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October 04, 2004




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But now who will I talk to during dinner? My FAMILY??? You've got to be kidding me...

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!

*clap clap*

*clap clap*

Now if they'd just go after the pollsters that decide to call on Saturday mornings...

I was quite happy too when I heard about this. I remember whe Dave published the phone number of the ATA, the main group opposing the DNC list.

And think of all the people in the poor areas of my state that will now be out of their jobs as telemarketers! Maybe they'll just have to get used to welfare or, better yet, maybe they'll finally get up and move to Florida. Sure beats having to screen their calls with caller ID or politely hang up on them anymore!

*clap, clap*

I have been on the "do not call" list for about 6 months, and what a difference it has made!! When my phone rings 99 times ou tof 100 it is someone i want to talk to. But....

I miss saying "hang on a sec" putting the phone down, and finishing dinner, only find the poor guy still there 20 minutes later.

I think we should take it a step further, and have a Federal "harrass these people" registry. This will be a public list of people who are paid telemarketers and there home and business phone numbers. Any time you get bored, you can just call a few of them and bother them for kicks and giggles.
That would be great.


...but I got three telemarketing calls today at work. :(

At this point in time, there's a logistical problem getting our work numbers on a do-not-call list.

baby steps.

*clap clap*

Dave, you da man!

Chris, I think you meant there are poor people in India who will be out of work.

News like this makes me wish I had a phone...

*clap clap*

I just got a call tonight at dinner asking if I was interested in buying a case of chocolate Easter eggs.

I too rejoiced when I read this. I have been on the "Do Not Call" list since Day One. I was also on Florida's list prior to that and that one cost five bucks per number to be included! Money well spent, thought I.

There are, however, enough loopholes in the law to drive that proverbial Mack truck through. (No, make it a Hummer 2.) Example: who called and attempted to get to me buy something last week? The f@#king PHONE COMPANY, that's who?! Any company with whom you have a prior business relationship may call.

So what am I going to do? Tell them to rip out the phone?

*clap clap*

(no, I am not announcing a communicable disease! I'm toeing Punky's line.)

Having an unlisted number and filling commercial form blanks with my old disconnected number seems to work. Never get a call now. If I do get a call (couple times a year), I ask who they think they are reaching. They will say something like, "er, the decisionmaker at this number."

Wrong answer. Remove this number. Click.

Darn it, Chris, you're right! Why shouldn't people be allowed to make a living calling people who have specifically requested not to be called over and over and over? And over?

Darn it, Chris, you're right! Why shouldn't people be allowed to make a living calling people who have specifically requested not to be called over and over and over? And over?

They exempted the most annoying groups, though!... I'm getting abou three messages a day on my machine that use the words, "Evil", "Bush", and "Change" since those seem to be the happenin' words to use, nowadays.

I even got one message with the word, "Admonister" in it.

I won't have to worry about the tounge-tripping people who call but one season a year. But what makes me think they'll forget to turn the autodialers off after the election is over and done with?

on that list of ppl to harass, why not include the time zone they live in?

Then you can call them at 2AM THEIR TIME.

Thank You

Yeah, I saw an news investigation of stuff like that. They got one call that said "The following is a public service announcement: You can get your ducts cleaned for only $100!" (The list doesn't apply to PSAs).

But it also showed that there's a provision on the law that says it's illegal to "subvert this law."

p.s. GO DAVE!

I usually really mess with telemarketers.
I like to get them when i'm takin a shiz.

phone:"Are you alright sir?"(Concerned)
me:"Yes, i'm FINE, just fine."
phone:"Ok, about your three shirts then."
me:"YES, yes, i'd like them in the REEEEED!!"


mmm, i feel so relieved now.


Yay, again. What I'd like to know is how to stop the garbage faxes we get all day at work -- FREE TRIP TO MEXICO! INTEREST RATES ARE LOW! MAKE A FORTUNE BUYING ENRON! At least you can hang up on telemarketers, but those $)%^*@^ faxes waste our ink and paper, not to mention tying up our line. I tried to put our number on the DNC list, but it has not had any effect.

Guin, those junk faxes are prohibited under federal law. You can report them to the FCC.

I have a great deal of respect for any journalist who isn't afraid to use the word "yay."

Also, this is great, but when are they going to get a DNC list for people I owe money to. Sheesh. Greedy bastards. :)

Oh, darn. There goes all my fun.

