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November 18, 2004

SAY WHAT YOU WANT ABOUT BEAVERS

They know the value of a dollar.

(Thanks to Nancy Klingener, and probably 50,000 other people, but we are on the road and have not been checking email, so sue us.)

Comments

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*checks to see if Slart is around*

Is the coast clear?

here

Hey! Outta my brain, Slarti Slart Slart. It's confused enough as it is.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go hide this orgasmatron in my beaver dam.

... and by the way, Preparation H might help with tender beaver tails.

I know one beaver that stored up a lot of green stuff in his dam down in "Big D Bottoms." His brother beavers were a big help. Some wondered why the water wouldn't flow in the creeks round and about. But of course, these critters were working upstream and and sending him green stuff to feather his dam. Some beavers wondered why the fish were not cooperating. But the fish just turned over and gave up the "ghost." Of course, the beavers all knew that the "dry maggedty whiffles" that seemed to be bothering the fish came from across the big pond,----probably brought here by the Chinese Carps. Or at least that is what they told the press when they came out to do a story on the big money find. Some suspected that the beavers had been laundering money, but they all stood together in their story to the press. (headlines: Mercury episode.)

What the "torture device" is that, Slarti?

ooh, chocolate croissants.....

You've got excellent taste in pastries.

(OMG, almost posted that as "pasties" and I don't even know you. Thank goodness for the preview button! (But then it was too funny not to cop to.))

Don't worry wysiwyg, Shaay is NOT a spammer! I REPEAT! NOT A SPAMMER!

*phew!* crisis averted, Shaay, but next time remember to put "DYWWINAS" after you say OMG (DYWWINAS).

Oh dear, what did I say? And then what did you say?

(And,um, sorry!)

Oh. I thought DYWWINAS was wysiwyg's sister.

Thanks, Slartibartfast! Your quick mind reading saved my blogging!

For the purposes of searching, that should be "DWWINAS".

Ah, I see now. Yes, it (almost) all makes sense.

DYWWINAS. Rest your poor, violated head.

Thanks everybody, for making me welcome in the jam session this evening.

You took a bad day, and made it better
So thank you, for letting me into your heart(s)
I hope your heartburn will soon get better, better, better!

Thank you and goodnight!

Editor, I would like to say
a: you are right, that was the original
b: with "DYWWINAS," I am saying "Don't you worry, wysiwyg, I'm not a spammer." It is a much more friendly and case-specific reassurance, and I think it is much less patronizing (to geezers like wysiwyg, anyway).

I agree, but "Y" can sometimes be a vowel, and you know he doesn't like vowels....

oh, right, but for searching, yeah, you are correct-er. I personally searched for OMG (DYWWINAS), but I didn't feel like saying "and search for OMG (DYWWINAS)" at the end because I felt the number of 'DYWWINAS's would cancel eachother out or maybe make wysiwyg's head hemmo---hemmhorr-hemmorrha---hurt badly.

How many weaves can a beaver weaver weave?

After 5+ hours on the blog, things start to meld together like hunks of cheese on a radiator...and analalogies start to suffer, too...and someone is asking me "which came first, molecules or force"...so, that's it. Feel free to have the blog-fiesta now that I've gone...But just remember to be nice to your Emotional Support Beaver and, booger.

Urgent late-night link Do not click if you are easily offended by a medical condition requiring the usage of toilets.

Dayum. Typo in the HTML. Click my name. The warning still applies for those who do not appreciate unintentional comedy.

Eleanor, when you check in tomorrow, have a look at this thread from the past.

Be sure to scroll up to read the wonderful poem Dave originally posted.

See? Even Dave can get ignored in the comments!

And I miss null. Such a conversationalist.....

Slarti: Heroic effort on the blog today. Put yourself in for a commendation - I have to sort of time-share between work and blogging if I want to continue charging them as much per hour as I do.

