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November 23, 2004

CHAT ALERT

I'll be doing a chat at 1 p.m. (Eastern) today for the Washington Post. The bad news is, you have to register. The good news is, if you don't bother, you won't miss anything important.

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I'll be there, with my penis tie on.

Almost FIRST two days in a row!

And you scheduled it on my lunch break, so I won't even technically be slacking. Thanks Dave!

bummer! got a meeting! sheesh. always have to do some ole stupid work around here . . .

1 PM Eastern?? What does that translate to in blog time?

Blog time hmmmm .. start with your time zone..carry the hemisphere.. divide by the number of comments centigrade.. makes it about 2 pm blog time doesnt it?
ooo.. i can do higher math. cool
*wonders if net filter will let her in on work time*

what do you mean, you guys? Is the blog clock wrong or some...oh, I see.

That would be 10a.m. CA time - nobody ever cares about wht time it is on the west coast - but Ill be there -
Does anybody really care what time it is - earworm!
Hey gang, maybe we can get the inside scoop on Claire Martin!

Neo....DO NOT start another blog clock earwig.

Please!

Fed: yeah, but how come women live so much longer? Wine coolers? Fingernail polish? Multiple ointments?

mmmm... ointment....

*pit*

Eleanor,

That's EXACTLY why I am going...I need to know about this Claire Martin!

Kerry tried it. He got Arbonnized! (told you so)
But really, a good beer is the old timey remedy for "piddleing" without pressure." Beer helps the flo. (just like an old timey toliet)

Duck: This reminds me that I saw a poster some weeks ago here in Berlin (Germany) featuring a band called "Sex Gang Children".

Guess we can remove this from the wbagnfarb list.

Kasi

"German Hermann Doernemann"? Reminds me of that chef on the muppets....bork borkey bork

So Dave, you afraid of French cats now?

FedDuck - re Headline - seems to be a better way to reproduce with be by shagging, not snogging, IMHO -

Dave, I will give you $1 (canadian) if you sing this song online. Wait, will you have audio for this "Chat" or just typing? Oh well, if you say you sang it, the dollar is yours.

Blog Stranger

Well we all have a name
That we use when we’re together
It’s the way we choose to
Show ourselves
Whenever we log on
Some are sexy some are real
Some conjure whips made of leather
They're the handles of the stranger
And we love to try them on

Well we all post for fun
But we disregard the danger
Here we share so many secrets
Offline we might never tell
Why were you so surprised
That you’ve fallen for the stranger
Did you ever think the stranger
May have fallen for yourself?

Don't be afraid to post again
Try a new you out
Every now and then
Worst case you’ll become
Someone else
Just remember how
To re-become yourself

Here we like to believe
We can stay online forever
And we’ll post our witty comments
Hopin’ no one catches wise
That we come here for a reason
Need no clues to see the answer
We just like to be a stranger
Hiding right before your eyes

Well we all play for fun
But we disregard the danger
Here we share so many secrets
Offline we might never tell
Why were you so surprised
That you’ve fallen for the stranger
Did you ever think the stranger
May have fallen for yourself?

Don't be afraid to post again
Try a new you out
Every now and then
Maybe once you’ve become
Someone else
When you return to ‘now’
You can redefine yourself

We may never understand
How our stranger is inspired
But it’s almost always funny
And it’s almost never wrong
So let’s file deadline extensions
And see what the blog inspires
Now give in to your desires
Let the stranger come log on.

Hey Dave,

how do you "chat" with a liberal?

I didn't know that you were bilingual.....or bi-anything for that matter.

so, what will you guys chat about?

Knowing WaPo, it will probably be something like:

a) global warming caused by those mean SUV's

b) the neglected feelings of marine animals

c) the potential destruction of the entire liberal platform [i.e. mass immorality, relativism, etc.] by those twicky wittle conservatives.

whatever the topic, good luck Dave!

Klynn -- like the original Bob Newhart Show, Howard Borden's brother, "Warden Gordon Borden."

If you're not old enough, never mind...

booger

oh,, wrong site -
*still good for practicing bold*

Didn't somebody once call elle: Presidente Blogsnogger?

Just sayin'

Oh, and Dave, can you beat up Robert MacMillan for calling the blog threadbare?


He called it what? Quick, someone come up with a hackneyed, trite reply!

Damn! If I weren't so preoccupied with shallow drivel I'd really skewer that Robert guy with an insightful dig. I would.

Guin, definately old enuff, why I was born back when we watched the old man draw mastadons on the cave wall for entertainment.

Fed, the Washington Post's father would like to talk to you re: your poking around it.

defintely steal Dave's Boogers too Fed

Dear Dave,

I'm a reasonably well-trained Border Collie, and I have been enjoying your columns in several ways for years. I usually laugh hard enough to make weewee, and little Timmy uses newspapers to potty train me in between spats of falling in the well. So I figured out that it's easier just to sneak off to a corner and straddle your column when I read it.

My question is: Can I snog zippy?

Christobol...excellent song!

