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November 23, 2004

MOO

We hate it when this happens.

(Thanks to -- yes -- Claire Martin)

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first

second

*am I all alone here? It's no fun to be first if you're (not your) the only one*

>>Firefighters went into the freezing water to join the animal while waiting for a vet who sedated the animal.

They didn't mention that the cow was falling apart, but thank goodness the firefighters waded in to put her back together.

I think this needs to be the "Claire Martin Blog" instead of the Dave Barry Blog. LOL...just kidding Claire. keep the funny stories coming :)

You're not alone Eleanor.. c'mere.. **snuggles**

Why, I never herd of such a thing!

*sorry* It's early yet...

Oh man... Jeff Meyerson sent that in, like right before Claire did!

Now if she gets credit for matching-up 'most pierced woman' with 'pierced guy,' I'm outta here.

A very mooving tail.

a frozen dairy treat!

yeah, methinx there is some preferential treatment going on here.

maybe even some discrimination too.

and let us not forget that little nepotism thingy either.

anybody have the number to ACLU handy?

Another link from Claire Martin? I am udderly unsurprised.

They also didn't mention that the cow went poo in there too. Now THAT'S a mess..... and on her birthday too, what a shame.

*imagines the mess*

*washes eyes out with lycol and a toilet brush*

Kibby, undoubtedly, there was poo with the moo in the pool. Cows lose control when scared. They can also lick the boogers right out of their own nostrils. Hey, look at that, its lunch time!

Hhmmm, I'm craving a chocolate milk shake.

Hhmmm, I'm craving a chocolate milk shake.

Well, waddaya know, yet another wacky link from Claire Martin! She's udderly dominating this blog.

Oh, I see now: Claire Martin = Claim Terrain. That explains it. Back off, fellow bloglits, this is her turf (or pasture, as it were)!

oops, sorry.

who sedated the pool's owner?
'just give her a glass of warm milk, preferably un-chlorinated'

Did anyone ever consider that maybe the girl wanted a water-birth? I think not! There go the doctors, again. Making assumptions on behalf of the female who is pregnant, not even thinking that maybe she's got her own ideas on how her baby should be born!

What did you say? She's a cow? That's not a very nice thing to say about a woman who is pregnant, you know.

She wanted a "natural" birth.

She wanted a "natural" birth.

I guess she was having twins!

I guess she was having twins!

There goes that dang squirrel again. He is messing up my computer. Wish he would quit sneeking up and banging on the keys!

See Eleanor??..Claire Martin Again...I rest my case!

Hey guys Dave just announce on the Washington Post Chat that he will keep blogging after his column is retired...yay!

Singing a Cow-Cow Boogie, singing it all day long!
Singing a Cow-Cow Boogie, singing it's not my song!
Singing a Cow-Cow Boogie, just wanted a swim,
Singing a Cow-Cow Boogie, just come on in!!!

(I just luv them firemen!)

Thanks, Dave!

Yes...and he also insinuated that we deal in sexual innuendo! How dare.........oh. Right.

MeganBNL - is innuendo roght before outuendo?

MeganBNL - is innuendo roght before outuendo?

posted twice and still couldn't get it roght - er, right!

*sends self to room without lunch*

Wow. And my dad gets pissed off if he sees a cat walking through his yard.

I'm all in favor of a nice glass of cold milk, but this is ridiculous...

To err is human, to moo, bovine.

Look on the bright side, Jeff, at least you didn't get an email from Dave like this one:

Dear Chris,

Thanks for the question. It was a hoot. However, I decided not to use it, because I hate you.

Dave

That's the same email I got, Chris. I *hate* it when he calls me "Chris", though.

Lab, I think he has a macro that sends the email, and since most of the people he hates in this world are me, he's gotten a bit lazy about editing it.

So I don't know if you should feel more or less hated, but I DO know whether you should feel more or less drunk.

Please, share. Should I feel more, or less, drunk?

so will she have nice chilled milk?

Ok, but this a secret, and I really don't want Claire Martin to find out.

You should feel less drunk, but be more drunk.

I also know the secrets vis a vis more or less naked, more or less willing to do everything I say, and more or less free for lunch.

MOO-elle-ish!

