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November 19, 2004

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, SCIENCE GUY

(Thanks to Michael "Mikey" Seidel)

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first

Well, it's nice to know there is a reason for my butt.

well-defined buttocks that stabilize the body, the human anatomy is shaped for running

Well, that may be, but damn girl, I just want to eat sandwich off of it if you don't mind!

...[a] well-defined buttocks that stabilize the body

For running? Neither my wife nor I do a lot of that (unless we're being chased). I have other uses for my wife's buttocks. I'll just leave it at that.

Woohoo I've been blogged! Thanks Judi!

"I like big buns I cannot lie"
"you other runners can't deny"
"when it cimes time for winnin that race"
"you can always block by puttin it in front of their face"

I guess I'm fairly stable then. Not that there aren't times that maybe a little less stability would be good...

Big buttocks are also important.

Apparently Sir-Mix-A-Lot is also a science person.

bob...lol beat me to it

Actually, I never bought into the whole evolution thing. It never made sense to me, even as a child. I never saw how an animal could evolve something at will, which is how most of my teachers explained evolution.

Teacher: Now class, today we'll learn about how the frog evolved large webbed feet to help it swim faster and get away from predators.

Me: Really? It just chose to do that? How? Can I choose to evolve something? I always thought it'd be cool to have a third arm. Can I evolve one of those?

In another part of the world...

Eugene: Hey, Chad. It looks like you're evolving a second set of lips there.

Chad: Yeah, I thought it'd be cool to be able to eat twice the amount of food that I normally do. Plus, now I can please two women at the same time.

Eugene: But you don't even have one woman to please, Chad.

Chad: Shut up, Eugene.

Figures we'd have it a$$ backwards: Most people run to get their a$$ in shape, when they need to be getting their a$$ in shape in order to run.

It's a circular dilemma, and one we really should study, with pictures, or video even.

"the human anatomy is shaped for running"
Maybe at some point, but further studies of evolution show that we are now mostly shaped for sitting on the couch and watching tv.

I may be built for running, but it sure as hell doesn't make me want to actually go and do it.

Unless, of course, I'm running to get a new pitcher of margaritas ... then I'm fast like cheetah, baby.

c-bol ... be my guest.

*hands c-bol the camera and cues the "Bwang-schwacket" music for Punky to "pose" by...*

Let the science study begin!

"Bang-schwacket" - excellent. I always used Oom chicka bow bow.

Mud,

I prefer Bomp chicka bow wow.

Sorry about the misspelling in my previous post.
I had to so sir mix alot wood'nt soo me.

"Have you ever looked at an ape? They have no buns," said Bramble.

Geez man, bet you get a LOT of women!

Well, gosh, who wouldn't be interested in the pursuit of science, or something like that...

that makes me HIGHLY evolved!

"Have you ever looked at an ape? They have no buns," said Bramble.

...To take a line from the Uranus thread, how would an *Ape* scientist come our to his or her (hopefully her?) parents?

Um. Mom? Dad? I want to study Ape asses, or rather, why they DON'T have asses.

We do it because we are good at it. We enjoy it and we have all kinds of specializations that permit us to run well"

Speak for yourself, Dr. Lieberman. Have you ever watched the faces of joggers. They are SO not happy.

Punky: be my guest....Ok, sorry, can't help it.... with apologies.

Be My Guest

Mon monsieur beau, it is with deepest pride
and greatest pleasure that I welcome you tonight.
And now I invite you to relax, let me pull up a
chair as the dining room proudly presents -
your dinner!

Be my guest! Be my guest!
Put my buttocks to the test
Tie your napkin 'round your neck, mon beau
And I'll provide the rest
Fruit du jour
Cool whipped cream
Or I can make it steam
Try the pink stuff
It's delicious
I can fulfill all your wishes
I can sing, I can dance
If you'd like, without my pants
And a dinner here is never second best
Go on, unfold your menu
Take a glance and then you'll
Be my guest
Oui, my guest
Be my guest!