Fed...I agree with Mad

Fed..."Can I snog zippy?" *spewing beer*

Fed, what are you doing with my dog?? Ozzy, come! Come here boy! Come! GET YER BUTT OVER HERE!

*sigh* Ok, so I guess he's not that reasonably well-trained after all.

Which is correct: "Yolk of eggs is white" or "Yolk of eggs are white"?

All I could come up with.

Dear Dave,

I had hoped it would not come to this. I have kidnapped my neighbor's imaginary girlfriend (please find imaginary severed thumb -------->here). I will do unspeakable (at for me, they appear to be in German) things to her unless you meet my demands.

1. Let Fed Snog Zippy
2. Do the macarena with Fidel Castro
3. Build a habitat for Cher with Jimmy Carter. Burn it down..

That is all, for now. .

Oh, by the way. I'm a big fan, sorry to hear you're taking time off, but I understand.

Mike- Did you absolutely need to command your dog to come while I was snogging it? Now I'm unfulfilled and Ozzy's off smoking his doggy cigarettes while I'm humping little Timmy's leg again.

Rita, I hate to show my ignorance, but what chat? Where do I find it?

Rita, please ignore my last comment. Is there an undo button around here?

I think my comment was too big to get accepted. Plus, it wasn't in the form of a question.

Ozzy, bad dog! Go back and finish what you started! er, wait...

Yea! I got an answer (re:invitation to teh Cher concert). My life is comlete.

rita - try clicking on "Automatically update page" -
it doesn't work for me, but they say it'll work with some browsers - or is that bowsers - i'm confused -

It doesn't seem to work for me, so I'm just occasionally hitting the refresh button.

Okay, who here has been getting sexually aroused over state capitals? I mean, who here other than Chirstobol.

Hey, Helena's pretty hot...

No I think he's pretty much flat out saying so.

djt...you should ask that :)

I for one, don't know what he is talking about *whistles and scuffs shoes*

We're surprising normal. Dave said so himself.

100 extra points if that's something other than white out.

*slowly applies white out to kinky test score*

Ooooh...yeah...you like that, baby?

Joshkr and djtonyb - I submitted question asking just that very think - let's see if he answers - hah!

Dave must be getting tired. Or is this only a 30 minute session?

Fed! You made it on the chat! Congrats!

(I haven't read other posts, but I'm assuming I'm WAYYYY LTTG with this, but just sayin')

that very thing

oooo, he answered my question about Peter and the Starcatchers becoming a Broadway Musical.

I'm joining Boo in the arena of complete lives.

hmmmmm, my post congratulating Boo on the Cher post disappeared. I thought that was yours.

Well, maybe half of them...

It's very nice in this column, isn't it slyeyes.

Hey- Who's the blogger in Vienna, VA??? That's right up the street from me! I'm figuring that Boo and elle are writing from Arlington and Dc...?

I asked the pet question. Yay!

He's definitely ducking q's about Claire! I've asked 3.

I think it's over now, he thanked us. What a guy!

That was awesome. Got in two questions anyway.

Thanks Dave.

I asked about Claire also. Maybe it was because I asked "just how long have you two been having hot monkey sex and why exactly do you hate Jeff Meyerson?"

Maybe I should have rephrased it.

I tried to thank him for bringing Mad and I together but that didn't make it. He probably doesn't want to be responsible for that. :)

Me too, Jeff. I even managed to get him a sexually suggestive poem involving Vermont: Montpelier.

Guess I should've called him a soul-less dork, eh?

Booger!

Hey Leetie, that was me. Also about lets get rrid of Dr. Gridlock...

I'm right by Tyson's Corner.

I wouldn't want to be in Tyson's Corner; he might bite my ear off!

(har! I bet you never heard *that* one before!)

Vienna Blurker, you must join the united federation of DC bloglits!

I was impressed that you got a your (not you're) joke in there, as well as a booger. Good for you!

what was leetie's question?

I asked him if I could have his blue shirt when he goes into pseudo retirment ... I also told him I like the way he wears his hair ...

Oh well, next time. :)

He only took my Cher item. Who knew there were other people out there in D.C.

I wonder if it would be a good idea to take a field trip to one of Gene's chats :)

I'd rather go to Monkey Jungle.

I tried to get posted with this (didn't work):

-------------------

Dave,

I just finished eating lunch at a nearby casino. I'm looking at my bill. It's costing me $28,000.00. All I had was the soup & half sandwich combo. What should I leave as a tip?

-------------------

Oh, and I would never mention that there (not their) is a Climax, PA USA. See Dave? We wouldn't.... oh-- nevermind.

Sly, I asked all the q's from Fairfax, VA except for the manatee question - that was JU. We must have had a technical advantage being close-in to DC. Either that, or the fact that I swamped them with questions non-stop.

Field trips are only fun when you can take over with impunity.

Hooray for Fed - tears for Eleanor and all other bloggers who were totally ignored by Dave, the light of our life!!!

*goes to get Kleenex*

I've been a faithful lurker to this blog for a long time and I hardly ever come out of my warm, safe, anonymous spot unless I have something witty to say...which is why I hardly ever come out.

