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November 19, 2004

PARENTING 101

You have to start with some good textbooks.

(Thanks to Katie LastNameWithheld)

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First (everyone else might be slowed by the munchies

doesn't db have a book out about child pot smokers

If my daughter's teacher tells her that smoking pot is for responsible adults, I will redefine the notion of a parent-teacher conference.

Chapter 1

Pot is the bomb kids. It so totally rocks! One time, Trish and I loaded up on some major ganga and partied our way across Nevada wearing nothing but our socks. Boy did we go thru a lot of cheetohs. The very times of your life will be when you're addled with pot, I can't say enough how so totally awesome it really is. Man! I'm gonna go toke one. Peace out.

Oh, but listen, you can't have any. Just, you know, wait until you're a big adult, okay. I mean it, wait. I hope I haven't given you any ideas, here. I'm really all for waiting, even tho I had my first ... no nevermind man, the thing is, be responsible. I can't believe you're even thinking about it. You know what? Go to your room.

It's better than their other scratch N' sniff booked titled, "Farts. They are just warm, smelly air".

"Hey Billy!"

"Hey Stevey. Hey, have you heard the latest news?"

"No, what's that?"

"Uranus is well lubricated and blotchy."

"Hey, forget the stupid uranus jokes, look at this book!"

"Woah! My parents never taught be about the magic of the plant. I should sue them."

"Yeah, then we could go out and buy some speed. Oh, and Steve?"

"What?"

"Uranus."

"tee-hee!"

Advice my mama gave me about people smoking pot
"Baby don't you do it or your brain will surely rot."

But she knew what is was like to be left out in the cold
So she went a little further (to keep me in the know)

She said,"People when they're stoning, they don't look around a lot
So they don't really notice if you take the toke or not.

As long as it get to them!
Ahem,

So when it comes around the circle, just keep passing it 'round the bend
If it comes to you from the right, pass it left to your best friend

If it comes to you from the left just do the best that you can
To resist the pungent pleasures of the weed that's in your hand!"

Or something like that - and I have to say, I'm still waiting to be invited to one of those parties. Mama's drug advice predates the War on Drugs by some considerable time.

grr...that last Steve should be a Billy. I never could toke and type at the same time...

OK...Where Can I Buy The Book

I'm guessing not at Wal-Mart.

I, too, never tried 'em. My roommate in college was stoned ALL the time and I may have had a second hand high from all the smoke in the room, but just from observing her, I couldn't see the attraction.

Can't say I feel I missed out.

Now WINE and MARTINI's.....there you go!

I'm just kidding about the last part of that last post, of course. I may be a joker and play poker, but I'm not a midnight (or any other time of day) toker.

Drugs are bad, mkay? So don't do drugs, because drugs are bad. Mkay?

Rita,

b/c life is truly not fair. That's why you have the Blog - to cheer you up when the unfairness of it all gets too thick.

My geezer bus is painted in all the rainbow of psychedelia. It smells of pot and insense and body fluids and pulsates with the sounds of the Beatles, Ravi Shankar, etc.

There's a reason the hippie movement died, folks.

No damn cat, no damn cradle.

(A little Vonnegut for you literary types)

Back to the fart jokes.

*toot*

Duuuude:
That book's smokin'. I just bonged Chapter 1.

The end is almost certainly near.

Kids don't get curious about "The Plant," unless they live above a head shop. It's not the icon say Coke or Pepsi logos are. This sounds like, "write it and they will come."

Rooooooolllll another one...

I remember walking the streets of Amsterdam, and the smell of pot was everywhere. The next day, I was in Bruges, Belgium, and the smell of chocolate was everywhere. No contest as to where I'd rather be.

*goes to look up cheap flights to Belgium*

I have never partooken (partooken?) of illegal drugs. Never been drunk, either. Just never had the desire. I've seen what that stuff does to people. Basically makes 'em stupid. If the person who's on them is already stupid, then there's trouble.

My dad was hooked on drugs and alcohol. Destroyed my family. I swore when I was 12 that I would never get invovled in the stuff. I wanted to make sure that when I did have a family, I would be available for my kids.

'Course, there's other kinds of addictions. I think I ended up getting addicted to junk food.

lol rita, me too

I sound incredibly productive im-ing, too

Have to say, though, for me by far the scariest aspect of that whole link was:

Some schools encourage students to "rat out" their parents who smoke marijuana

WTF? Do they give the parents detention? Or are school administrators just always on the lookout for new sources?