And thank you for putting Shaay into the know. When I came back from a bunch of meetings this afternoon, I noticed the attack crapweasel-virus I had set up to scan and destroy users of the term "OMG" without the pass-phrase had temporarily gone to DEFCON 3 - but fortunately your warning had come in the nick of time.

I have also modified the pass-phrase parser to accept "DYWWIANAS" because I have to get over my aversion to vowels...

Ecktually, it occurs to me to opine that we really don't need Dave to post anything - the threads rarely seem to bear much resemblance to the original post 90% of the time.

Although I have to admit there was a strong "beaver" tone to this thread, albeit for completely the wrong reasons.

The interesting thing is, though, as demonstrated with the fading out at the end of the other thread, if they don't post SOMETHING, the thread can sort of end up gnawing off its own leg in order to escape.

Why is that?

Punky: Closer?

wysiwyg ... my nose is a little smaller, and my hair is a little thicker ... but yes, pretty damn close.

Or perhaps like an more european version of this?

Whoops, she's awake, and my first guess was right.

The spooky thing is that the second photo is of the grown up Punky Brewster, Soleil Moon Frye....

wysiwyg ... nope. the other one is closer ...

Punky doesn't really look like the grown up Punky, save for the hair color and boobs.

and until tonight I didn't know there was a TV Punky Brewster, which explains the photo of the girl with the pigtails the other day. We're always missing out on things down here...

I kept hunting photos because you said your eyes were a lighter brown than the first photo appears to have. In desperation I did a search for "Punky Brewster" to see what would turn up and found the second one.

Eyes are the first thing I look at in a face. Thats why that first face stuck out for me - they look like your eyes sound, if that makes sense.

Blog's Been Good

I have a real job
it don't entice
Try not to go there
but the paychecks are nice

I live in new threads
They're always a ball
Have Dave and Judi
To thank for it all

They say I'm crazy but I have a good time
I'm just looking for jokes to make me feel sublime
Blog's been good to me so far

My Firefox browser
Loads post nine-eighty-five
While Dave shrieks madly
"Judi! It's ALIVE!"

I have some lyrics
Bouncin' round my head
I'll post 'em here
Since we got no new thread

Dave's drinkin' coffee
Knowing we'll just wait
Link to squid boogers
That would be great

So I'm sittin' in my office
Starin' at the wall
Left Dave a message
He won't take my call

Who wants to be sane after all we've been through
(Everybody sing) I'm cool (He's cool)
Shouldn't post naughty things but sometimes I still do
Blog's been good to me so far

This place sure parties
Sometimes until four
The blog clock says
Time don't exist anymore

It's tough to wait for
a new link to load
I hope the Chinese
detonate a commode

They say I'm lazy but it takes all my time
(Everybody sing) Oh yeah (Oh yeah)
I keep on going guess I'll never know why
Blog's been good to me so far baby,
inside the Mad Cafe.

and the smile is definitely yours...;-)

Anyway, C-bol is back to keep you company and I must be off to sleep as its late. Catcha!

Wysiwyg - I have a friend who has the most lovely eyes, and no one ever seems to notice them. They scarcely will look at her. She'd love to meet you.

I don't know why people can't get past her nose, I mean, so it's about six inches long, big deal? Some people have big noses, right? And so what she lost her lips in a merry-go-round incident? She still has several teeth, and their shade of orange is not that toxic, if you ask me. Now, I'm not a big fan of tongue piercing in general, and how she can stand to have a live flatworm in her mouth is beyond me, but the main thing is her lovely eyes. Ok eye. But pirate patches are cool, and she has a great one, when she remembers to wear it.

Anyways, I'll email you her digits.

Christobol,Blog's Been Good: well done. As always.

*checking in to see if there's anything new.*

sigh

I meant a new thread.

C-bol's parody was, of course, great.

That's one dam rich story.
C-bol, you're on a roll. Don't stop now.