Ok everybody, I've called a few people and sent a few emails, and I believe I have the definitive version of the Roo Roo joke, which makes a LOT more sense, and actually has a punchline. (funny or not is up to the reader)


Two men were captured in the bush by cannibals and taken captive. They were brought before the tribal chief, who informed them both that they would be killed. He advised the men that they had the choice of dying by boiling water and he pointed out a large cauldron being heated over a campfire, the quick death by chief's spear, or roo-roo.
The first man thought for a moment and asked the chief what roo-roo was. The chief replied that roo-roo was an ancient sexual ritual, so the first man chose roo-roo. The chief replied, "that's an excellent choice." The warriors of the village led the man to a large tree, tied him naked to the tree where he was *deleted* by all of the men in the village except the chief and left to die slowly.
The other man had witnessed his partner's demise and told the chief that he preferred to die by the chief's spear. The chief looked at him, grinned, grabbed "his spear" and said, "that's also an excellent choice too. But first roo-roo."

The whole joke is in knowing the double entendre of "the chief's spear." This information provided by a dude in our IT department, who claims this is a really old joke that's been misquoted into oblivion over the years.

Apologies if you already scrolled past this on the prior thread, but Fed, your IT friend is "snogging a zippy" on you. Here is the official version:

Roo-Roo Joke

Two men were captured in the bush (apparently neither was equipped with many servings of spaghetti) by cannibals. They were brought before the tribal chief, who informed them both that they had been randomly selected for a most excellent prize, which would certainly exceed many American dollars in value, but that first they would need to listen to a short and enjoyable presentation regarding jungle timeshares.

The men indicated they were not interested, so the chief announced that they would be killed. He advised the men that, since he was a generally nice cheif, they could choose how they wished to die, from the following menu:

1) Cher
2) Boil Implants
3) Disappointment
4) Giant Squid
or
5) Roo-Roo

The first man thought for a moment and asked the chief what roo-roo was. The chief replied that roo-roo was an ancient sexual ritual involving Cher, Boil Implants, Disappointment, and a Giant Squid.

So, the two men decided they were actually quite interested in a jungle time-share afterall, and the chief said, ok, then go with Umgatwa to hear the fine presentation, but first...

Come with me into this bar, with a minister, a priest, and a rabbi!

The Minister said, "Good idea lady, I'll hold your monkey!"

The Rabbi said, "Shoot the Dog!"

The Priest said, "Are you kidding me? Last time I tried that I double-bogeyed this hole!"

So the chief said, "On second thought let's go up to my place and listen to some Barry Manilow"

The men said, "Great idea, but first, Roo-Roo!"

We're snogging our zippys back and forth amongst the threads. I *snorked* at your version in the previous post while you were posting it here.

*moos at the blog in general*

Holy air-cooled crapomatic monkey doots, I think I snogged one too many zippys last night. I could sure glork a donut right about now. Anyone else feel like the roo-roo is out to get them?

Somebody asked for me?

Darn. Missed again. I gotta take up running.

While I'm posting all willy-nilly, without regard for thread-applicability, here's the song (I think) Lab requested (to PearlJams Crazy Mary)

Cross-Eyed Mary

She lived on a slice of white bread, cheese was melted on the back
On the table by the bed, one who made her high on crack
Sometimes on the way into town we’d say:
Mama, can we stop and just peek inside?
Sometimes we did and that's how at first I spied
cross-eyed, crazy mary

Down along the road, past Dave Barry’s place
Outhouse sign hung there just in case
One of us should choose to stop in there to hide
It said no h-o-v-e-r-i-n-g allowed
Underneath that sign always congregated quite a crowd

Take a bottle, drink it down, pass it around
Take a bottle, drink it down, pass it around
Take a bottle, drink it down, pass it around

One night thunder cracked and lightnin' shown thru that outhouse door
Dave was there and we could see that poor mary was no more
Looked down into the bowl for mary
Bare bulb on, newspaper-covered walls, and mary smelling up the bathroom stall

Next morning on the way into town
Saw some skid marks, and followed them around
Over the curve,through the fields, and to the house of Barry

That what you fear the most, it got caught halfway
That what you fear the most, it got caught halfway
Take a bottle, drink it down, pass it around
Take a bottle, drink it down, pass it around
Take a bottle, drink it down, pass it around

lol!
That's funny, but what I actually had in mind was turning Jethro Tull's Cross-eyed Mary into Grilled Cheese Mary.

*snogs Fed*
Hey baby, can I spike your eggnog?

You can spike my eggnog anytime Ms. Elle Presidente Capitane de Bloggsnogger, but only if I can give you the slow spear later. (I don't snore, either)

Holy air-cooled crapomatic monkey doots, I think I snogged one too many zippys last night. I could sure glork a donut right about now. Anyone else feel like the roo-roo is out to get them?

*resnork*
I love this blog, and I understood that statement easily. We are slowly evolving an entirely new language.

