ATTENTION, ANYONE WHO HAS TIME TO DO THIS

We want your job.

(Thanks to Alanboss)

Comments

[Somewhere North]

STOP PJ! STOP!

*bang!*

He's stopped. Sorry about that. The tranquilizer will wear off in a minute...

[PeeJay]

SN: As you can see I have an itchy trigger finger. So don't rile me up. If your high as kites up there I'll consider you a friend, cause a friend w/weed is a friend indeed. As for the winter survival; (god I love semi-colons[right or wrong]) I'm a meatcutter, the cooler the better. I just can't quite bring myself to end every sentence in "eh". Can I still fit in?

[Somewhere North]

Oooh, that is pushing it. Please answer the following questions to see if you can be admitted to Canada:

Who is Tim Horton's?
Who is our President?
Can you, without prejudice or offence, watch the show "Talking to Americans" and admit that it is just a teensy bit funny?

Oh, and Will you import orgasmatrons when you come?

Very important. One at least....

[Somewhere North]

Just a little aside about the show, Bush was on it when he was running for president the first time. The commentator got Bush to give his greetings (on air) to President Poutine in Canada.

Poutine - for the unfamiliar, is a dish in Quebec that is fries with gravy and cheese on it. Very good. Maybe this was when Bush started hating the french?

[Witchiecoo]

Actually PeeJay, Hotmail is a play on HTML... this of course dates back way before Bill Gates thought it would be way-cool to buy up Hotmail.

SN: I'm still hoping my tax dollars will go to conquering... er "buying" Turks and Caicos.

Keep your fingers crossed!

[Thesaurus Rex]

Avast ye scurvy cur-dogs! I spend the whole afternoon on some lackey job showing some business wanker around Nashvegas, and I come back to to find you've got a new game, you've already beaten it, commented all over it, and Punky's playing with a new "delivery," and the game doesn't load when I try it.

I need a hug. And a beer. Actually, screw the hug.

[Somewhere North]

Witchiecoo, I am so with you. I will be moving there as soon as it is final.

Of course, then the Americans could invade and no one would notice. Everyone would be in Turks & Caicos. PJ - that solves your problem. Witchie and I will be wearing coconut bras in the NEW Canada.

PS: Let's leave Quebec behind... shhh.. you're not french are you?

*damn*

[Rachel]

PeeJay - a quick Canadian-speak lesson for ya'. We don't end every sentence in "eh". "Eh" is synonymous with "huh", so where Americans would say "huh" we would say "eh" (i.e. when you make a statement or question that you assume the listener will agree to). For example:

RIGHT
Canadians say "eh" a lot, eh?
How 'bout them Leafs, eh?

WRONG:
I like hockey, eh!
I can't say sentences without raising my pitch at the end, eh!

Well, that is, unless you've seen "Strange Brew", in which they end EVERYTHING in either "eh" or "ya hoser". "Ya hoser" is also an acceptable way to end a thought.

[Christobol]

Take off.

[Somewhere North]

Then we also say about as in "a boat". Unless you are in Quebec where it is not about. Or if you are in Newfoundland where it is "a baa out" or if you are in Saskatchewan where it is Ukrainian....

I'm moving to the States.

[Somewhere North]

Actually Rex, I think Punky is screwing the package not hugging it...

Oh wait - you wanted a screw. NO! A hug....

*drinks the rest of Rex's beer*

[Christobol]

Beauty, eh?

Hey! There's the guys that hoarked our clothes!

[Witchiecoo]

The Leafs? THE LEAFS!???!

... freakin' team hasn't won the Stanley Cup since 1967 and they are still the first Canadian NHL team out of everyone's keyboard...

GO SENS GO!
GO HABS GO!

Ok... maybe next year :(

[Slartibartfast Boogerin' II]

So, back to things more important than whether or not Bush will attempt to take over the world...

Christobol, are you hiring?

[Rachel]

SN - the answers to your questions:

Who is Tim Horton's?
Tim Horton was a hockey player in the NHL who co-founded a donut shop in Hamilton, Ontario a few decades ago.
Tim Horton's is a coffee and donut shop located approximately every 1 kilometre of provincial highway and every 3 blocks in downtown Toronto. They are famous for their awesome coffee and recently shrunken donuts. In or around 1999, Tim Horton's was purchased by Wendys Corporation, and is now about 900 locations strong in the United States. The Canadians are invading the USA!