Poor Beavers

Poor Beavers got no reason
Poor Beavers got no reason
Poor Beavers got no reason
To live

They got little tails
Beady eyes
They waddle 'round
In ways that don't appetize
They got little noses
And nasty little teeth
Might as well kill 'em
Put Beaver leather on my feet

Well, I don't want no Poor Beavers
Don't want no Poor Beavers
Don't want no Poor Beavers
`Round here

Poor Beavers are just the same
As you and I
(Well, you more than I)
All men love beavers
Until the day they die
(It's A Wonderful World)

Poor Beavers got nobody
Poor Beavers got nobody
Poor Beavers got nobody
To love

You might meet 'em in bar
You're feelin' so low
Decide to pick 'em up
By just sayin' hello
Take 'em to your car
Start goin' beep, beep, beep
If you're in Bahrain
People will peep, peep, peep
They'll start to rule ya
And your dirty little mind
They're gonna get you every time
Well, I don't want no Poor Beavers
Ok maybe some Poor Beavers
Hey can we get some more Beavers
'Round here?

Funny beaver incident. While at some environmental conference where the speaker was describing how some beavers were affected by pollutants in stormwater, one of my coworkers (a very sweet and kind person, yet very naive) innocently raised her hand and said, and I quote, "Well, don't some people eat beaver?"

My mouth dropped and I looked around. A few others had the same looks on their faces. Many people were still watching the speaker expecting an answer. I don't remember the rest of the talk. Spent the rest of the time wiping tears and trying to breathe. She turned around every once in awhile, still wondering what was up, which made it even worse.

Slarti (who I will *always* call Bart in my head after his rant, thankyouverymuch) and Shaay are quickly becoming two of my favorite bloglits. Thanks for a very entertaining morning!

I absolutely *cannot* hear / think about / or otherwise have (carnal?) knowledge of the song Puttin' on the RItz without hearing Gene Wilder and Peter Boyle (heh heh, he said "peter") (heh heh Shut-up you moron) singing. I'm sure I'm not alone in that.

Slyeyes, I have this secret passion for ABBA that makes my wife cringe (and yet adore me). The music-on-hold made me giggle like a school girl. (Which really isn't all that amazing for me)

Firefox does, indeed, rock. For a long time I've been a user of all things Microsoft (not because I like them, but because "resistance is futile!"), but I've made the switch.

And, thanks to C-bol's influence, I use the rather cumbersome, but eyebrow raising phrase "Holy air-cooled crapomatic mokey doots" with regularity. After all, who would want constipated monkeys?

I need more coffee. And fewer drugs.

*lamenting the fact that he is married and therefor not available for C-bol's friend*

Lab! You're an ABBA fan?! I think I love you.

Let's sing ...

If you change your mind
I’m the first in line
honey I’m still free
take a chance on me
if you need me
let me know
gonna be around
if you got no place to go
when you’re feeling down
if you’re all alone
when the pretty birds have flown
honey I’m still free
take a chance on me
gonna do my very best
and it ain’t no lie
if you put me to the test
if you let me try
take a chance on me
(that’s all I ask of you honey)
take a chance on me

Lab, I've also been plagued with "UTTIN ONNA IIITTZ" this morning.

Firefox - yeeeessssss. But why do I have to d/l all the plugins that are already resident somewhere else on my computer?

Leetie - ROTFL
I'll have to ask my husband (civil engr., hydraulic/flood manager) if that ever comes up in his brown bag sessions ...

Punky, I love you too! *virtual Hollywood-style kisses*

Leetie - because it's a different program, it takes different software and configuration. It's a temporary pain, though, and worth it. Like it was suggested above, get the Noia theme, too. (Tools menu, themes)

I think everyone has a band that they like but are ashamed to admit it. Mine happens to be ABBA.

Being a computer programmer, I work with a lot of Indians (people from India). One day a group of us went to lunch and the group was divided pretty much evenly between US born and Indians. As we were waiting for our food, one of my Indian friends asked, "Do people eat beaver?" to which I responded before I could think, "If you're lucky." I got nominated to explain to our befuddled friends why we were all laughing.