C-bol, wasn't Cross-eyed Mary that nice girl we met in Cancun that could do things with her one good arm that would make you forget about that thing on her neck? (shoutout to mr. farley)

No Fed, that was Claire Martin.

Cross-eyed Mary was not a nice girl, and she did things with her ESA that caused an entire species of frog to become extinct.

She's been asked to consult in Australia, last I heard.

WHAT A BUNCH OF FREAKS!

I got your roo roo right here.

Roo, Roo on the Poo Poo,
Is a great Australian dish.
It can be found,
upon the ground,
And then you heat it up.
You invite the Blog to come and sup,
And don't forget the Grog!
The Eggnog smells,
LIke cinnamon bells,
It will chase away the Frogs!!!!!!!

Happy birthday, Jeff!

I am starting that diet RIGHT NOW!!...

I just barely cleared 1200 on my third try! Remember when you could easily get up in the multiple thousands? I think it stopped at 10000.

That diet could be a good substitute for low-carbing...

OMG - NEVERMIND, SOMEONE ALREADY ANSWERED IT!

I would like to speak on behalf of everyone who might have thought the roo roo joke was funny and then actually read/heard it (i.e. all[most all] woman kind): BOO BOO

Not only is it NOT funny. I mean, its horrible. Its painful. Its worse than the Nemo's dad's joke about the sea cucumber and the mollusk.

Let the roo roo die.

Actually, I thought the point of the roo roo joke was that they were going to get the roo roo regardless of which choice they made.

I mean, the natives were there for the roo roo, right?

BOOGER!

I had something brilliant and hysterically funny to contribute regarding the more or less naked business above.....but after reading through everything else...I FORGOT IT!!! As I recall, it would have been the funniest thing I posted on this blog to date.

I think I'm more or less getting alzheimers.

I think I also more or less need to go home.

Roo roo.

AND LONG LIVE THE ROO ROO!!

Schadeboy - I just checked out your "what the...? and I'm speechless - I was feeling somewhat let down after all the turmoil from Dave's online chat, my orgasmatron batteries are dead - well, I guess I'm not really speechless - what is that woman thinking?
*If I have to hold my stomach in for one second longer I will bite thru my lip* or
*when will the bright smile enhancer people call me*
Or add your own caption....

Schadeboy - I just checked out your "what the...? and I'm speechless - I was feeling somewhat let down after all the turmoil from Dave's online chat, my orgasmatron batteries are dead - well, I guess I'm not really speechless - what is that woman thinking?
*If I have to hold my stomach in for one second longer I will bite thru my lip* or
*when will the bright smile enhancer people call me*
Or add your own caption....

Double post - *ugh* - I was playing with t he Productivity Enhancer and lost my mind!!! Thanks Fed Duck!!!!!

Reminded of orgasmatrons, as I am by Eleanor's post, it strikes me to opine that Schade's picture looks to be of a person who had her orsgasmaton switch get stuck in the "on" position for a tad too long.

Wysiwyg, if you were ever, EVER, to suffer the misfortune of eliciting an orgasm from the woman in Shade's picture, you would be ejected so violently that you would shatter the adjoining wall and land in New Zealand, where, upon sobering up (cuz let's face it, you'd have to be drunk enough to be legally dead) you would cut your own leg off as a reminder never, NEVER to do that again.

I could live without the leg and living in NZ provided all of me was ejected....

Jeff: Oh yes indeedie, some classics in that list:

Alvin Purple an early Australian film-making icon, although I couldn't see it when it originally came out because you had to be over 18, and I was just short of the mark at the time.

Barry McKenzie - the original one had a long list of euphamisims for taking a pee, although it starred Barry Crocker as Barry McKenzie, Barry Humphries was the author (and yes BH = DE, as well as a few other iconic caracters). If I recall correctly, both films were a spoof of how Australian student's behave in London.

Stone: everyone was raving about the 500 strong funeral scene when the movie first came out. We're a simple lot down here really, easily excited and all that.

The Odd Angry Shot, a classic Australian perspective of the Vietnam war.

I've heard of a few of the others, but haven't seen them myself.

Actually on reviewing the ones from the list I have seen, they are all from the 70's. I must get out more....

And Jeff: here you go. I'm just having trouble getting the e-mail posting to work, but the idea is you can copy the site on your contributions so they don't get lost to posterity. And to prove you found them first. If you send me your e-mail address I'll add you as an editor.

I wonder if the look on SchadeBoy's lady friend's face was identical to the look on the cow's face when she fell in the pool?

Do I get a prize for getting back on topic? New batteries for the O-tron, perhaps?

But LAST, a little Roo Roo.

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