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November 19, 2004

JOURNALISM UPDATE

Here's a newspaper article on blogs, pointing out that they can be inaccurate. It mentions my name: Dave Berry.

(Thanks to Chad "Chadster" Harris)

Comments

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First!

...any relation to Chuck?

they just don't understand us...

Faster Ignorance WBAGNFARB, n'est-ce pas?

I firmly believe everything ever posted on this blog - especially at it pertains to ramparts.

Any relation to Halle?

Dave Berry-Strawberry Shortcake's weird half-brother.

"..as Gabriel Biel, the German philosopher, put it 500 years ago: "You get what you pay for."
(Yeah and I paid 'nuthin for that article ...)

we're a "blog" ... but we're also kind of like a "wiki" ... so that would make us a ...

*move the a ... carry the 4 ... reverse spelling*

a gold kiwi?

I kid.

That would make us a bwiki, no?

That's GREAT! Is the author any relation to the library mosaic artist? Oh please be related, please please please.

Berry happy to meet you, Dave.

soooo...what they're saying is blah..blah..blah is now..blog..blog..blog?

i jump when someone mentions chapped lips

Dave Berry and the Golden Kiwis - WBAGNFARB

I think the Dave Berry blog is in an alternate universe.

I firmly believe everything ever posted on this blog - especially at it pertains to ramparts.

Ha ha, Higgy!

*Checks for firmness of ramparts.*

I don't trust any news that doesn't spell people's names right. Dave Berry?

But then again I believe everything I read, I guess.
I once read that drinking pee upside down while putting leaches on your upper thighs would be a good way to starve off the sniffles.

To the swamps Wenchfield, to the swamps!

Dave has been berry, berry good to me.-Chico Escuela
Or... Vitamin deficiency has not been beri-beri good to me.-same guy

Yay! Dave, you're FINALLY famous!

... oh, wait. i guess you already were.

nevermind.

does this make US famous now?

Lots of gnfrb: Abhorrent Gazetteers. Unpainted Turkey Heads.

Well, I have to say that this blog is NOT intentionally unserious. We are merely not serious unintentionalists posting on a blog in the serious tensions of unhumorosity.

how dare they assume that mr. berry's blog is void of 'established credibility editorial rigor'?

more importantly, what the heck does 'established credibility editorial rigor' mean anyway?

*aides polly in checking for firmness*

I'm a doctor, it's alright.

I prefer the expensive and more reliable traditional encyclopedias for my research

I guess he spent so much on the encyclopedias that he couldn't afford the phone call to double check the spelling of a NAME!!! *wanders away muttering Journalism frikking 101*

I'm not a doctor, but I play one on the blog...

*squeeze, squeeze, fondle*

I second Slarti!

(I don't necessarily understand him, but I second him all the same)

Anyway, those serious unintentionalists are such a pain in the patookis.

Wow, they misspelled both yours and Dan Gillmores' last names. That is some good reporting right there.

*giggles*
love your (not you're) email addy Rampart Tester

Narf,

Thank you for your assistance. Aren't women supposed to do regular breast examinations to check for firmness, shape, consistancy and clarity?

And let's not forget pedulousness.

PENDULOUS: 1 archaic : poised without visible support
2 a : suspended so as to swing freely

You're getting sleepy.... sleepy....!

For the record, this guy is not a journalist. He is a librarian for chrissakes. That seems worse to me.

Well, what do you expect from a newspaper that calls itself the "News-Miner"?

*can't think*
*am hypnotized by Polly's Pendulous Parts*
*which wbagnfarb*

Dave Berry: The Six Million Dollar Blogger

I feel myself getting stupider faster than ever before! And as a bonus, I get to hear "du du du du du du du du du du du" in the backgound as my braincells drown in the pool of my ignorance, spring fed by the font of Dave's misinformation machine.

A simple life, yes. But a happy one. Mind if I sip your moatarita?

I emailed the editors at this website; short and sweet:

Hey guys,

In Greg Hill's article on the inaccuracy of weblogs, he misspelled Dave Barry's name. Way to go there, accuracy-boy.

I encourage other to do this. We can email bomb them like we did to the Aquilarinator.

what this guy doesn't seem to understand is that i don't read The Blog for INFORMATION, i read it for THERAPY.

duh.

*checks out Polly's ramparts*

You're looking rather callipygian today, Polly.

Dear Dave Berry (not Barry):

We are saddened to learn that you are not funny, merely intentionally unserious.

Our sincere condolences.

*checks out Polly's ramparts*

You're looking rather callipygian today, Polly.

Wow, Lab. I'm not quite sure what to think of that.

Callipygian: having shapely buttocks

Does that mean that my breasts are butt-shaped or that my butt is pendulous?

*Turns in circles trying to check for pendulous posterior*

How do we know that he's referring to our Dave Barry? What if there's another, slightly lesser known humorist named Dave Berry? Possibly the author's brother-in-law?

I smell an imposter!

Is Jeshkr an imposter trying to pass himself off as Joshkr?

Hmmmm... good question.

I say we write truthful articles about Greg Hill so that whenever he googles himself he ends up here.

Dateline - November 19, 2004. America

Greg Hill, the author of what is widely considered the only truthful and accurate article available on the world wide web, which is a network of computers largely designed to brainwash the stupid with misinformation and biased rants, announced today his plans to copulate with a llama.

"Unlike those frustrating teaser links that promise bestiality with a horse and then deliver edited pictures of bimbos with a shetland pony, this will be the real deal," said Greg Hill, as he shaved a heart into the groin of his family's pet llama outside their trailer.

As a convicted felon and born again nazi, Greg Hill has dedicated his life to the pursuit of bizarre, ritualistic, deviant sex acts with unconsenting animals. Author of Greg Hill Wants Your Dog, Really!, Greg Hill can usually be found at the local Man-Goat Love Association meeting, masturbating into the coffee pot.

CHRISTOBOL! *crying with laughter and frustration*

I wish somebody would shave a heart into my groin...

P.S. I milked a llama once. It didn't seem to like it. And it only had one udder. Milk tasted nasty.

Polly...yes I'm me!

Joshkr: No he isn't, I'm me!

Jeshkr: I can prove it! Remember that time we played naked jello twister?

Joshkr: Everyone knows that! Remember the bone you had Dave Ba(e)rry sign?

Jeshkr: That proves nothing!

Joshkr: Shoot him!

Jeshkr: No, shoot him!

Christobol...ROFL!!! Brilliant!

I hear Greg Hill has often been seen picking his nose while driving and taking urinal pennies (but not while driving).

Polly..."Milk tasted nasty." *snork!*

*Waves gun back and forth between Joshkr/Jeshkrs.*

There is only one thing to be done.

The REAL Joshkr/Jeshkr lost his left testicle as a child in an unfortunate accident involving bottle rockets...

Polly, what it means is... stop typing while on a conference call!

Memo to self: We're talking about butts here, not ramparts. Altough I'm open to include discussion of ramparts as well.

Polly...awww, didja have to go tell everyone?

Polly: *BANG* *drops Jeshkr like a milked llama*

Fabulous! Dave Berry has been hiding in my cellar for 3 years now - we gave him a computer, a little red pill and a MOATini - he posts in an alternate universe which is located near the clouds of whatever planet that is on the other thread and is growing "plants" to be distributed to middle-schoolers who are anxious about their (not they're) P.E. grades - too much soccer will make you go blind!

p.s. I was gone for 45 minutes, came back and wondered who no one pos posting on the beaver thread - do beavers have threads? *must check with rita*
*leaves to read other new posts*

There's only one animal that should be milked and that's a cow. Llama's, wombats, beavers or whatever else your fancy may surmise, should all be not milked. Not ever!

I think I should extend my morality rant to include both forced and unforced copulation with anything that does not closely resemble, say C-bol. :)

Rita,

You have the neck Ionic BREEZE (TM)?

Wow. My sister just got the new Booty Belt Ionic BREEZE (TM). Have you heard of it? She has a particularly offensive feminine hygiene problem...

Dateline - November 19, 2004 America

Greg Hill, truth monger and accuracy fetishest extraordinaire, but perhaps best known for his plans to hump a llama on pay-per-view this Thanksgiving, has announced plans to open a boutique.

"This won't be any ordinary boutique, where you might buy perfumes or knick-knacks. Instead, I'm going to focus on the niche market of people who want to watch me lick a camel."

It is not immediately known when the boutique, tentatively named Greg Hill Will Lick A Camel or Whatever You Bring In, will open, as most jurisdictions seem to have bans on such activities.

"You know," Greg Hill said, "it's really frustrating. I mean, if I wanted to blog some sort of total crap with no factual basis, nobody would stop me. Hell, people would probably love that! But you try to open a business with the sole purpose of licking a camel for people's viewing pleasure, and big brother wants to invade your space. Frankly, it makes me horny. Wait, can we scratch the end of that?"

Greg Hill can be reached at [email protected], and is available for parties. He is also interested in selling you pictures of his mother.

Oh man. I need a shower. I just spilled Nutella all over me from laughing so hard.

Dateline November...and rest of headline ripped off from Christobol

Greg Hill was arrested today while attempting to watch Pelly from the Dave Berry Blog shower

hmm, ok, that's all I got.