In honor of the upcoming holiday:
(nowhere near the level of C-bol but I had fun...)

Over the river and through the woods
To grandmother's condo we rush
We know how to follow the plow
And avoid the city slu-ush

Through the city and past the dump
Oh, how the fumes do stink
The polluted air, it curls my hair
And melts the skating rink

Over the limit and through the lights
We've got to see them play
To maim and lame in a football game
For 'tis Thanksgiving day

Off at the exit and up the ramp
Straight through the security gate
Grab the elevaTOR, Grandma lives on the top floor
Hurry let's not be late

Down the hallway and up to the door
When Grandmother hears us knock
She'll say "Oh damn (not a beaver dam)it's the kids again"
And quickly bolt the lock

At the foot of the doorway and down on our knees
"Please Grandmother, let us in!
We'll order out for pizza and stout
And we've brought you a bottle of gin"

Now Thanksgiving is over and all that's left
Upon our TV trays
Are scraps and crumbs and rolls of Tums(tm)
So much for the holidays!

Bravo Cherrypie! Forget such modesty - that was great.

...kind of seems to have killed the thread though...

Fridays are usually slow blog days.

Beaver!

Do people eat Cherrypie?

Duck.

Duck.

Beaver.

Fridays can be a bit slow, which makes up for the insanity I have in RL I suppose.

Punky-thank you. I had just about gotten that ABBA song out of my head. And it has returned. Actually it is fighting it out with Air Supply's Every Woman in the World...so things are even more chaotic than usual in my head today. Makes for a fun Friday.

*Platypus*

Mr Fishair ..

If they're lucky?

Lucky it is.

I'd also be lucky if I had a whole platypus, with a side of whipped cream.

only lucky people

*snicker*

sorry, couldn't resist. Nothing else to do on a friday except make bad jokes.

actually, the name has nothing to do with the innuendo...

Some coworkers had an obscure piece of classical music stuck in their (not they're) heads and were wandering around desperately humming it to anyone who would listen. Being a repository of bizarrely useless information, I knew what it was (The Sabre Dance, by Khachaturian). So they bought me a cherry pie to say thanks.

That's the story. really.

Fishair, you are truly deviant.

*filth*

2nd time I've written this - where is first - who knows - the shadow knows - but I digress -
wysiwyg
Dave's poem was great - I get your point - and I love Dave because he mentioned Hanukkah - Jews love all mentions of things Jewish, and all things Hamish, if ou know that word -however, when I clicked on 2nd link to see what punky looked like it was a porn site that did weird things to my computer - tsk, tsk, tsk
*damn, the picture wouldn't come up*

p.s. Good morning everyone, and in honor of it being Friday, let us all sing along:

Good morning starshine
The earth says hello
You twinkle above us
We twinkle below
Good morning starshine
You lead us along
My love and me as we sing
Our early morning singing song
Gliddy glub gloopy
Nibby nabby noopy
La la la lo lo
Sabba sibby sabba
Nooby abba nabba
Le le lo lo
Tooby ooby walla
Nooby abba naba
Early morning singing song
Good morning starshine
The earth says hello
You twinkle above us
We twinkle below
Good morning starshine
You lead us along
My love and me as we sing
Our early morning singing song
Gliddy glub gloopy
Nibby nabby noopy
La la la lo lo
Sabba sibby sabba
Nooby abba nabba
Le le lo lo
Tooby ooby walla
Nooby abba naba
Early morning singing song
Singing a song
Humming a song
Singing a song
Loving a song
Laughing a song
Singing a song
Sing the song
Song song song sing
Sing sing sing sing song
[Extra verse, London 1993]
Good morning starshine
The universe rings
With milky way music
Our blue planet sings
Good morning starshine
And someday so strong
They'll hear the song we sang
Our early morning singing song

Eleanor, is that the Roger Whittaker version complete with interesting whistling solos?

(...no, my mother listens to him, not me...)

I think that one wins, mudstuffin ;)

*staff*

Eleanor, gee I think you're swell
and you really do me well
you're (not your) pride and joy etc.

Eleanor, can I take the time
to ask you to speak your mind
tell me that you love better

I really think you're groovy
lets go out to a movie
what do you say now Eleanor can we?

They'll turn the light way down low
maybe they won't watch the show
I think I love you, Eleanor, love me

(from another repository of useless information, that was "Eleanor" circa 1974 by Flo & Eddie who were formerly with Frank Zappa, and before that were "the Turtles")

In the words of Dilbert, "GAAAA!"
Eleanor, no more, please.
* puts in today's March of the Day, "Colonel Bogie's March" by Kenneth Alford *
* whistles happily to drown out earwig *

* bogey *

If you know the "Eleanor" song, it's a pretty pleasant erawig, as far as earwigs go, even with the inpossibly stupid lyrics.

Ma-na-ma-na

*splurge*

no cherrypie, it was Oliver - what ever happened to him (rhetorical question, don't care enough to know answer)
but - Roger Whitaker!!!!!!!! -he had one grrrrreat song, deep baritone which is now in my head but without words - I need the name, repeats, I need the name, haven't finished 2nd cup of coffee yet - help, I need someboody, help *uh,oh brain is malfunctioning, song lobe is out of control*

p.s. I f*ked up the bold again, where does the "/" go? help, I need somebody, help...
*must clam down* *and calm down as well*

Bee-bee-be-dee-dee

*blot*

yes, I have to admit the old Rog has a very nice baritone... also have to admit that i spent a chunk of time as an adolescent trying to learn to whistle like him

*must . stop . embarassing . confessions*

Dayum... one too many "bees"

*thunder*

<b>bold</b>

(LMAO)

I refuse to acknowledge the falsehood or veritude of this obviously preposterous proposition.

(I do have a couple of tattoos though.)

*surreptitously tugs shirt a little higher*

Preposterous Proposition wbagnfarb

Can you imagine a bucnh of drunk frat boys trying to say it properly?

uh... that's 'bunch'

I feel like messin' with people's heads:

Mama's little baby likes fear and torture
Mama's little darlin' likes violent sex
She thinks she's queen victoria
Ridin' the pony express

Oh no
Trouble now
Are your nerves failing
Don't come unglued
When your heart skips a beat
Stay on your feet
Don't throw that moment away

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, yes
feeling good ain't bein' happy
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, yes
Taking care ain't being there

I'm out on a limb where the fun begins
Fear is never boring

I think I see a spark
Hear voices in the dark
They tell me don't lose heart
Stiff upper lip
Stick to your guns
Let 'er rip

Don't throw that moment away

With consciousness barely floating
The slippery curve is approaching
My whole life flashed before I crashed
Fear is never boring

[y'all hate me now, don't ya?]

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!

Ah ha! that's where those slippery little beavers have been hiding my money.

Luckily, I have a radio in my office. I find it's a very effective earworm remover. *grin*

Okay, DJT. What's the band / singer you like, but you know you shouldn't? (This should be a good answer)


Wake up, Dave and Judi.
Wake up.
Wake up, Dave and Judi.
Wake up.

You've both been sound alseep.
No bloggin' is makin' us weep.
Tho you're hung-over. It's 12 o'clock
So post somethin you *bleep*.

Wake up, Dave and Judi
Wake up, Dave and Judi.

Well, post somethin' 'bout a llama?
Gettin' violated by a cop
Post somethin' more about beavers
And we'll say, "Ooh-la-la."

Wake up, a-Dave or Judi.
Wake up, a-Dave or Judi.

Well, I told last night around beer nine or ten.
I wouldn't 'round to wake you up again

Wake up, a-Dave or Judi.
Wake up, a-Dave or Judi.
And throw us a bone.

Wake up, a-Dave or Judi.
Wake up.
Wake up, a-Dave or Judi.
Wake up.

It's not like we're askin' a lot.
Maybe on your way to the pot.
Link to some sheep who smuggle bananas
Before you take your first shot.

