SLOW NEWS DAY IN NEW ZEALAND?

We report; you chuckle condescendingly.

Comments

[philintexas]

I always wanted to be the guy who race into the
pressroom and screamed: "There's a frog in a shipment of bananas...you might want to put the brakes on the presses sort of!!!!

first?

[justsayin]

Slightly squashed frogs are yummy in a smooshed banana cream sauce.

[josh]

at least they saved us the time of having to make "Croaked" puns by working it into the caption.

[Elvis]

I just want to say "Frog and Banana" would make a great name for a band.

[Boo Augustus]

I'd comment with something on topic, but unfortunately I am still grappling with the concept of Christobol having carnal relations with a grilled cheese sandwich . . . or a holy relic depending upon your belief system.

[Brad]

Other slow-newsday headlines?

"Man seen walking down street..using feet!!!"

[BetterThanNothing]

The (still crunchy?) frog obviously didn't know how to defend itself from being attacked by a man with a banana.

[Mr.Fishair]

That's funny Boo, I was just finishing my morning grilled cheese and banana, when it suddenly occurred to me that the only thing that could possibly make my breakfast any better, would be if I could have a warm side of recently deceased Ecuadorian frog.

I mean talk about yum...mee

[Rachel]

Mr.Fishair - any lil' fishes yet?

[Lairbo]

Frog and banana is not exactly an ideal combo

Oh, great. There goes any hope of selling my new cookbook "1,001 Ways to Prepare and Present Frog and Banana" in New Zealand. I just hope the Aussies don't feel the same way. I've gotta get Russell Crowe's support and prayer about this, stat!

[Mr.Fishair]

Nope, He's still satisfied with swimming around inside.

But we're ok with that, and we are certainly not watching the clock, either.

*tick,tock,tick,tock,tick,tock,tick,tock*

[kat]

That frog evidently had been knocked off by the Ec Drug Cartel (a sub. of the Col one). He was trying to skip the country and go for a cleaner (wink,wink) one. He had friends down under who were going to help finance him in the banana plantation business, when all of a sudden,------
after the ship docked,-------One of the Ec Mafia met the ship at the dock. He slithered on board and quietly slid his way through the hatch cover on deck until he reached the area where the cargo containers were being held. Little Freddy didn't know he had been "fingered" until all of a sudden,-----"WHAP!!!!!" The next scene found Little Freddy being photographed by photographers from the Auckland Express. Yes, the moral of this story is don't put all of your bananas in one container.

[Somewhere North]

Wait a minute. Anybody else read CNN? TODAY they are catching up on the holy cheese sandwich and that clean toilets are a basic human right in China.
"People are saying 'We want good toilets!' because toilets are a basic human right and that basic human right has been neglected," said Jack Sim, founder of the World Toilet Organization"

I'm proud to say the blog is waaaaayy more up to date than CNN. I guess I'll read about squashed banana frogs tomorrow in the news.

[Ya Well No Fine]

Let legs still look good, for all of you aficionados....

[Anagramically Challenged]

I'm glad they have those ads under the article, too. I've always wondered where to find clothing for my Poison Dart Frogs.

[Mr.Fishair]

Rita- Is he from Equador?

[Christobol]

Constable Clitoris et that crunchy frog banana and he nearly puked!

We've got to protect the public.

[Mr.Fishair]

Yes, at all costs we must Protect The Pubic!!

[kat]

rita, Was you chicken ceasar salad prepared by the Iron Chef? This was a very unusual presentation! I have been encouraging my young grandson to study to become a "world class" chef, now I'm not so sure about that.

[kat]

Big D,
All of the bonafied "nuts" aren't just in America.
I could not believe that story about Honey Boy. It all goes to prove that a mother will do anything to protect her children! (or rather, her litter)

[punky brewster]

You know the blog did make quite a fuss,
as it linked to the story of a frog who'd been squashed,
we shrugged our shoulders, shook our heads,
and said (and this is exactly what we said)

"Boy that sure must've been something.
Just imagine thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Yes, there were thirty thousand pounds of frog mashing 'nanas.
Of bananas. Just bananas. Thirty thousand pounds.
of Bananas. not no living frog now. Just bananas!"

Yes, we have lots of bananas,
We have lots of bananas today
Yes, we have tons of 'nanas,
Bananas in all sorts of ways.
Bananas in New Zealand
Bananas on the blog
Bananas that unfortunately squashed a little frog.

[PETA representative]

I think all of you here are just a sick bunch of individuals!

that frog had FEELINGS too!

