'm not sure about the other 2/3rds. So I really can't speak for them. In fact my ancestors were at war with them (teh British) most of the time. That's why I have a "split personality."

[Brad]

How do you keep a Frenchman in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow.

How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, and while they are contorting themselves screwing in that light bulb, Germany has invaded, their colonies have revolted, and English is being spoken all over the world.

[Doug]

There have been (and will probably continue to be) SO MANY opportune times to say that I once found a $20 bill at the Rose Parade, so I'll just keep it to myself for now.

[E]

I wonder if it was it the urinal $20 mentioned in the old blog?

[Cheryl]

Now now, the French only like us when we are spending our money there, if we actually try to get them to pay us back what they owe (and the Statue of Liberty was a GIFT, not a payment, FYI) they will get all snooty on us and call us inferior names. Oh wait, they already do that.

I say invade!!!

[LabSpecimen]

Public service announcement: You must avoid, at all costs, clicking on Doug's name and ending up at his web site.
A) The photos you will be greeted with will scare you.
2) Reading the quote for October 28 will cause liquid to spew from your mouth onto your computer.

PS: Flying monkeys rule.

[LabSpecimen]

"Damned if I know. Behead me!" Oh how I hope that was a response to a question posed in class by the professor.

[LabSpecimen]

Doug, my productivity is ruined. My employer may care, but I do not. September 31.

[insomniac]

the plant extract is the 'icing on the cake'?
in addition to Spanish butchers offering to pluck turkeys, we've got French sexologists turned bakers!
* a la Homer Simpson*
'...Horny goat weed sex icing, mmmmmm....'

[kat]

Fed D.

In Kerrville, we use goats to "weed" the gardens. (Really to mow the back yards) I kid you not! There is no law restricting the presence of goats in the city limits, or deer either.
Goats are extremely versitile.

[Cheryl]

Damn - I can't read anymore quotes on Doug's page - he has exceeded his daily data transfer stuff. Gee thanks y'all. Now what am I gonna read here at work?

[Writer's Cramp]

Doug,

We killed your site... something about exceeding the allocated data transfer and activating the alien circumcision rings of death. I flicked a booger on my screen in protest. Sorry about that.

[Higgy]

Lab - you got me all worked up to read Doug's site and now it has crapped out.

Booger.

Wait, I'm British. That should say

Bugger.

Anyone else notice this similarity??? We should have an investigation into this ASAP...

[Rockchild]

I would never flick a booger on my computer screen, because that's gross!

Roll it up and flick it to the floor like everybody else, Writer's Cramp.

[LabSpecimen]

Higgy is British? Say it isn't so!

[candy tutt]

RE Clousseau, I think Adam Arkin (who is American)did one movie but the majority of them starred Peter Sellers (who was not only NOT French, but British, PRETENDING to be French)...

"...your funne is ring-ging..."
"My fun?"
"Oui, your funne..."
"Oh, my phone!"
"That is what I said..."

[philintexas]

what we need now is an American court to declare the movie is "definitely an American movie" and then the Frogs will want it back.

Q: Why are the roads in France lined with trees?
A: So the Germans can march in the shade.

[Leetie]

Is Welch the same as British?

Doug needs to use some Visine before taking those big eyeball pictures.

[Leetie]

Welsh? Welsch? How do you spell it???

Ah.. From Wales

Whales?

AAArgh!

[Cheryl]

Isn't Welch grape juice?

[Higgy]

*refrains from shooting Leetie for misspelling it*

Actually, while most uses of the term are spelled "Welsh", there can be uses of "Welch" under certain circumstances.

Not that I know what they are.

Using Welsh instead of British would be the same as calling someone a Californian instead of an American - except that you DON'T want to call a Welshman English or an Englishman Welsh. That will get you a nasty look or a black eye, depending on the amount of liquor consumed lately.

[mudstuffin]

Wales is near England, but not part of it. Really, they have their own language and everything. My family is "welsh" in origin.

*Brit*

*not*

[neophyte]

*squelch*

[Leetie]

Sorry Higgy... I realized that I had inadvertently called you a brand of grape juice soon after posting that... just trying to be silly. You may spank me now.

[Leetie]

... and I promise never to assUme that you own a castle or know Tom Jones.

But I do know that you have a cute accent!

[Leetie]

lol, djt!

Spanker and Toots WBAG... no it wouldn't.

[mudstuffin]

Is the girl pretty? Ydi'r merch yn pert?
Are the trains late? Ydi'r trenau yn hwyr?
Are the boys coming? Ydi'r bechgyn yn dod?

*pert?*

[brat]

Sign over urinal in Paris

Please do not eat the big pink mint.

Really, no lie!

[Leetie]

Ydi'r mudstuffin yn tootish?