Cherry pie
Hot or cold
Mine's the best or so I'm told
I'll prepare and serve with flair
In just my sexy underwear!
You're alone
And you're scared
But my back side's all prepared
No one's gloomy or complaining
While Punky is entertaining
I tell jokes! I do tricks
Please no taffy, hon, that sticks
And it's all in perfect taste
That you can bet
Come on and lift your glass
And have lunch on my ass
Yes be my guest
If you're stressed
Punky's services are best

Be my guest! Be my guest!
I know you'll enjoy my chest
Let me say for your entree
I've an array; may I suggest:
Just relax! Try it all!
When Miss Punky comes to call
It's a treat for any dinner
I'll make you feel like a winner
D'you say pork! Shall I squeal!
What an entertaining meal!
How could anyone be gloomy and depressed?
I'll make you shout "encore!"
That's if you're up for more
So, be my guest!
Be my guest!
Be my guest!

It's a guest! It's a guest!
Sakes alive, well I'll be blessed!
Wine's been poured and thank the Lord
We're all already quite undressed
For dessert, he'll want me
If he's to be all he can be
While we're doin' what we're doin'
I'll be bubbling, I'll be brewing
I'll get warm, piping hot
Heaven's sakes! Do you know what?
There's no way he can be more impressed

I've got a lot to do!
Is it one time or two?
For you, my guest!
Be my guest!
You're my guest!
Be my guest!
Be my guest! Be my guest! Be my guest!

Meals can be so boring
yes they usually leave me snoring
I'm not whole without a soul to wait upon
Ah, those good old days when these were useful...
Suddenly those good old days are gone
Seems years I've been rusting
With my hormones nearly busting
Needing exercise, a chance to use my skills!
Most days I just lay around the office
Feeling slow and lazy
Now I'm ready to get crazy!

Be my guest! Be my guest!
My command is your request
It's been years since I've had anybody here
And I'm obsessed
With your meal, be at ease
Yes, indeed, I aim to please
While the candlelight's still glowing
Let me help you, my you're growing
Course by course, one by one
'Til you shout, "Enough! I'm done!"
Then I'll sing you off to sleep as you digest
Tonight you'll prop your feet up
But for now, just eat up
Be my guest!
Be my guest!
Be my guest!
Please, be my guest!

Hmm.. and here I just thought I was lazy but it turns out I'm SPOSED to have ghetto booty...

Someone pass the chocolate!

Who needs crack, when ya got Cristobol.

Outstanding!

(and no, not in the rain)

LOL...good one Christobol!

I was just getting ready to do some lyrics...will wait a few now :)

oh my my my my my...
Funny thing though, imagining Lumiere singing and narrating a porn...

*yawn*

woo-hoo! I got mentioned in one of C-bol's songs!

(probably unintentional, but I take my fame where i can get it)

..and wouldn't The Well-Defined Buttocks bagnfarb?

... Thinks The Well-Defined Buttocks sounds more like an excercise video....

*conjuring up images of Richard Simmons in Spandex*

Nope! A rock band name it is...

*conjuring up images of Ewan, Orlando, and Collin to erase RS image*

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I make it a rule never to be unintentional when it comes to cherrypie, tho I often try to make it look so.

C-bol, I really am beginning to suspect that you are working in the entertainment industry. How you are able to come up with these things so quickly boggles the mind. You are truly a wit and a half.

So, that explains where my other half went.

*dribble*

ok, enough time has elapsed maybe...not that this is nearly as good, but what the hell!

Evolution calling (to the tune of Queensryche's Revolution Calling)

For a price I'd do about anything
Except go out jogging
For that I'd need a pretty good cause
Then I heard of Dr. X
The man with the buttocks
Just watch the monkey's asses
Yeah, you'll see there's no running going on

Got no love for Weight Watchers
Or that crazy Atkins scene
It's just a diet mad town
But the time is ripe for changes
There's a growing feeling
That taking a chance on a new kind of vision is due

I used to trust the scientists
To tell me the truth, tell us the truth
But now I've seen the big buttocks
Everywhere I look
Who do you trust when everyone's a cook?

Evolution calling
Evolution calling
Evolution calling you
[There's an] Evolution calling
Evolution calling
Gotta make a change
Gotta jog, gotta run like a non-monkey-type thing that has evolved and stuff

It's interesting that we're "born to run" yet we're actually some of the slowest creatures on earth. Four legs is definitely an advantage for speed.

And for being chased around the coffee table, huh Weasel?

Nice, Joshkr.

*Ring, Ring*
Hang on a minute I gotta take this call.