UNLIKE YOU PEOPLE!

that frog was just trying to make it to a new country, to start a new life in a new pond and make new friends.

this is SO tragic!

*sniff*

[pogo]

Wait'll those puppy teeth grow just a little more. She'll change her mind about the tickling.

[pogo]

Wait'll those puppy teeth grow just a little more. She'll change her mind about the tickling.

[Slartibartfast Rockin' II]

Anybody remember Raffi?
I like to eat, eat, eat, apples and bananas

Maybe we could change it to:
I like to eat, eat, eat, froggies and bananas
I like to eat, eat, eat, froggies and bananas

Verse two:
I like to oot, oot, oot, froogies and boonoonoos
I like to oot, oot, oot, froogies and boonoonoos

I think you get the idea. Raffi is great.

[punky brewster]

Dear PETA ...

I love a frog just as much as the next girl ...

But the only thing that frog was "feeling" was the warmth of the light at the end of the tunnel.

That frog is D-E-D, dead.

[Slartibartfast Raffin' II]

OR!

Frog-Banana Sandwich made with jam. One for me, and one for David M. Yeah, a frog-banana sandwich made with jam, yum yum yummy yum yum.I can think of which is good and bad, but the best 'wich that I ever had was a Frog-banana sandwich made with jam, stick stick sticky stick stick.

[kazoo solo]

[repeat vs 1, grandiose kazoo finish]

[MOTW]

Here's The Banana Song

You can fry 'em, you can slice 'em
Either way you oughta try some
Bananas!
They are great with coconut or
chocolate or peanut butter
Bananas!
Oh, bananas have it all
they make berries seem banal
From Montana to Mobile
Have bananas with your meal
They're the answer, what a deal
All your troubles seem to vanish with
Bananas!

[plagarist]

sometimes you're the frog, sometimes you're the banana.

[MOTW]

Sometimes you feel like a frog
somtimes you don't

[PeeJay]

Frog frog bo bog, banana nana fo fog, fe fi fo fog; dead frog!

[queensbee]

reminds me of the old 'beyond the fringe' skit with peter cook and dudley moore - about the frog and peach dinner.... peche e frog. or frog e peche. something like that. it was funny then. you had to be there.

[Christobol]

Corinthians 10:7-19

Yes and verily, in that time shall pop divas refuse to retire, and columnists shall taketh timeouts, and giant squids shall bring forth an abundance of my mirthful powder for the children to enjoy.

But in these tribulations, I shall send forth a sign, by way of a murky image in a sandwich, upon which my moldy creations shall not dine, and thru which my dumber sheep may find hope in the darkness of time.

Yeah, and soon thereafter, depending upon traffic, shalt I send forth the angel Gabriel, as a frog squished into a banana, that those who seek truth may be nourished not by bread alone, but by bread and a banana with an angelic frog smushed therein.

Alleluia

[PeeJay]

Amen

[Polly]

You said it, Brother!

This story reminds me of something I have repressed for several years, but, thanks to Dave, has now come to the forefront of my mind.

I went to a pikinik one afternoon and decided to have bean salad. I got a nice forkful and was about to put it in my mouth when I noticed one of the beans had several legs. It was, in fact, a roach.

AAAAACKKK!!

I'm off to therapy now. I will never eat again.

Unless it's something really yummy and bug free.

[punky brewster]

Hail Mary!

[gecko]

Today, I've appointed myself the Official No Fun Stater-of-the-Obvious. I'm just that bored.

Regarding the frog picture: Yecch.

[Polly]

Gecko,

You're just jealous because everybody loves frogs and geckos are second fiddle among amphibians.

[kat]

"Shalom!"

[Jenny from the Hub]

"You're just jealous because everybody loves frogs and geckos are second fiddle among amphibians."

Although they can save you tons on your car insurance...

[Goose]

Afleck!!

[slyeyes]

(with sincere apologies to Harry Belefonte and lovers of nursery rhymes)

Frog-gie….Froggie-o
Daylight come and we leave for New Zealand
Froggie is a froggie is a froggie OH
Daylight come, and we wanna leave . . .

Ecuador is fine when you have a drink of rum
(Daylight come and we wanna go )
Cling to the banana til the morning come
(Daylight come and we wanna leave home)

Come Mister Tally Man, tally me froggies
(Daylight come and we wanna leave home)
Come Mister Tally Man, tally me froggies
(Daylight come and we wanna leave home)
6 ribbit, 7 ribbit, 8 ribbit -- CROAK
(Daylight come and we wanna leave home)
6 ribbit, 7 ribbit, 8 ribbit -- CROAK
(Daylight come and we wanna leave home)

Frog-gie, Froggie-OH!
(Daylight come and we wanna go acourtin)
and we did ride, um hum. . . um hum.
A frog went a courtin' he did ride,
in a bunch of bananas on the ocean tide, um hum. umhum.
til he found. . . .