*Winks and grins to Rita*

Katie, thanks for the link - that is just wrong on so many levels. Most of them having to do w/ asthetics (especially when the asthetics involved require anesthetics to view properly.)

*goes to see if the controlled drugs are still locked up safely*

Don't forget the follow-on books:

"Crack - just some powder"
"Coke - how to stay up for a week at a time"
"Heroin - playing with needles can be fun"
"Mushrooms - not just for breakfast anymore"
"Acid - a fun way to remember things later on in life - if you make it that far"

etc, etc....

Not that I've tried any of these...

As a frequent partaker in the wonders of the parfait, I must say that it can be used responsibly. I would prefer to be super stoned before being super drunk.

Also, it doesn't make you stupid. I smoked all through high school and did just fine. I even did a huge thesis on the benefits of legalization in college and got high (groan) marks on it.

Just like everything else, respect for the effects and moderation are the key.

**steps off soapbox**

Legalize it!

Late bloomers have all the fun! Youth is wasted on the young.

Okay, sorry, serious again. This is the man behind the mudstuffin talking. I found that the years that I spent stoned were years that I didn't grow. So, when I quit drugs, at the age of 23, I was still about 13 in terms of emotional maturity, relational skills, and other "adult" type things like balancing a checkbook, keeping a job, etc. Otherwise, I too, was "just fine".

I promise to be silly in my next comment.

As my fried says(about early/late bloomers) who the hell wants to peak when you're twenty?

Speaking of bloomers, what's that cloud around uranus?

Say what you like, defenders. I hang out with a lot of stoners and ex-stoners. and every last one of them is dumb as a rock, and they're even dumber while they smoke. There does exist the possibility that they were all stupid beforehand, but there's a reason people get labeled burnouts, and i've met enough burnouts to be pretty aware that it has some negative effects.

i'm not a judgemental type or anything, so do what you do and i'm fine with that, but i just don't buy that "it doesn't do anything to you."

sorry...booger!

but really, how high did they have to get before that book seemed like a good idea?

I tried all kinds of thing but eventually got bored with it. It takes a long time to carry on a discussion when everyone keeps forgetting what the subject is.

Although that seems to work okay around here...

My motto is, "Try everything once. Just make sure to try death last."

is that try to make death last ?
no problem.

*steps up on soapbox*
I for one, would much rather hang out with a group of stoned folks than with a group of drunk folks. But drinking is perfectly legal and has the same bad side effects that pot does, as well as quite a few more. People can take anything too far (internet addiction anyone?). Ever been to a stadium filled with drunken testosterone filled guys at the end of a football (american version) game? All things in moderation, and here's hoping everyone can recognize their own limits.
*steps off soapbox*
*trys to smoke soapbox just in case*

Josh:

"I hang out with a lot of stoners and ex-stoners. and every last one of them is dumb as a rock, and they're even dumber while they smoke."

I'm sorry (and I'm not a stoner), but this begs the question: Then why are you hanging out with them, if they're all dumb as a rock both sober AND stoned???

katie- mutual interests. it's a mountian bike club and they're cool to hang out with...just not the brightest bulbs on the fixture.

and i agree that stoners are better than drunks. i'm not advocating being a drunk either.

I'm with Just Sayin - people who are stoned on pot don't hit you or try to kill you or be very mean - people on pot just want to be mello, listen to good music and eat (or so I've been told)

I experimented with pot for three months when I was 16. First I didn't get high. Then I got high. Then I got really high. Then I played a piano recital in front of my parents and the whole freakin' school and I couldn't feel my fingers the whole time. The music I was playing sounded like it was being squeezed through a worm hole.

I felt a bit like deaf Beethoven, except without the extroardinary talent.

*damn who took my soapbox*

djt, it's an interesting thing- some of them smoke before, some during (which is aggravating, because of course they have NO sense of urgency even if you're waiting on them), and most wait until after. some claim it loosens them up and makes them ride better (people often crash because of being too tense).

like i said, cool people...just killed off lotsa brain cells over the last 20 years or so.