Telemarketer, calling me when I'm eating dinner, of course: "Hello, is this ?"

Me: "No, I'm the parallel universe counterpart to that guy."

Telemarketer: "Hehe, um...well, I am from , and I'd like to tell you about --"

Me: "I have 6,248 hairs on my butt. I counted them."

Telemarketer: "-- and we are offering 3 months free...err, what?"

Me: "My, what a lovely day to go cordless bungee-jumping, wouldn't you say?"

Telemarketer: "Err..."

And so on. :-)

Telemarketer: Yes, I'd like to speak to the very dumbest person in the house who still can legally commit to incurring debt.

c-bol: Speaking!

T-Mark: Super! I'd like to tell you about this...

c-bol: I'll TAKE it!

T-Mark: Erm...you're going to, but just let me..

c-bol: Yes! Is there a limit? I'll take them ALL!

T-Mark: Sir, what I'm offering is peace of mind. Have you ever considered what would happen to your loved ones if you were beheaded by a ninja octupus before your time?

c-bol: No! Why should I? Nothing would happen to them, it's me got beheaded, right?

T-Mark: True, but your family would be broke, right?

c-bol: Not really. I don't work. Me dying would kind of improve things, financially speaking. What do you mean 'before my time'? You saying I'm destined to have my head cut off by a ninja squid weilding a shovel?

T-Mark: No sir. I didn't say squid, I said octopus. And I never said anything about a shovel. But look, you're going to die, right?

c-bol: No! Why?

T-Mark: We all die, sir.

c-bol: Really?

T-Mark: Yeah.

c-bol: In that case, give me the most expensive coverage with the least benefits!

T-Mark: That's all I carry, sir! Now, which policy would you like?

c-bol: The pink one!

T-Mark: Hold the line, sir.

teee heeeeeeee....Dave had a split double post!! It's not just me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I put our numbers on the Do Not Call list as soon as it became an option. I still get the most annoying "this is not a sales or solicitation call" or "we're not selling anything..." calls. There is another person/machine that calls and asks ME to call them back. I am very afraid of that one because somehow I think that IF I were to actually call them and try to get them to cease and desist, that I would be setting myself up by "having done business with them."

We answer them in awfully offensive ways.

Me: Mabel's Abortion Clinic. You rape 'em we scrape 'em; No fetus can beat us!


*gasp* CRASH!

Don't you think Dave should publish an updated list of telemarketers? I could employ all these witty kernels (sp?) while getting cussed out by the CEO. FUN!!

Jessica R.
I was just going to say that I keep getting calls from some machine telling me to call some guy. For some reason I'm also afraid to return the call, even if it's to say, "Who the Hell are you, and if you want to talk to me so damn bad, call me your damn self."

I feel much better now.

Thank you.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

The part I find most infuriating about all of this telemarketers vs. the DNC list is that telemarketers are trying to tell us that it's impuning on their First Amendment rights to free speech. What they don't seem to be remembering is the the First Amendment is more than just free speech. It also protects other freedoms, including (if you read it) the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. The people have spoken by asking the government to establish this DNC list, and by signing up on it.

So, ATA and all you telemarketing buddies, shut up! We the people have spoken, and we don't want you around!

Besides that, I don't think calling on the phone and interrupting dinner is "free" speech. My food gets cold, and I need to use more electricity to reheat it. Bastards.

Good thing they're done.

Yay indeed but hang on, this won't get to Australia for...(counts on fingers). Bugger, five more years of dinner interuptions.
Off the subject but from Dave's sex instructions column. Vague Psycobabble should be the mandatory name for rock bands since Lonnie Donigan (Does your chewing gum loose it's flavor on the bedpost overnight? If your mother says don't chew it do swallow it in spite?)

...do YOU swallow it....Dammit, proof read..prooof raed

Anyone else think that it's ironic that the above poster talks about needing to proofread their posts, this mispells "read"?

And yay for the First Ammendment! The Supreme Court rejected an appeal from ousted Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore who lost his job over a controversial Ten Commandments monument.

Have you just sat down to sup?
Did you just raise up your cup?
Is damn annoying
But everyone has their hangup

The latest post simply says Yay,
That's all Mr. Dave had to say.
Phone beggers are scum...
Go back whence you come,
Don't call at the end of the day!

Charities, pollsters and callers on behalf of politicians, however, are exempt.

So what good is that?