A beautiful bunch of ripe banana
(Daylight come and we wanna leave home)
Careful you don’t get squished between ‘em
(Daylight come and we wanna leave home)

It's 6 ribbit, 7 ribbit, 8 ribbit CROAK!
(Daylight come and we wanna leave home)
It's 6 ribbit, 7 ribbit, 8 ribbit CROAK!
(Daylight come and we went a courtin' an we did ride,
a Sword and pistol by our side. . . um hum……um hum

Come Mister Tally Man, Tally me froggie
(Daylight come and we wanna leave Ecuador)
Come Mister Tally Man, tally me froggie
(Daylight come and we don’ wanna be here no more)

Frog-gie, Froggie-OH
Daylight come and we wanna leave home
Froggie is a froggie is a froggie-SQUISH!
is a Froggie no more....

[Lairbo]

Jeff
I do remember Peter Cook & Dudley's Frog and Peach routine. I guess that bit of creative English cuisine was washed overboard en route to the South Seas.

[Just]

MAF could then determine whether or not it posed a threat.

Just HOW MUCH threat could a frog smooshed to a banana BE

[BetterThanNothing]

What's the ZIP Code for Froggie, OH? I want to send him a sympathy card.

[slyeyes]

BigD, I'm assuming she didn't nurse that puppy at Starbucks. That's something that could cause PETA and La Leche League to go at each other. That would be worth seeing.

[neophyte]

Just when I think life can't become any stranger, I come here and read the bolg. Ahhh, blessed surrealism. You guys/gals make my day! :)

[neophyte]

LOL, the "bolg." The blog, even! Oh dear.

[Cheesewiz]

And now the rest of the story....

Prior to hijacking a bananna in Equador, this frog had escaped from Oswestry, Scotland. S/He had stowed away inside a hagus, bound for the Americas, once the newtnapping story became public.

[Cheesewiz]

I mean Oswestry, England and that would make it steak and kidney pie instead of hagus. Absolutely everything else is accurate, if fictitious.

[slyeyes]

In the meantime, things aren't going well in Egypt at the moment.

[josh]

TomyLee, you pathetic crapweasel, may your brains leak out of your head next time you sneeze.

[Dave Fox]

The Ministry of Agriculture and Forestry was worried the frog might pose a threat? What was it going to do? Hijack a plane? It's dead!

[lurker]

Just reading TomyLee's post makes me want to take a shower with Lava Soap...

yeek & insta-jibblies...

On the plus side, it's nice to know I still have a few moral boundaries.

[Eleanor]

news flash

Martha Stewart has escaped from prison and was spotted in Cairo spray painting locusts pink!
When asked by a reporter, she said, "brown is such an icky color"

[slyeyes]

Eleanor, LOL

[Eleanor]

Continuing my own riff *one must sometimes amuse oneself* on the Egyptian theme from slyeyes:
» Walk Like An Egyptian

Walk Like An Egyptian
by The Bangles
All the old paintings on the tomb
They do the sand dance, don'cha know?
If they move too quick (Oh-Ah-Oh),
they're falling down like a domino.
And the bazaar man by the Nile
He got the money on a bet
For the crocodiles (Oh-Ah-Oh),
They snap their teeth on a cigarette.
Foreign types with their hookah pipes sing:
Oh-ah-oh-ah-ooo-aaa-ooo-aaa,
Walk like an Egyptian.
The blonde waitresses take their trays,
Spin around and they cross the floor.
They've got the moves (Oh-Ah-Oh),
You drop your drink then they bring you more.
All the school kids so sick of books,
They like the punk and the metal band.
When the buzzer rings (Oh-Ah-Oh),
They're walking like an Egyptian.
All the kids in the marketplace say:
Oh-ah-oh-ah-ooo-aaa-ooo-aaa,
Walk like an Egyptian.
Line your feet astreet, bend your back,
Shift your arm, then you pull a clock.
Like Sergeant O (Oh-Ah-Oh),
So strike a pose on a Cadillac.
If you want to find all the cops,
They're hanging out in the donut shop.
They sing and dance (Oh-Ah-Oh),
They spin their clock and cruise on down the block.
All the Japanese with their Yen,
The party boys call the Kremlin.
The Chinese know (Oh-Ah-Oh),
They walk along like Egyptians.
All the cops in the donut shops say:
Oh-ah-oh-ah-ooo-aaa-ooo-aaa,
Walk like an Egyptian,
Walk like an Egyptian.