This book will be followed by the sequel, The Child's Guide To Understanding Steeley Dan Lyrics"

*staring around the room all squinty-eyed*

I've been around both - drunks and stoners. My dad spent more time being drunk than stoned. I think if I had to be around either, I'd pick stoned folk. But to be honest, I'd rather not be around any of them. When I'm in situations where there's drugs around, I feel very uncomfortable. I almost feel like I'm in a 3X3 foot box with no air. The moment I get away from that environment, it's like being released onto a mountain with fresh, clean air and cool, clean water running in a nearby stream.

I didn't mean to offend anyone with my comments. But from my experiences, they were completely right on the money.

Ever see one of those old Mr. T head banks? JU and his buds made one into a bong. The funniest thing you've ever seen. A pipe sticking out of Mr. T's mouth, a big suck hole on top of his head and shotgun hole in back of his head.

Bubble glub glubber bubble bup blupple bubble...

whifffffff

*holding breath*

*explosive release in fit of laughter*

*turns to pass the dutchie*

Cool... I've got it all to myself.

*laughing hysterically*

"But I would not feel so all alone...eeeeeverybody must get stoned"

Lurker...too funny!! "Child's Guide To Understanding Steeley Dan Lyrics"

Personally I don't like pot, but have nothing against people...errm..."enjoying" it. Me, I'll have a beer.

Leetie - forgive my naivity (sp), but shotgun hold?

LSD: God's way of telling you that it is perfectly normal too see a hamster in a bowl of raspberry jello singing "Alley Oop".

That was supposed to be hole.

*pondering the possibility of an entire universe in belly button lint*

Shade, a shotgun hole is a small hole used to allow air into the smoke-filled chamber for a quick "shot." More fun info here.

*really dry mouth now*

*rabidly foraging for snacks while waiting for pizza to arrive*

Victoria???

people who are stoned on pot don't hit you or try to kill you or be very mean - people on pot just want to be mello, listen to good music....

Eleanor, not always. Used to date a guy (briefly) who I found out, smoked before work, at lunch and most of the evening. Swore you couldn't get addicted to pot and swore it mellowed him out. If THAT was mellow..... After a very public tantrum, I got the heck away. It seemed the higher he got, the more unstable. It was like being around nitro.

sly & rita, yeah you did miss something, but that's OK. I was never a heavy user but did like to get high from time to time. A favorite memory was watching Cheech & Chong's first movie. My wife & her sister were straight and hated it; my brother in law & I were stoned and in hysterics. ("I just thought of something funny -- your mother.") But Cheech & Chong are not for everyone and I've enjoyed them straight too.

On the other hand, drugs messed up a huge part of my brother's life. My father had to have him committed at one point after he did acid 30 days in a row. It took him many years to get even relatively straight, and in the end it probably cost him his marriage as he still parties all night at 54 (though he DID stop using).

Moderation is the key, but not everyone can be a moderate user, any more than they can be a moderate eater or drinker or cigarette smoker. If you can, yeah, do it. I know getting high gave me the urge to eat... better not go there.

josh, not putting down what you're saying but it doesn't go with "I'm not judgmental." You are, and that's OK too, as long as you recognize it.

Leetie, too funny, and I agree. Don't bogart the doobie or the parfaits. (I like sausage and mushrooms on my pizza.)

As for the other, I don't act all that differently drunk than high (let me add that I haven't been high in about 10 years, darn it), though I'm 100% more likely to puke when drunk. (Again, haven't done the latter in many years.) But my father had a definite drinking problem, which probably made his already gruff (let us say) personality way more so.

The weirdest thing ever was the first time I smoked with my little sister (13 years younger), though let me add she was in her 20s by then.

And rita, I missed the sexual revolution too (though I'm 4 years older than you, just enough -- along with my upbringing -- to make me miss it).

They are charging 15 bucks for a 48-page book! Sheesh.

I think SOMEone is using that money for their Maui Wowie!

slyeyes - maybe he had a little crack on the side
*thinks that would be a strange place for a crack*

Moderation is indeed the key. Many years ago I did partake a bit, liked it but felt no big desire to pursue it. Haven't in many years. No desire to. Haven't been drunk either in a very very long time. Had no desire to. But I will occassionally have a drink or two of an evening, but may go months between times.

Had a friend years ago who was a big drinker, smoker, you name it. He lived a lot of different places. Many stories started off "when I was high in..." I hated what he was doing to himself, but I knew since I wasn't doing it like he was he wouldn't listen to me and stop.

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