Offers, in a completely platonic way, to watch djtony help polly clean up.

The Daily Llama Lover

Dateline - November 19, 2004 3:09 PM EST

Our favorite llama lover, Greg Hall, plans on performing at the Apollo on Wednesday, November 24st. After many attempts to get his Llama Lickin' shop approved by the local ASPCA, FDA, PSA, GSA, and Ronald 'Gun' Ficklin, Hall decided to appeal to the masses with a free live show. Hall has promised the venue will be raunchier than punky brewster's recent 4 hour Package Delivery Service video (starring punky brewster, Christobol, and, well, that's it actually), funnier than the intentionally unserious Dave Berry Weblog, and certainly more or less as entertaining as trying to get it on with your mother's vibrator. When asked for the particulars, Hall was too constipated to comment.

"Let's just say *squirt* that it will be very holiday oriented and I'll be, how do you say it, 'working the crowd.' But in keeping with tradition, I will be bringing my special llama friend, Gueseppe."

We hope to see all you fellow Llama lovers there!

Dateline November 19, 2004 America

Greg Hill, who was recently arrested for trying to watch Polly shower, was released today, with all charges dropped.

Police Sargeant John "Crotchmonkey" Law announced that "We really could not hold Mr. Greg Hill on those charges. He was able to establish, beyond a reasonable doubt, that he is not the kind of guy who would be interested in seeing a beautiful woman naked, rubbing soap all over her full bosom, even if she said it was ok, which Polly did not, at least to Mr. Hill. Greg Hill is a well known serial animal violator, and, while he was stroking a ferret at the time of his arrest, we could not find a statute against that."

Greg Hill left the station quickly, only stopping to make one comment. "I, Greg Hill, want to eat fried chicken off the shaved ass of a water buffalo while a circus monkey spanks me."

*applauds C'bol while giggling maniacally*

Thanks DJT!

You exfoliated me, too! Bonus!

P.S. Any jobs down there for those in the death industry? I'm looking...

Dave:
Coulda been worse. He could have called you Deve Berry.

bwahha. i hope nobody is ever trying to be serious....

Christobol-so very funny. Lots of funny stuff here today...

*wishes my brain could come up with stuff like that...then realizes we need lots of people to appreciate the humor too...*

hmmf,Dave Berry indeed.

I just hope that judy sets that guy straight.

LTTG, but Wallace Beery has a blog? Kewl.

DJT: Polly!! What are doing?

*Polly looks up with half-eaten aromatherapy candle in mouth*

DJT: What have I told you about eating product?? You'll get yourself sick!


Hee hee. Yeah, DJT. I'm serious. I got laid off a little while ago, so I'm on the market. And as much as I like being unemployed, I suppose I should get a job eventually... Anyway, I'll do any ol' kind of work that's fun and interesting. Appreciate it. And I can move anywhere, so any of you other great bloglets that might have any ideas, just let me know.

I just sent a note to Greg at the Fairbanks library and told him to get over here to defend himself.

Polly...We have some dead people in Seattle

Cart-master: Bring out your dead!
Man: Here's one.
Cart-master: Ninepence.
Old Man: (feebly) I'm not dead!
Cart-master: (suprised) What?
Man: Nothing! Here's your ninepence...
Old Man: I'm not dead!
Cart-master: 'Ere! 'E says 'e's not dead!

Hee hee!

LOVE the Holy Grail!

I've never been to the west coast before...

I live in Fairbanks. That is my local paper.

On one hand I'm shaking my head going "man, they screwed up again."

On the other hand I'm raising my fist saying "hey, this is a town of 30,000 people with a small locally run newspaper so all y'all better back off"

Local pride is a weird thing.

Polly...we're fun here!

*drags out another almost-dead person*

See?

Actually I've heard that Seattle is the suicide capitol of the US (and maybe the world). Must be all the grey skies. Me, I love it, no monitor glare!

Luckily, Greg Hill is only director of Fairbanks North Star Borough libraries.

Yes, I thank my lucky stars and Dan Rather for accurate journalism. But before we jump on the News-Miner, it's possible the name "Dave Barry" actually does become "Dave Berry" by the time it travels north to Fairbanks. Unspeakable things can happen to vowels in the Canadian territories, especially on World Toilet Day.

Kerrville Daily Times, 11-1904:
Prince Charles lanched a tirade against people who aspire to lofty goals beyond their natural talent. He stated in a memo that was read out at an employment tribunal; "People think they can all be pop stars, high court judges, brilliant TV personalities or infinitely more competent heads of state without ever putting in the necessary work or having natural ability," The Sun, a popular daily that is usually supportive of the monarchy, state, "Not like you eh, Charles?"
(maybe he should try to write for the Blog! Or maybe he is a "Blog!" I wonder if he has any talent for writing? eh?)