Who is our President
George W. Bush. The guy who pretends to be in charge of our country is our Prime Minister, Paul Martin.

Can you, without prejudice or offence, watch the show "Talking to Americans" and admit that it is just a teensy bit funny?
It is absolutely hilarious. And I'm a dual citizen.

[Rachel]

Witchicoo - I'm from Toronto, so the Leafs are my hometown team, that's all. I know that they choke every year in playoffs, but they still manage to have a fan base that is willing to pay $250 for the CRAPPY seats, IF they can get a hold of them. I'm not a huge hockey fan myself, but I say, if you can get stinking rich without ever actually accomplishing anything, you deserve a mention in a blog entry.

Besides - the Habs and the Sens are the competition. It would be traitorous of me to ever mention them in a positive light.

[Mike Weasel]

Yay I figgered it out!

[Thesaurus Rex]

My roomie's band is renaming themselves in honor of getting a bad rap with local club owners after the incident with the makeshift beer cannon at the wet t-shirt contest (three cheers for structural damage), and I could use your (not squeegie) opinion on some of the ideas they're (not hemorrhoid) bandying about (keep in mind, they're (not spork) not a good band):

The Nut Runners
Drunk By Noon
The Stationary Rocks
The Dixie Dicks
Fiction's More Fun
The Small Lebowskis
Ace in the Bowl
Chicks Dig Us

And a bunch more that I can't remember at the moment. I know you guys have some good ones!

Really. I read your mail.

[Shannon]

Fortunately as a pt receptionist, I do have that kind of time.
And I beat it in about 10 minutes.

[Shortty]

Trex-I thought you did a marvelous job last night in JP. Loved the ending.

[slyeyes]

Trex...do you go by another name on here??? Are you in disguise??

[Thesaurus Duck]

Mais oui, my sweet little butter blossom. I just thought it was a cool name. I'll stop now :)

[Christobol]

Slart - we are hiring for sure. We can't keep up with the orders, although, sweet mother of parakeets, how we do try.

[Christobol]

TRex - have your friends open just about any thread on this site and search (Edit - Find in Page) for "wbagnfarb"

They'll be renamed in no time, or my name isn't Jake "Boom Boom" Snake Elwood "hoop" Snackpants III.

[Mother of a Parakeet]

Christobol, as Head Goose of the American Lactose Intolerant Crossdressing Birds and Parakeet Relocation Association, I applaud your attention to our cause!

And you've gotta take that thing away from Punky, she's making the neighbors antsy.

[Christobol]

Mother, I have found it best never to take things away from Punky, for all concerned, especially me.

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

...and in case you don't know what they say about inquiring minds, let me clarify it:
"inquiring minds want to know"
I post this post-updated post update so we don't get none of them wise crackers runnin' willy-nilly 'n' shoutin' nonsensical what-nots.

[Christobol]

I thought inquiring minds wanted a bj?

WHATNOTS!

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

Down, Christobol! You are getting antsy. Maybe it's time to make another delivery run to punky's house...
Everyone wants one, you should know that. It's just that inquiring minds ask about it more.

[Christobol]

Really I just wanted a chance to yell "WHATNOTS!" all willy-nilly in a non-sensical fashion. Really, I mean how often do we get the chance?

[Federal Duck]

If you've never done something all willy-nilly in a non-sensical fashion, I recommend getting a bj from an enquiring mind in this manner. I'm not sure if the grammar worked out on that sentence, but I don't care. That's how willy-nilly it gets around here.

[Christobol]

And really Fed, even if you have (what you said) before, I'd recommend it.

[slyeyes]

Slart...as IF that would stop Willy Nilly from making his wise-cracks and non-sensical whatnots. Good luck with that.

BTW, the pic of that scramjet reminds me of my ex after he ate chili.

TMI?

[punky brewster]

*clings to package*

Paws off!

Hisssssssssssss

*go back to playing with package and purring*

[slyeyes]

*scrolls up to see what all the fuss is about the package*

I think I missed something.

[punky brewster]

*picks up stray "es"*

*glues it to the butt of "go"*

*brushes hands clean and appears satisfied*

Go - Es ... GOES! Dun da du du dun

[slyeyes]

speaking of other threads, Slart, I answered your question about the Dome in St. Louis in the Cher thread.

Short answer: Edward Jones Dome.

[penny]

*Pretty much ignores everything written before her because she doesn't feel like reading 140-something posts - and knowing for certain that this one will be similarly ignored by the next posters :)*

Just wanted to say I loved this game - and I usually lose mypatience at computer games pretty fast. It really put a smile on my face, it was silly and knew it was silly and I liked that.
And I liked all the meaningless little things you could press that didn't matter, like the geckos and the snails and all that. :) Just smiling now... even though it's half past three AM and I still haven't finished my assignment for tomorrow... :) it was worth wasting that time. :)

[wysiwyg]

When I first read Dave's tag on this post I thought he was referring to the job of the person who created the puzzle. But on re-reading it, I realise he was referring to MY job. Ulp!

With apologies to those that have already contributed:

Dave’s Weekly Column Tribute and Farewell Card

Have YOU signed the card yet?

[slyeyes]

Oh, feck it!

I think work blocked the game......and I tried to access it here at home. HOWEVER, I got freaking tired of registering at every screen.

Did you all do that??

I still think this has all been a practical joke staged by my sister.

M-O-M --- make her stop!!!

[Eleanor]

penny - I have no idea what games you're talking about or what anything else you're (not your) saying, but I wanted you to know that I read your post twice - Happy Wednesday (or whatever day it is wherever you are - hugs

[slyeyes]

Eleanor, this thread is allegedly about a game. But I think they all made it up.

*takes her ball and goes home to play with herself*

[slyeyes]

ummm..... you know I meant "By myself".

Really

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

slyeyes, would you mind rephrasing that a bit? You know, for the kids...Change your socks, order a package, and whatnot? Also, you definitely do not need to register with anything. Maybe it is just that you don't have the right version of Shockwave or Flash or whatever was required to play it? I know I had to download something. But don't worry, there's nothing wrong with my copmtp2tput423Trrer

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

I noticed this topic was filed under 'Productivity Enhancers.' Has anyone else noticed a big gap between the 'WARNING: DO NOT OPEN AT WORK, OIYDWYMTTY(NY)G' topics? The last one was the 'Halloween Flash' picture, which didn't really need to be filed under it. And can someone elaborate upon "OIYDWYMTTY(NY)G" for me? 'Only if you do work with...?" That's as far as I am willing to guess. (I don't want to add that the next part that pops to mind is "your mother")

[penny]

Or If You Don't Want Your Mother To Think You're (Not Your) Gay.

You shoulda asked the mice. ;-)

[wysiwyg]

Hee! Hee!

Sly: Generally, when you are off playing with yourself, its also by yourself - unless you have exhibitionist tendencies.

I suspect Slarti is right, you might need to load something because it worked fine for me here without ads. But then perhaps Shockwave just has it in for people around where you live.

Now, having wasted my lunchtime playing the game, I must go and have lunch.

[Joshkr]

Penny...reminds me of the original Zork

[Corn]

That was actually kinda cool and surreal!

I think the name of the design group that made this indicates their source of inspiration: Amanita Designs. Yeah, indulge in too much amanita muscaria and you'll probably start seeing stuff like that.

[punky brewster]

Slarti ... yeah, I dropped the "caps" ... it got to be too much work to keep hittin' the shift key and stuff. I'm a low maintenance girl. I like to keep it simple.

Hey! Who's snickering back there?!

And what's with the "remember info?" box down at the bottom?

*stagehand enters from left and whispers into Punky's rear, er ... I mean ear*

What?! Really? I'm an idiot.

[Witchiecoo]

Whoa... May I suggest consuming at least 4 Baby Godzillas (that's a cocktail that they should distill at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant.. ) and playing this game... trippy.

[Christobol]

Punky - never listen to those who whisper in your rear.

Truthful people always yell in the rear. So it is written, so shall it be.

[waterboy]

Indeed, Slar. As I recall, Dave had to come in and intervene when that "velvel" character started using other persons' e-mail addresses on a regular basis. I shudder to think what the spambot has put on your link, Slar.

[neophyte]

zork.... Oh, I really liked zork

*all nostalgia like*

[wysiwyg]

Reading though Slarti's link back to March this year was very revealing. There appear to have been a few changes since then:

Punky in March said:

"I once dated a guy that did a bit of modeling and got into the habit of shaving his chest hair. When chest hair grows in after being shaved, it feels like VERY BAD on one's face and hands during moments of [whispers] intimacy."

"[whispers]"?!?

Apparently the tone of the blog in those days was so genteel another blogger was so shocked she posted:

"Aren't you the randy one there, Punkster? And to think someone thought you were a little angel! ;)"

Jeez girl, you sure have come along a tad since then:

Punky today:

"*clings to package*

Paws off!

Hisssssssssssss

*go back to playing with package and purring*"

But Punky isn't the only things to have evolved. Someone wrote:

"...That said, I don't quite understand the constant stream of beefcake links. Sure, they're pretty to look at, and maybe men like that do exist somewhere.

But where is the irony and bizarre-ness, the sheer random insanity which I associate with all things Dave?"

Didn't she get the irony and bizarre-ness of posting beefcake? And velvel strikes me as sort of person who would silently nickname their privates "taint" rather than admit there was a real word for it.

And where have all these people gone? Was there a virus going around and only the strongest survived?

Gotta say, though, I think I would have kept drifting off to sleep back then. No zing in the conversations. Probably because they were all focussing on their real jobs, unlike us, as evidenced by this quote:

"I can't contribute the time to read the 400+ comments on your original manners question, however...."

Sure thing, baby, I have all the time in the world for a person who just wants to throw their own opinion into the pot without finding out what others have said on the topic.

And finally, while spending a moment cruising the month of November, I found the explanation for why Jeff never gets posted. Dave wrote:

"First, I apologize to those of you who send in links, only to see a link you sent posted with somebody else getting the credit. Here I'm thinking specifically of Mike Gaston*, who emailed about this, but it's also probably true of a lot of other folks.

The problem is that this blog operation is about as organized as a tub of live bait. The blog isn't my day job, and it definitely isn't judi's, so what we do is check the mail when we can, and kind of zip through it in a cursory and inefficient manner, hurl some links up, and get back to work, or what passes for work in our case. As a result we have a HUGE backlog of unread emails, and the truth is we'll never get to all of them. All I can say is, we do what we can, and we hope you understand if we don't get your link up here."

So Jeff, apparently what is happening is Dave and Judi are zipping through the e-mails, ignoring most of them and posting yours as being from Clair Martin. Problem solved.

[Lord Dimwit Flathead the Excessive]

Zork was definitely a classic!

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

Has anyone tried any of the other games? I am on Balloon Face, and I can't figure out that puzzle where you click on a square and it lights up...

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

oh, nevermind, I got it. I thought I did it already, but apparently it was something different.

[wysiwyg]

Bangla: I was aware of the rivalry, but I thought it was because Jeff was cranky about them simply posting Claire's e-mail instead of his own. Turns out that they are actually posting Jeff's, but using Claire's name...

[neophyte]

Bangi_gurl, are you still here? How's your mum?

[alanboss]

Woo Hoo! First Judi acknowledges one of my posts, and now she posted the first link I've ever sent to the blog! I will now start stalking Judi, because she obviously wants me!

[neophyte]

wysiwig, Jeff's not cranky.

Bangi, "jokey" is a perfectly good word... at least, here! :)

[alanboss]

Oops. Sorry. I lost it for a second there (not they're.)

Seriously (right) I liked this one because it wasn't TOO difficult (I nailed it in about a half hour) and I loved the look of the thing. It was sort of Monty Python meets Myst.

[neophyte]

LOL, Alanboss! I'm sure she does, hon, I'm sure she does. :)

[Shaay]

Penny: I love that silly little game! (Have you been listening to the new Hitchhiker's series as well?)

Slarti: love your signature for all the same reasons - it's nice to be reminded of Douglas Adams every once in a while.

[wysiwyg]

Slarti: I had a go at baloon face as well and got stuck in the same spot. I had a sort of "A Ha!" moment when it occurred to me that I might be colouring the puzzle in back to front, but nothing seems to work. I even went back and redid the first levels to see if it made a difference if the crane was pulled back before doing the puzzle, but to no avail.

I suspect terrorists.

[joann roberts]

Please sign me up for your e-mailed newsletters.

[Christobol]

Joann, I do not have a newsletter to email, but I can snailmail you a dead squirrel.

Just let me know.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Hi guys. wysiwyg, Bangi's right (hi, bangi! and neophyte), it was just my not always funny sense of humor. Anyway, if you look I'm sure you can find items I've sent in that DID get posted. In fact, there were several up there at once back in the day.

'Scuse me, the geezer bus is leaving and I need to make sure the turn signal is on.

Oh, and Slarti, I did try & answer your question last night but it seems to have vanished. To give you the short version: we don't mention twopuppies around here since he was a bad boy with some of the ladies on the blog, and in a totally inappropriate way not like Joshkr. (Ask Rita if you want details.)

Many of the "older" bloggers are still around -- besides yours truly and Queen Punky there are Leetie, Rita, Blogchik (temporarily in St. Petersburg, Russia), [President} Elle, Eadn (occasionally, when he's up to it), Graz & Lee (neither seen much lately, but they're out there), Bangi, Kibby, djtony, Deon, Boo Augustus (at times) & others slipping through the cracks in my brain (help me out guys).

[slyeyes]

Jeff, you almost sounded like Romper Room roll call there.

yeah, yeah, I know, I'm getting on the geezer bus, just as soon as I get my really big wrap around sunglasses.

[Christobol]

Hey Slyeyes! Will you tell your "friends" to call me? I don't know what I did to piss them off.

sincerely,

Sinus Infection

[punky brewster]

easy on the "older" reference, Jeffy!

We prefer "original" bloglits.

"founding" works too.

But not "older" :(

I'm still getting used to not being in my 20s anymore.

[Christobol]

Maybe differently young?

Remember, you're only as old as college kids make you feel.

I need some fiber.

[punky brewster]

I guess all the college kids sniffing around my butt and offering to buy me pints of beer at the local Yale "sponsored" pub means I'm still young?

Or that they're too drunk or horny to care.

Where did I put my bi-focals?

[kibby F5]

Over there!
----------------------->

[Federal Geezer]

*wheeeeze*

I 'member back when the blog first turned on the comments. Back when gas was a nickle a gallon and kids respected their elders and we rode cranky mules to take bread sandwiches to the sawmill where pa worked 19.5 hour days 'cause we lost the farm after the cows got diverticulitis of the scrotum and we had to put 'em out of their misery and there was a depression on dammit and them suzy broke her leg and we had to put her down but it was ok because we had 24 extra siblings cause we couldn't afford those fancy "condoms" and sex was the only way to keep warm on those bitterly cold nights and we walked 6 parsecs to and from school, barefoot, in the snow, uphill both ways, and we had to kill our lunch on the way and then we run plumb broke when pa drank up all the spendin' money after ma joined the brothel and...

*slap*

Ah, sorry. I get nostalgic sometimes.

[kibby F5]

Sorry Punky, that wasn't intended to tell you where the glasses were.... it was my response to the Roll Call....

....yea, that's it (stick to it boy!) ... I'll just be over here..... ah.....

[punky brewster]

Kibby ... funny thing is that I followed your arrow and found my glasses!

So thanks, buddy.

[Eleanor]

Am just checking in since my last post last night- I'm glad all of you were able to have fun without me
*not bitter*
why is there (not they're) no new item from Dave today? Does he still think it's yesterday?
I think I'll go check the MOAT

[Christobol]

Careful, Punky. Some guys will try to trick you into believing they are college guys, by rapping hep cat soliloquies at ya. But they often have a "tell" such as:

A walker

A cup next to their beer, in which they are soaking their dentures.

A Sony Walkman, playing tapes.

An 8 Trak Player stapled to their pants, with an extension cord trailing off into the bathroom

The Plague

$8 Digital Watch that keeps beeping, prompting them to take pills

Colostomy bag

Hope this helps.

[kibby F5]

*sends super secret "Thank you" to Deon for access to stalker-cam*

Oh, blogchik says it's a blizzard up there. Sounds like winter's hit the Great _______ North. Canada? How are you doing?

[neophyte]

Hey! I want a stalker cam too!