But I need to know about the "roo, roo" thing. I've heard it mentioned many times, but I can't find the first mention which may (or may not) have carried some explanation with it.

And now, after Dave made numerous references to it in the chat, I'm hoping someone might elaborate. Then I promise I'll crawl back into my lurking place.

mmmm....so cozy in there...

Thanks.

I don't know about the distance thing Leetie. I'm only about 5 or 6 blocks away from the Post.

Thanks Leetie,

I was going for the Da Vinci Code Cracked = National Treasure reference. But did manage a "your not you're" and a booger anyway.

Leetie, I had thought all of the Fairfax VA questions were bloglits.....I just didn't know they were all one!! And, I suspected the question about the coconut bra, foil hat and beanie were either you, elle or rita.

Good going!

I got my bloggoddess question in, but I would have felt better about the answer if he had added "I'm not making this up."

I also asked:
If you had to be stranded on a deserted island with only your blog commenters, would you:
a) pitch yourself off the nearest cliff,
b) start a new religion, or
c) write a script and arrange to film a bawdy version of gilligan's island?

And:
Do you think "Upoma loves Shoeb" would be a great name for a rock band?

Jeff, I mentioned your iminent birthday in one of my questions... maybe he'll suprise you by posting one of your links tomorrow.

Jeff,

Excellent - they'll match mom's moose poo garter belt!

Save the owls. Use a squirrel.

I went to the Monkey Jungle around age 7 with my brother and some of his friends. One monkey s&#t all over one of my brother's friends (the one I hated) - what a day!

Hey, VLTTG here, but several of our questions got posted! Sweeeeeet. If I ever spawn, I'll have something cool to tell them.

I hate that I've missed all of his book tour and RBR appearances, but he never comes out this way (I don't blame him). At least he's still talking to the fans.

And for the record, I will come out and admit it. I don't get the roo roo joke. I read it several times when he first posted it, and I've still got nothin'. Is the chief just saying that they're all going to ferk him and then kill him with the spear? If so, I don't think that's a real punch line.

Yes, Fed. The guy thinks he's going to get an easy death and avoid the "roo-roo" by picking the instant death. To his surprise, he still gets "roo-roo."

The way I heard the joke it was "Death by baffunda" and "But first... BAFFUNDA!"

It's best when you get to hear the dramatic pause. *grin*

responding to guin, about a zillion posts back:
didn't Howard Borden have another brother , Norman Borden, the Mormon doorman ?

You ladies wouldn't find it funny because you've never had the maturity level of an 11 year old boy. It's unfortunate, but true.

Last week the WaPo had an online chat with the producers of all the online chats. They said that they screen the questions first and then pass along to whomever what they think are the best(criteria?) ones and he/she chooses from those... FWIW

Here's how I heard that joke:

Roo-Roo Joke

Two men were captured in the bush (apparently neither was equipped with many servings of spaghetti) by cannibals. They were brought before the tribal chief, who informed them both that they had been randomly selected for a most excellent prize, which would certainly exceed many American dollars in value, but that first they would need to listen to a short and enjoyable presentation regarding jungle timeshares.

The men indicated they were not interested, so the chief announced that they would be killed. He advised the men that, since he was a generally nice cheif, they could choose how they wished to die, from the following menu:

1) Cher
2) Boil Implants
3) Disappointment
4) Giant Squid
or
5) Roo-Roo

The first man thought for a moment and asked the chief what roo-roo was. The chief replied that roo-roo was an ancient sexual ritual involving Cher, Boil Implants, Disappointment, and a Giant Squid.

So, the two men decided they were actually quite interested in a jungle time-share afterall, and the chief said, ok, then go with Umgatwa to hear the fine presentation, but first...

Come with me into this bar, with a minister, a priest, and a rabbi!

The Minister said, "Good idea lady, I'll hold your monkey!"

The Rabbi said, "Shoot the Dog!"

The Priest said, "Are you kidding me? Last time I tried that I double-bogeyed this hole!"

So the chief said, "On second thought let's go up to my place and listen to some Barry Manilow"

The men said, "Great idea, but first, Roo-Roo!"

I never liked the joke either.

I asked the question about Ridley still being married and then I asked abut CLaire Martin and he ignored the question!..Jeff, we need to get to the bottom of this!

Silly Rabbi, kicks are for tridds.

Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

*snork* Christobol.

I just posted what I believe could be the definitive Roo Roo joke in the next thread, but I like your version an elle of a lot better.

*snockers elle*

"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
"Impatient cow"
"Impatient c..."
"Moo!"

LabSpecimen:
Thanks so much for the roo roo link. I feel so "in the know". Which means that DB will never again make the reference.

My wife thinks I am crazy.
The other day I grabbed the video camera and threw some sugar substitute on the lawn.
She said: What are you doing?
I said: I want to do a remake of "Splenda in the Grass"

I'm damned proud of myself. I managed to get the second question on the chat. And, as it turns out, I got the longest answer!

BigD,

You are Hilarious!

It's always a good day when we flush a few blurkers.

Welcome Debbie and DC United... !

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