I apologize both for misspelling Mr. Barry's name and saying blogs aren't open to their reader's comments. He's a fine writer who's hopefully losing no sleep over my error, and there are many worthy blogs on the Web. The point of the column in question was the chanciness of relying on Wikipedia as a primary reference source. The collaborative thinking that blogs can engender can be amazing, depending on the application, and I plan on focusing on that in a future column. Again, my apologies for the errors.

*stunned*

*at a loss for words, resumes observing toilet*

Greg: Maybe you should have gone with "Eggray Illhay . . ." or something

Oh well, there goes my theory that Greg Hill might have a sense of humor...

kat: funny! and that way back in November of 1904!
:-)

Greg Hill never met Prince Charles! But it was rath--thr "sporting" of him to apologize. I might consider changing my vote. (I said, maybe I might!) As far as the Prince is concerned, I'm not so sure.

Booger, and please excuse my ignorance, Dave.
(Oh, if we only had a monarchy around here, everything would be so great!) Dave did you ever think about running for Prince (like in, Prince of America)

Greg said "The collaborative thinking that blogs can engender can be amazing"

Dude...you haven't been around this blog much.

But welcome! Grab a moatarita and watch the naked jello twister game. We'll give you plenty of ammo for writing!

Hee, hee, hee! (funny, PeeJay!)

Librarian? I thought Greg Hill was a basketball player.

What?

Oh, Grant. Never mind. Move along.

Dave would make a "whale" of a Prince! (or a "prince" of a whale) Or, Dave would make a

:(

nobody applauded wildly at my post. look at what you've turned me into, c-bol! i can't even sustain sufficient energy to hold the caps lock down...that exclamation point really took all i had left...i need to go lie down, or see hill in concert...

oh yeah, and that was supposed to be 'greg hill.' it was actually a sideways joke on my part....

PeeJay, I'm serving brunch before the game, so it's a feast one way or the other. Who are we playing, by the way?

*Goes to check ESPN.com*

Buffalo, 3 and 6......

Well, after Miami...who knows.

What if Henry Hill, wiseguy, is Greg Hill's brother?
*passes out the prozac*
*slyeyes asks if she can have a moatirita with her prozac*
*joshkr starts playing naked jello twister game by himself*
Wait for me, Joshkr - I'm getting my penguin thong -

Woohoo! naked jello twister with Eleanor...everyone put your cameras away please...

I hope jello twister is better than pudding twister

neo - jello twister is slippier and way cool and way more fun - I'm sure Joshkr would love it if you'd join in!

"Pudding, anyone? I'll say Oh, chap! Is anyone in for a game of pudding cricket? " Right nice of you to invite. Sunday will be specsh!
Yours,truly
His Royal Heiness,
Prince Chuck
P.S. What is this thing that you refer to as "gelatin twister?" Is it a "pastie" by any chance?

Eleanor, thanks, but... no. I still have images of "pudding" twister, and it ain't pretty. You all just go on and enjoy your jello. (Watch it wig-gle...) I'll just wait over there =======>

Of course you understand, jello slip-and-slides are a different story altogether.

Or jello shuffleboard

I think that Greg Hill coming onto the blog and apologizing was pretty cool.

Thanks Greg.

*passes Greg a coconut bra and another moatarita*

P.S. We are jealously protective of Dave so can sometimes use that power to destroy...especially where libraries are involved. Don't ask me why.

I'm confused. Who exactly are supposed to be the ignorant ones referred to in the article -- the blog readers, or the authors that are talking about "Dave Berry"?

I with Polly that it was nice of Greg Hill to drop in. I also think he has an interesting topic about some blogs taking on a mob quality. The media watching types liken it to an echo chamber that just repeats and reinforces your own views. But from my brief time here, I'd have to say none of that applies to this blog. This is more like anarchy, only funnier, friendlier, and involving more bathroom themes.

Oops. Disregard my last smart-aleck comment. Yeah, cool for him to drop by and apologize.

I was planning on making a comment, but all thoughts left my head when Polly lamented that she would like a heart shaved into her groin area.

*doink*

Benny Hill was more accurate.


*runs to look for a razor and some after shave lotion with Aloe Vera and Vitamin E that smells of lavender and .........*

What was I saying?

As a former criminal defense attorney
(Motto: Crooks are my life), I feel compelled to ask - how do we know that was really Greg Hill?

did you see how official his e-mail was?
[email protected]
What does it all mean?!

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