Welp, gotta make a change. That was evolution.

hmm... I guess it helps if ya know Queensryche??

Excellent Joshkr, especially liked the last line, which cost me a mouthful of coffee.

Mike, you're right. Now drop to the floor and bark like a dog!

Sorry, channelled Mad there for a second.

Yeah, lose those gills, man. We're all breathing air up here!

(insert gratuituous "air" joke here)

WOOF!

Whoa, you channel good!

Evolution just called me to say "sorry to have missed you, maybe we'll catch ya on the flip side, you neadertholic loser."

When did evolution get so mean?

Cbol- I think it that day that pElvis died?

Evolution's not mean ...

It's selective.

BIG difference.

*begins to pick mites and stuff out of c-bols fur, er ... hair*

Yes it does help if you know Queensryche :)

Evolution regularly gives me crank calls: "Bet you wish you had opposible thumbs, dork!" *click* "Bet you're girlfriend is really happy with your lack of control" *click* "Hey, just wanted to let you know that Frontal Lobe is still on backorder" *click*

Oh no...I typed you're (not your)

See! More proof!

Look what's happening out in the swamp
Got some evolution Got some evolution
Hey I'm walking down the beach
Got some evolution Got some evolution
Ain't it amazing all the air that I breathe
Got some evolution Got some evolution
One generation got fins
One generation got grins
This generation got evolution and wins

Pick up the cry
Hey now it's time for you and me
Got some evolution Got some evolution
Come on now we're marching from the sea
Got some evolution Got some evolution
Who will evolve from you
We will and who are we
We are evolvers with a butt, oh yeah

That's why I hooked up with a Mad Scientist. Anything evolution might have forgotten, I can just have her grow in the lab for me.

People try to put us down
(Talking 'bout my evolution)
Just because we get around
(Talking 'bout my evolution)
Hard to walk with just two feet
(Talking 'bout my evolution)
But these big buns just can't be beat
(Talking 'bout my evolution)

OK, I'll let someone more lyrically minded finish the rest of the song.

Dear Christobol,

This letter is to inform you that, once again, your traits have been selected against by the Darwinian Council of Evolution for the Propagation of the Human Species.

As we have indicated MANY times (though we understand your brain, while housed in a comically large cranium with one hell of a goofy sloping forehead, isn't much for processing info), we're looking for attributes that actually make it likely the female of the species would wish to mate, and that the resulting young would have at least some chance of survival.

So far you've only mated with simple organisms, and your young have been found squished into bananas in New Zealand.

Once again, as a courtesy, we have forwarded your file to www.chickswhowilldoitwithprimates.com

Best of luck, and here's hoping natural selection catches up with you very soon, you neandertholic loser. By the way, yo momma.

Sincerely,

Evolution

Hey Weasel ... can Mad "grow" me an evolved man from one of c-bol's pubic hairs?

Joshkr! Frontal Lobe is still on backorder made me burst into laughter on a conference call.

Thanks. Boss says I'm in for a LOT more free time.

I believed Freddy when he told me that fat bottomed girls made the rockin' world go round. Turns out we're just ballast.

Ahhh...my dream of getting Christobol fired so he can post more has come to fruition! *looking up handy info on how to blog from a cardboard box* :)

Mike...can Mad grow him a web browser implant?

Bummer. I can't get www.chickswhowilldoitwithprimates.com to open...Christobol, will you check that link? I'm looking for a date.

My dog just read this article and is insisting I go out for a run. Damn. Shoulda never evolved.

Sandy and Mike...thanks much! Will you pass koko this not for me? It says "Do yuo liek me? Circle one" and has Yes and No written under it.

(what can I say, I think scientist babes are hot...)

*begins to pick mites and stuff out of c-bols fur, er ... hair*

Punky, you know you have to eat those don't ya.

It's part of the whole monkey bonding ritual. Just saying.

au contraire, some christians can and do think - and even work in the sciences.

booger.

sister christian ... your time has come. And you know ... you're the only one. OK?

Post #69! Woohoo!

ok - as long as it's ok w/ you, Punky!

;)

Just catching up
*gets right on growing new parts for C-bol or from c-bol or something*

And yes there are a few Christians in the Sciences

djT - Where you moatorin to?

*gives Mad a long-distance smooch*

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