[Eleanor]

was that directed at me, lawyer? I'm sorry if I turned everone away because of some stupid song lyrics for a song I don't even like!

Who's sorry now? Who's sorry now" Who's (not whose) heart is aching for breakin' each vow?

[Eleanor]

was that directed at me, lawyer? I'm sorry if I turned everone away because of some stupid song lyrics for a song I don't even like!

Who's sorry now? Who's sorry now" Who's (not whose) heart is aching for breakin' each vow?

[Eleanor]

my first double post - I feel like a kid again, etc

[Just]

Eleanor - I usually DO like that song, but today is the wrong day for it to be burrowing around in my brain! :)

... I always DID wonder about the disclaimer down there... hmmmmm

*ponder*

[waterboy]

unlawful, threatening, abusive, libelous, defamatory, obscene, vulgar, pornographic, profane, indecent or otherwise objectionable to us in our sole discretion

Now, "Walk Like an Egyptian" may not exactly be Beethoven, Bach, or Brahms, but I certainly wouldn't call it all of these.

[PeeJay]

Waterhead/ er I mean boy, I do believe that it was directed to Tomy Lee, not you :>

[Eleanor]

Was Tomy Lee spam? I alway thought our gutter humor was a little more high class, to say nothing of subtle!

[Just]

Eleanor - contrary to what you might see on the MOAT, here we never quite sink to the Tommy Lee level. I came close with Joshkr once... but we were the only two there and blah blah blah consenting adults blah... um... yeah.

Look! A Flying Giraffe!

[Somewhere North]

Jeff - I'm not quite getting you - do you or do you not like spammers? Try to be a little clearer eh?

Men... never could communicate properly...

[Jeff Meyerson]

Somewhere:

Blogger #2: I say we kill him!
shouts
Blogger #3: I say we hang him, then we kill him!
shouts
Blogger #4: I say we stomp him!
shouts
Blogger #4: Then we tattoo him!
shouts
Blogger #4: Then we hang him!
shouts
Blogger #4: And then we kill him!
shouts

Is that clearer?

[Dazza]

As a Kiwi I feel it necessary to point out something a lot of people really don't get about our little country. A large part of New Zealand’s economic base is its export of perfect "crap-you-don’t-like"-free food stuffs, no GE product, no nasty chemicals, no insects etc. Unfortunately it does mean we have to take a foreign animal making it through all our customs checks very seriously. The same problem seems to mystify international passengers at our airports, when asked "Anything to declare?" they never seem to think of the two mangos, three rock melons and a Dried and mounted scorpion (I am not making this one up) they picked up on their stop-over in Singapore, despite all the clearly marked signs to this effect they just passed in on the way in and the warning the cabin crew gave them not ten minutes ago.... some peoples children.. I don’t know...

Note: I'm in the IT industry, so I find all this crap hilarious.

[julietine]

Dazza,

I was in NZ for a couple of weeks and YES they do ask those questions when you come in...by the way I LOVED your country....

[Christobol]

Dazza, I'm sorry I smuggled those hobbits into your country.

I planned to declare them, but I was worried about how to explain why I had stuffed them in my a$$. Now at least I'll never have to.

Anywho, sorry.

I had nothing to do with the orcs.

[wysiwyg]

Fortunately I got here too late to see what the TommyLee link actually was. Must have been sick though, it's the first time I've seen a post edited out.

Eleanor: I think the lawyer was referring to that post rather than yours, although zotting the Bangles would not be a bad idea in any case.

Congradulations, by the way, on breaking out into re-writing lyrics - a good job, and C-Bol needs a bit of competition.

With apologies to those that have already contributed:

Dave’s Weekly Column Tribute and Farewell Card

Have YOU signed the card yet?

[slyeyes]

There seems to be an increase of spam on current threads. They used to have the questionable courtesy of waiting and hitting old threads.

Glad to see they are being zapped.

Thanks!!

[J in NZ]

I love this country.

[Christobol]

Hey Dave or Judi, while you have your editor's hats on... I seem to have giggled mirthfully instead of chuckling condescendingly on several posts, so if you could just, yeah, that'd be great.

[John]

"Banana'Clinging Frogs" would be a good name for a steel-drum band.

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

last

[lisa]

Like an amphibian love song,

Froganna,Froganna............