[brat]

Or, more accurately...

S'il vous plaît ne pas manger la grande monnaie rose

[Cheryl]

Mmmmmmm

Peanut Butter

[Lee]

kat, I think it was Mamacita's! Yum. Now I want Tex-Mex for lunch!

[Lee]

And some grape juice...

[Higgy]

*gets out the spanking chair, then realizes his heart isn't into it - tags Joshkr and hands Leetie over* That'll do the trick.

The thing with speaking Welsh is - very much like speaking German (except less angry-sounding) - you need a good mouthful of phlegm to get around some of the sounds, such as the double-l - in Llantrisant - or the double-d as in Pontypridd. Then again, Double-Ds will often get you in trouble...

*tangents wildly off to other topic*

[Cheryl]

Someone give me something to do for the next hour so I won't scare the elderly patients by singing the entire soundtrack to Footloose.

Again.

[marlodianne]

For those who are just burning up on the Bryan Adams question, he failed the basics of Cancon (the rules to be defined as Canadian Content):

M (music) - the music is composed entirely by a Canadian.

A (artist) - the music and/or the lyrics are performed principally by a Canadian.

P (production) - the musical selection consists of a live performance that is (i) recorded wholly in Canada, or (ii) performed wholly in Canada and broadcast live in Canada.

L (lyrics) - the lyrics are written entirely by a Canadian.

You have to meet 2 of those to be Cancon. If you are NOT Cancon, your work has a strict limit of airtime, in any type of broadcast (radio, tv, etc).

Adams has failed for a number of reasons. He often is living and working outside of Canada (fails P), and he likes to collaborate with people who happen to not be Canadian (failing A, M, and / or L).

This is not unusual, in fact it's pretty typical for Canadian artists who leave Canada and never frickin come back. So all the world-famous ones will fail Cancon.

So, yes, Canadian, yes album is Canadian, but no on the Cancon, which pissed him off royally (pun perhaps intended; he does love the Britons) and he publically stated Cancon 'encourages medocrity'. This did not score him any points, needless to say.

Cancon rules have been around officially since 1958, although the idea is older, as old as media. The idea was the U.S. kept bullying in and stealing our airwaves, and if we didn't do something we'd never hear or see Canadian content again.

[brat]

Brian Adams, Brian Adams

Boring Adams

just saying...

[Just]

... am I the only one laughing @ "Goats are extremely versitile" ????

[Writer's Cramp]

Its baaaaaaaaad, but I'm laughing too Just.

[Doug]

Everyone: HA HA HA HA!

[alanboss]

Hey kat nap!

Nope, no late shift. Just unwinding before bed. And pacific time, actually. I saw the Godzilla story on the news. Here in Los Angeles, it was local news. Funny I always thought he/she was taller. I've always thought of Godzilla as "he" but I seem to think that he is really a she. Maybe that was just because she was a she in the bad Matthew Broderick remake. Maybe the Japanese Godzilla is a he while the American Godzilla is a she. And actually he/she got a star on the "Walk of Fame." Footprints go in the courtyard of Gromman's Chinese Theater. (Look at this! I'm explaining that as if it is remotely important!)
Anyway, as Eyeore says, "Thanks for noticin' me."

[Uncle Omar]

kat:

yeah, hi. I said that in some other blog too, but I forget which one. (They say the mind is the second thing to go. I forget what the first is ...)

Weather in CA? Actually kinda chilly this a.m. -- not as nippy as back home in Nodak tho ...

kat nap:

Yeah, well, I'm sorta partly British too. More Irish tho, and Scots, so "at war with them" strikes a familiar chord.
I was just sorta wonderin' if all this stuff they bring to the fore ... nope, won't finish that one ... and have hissy fits over is really all that they think is important.
I mean, after all ... porcine peccadiloes ... ?

Whatever

[Uncle Omar]

Do you suppose the actress in question was unemployed? P'haps that's why she got the job ... NO .. I mean, EMPLOYMENT.

As in: Shake hands with the unemployed ...

[Uncle Omar]

Extremely Versatile Goats wbagnfarb

[kat]

Thank you alanboss, and Uncle Omar,

(note to Higgy; song; "The Muckin' O' Geordie's Byre" is Scotch, not Welsh (Welch, or Grape Juice, what ever that language is)

[Writer's Cramp]

I for one am ready to bring back lynching in all of its nasty, disgusting goriness and human depravity so that we can deal with these spammers. Find a tall oak tree and a short rope. The State of Mississippi still has the "he needed killin'" legal defense as a part of its statutes which I believe can easily apply to any spammers on this board since the internet allows it to be viewed in that state. I would gladly climb the first tree to drop the rope if we can get ahold of these guys.

[Uncle Omar]

WC:

Right ON, Man! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !