FOR THIS, WE ARE TRULY THANKFUL

Or at least, we were last night.

(Thanks to Punky B. for the assistance)

Comments

[rita]

And in case anyone's counting, I hate clowns, too. My three sisters do too. Maybe we were abused by clowns when we were little.

*shivers*

[Leetie]

Ugh! Now how can there be 433 hits for didgeridoo enema????

[julietine]

ok i am sorry to say this but I LOVE clowns...I have a collection of Paper Mache ones....I am sorry..

**goes again on a paddling rampage**

[julietine]

I meant to say self paddling rampage!

[Di]

Julietine, self paddling is not nearly as much fun as a paddling given by a male moatie...

Any volunteers gentlemen?? Come now, dont be shy... Julitine's been naughty..

[igloo]

Hey all, just dropped in for a sec to thanks for the warm welcome. I would like to stay longer this evening, but I need to finish my clown face and get ready for this evenings entertainment.
The rest of the troupe have already piled into our mini-mini car and are waiting on me. Car is small, but has all of the amenities, radio, dvd player(that is where we watch all of the Clown Porn), four-o-the-floor. A really economical way to travel.
*Honk* *Honk*

[Di]

Sorry for the typo in your name Jules...

[Leetie]

Ok, got another googlewhack with lutefisk pube. I better quit now.

Congrats to blogchik! She has one up there too.

[Mr.Fishair]

*flops in dressed up as a ClownFish (actually I am 1/64th Clown)

*tries to paddle Julietine*

*realizes I forgot to put arms on my dress*

*realizes my shiny thing is bubbling creamy*

*realizes I have real eyes made of reel ice*

Pass the Doochie! On the left hand side.

[Susan]

Leaving before the clowns return.

Actually going shopping. That would be fun, but I am looking for fabric. My mother has found a pattern for a shirt that would be good to wear to my sisters wedding. The pattern should be on sale, normally $16 (for just the pattern!) on sale for $2. Then I have to find fabric. Shiney sheer fabric will probably not be the way to go.

Of course I will be in a craft store, so if I have to wander over and look at jewelry making stuff, so be it.

[julietine]

Di,
thanks for your support..so..any takers?? no??..ok..

[Joshkr]

Who wants a horrible earwig?!

Hehheh...earwig protection must be enabled, I couldn't like to a "Send in the Clowns" lyrics and midi page

Leetie...I see 435...it is a growing fad

[Joshkr]

Julietine...I simulposted with you so I get to paddle you :)

Those are the rules right?

*rushes to get paddle before Mr. Fishair makes arm holes*

[Di]

See Julietine, here on the MOAT, all you have to do is ask...

*starts thinking about what she might want to ask for*

[Di]

Susan, I've always been interested in the sparkly things... I just dont have time to make them.

*jealous of Susans abilities*

I guess some of us have talents that others do not...

*wonders what her own talent may be, and when she might find out about it*

[rhealist]

here on the MOAT, all you have to do is ask

Yeah, Di, the MOAT is sort of like Fantasy Island that way. And if Tatoo shows up, we can load him into the skeetshooter.

We did bring the skeetshooter, right? *looks around fearfully* 'Cause he could show at any moment...

[Di]

*unpacks crate that was housing the New and Improved Skeetshooter*

Of course the skeetshooter is here! I dont know where we can plug it in though...

*looks around MOAT for available outlet*

*realizes the only one available is on the Android*

*plugs in the Skeetshooter hoping not to cause a fire, or short in Marvin*

[rumor mill]

Psst! Marvin's shorts are on fire! Pass it on!

[Crash]

Oh...
My head hurts. My computer crashed for no reason.
I have to have a portfolio ready by Monday, I have to have 3 Drawings by tomorrow. No mail came for me. I am single. I am tired. I have a test Thursday in another language. My feet hurt. My pants don't fit. My face broke out. I got gypped 60 bucks. I'm hungry. I don't want to cook. I'm dirty. Steve McQueen is dead.
My life stinks right now.

Oh wait, that is the trash.

However, I did pull an 'A' on my history test. haha and while taking it I had fallen asleep 3 times.
I haven't caught up, but I did notice some Dave action on the MB. And I was rightfully busy with my ice cream in a margarita glass.

and....... OH!
Today is National Beer Day (Iceland).

[rhealist]

Marvin looks hot in short-shorts. Pass it on.

[julietine]

I love the Moat!..Josh!..you can start anytime!!!

:-)

[Di]

Marvin took off his shorts because they were hot.. pass it on

[Higgy]

Crash - we all love you though! Go have a sandwich, put your feet up, take a nap, buy some sweatpants, do a couple of drawings, get a penpal, wash your face, go on a date, get the bastard that gypped you out of the money, have a shower and watch "The Great Escape".

That should just about take care of everything for now...

[Di]

*passes a MOATini to Crash*

Here ya go, Higgy forgot to prescribe one of these...

{{Hugs}}

We're here for you Crash, whether you stink or not, we love you!

[Tamara]

How did you guys get this weird-smelling cream all over me when I wasn't even here?! Is this stuff going to make shaving my legs any easier? Why'd ya cream me and Fish together? How did I get so lost in only 30 minutes?

Crash, I don't want to cook either; I say we hire someone to nuke the MOAT Chef Boyardee.

[Di]

*dusts off chefs hat thats been in hiding since culinary school*

*slips on old chefs coat and pants*

Ta-Da! You rang??
I am Chef Di.. as in don't make me poison your food... I come stocked with recipes and ingredients, as well as an electric can opener.

Your (not you are) wish is my command....

[Tamara]

*snaps fingers*

Mini Ravioli, please.

[Di]

*stands for second shocked by such a mundane request*

*opens can of ravioli*

*follows instructions on back of SHRINK-e-DINK box*

Mangia!

[slyeyes]

*ding paragraph; subject change*

I just read this story about a study re obese NFL players.

STUDY?? Did the study consist of sitting in front of a TV during football season and watching the games, 'cause I coulda told you that!! I bet whoever did the study got paid a lot more than I did to watch TV.

[slyeyes]

I now return you to the subject of Spahgetti-O's....

[Tamara]

Thank you. May I now have a slice of store-bought wheat bread?

And the head of a freshly-slaughtered goat?

[Blogchik]

Hi Leetie! Yes, you can tell I was blurking. Actually, reading my way down the MOAT. I got a Googlewhack on my very first try! But came up zero on every one I've tried since.

My Googlewhack: chortle whiskbroom.

Ch-ching!

I just IM-chatted with Joshkr, and he is a very nice guy, I just have to say. Let's all send Joshkr an email telling him how much we appreciate him, ok?

:)

Also, I have to report that Wurm has had 2 dates with Eharmony Girl, and they went well, and for the details, feel free to badger him.

As for me, today I was home sick. I had a fever and it was about 5 degrees F (that's -16 C) and I was not leaving the house. I called in sick to work too. That was the best part, really. I actually had time to cook! I got a marinade ready for tomorrow. Honey-lemon chicken. I'll tell you if it goes well.

That's all for now!

[Peri]

Spahgetti-O's...For cryin' out loud, people!

I used to like to watch football because the players looked extremely buff in their uniforms and there were fine firm bums as far as the eye could see. Now you have to be the size of a Brinks truck to make the team? I'll bet these players are doubled over with a side stitch before they're half way down the field.

What other reason is there to watch football except buff young men?

[Peri]

...I had a fever and it was about 5 degrees F...

Blogchik, you really have to get that checked out! I think you may already be dead or something.

[Di]

*leaves behind an unhealthy supply of mini Ravioli, Beefaroni, twinkies and cupcakes*

Alright Moaties, it is time for me to bid you all a good evening... Later skaters!

Tamara, keep your fingers crossed for me!

[Tamara]

Di: Will do! :) Go get 'em, Tiger!

[kibby F5™]

Smarvin looks good in hot pants?

[julietine]

Did someone say Raviolis??..mmmmm

[Mad "about Weasel" Scientist]

Smarvin likes to roll around in hot raviolis?

[kibby F5™]

no, I think that'll be joshkr!

[neophyte]

I thought Joshkr liked Hot Tamales...

[Peri]

I like to roll around in hot raviolis! (That means fine young Italian men with whipped cream and chocolate sauce, right?)

[julietine]

Joshkr likes hot tamales???..then he's all set since all girls in the moat are hot tamales!..am I right Tamara...Punky??...Eleanor???...Di...Bangi???..hello!!!???:

[neophyte]

You know, you'd think you'd get something appropriate (or inappropriate in this case) when you google Hot Tamales. For some reason all you get is candy or mexican food. Neither are what I thought Joshkr would be interested in.

[kibby F5™]

maybe joshkr's in for anything 'hot'?

[kibby F5™]

maybe joshkr's in for anything 'hot'?

[Crash]

My uncle made fun of me because I was reading H2G2, and rationalized my doing so by casually mentioning "my internet friends."

hehe it made my day.

Hey where's the hotness at now?
Is Marvin still wearing hotpants?
Are they hot pink like Peaches'?

[neophyte]

Joshkr is in for anything hot? Does that include hot cheetos?

[Eleanor]

*sees Twinkies and Hostess Cupcakes*

*puts out tray of Ho-Ho's and Ding-Dongs*

*fills plate with Spaghetti-O's and Ho-Ho's and plops down in hammock*

*forgot a fork*

julietine honey,, will you be so kind as to bring me a fork and a MOATarita - thanks so much!

and BTW - julietine is the Hottest Tamale of us all! Es Verdad!!

Someone aske me what I'll have next Tuesday -

anyone, anyone, Bueller?

I will have high speed internet!!!

*would do the about-to-have-High-Speed-Internet Happy Dance but cannot get out of hammock*

Cute Guy is having a conniption fit as he just found out that he has been renting a cable modem since 1998 and has spent over $840 -

[Crash]

interestingly enough...

*Actually, in RL, puts The Great Escape into the DVD player*

Here Eleanor, you can use mine, I licked it clean.
...enough

[neophyte]

*slips into the hot tub with a sigh of relief*

Ewwww! Somebody should have warned me it was full of jello!

*cannonballs into the MOAT, instead*

[Debbie]

Anyone else think that "ho-hos and ding-dongs" sound vaguely obscene?

[neophyte]

Obscene? Who would think something like that?

[Debbie]

No one here?

Is it any coincidence that the MOAT falls silent just as American Idol begins?

Well, nighty-night then.

*slips two ding-dongs into pocket....for later*

[Debbie]

Neo!!!

[neophyte]

See Eleanor? I TOLD you I was invisible!

[neophyte]

aha!

[Crash]

*bounce*

[Debbie]

Neo - you are totally VISIBLE!

Loved your links!

[slyeyes]

*snuggle*

[Debbie]

*crickets chirping*

well, blurkers and moaties, like I said before: goodnight!

[neophyte]

now WHY did I get "questionable content" for that bounce link??

And here is *snuggle

[neophyte]

goodnight Debbie, sorry; I wasn't ignoring you, but I got lost in my links

[Crash]

Cute Neo.

[Susan]

I saw we have twinkies and hostess cupcakes, may I add fresh Krispy Kremes? The fabric store I went to was out of town...and as it happens, right next to a KK. I found the pattern, and the fabric, and limited myself to a pair of little glass dolphins in the craft department. They match the fabric, so I will have to come up with a pair of earrings using them.

Well, I left the store. I had planned to get coffee for the drive home. Well, hey, there's a Krispy Kreme. Oh, look, the hot donuts now sign is on. Well, I guess I should get some to share. So, here they are. *brushes off glaze that fell off during the quality check* No, I didn't eat them all. (declines to say how many I did eat. Come on, they're air!)

Di, I know you have many talents, of which I would likely be jealous, cause they're probably things I can't do.

We all have lots and lots of talents here.

Some of which we can even talk about in polite company.

[neophyte]

(of course, I'm not sure we count as polite company around here, anyway ;-) )

[Crash]

I can put my feet behind my head.

[Susan]

(neo, that's why so many of our more, um, interesting talents have been mentioned here)

[slyeyes]

Crash, so can I. It's just that at my age, getting them back out from behind my head takes a bit.

And then there's trying to walk the next day.

[Eleanor]

*pulls self out of hammock*

*gives fork back to Crash - licked clean*

*grabs a MOATarita and goes off into the night*

So long, it's been good to know you...

[neophyte]

Crash, enjoy the flexibility of youth!

Susan, I'm still waiting for my talent to show up. I'm hoping for a Grandma Moses sort of thing.

[slyeyes]

so long it's been good to know you....???

what's that supposed to mean? You are getting DSL and are going to leave us in the dust?!?!

[Higgy]

Crash - you can do THAT and you're single?!?!?!?!

The world is a crazy place....

[slyeyes]

Oh, great. I seemed to have caught Alex's cold. I've been trying to ignore it all day, but I'm gonna have to admit it and get my butt to bed.

As soon as I unhook my legs from behind my head, I'll hobble up to bed and Nyquil.

So far, I got one leg loose, but the right leg seems to be stuck.

*gives a big tug...spins around on one leg, falls against wall and hits floor*

This is going to be real tough to explain to the EMT's.

[Susan]

News is done! I can head home.

Of course, I'll probably stay up way too late. While I was out I bought the Meaning of Life DVD. And of course I have to watch it, or at least part of it, now.

Who needs sleep, anyway?

[Crash]

*shrug* Higgy, It seems to be my anti-hero demeanor.

[Marvin]

My googlewhack was 'lazurite pretzel'

geez, I got sucked in again, and found 'commiserator pretzels' and 'distributaries pretzel', but Googlewhack says that neither have any hits. !#%$#@%!

Consarn it! It drew me back in AGAIN. (I started typing this post before 11 BST...

PS: Consarn Pretzel(s?) has only one hit, but Googlewhack doesn't have a definition for 'consarn'

[sandy beach]

Now that you’ve all gone to bed, I’ll post something for your entertainment when you wake up.

I am now as caught up as I'll ever be, so I thought I'd help other traveling MOATies by publishing a chronicle of some of the activities during my absence. Apologies to those not mentioned—there was a LOT to cover.

Also apologies to those who ARE mentioned.

MOAT Opera Digest

This week's episode begins with Prodigal Polly, who returns with fascinating tales of her new life as a private investigator. Also claims to have found a boyfriend so "perfect" his name is Mr. Perfect. MOATies secretly wonder about anyone that perfect—must be something wrong.

*cue ominous music*

Meanwhile, Wurm has a first date with Alicia, a contact from eHarmony online dating company. They have such a good time that Wurm disappears entirely. MOAT sends out a search party but all they find is some Ding-Dong underwear, courtesy of neophyte.

Meanwhile, joshkr, Di, and Peri spend a night slipping and sliding in jello and trading body shots.

In other news, Eleanor has a birthday and *drum roll* learns how to link!

Meanwhile, Di has been going on some dates (when she's not serving up kielbasa to the MOATies). She skips the Hulk Hogan nut case and goes out with someone more promising. In fact, she has a great time. So does he.

*cue romantic music*

*pause for commercial break--Viagra ad*

But there are problems. Turns out, Di's guy is actually interviewing candidates for a stepmother position. The MOATies get together and gang up on him--no more dates with that guy! Never even knew what hit him.

Side story: Wysiwyg excites viewers with tender offers.

Meanwhile, Alex tries to commit suicide by overdosing on Nyquil but Susan rescues him with CPR and some mouth-to-mouth.

Back at the MOAT, it's Eleanor's turn to need rescuing. The waters are rising! Oh no!

Instead of sending a boat, the MOATies are comparing piercings. Di has one on her hmmm hmmm and Steven's is on his frenum. The one that is NOT under his tongue. You know the one. (You don't? Well, I can't tell ya 'cause this is a family show.)

Meanwhile, the MOATies hold a contest to see whose mother is the worst. (No decision yet--at least one other MOATie plans to enter.)

Eleanor is finally rescued by Sump Pump Guy. They climb into a rowboat and are last seen heading for the nearest dry land, possibly Arizona.

*cue scary music*
Polly reappears with shocking news: she has been dumped by Mr. Perfect! And he has done the deed via PowerPoint! MOATies spend the rest of the weekend plotting revenge on Polly's behalf. Suggestions include beheading, Bobbitization with a rusty knife, rat poison, and computer virus. When Polly reveals that Mr. Perfect was on his way to Hell anyhow, due to having touched her ramparts, MOATies back off, trusting a higher power to give this guy what he deserves.

*cue brass band playing victory music*

*commercial break for Hair Club*

BUT, lest any MOATies give up on love, Mike and Mad make a brief but inspiring appearance--last seen having foreplay in the MOAT hot tub.

BUT, for MOATies don't like shows with too much kissing (ewww!), we switch to the Tamara saga. Tamara is plotting how to dump her husband. Prepares for the Conversation. Considers all contingencies. MOATies urge her to be strong!

Jeff interrupts his travels to make the occasional cameo appearance, lending moral support to all MOATies who are currently experiencing problems, or have ever had problems.

Speaking of problems, joshkr reports that not all is rosy on the Rach front. MOATies have trouble believing this, mostly because HOW COULD ANYONE NOT WANT TO LIVE WITH JOSHKR? That, plus the fact that he scared the bejeezus out of everyone a month or so ago by reporting (falsely) that he'd been dumped. Josh receives secret support and advice from Lee, a veteran of many uncooperative gf scenarios. To be continued...

Peri's birthday features a lot of kisses. Some people get in line twice.

Meanwhile, Eleanor is pleading for a new MOAT. Marvin finally finds a suitable spot and the gang packs up and moves, Tarzan rope and all. Neo fires off e-mails to absent bloggers near and far, begging them to return.

Tamara and hubby have the Conversation. He takes it better than expected. Tamara does the single gal happy dance!

For Joshkr's birthday, the MOATies send Porn Clowns. Hilarity ensues.

*cue closing credits*

Will Eleanor and Sump Pump guy find true love? Will steven reveal the location of his frenum? Will Polly send asshat the PowerPoint presentation that Wisywyg made for her? Will Mike and Mad ever get out of the hot tub?

Tune in next week for more exciting, sexy antics on the MOAT!

[Crash]

Holy crap.
*giggles*

[wysiwyg]

WoooHooo Sandy! We need to send you away more often!

*Presents Sandy with official MOAT screenplay writer badge*

The position comes with your own typewriter, ream of typewriter paper, eyeshade, squint, and cigarette to hang out of the corner of one mouth.

[Deon]

Sandy!

Excellent. [stands and claps loudly]

[sandy beach]

*bows*

*giggles*

[neophyte]

...and cigarette to hang out of the corner of one mouth.

one mouth?

Huh. Sandy, would you mind posting a recent picture?

[Alex D.]

Yay! I found a googlewhack! Thanks, Leetie. :-)

festooned pyromaniacal
pyromaniacal asterisk
pyromaniacal slandered

(Anyone sensing a theme yet?)

So we had clown porn, gossip, cheetos, and shiny things all in the same place, and I missed it?!

WHY ME???

Oh, right...higher education. Funny how I never changed elevation when I got there.

[sandy beach]

neo, do you want a pic of both my heads or just the one?