At least when it's pollsters you can have fun with them ('Well, last time I counted it was 74 TV sets and half a car, why do you ask?') - messing with charity folks always feels somewhat wrong ('A fund for children who lost their left toe in a tractor accident and whose name begins with B? Just a second... *off-phone* Hey Bobby! There's some folks here about your toe, pick up the phone!').

i second that yaay! i got on the nys list as soon as i could - now the only crapweasels who bother me are the political pollsters. i was getting 3 and 4 a day from everyone running for any office in the primary a couple weeks ago. too bad we cant cut them out. let's hear it for the Supremes!

Félicitations, Penny. (also off topic) For some reason I find comfort in the fact that there are no bids yet on this item (gag alert if you hate dead meeses to pieces).

Nobody bid on a dead mouse - there might be hope for humanity yet!

Now, if only somebody could kill Cher before her 60th birthday, we might actually avoid the apocalypse... gee, think she'd fit into a coke bottle?

I like giving t-marketers a hard time. Like telling the long distance company that wants your service that you have no phone. Confuses 'em. And then asking them why they are calling you on a banana. It never rang before!

We've also told window replacement companies that we have no windows, living in a cave and such.

SMFTC, good to hear from you again!

You should sign up on the National Do Not Call Registry if you haven't done so already.

Sometimes I say "I told somenone else from your company a couple of weeks ago that I was on the "do not call" list ..." (they can be fined if they call you after you have told them you're on the list)

I'm with queensbee. I signed up immediately on the NYS list and for the most part it works... but, and it's a big but (not butt). I keep getting calls from my bank trying to sell me protection I don't need or want (shades of the mob!). I tell them no but the next night another very young person calls with the same offer. (THey are obviously foisting this hideous job off on the most junior staff members to see if they're willing to sell their soul to the company store in the most deadening manner possible.) Same thing night three. (My wife answered a couple of these.)

On night four I instructed my wife to tell them:
1. We had turned down their offer three nights in a row.
2. We did not want their stupid offer.
3. If they called back one more time we WERE TAKING OUR MONEY TO ANOTHER BANK the next day.
4. No calls since.

Of course we still get the surveys and the political calls, but we've made some progress.

el oh el the internet

I once responded to a call from a credit card company with "I'm sorry, he passed away last week." Turns out it was the fraud prevention office trying to make sure a suspect charge was legitimate. It took me two months to straighten that mess out.

*clap, clap*

I have a suggestion for all the telemarketers crying about losing jobs. See if this makes sense: Keep paying the phoners even if they just sit on their hands all evening. It won't cost any more than having them make hundreds of phone calls where the callee just hangs up.

P.S. And what's with not being able to make posts?

The Do Not Call Registry decision is all well and good, but I really want to know what a "Louisiana prison journalist" is.

*still clapping*

Dave! Judi! Looks like the blog is still sick ... it keeps throwing up our posts and then burping something about 403 error forbidden fruit of the garden of eden.

Can you help?

(Think I'm on the "do not preview" list somehow, das ist verboten!)

Hey, Boo!

ME: Miami Dade County Morgue...
TeleMarketer: Is James Crominato there?
Me: Yes.
TM: May I speak to him?
Me: Sure, but I don't think he'll talk back.

Actually, being a telemarketer probably sucks. Calling to people who hate you all day long... and it doesn't pay much too.

Doesn't mean I don't hate their guts, of course, but it's a fun thing to say to get them surprised...

Me: No, I don't want to take a poll... that's what most people answer, isn't it?
Telemarketer: Yup.
Me: That must be a terrible job, making that kind of calls all day.
Telemarketer: *surprised at the sympathy* Yeah, it kinda is...
Me: Too bad for you, huh? Bye!

(Try #4)

My mom's still getting junk mail and the occasional telemarketing call (I never checked into putting a dead person on the DNC list).
She died over 3 years ago.
Anybody want to bet how long it will take for her to fall off of the lists?

A call I got some times ago, in the middle of dinner, of course:

[Rrrring! Rrrring! Rrrring!]
Me: "Hello?"
Recorded voice: "Hello, I am President George W Bush. I would like to..."
Me: [Hang up the phone, go back to the dinner table]
My wife: "Who was it, dear?"
Me: "The president... Again..." [sigh]
My wife, in serious voice: "Poor guy, you should find time to talk to him someday..."
Me: "Uh-huh..."

At this point I noticed that my 6-yr old daughter' eyes were getting huge: "The President?! REALLY?!?!"

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