*goes searching for Deontologist*

[punky brewster]

very helpful, c-bol.

thank you, love.

[Christobol]

De nada Punky. What can I say? I don't mind when the actual whipper-snappers run circles around me, but when the AARP members do it chaps my hide (but not in that good way - except for in Vegas, for some reason AARP members in Vegas know how to chap my hide in a good way while running circles around me, especially when they use that... oh am I still typing out loud here?).

[Federal Duck]

Christobol, recently I was in a club spittin' some hepcat soliloquies at this hottie. I leaned over to sniff her butt, but my walker got snagged on the extension cord to my 8 track and I dropped my denture cup, slipped on the polydent and broke my hip. But I think deep down, she dug my mad skills.

[Christobol]

Deep down (and sometimes it seems impossibly deep, don't I know it) they all dig your mad skills, Fed. Always know that.

[punky brewster]

Fed, that was me!

[Christobol]

By the way, Fed. I'll be happy to represent you in your lawsuit against those bastard polydent manufacturers. No way should you have slipped like that.

We'll sue for a new hip, and punitive damages for lost boink time with Punky.

We're gonna be rich! Well, I am. But you'll get a hip at cost.

Whattaya say?

Lucifer Mephistopheles, Esquire (the magazine)

[Christobol]

You can make that Parkinson's work for you if you learn how to focus it in very particular ways, Jeff.

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

Jeff, maybe you just forgot you hit 'post' twice.

[Federal Duck]

To whom it may or may not concern, as the case may be:

We at the legal firm of Christobol, Mallard and Associates are bringing a suit of law (a nice brown one, classy but not pretentious) against Polydent Worldwide International Corp. Inc. Etc. herenafter and extending forth in a jaunty manner referred to as "the Bastards."

Our client, one Percival Merriwether Huffington Buffington Laplume Spackle Poisson de ma Tante Weinerbunker IX Jr. Esq., hereinafter and forthwith referred to as "Yojimbo," on the night of Friday, while attempting to exert his mad skills, did sniff the butt of one Punky Brewster, resulting in an accident which this legal counsil finds sphincter-puckeringly funny, did "get a boo-boo," in the words of Yojimbo, after slipping on your obviously negligent and potentially communist product.

This council, which gets off on referring to itself in the third person, shall be in contact with you concerning our Jaguar payments and how your company can benefit from relieving us of them.

Thank you,

Christobol, Mallard and Associates

[Sarcasmo the Blurker]

I'm still stuck on Balloon Head, and I can't figure it out. . . has anyone gotten past that part?

HELP!

[bob]

Now that's Entertainment. Wow, talk about a reality show

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

Sarcasmo, I was stuck on that part, too. All you have to do is move that one thing over next to the other thing, and then while the one thing is going 'bing' or something, just click on the first thing and it will move over to the second thing, and viola (not the instrument)!

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

And hasn't it been 24 whole hours since the last new blog topic? I get confused because the blog clock is off by a little, but I think that it's time for outrage or pathetic whimpering...

[Sean]

Maybe they are too busy playing this to post anything new..

[Sarcasmo the Blurker]

Thanks Slart, very clear . . .
the only thing that moves is the crane and the bird, and there are no bings (not cherries or chandlers) only clicks.

I'm still stuck

[slyeyes]

For some reason, Dave and Judi sometimes seem to get busy with what they call "work" and forget to feed us.

*goes back to sulking in the corner because she STILL can't play the game due to internet nazis.*

[Slartibartfast Mark II]

Oh, I guess I was a little off, I was talking about the part before this part. Yeah, for this part, just realize that birds are dumb. Have you got the professor/doctor/lab coat guy out yet? He's hiding behind the door. If you have the guy sitting on the button so the thing appears, then you are almost there. Forget about the stupid crane (but maybe retract it just in case...) and, well, forget it...just rotate the map one turn to the right and duplicate it.

[philintexas]

There must be a big story and/or another hurricane brewing out in the swampy area we sometimes refer to as the former-voter-challenged state of Florida or I wouldn't be commenting on dayold blog. I'm betting that Ms. Smith has filed a lawsuit against her employer(s) for some heinous act or negligent oversight on the soon to be semi-retarded...uh retired Mr. Barry. tap tap tap...you guys awake yet?