I'll think about posting a pic. How recent does it have to be?

[neophyte]

Sandy, if you were only a man, I might answer that first question differently! (Oh! Did I type that out loud?) But the pic just needs to be recent enough to show the more-than-one-mouth-thing.

Alex, do not mention googlewhack in my presence again please! At least, not until I am less grumpy. I keep getting great googlewhacks - only to be told that my words aren't real, or are misspelled. Spelling is over rated. (sp?) And if I'm getting a result, then somebody else spelled it the same way I did! Can you believe they won't accept "cheeto" as a word? What is this world coming to?

[insomniac]

reminds me of something I heard on a Dolphins radio broadcast years ago...

"Bulaich has hurt his neck..."

"Is that the same neck he hurt last week ?"

[neophyte]

I feel like I'm googlewhacking my head against a wall! I'm going to take my sick, grumpy self to bed now. Goodnight, MOATmates. Goodnight MOAT.

[Joshkr]

Crash...I used to be able to put my feet behind my neck. Maybe still can, but I gave it up after finding that women didn't seem to find that talent very interesting. When I licked my forehead on the other hand...

Sandy...That was awesome! Loved the music and commercials also. And yes dear you must post a pic!

Insomnia...*snork!*

[Alex D.]

*does the not needing cold medicine happy dance*

Cheeto? As in Cheeto the Spanish bandito? I think I met him once.

[Joshkr]

Aye, yii, yii, yiiii,
I am the Cheeto Bandito.
I like MOATies' cheetos,
I love them I do.
I want MOATies' cheetos,
But they're no use in google.

[Alex D.]

G'night, neo.

Sandy -- Brilliant! Yes, please post a pic! (says the one who lost his camera years ago...I know.)

Insomniac -- *snork* It's really funny until you watch an episode of Ripley's Believe It or Not on TV featuring a two-headed man.

Then it's even better.

Hey, I just got a great idea -- since I already have a blog, I can make all of the ones that produce 0 results work! OK, maybe more time-wasting than great, but you get the point.

[Joshkr]

Birthday card from Rach...

Front: Stacked chick in a bikini leaning over.

Inside: "whoops - I accidentally overinflated your birthday present"

*sigh* she knows me so well

[Joshkr]

She is also really annoyed with all of the Paris Hilton coverage and hated that she was on the cover of Playboy. I gotta agree. What was Paris doing on the cover of Playboy?

I mean she's pretty and all, but really.

[djtonyb]

Awwwwwriiiiight sandy! I was speedreading through, but caught your brief synopsis and am satisfied that I have caught up.

Except for the fact that Tamara has shiny clowny thingys that wear Marvin's too hot for comfort short-shorts, and the fact that Di is a foodie with a real live hat to prove it.

Please carry on the groping, and a belated:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! to joshkr.

Tune in tomorrow, when I may find out what judi really looks like, and actually see if this "Miami Herald" newspaper thingy actually exists. That is, if the missing "Jeff Meyerson" (aka "Claire Martin") calls me on his way back from the Keys so's I can run down there and suprise her judiness.

[djtonyb]

OK, kids - let's just mull this over for awhile - why the @#$% is Paris Hilton rich and famous for being a vapid, dumb, blonde, rich person, and we are here being absolutely hilarious for no pay whatsoever?

discuss...

[Joshkr]

Djt...dayum dude! I am so jealous! Tell her I love her and want her to have my children. I can put them on the plane to send tomorrow.

(ba-da-bup...stolen from Groucho Marx)

[sandy beach]

You want Paris to have your children, joshkr? You have no shame, do you? Naah, didn't think so...

djtonyb--you mean you don't get paid to blog like the rest of us?

Ooops, just kidding--I would never ever ever blog during work hours...

*looks innocent*

[sandy beach]

'Night MOATies, blurkers, and random spammers!

*toddles off to hit the sack*

[Joshkr]

Djt...the real payment is knowing all of you great people.

(pause for "awwwwww"s)