Wake up, a-Dave or Judi.
Wake up, a-Dave or Judi.

Well, how 'bout a beaver diarama?
Or martian women who don't wear tops?
There's gotta be strange news somewhere
How 'bout Shang-gri-la?

Wake up, a-Dave or Judi.
Wake up, a-Dave or Judi.
Wake up, a-Dave or Judi.

hey, give 'em a break, they're (not their) 'on the road'...

(whatever!)

*drags skeet launcher next to rock*

Lab, I have noticed that listening to as much music as I do, I can get earworms very easily. However as I listen to music all day at work that cancells them out, so I only suffer away from work.

While I'm at work I just try to inflict them on other people. And I have a lot of songs that are good for that. I mean I play a lot of great songs that lots of people like.

OH! The skeet launcher is supposed to be aimed at the water. I get it now. Sorry Deej.

I am so tired of everyone crapping on my baby boy's music -
Oh Mandy you came (!) and you gave without....something or other
He writes the songs the whole world sings...
At the Copa, the Copacabana...
y'll are lucky I don't post all the words to all his songs
*goes and puts on Carpenters album, feels calm*

creak.... click!

*load*

*pull*

FWEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeee!

*splash*

leave it to beaver

Dearest Lab,

While flattery may not get you everywhere, I appreciate it so much.... that I'm resisting the urge to make "urine luck" jokes about your blog name.

Just checking in after a morning running UAs in the lab, and fecal floats. I'm thinking about brining cats for Thanksgiving dinner, turkey seems like too much trouble.

*belated by sincere applause for C-bol and Cherry Pie! Yeah!*

then again, anyone know how to brine a beaver?

*grin*

And.... booger!

i would think cats would be harder to cook--lots of stray fur floating around, the pesky ears and tail (no meat on those)...

*my cats run hissing for the door*

Every once in a while I catch my cats looking at me with that... "I wonder how he'd taste with a hollandaise sauce" look. Memo to self: Never, *ever* run out of cat food!

djtonyb: Roundworm and the Fecal Floats WBA(Even better)GNFARB IMHO

And I'm off to mix up another one. Cheers!

Bid D: That photo is an absolute cack! I particularly like the comb-over effect they got, and the sort of squint in one eye. I'm going to print it off and stick it up at work.

and C-Bol, I said eyes were the first thing I look at, not the only thing. So tell your sister I'm sorry but I can't make it.

and Eleanor, I did have to search around a bit to find the right version of that second photo. But I swear by my crapweasels that I strayed onto porn sites for purely academic reasons only. Or at least mostly. I thought I had deep-linked to just the photo, so if your wall-paper has suddenly changed to a compromising x-ray photograph of the original Punky Brewster, my apologies....

Those two sentences don't really belong together...

cartoon: When George Clooney First Went to Hollywood

Scene 1, George is referred to new roomate to share expenses.
Scene 2. New roomate is a classic picture of Felix in "The Odd Couple"
Scene 3. George uses bathroom to find that Felix's cat also shares BR (his liter box is right next to commode)
Scene 4. After George uses commode, he dumps poo-poo from cat liter box into the commode before flushing.
Scene 5. This happens each day.(By George!)
Scene 6. Felix takes "Kitty" to vet to find out why "Kitty" is not doing Number 2 in his liter box.
Scene 7. Doc gives laxative to Felix to give to "Kitty" when they get home.
Scene 8. Felix gives "Kitty" a big dose of laxative.
Scene 9. The next day, George goes into the BR and decides to play a joke on Felix.
Scene 10. George does the big job (#2) in the liter box instead of the commode, and leaves it there.
Scene 11. Felix goes into the BR. Suddenly a scream careens out of the room and fills the apartment, shaking the crystal wine glasses on the bar. Felix; "KITTY!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!

Cherry Pie.

They sure did know how to write songs back then....

My policy is: Never trust a man whose nickname is "Gun."

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