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October 16, 2004


Now they've taken Darth.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)


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I will not say it. I may be first, but you'll not catching me saying it. Nope, not at all.

first I was eddie haskell, then alice cooper. Really, I'm a moron disguised as a typical kerry supporter

One wonders why Darth didn't just use The Force...


'But he’s so sweet. He’ll eat right out of your hand."

OR maybe, he will eat your hand. yeah.

..fancy and valuable mega-koi fish...

I'm pretty certain that's what was written on the package of forzen fish I bought at the grocery store the other day.

I meant to say "frozen fish", not forzen fish.

forzen... Is that a word? It should be. It sounds like a cool word. It would probably have to relate to something in the medical world like a minor organ or something.
"Nurse, hand me the furnabulator. Her forzen is all twisted around her lung."

Let's see, if KOI are worth $1800 each, the lake behind our house must be worth about $1,800,000,000. Ooops, nobody's reading this are they?

If the Koi was really that big, I'd think a racoon could scoop it right out of the pond without disturbing things (except the koi, of course) too much. Who keeps giant koi in a 2ft deep pond???? My brother in law only has 4-5inch koi and he built their pond 4ft deep.

Too bad about the insurance, but I doubt there are a lot of policies that cover koi available. I've heard of pet insurance, but I think that's really for the health issues in the pets you haven't lost.

Shadeboy - I wont be trhrowing anything. My first though was why would anyone steal a koi with such an obvious breathing problem??

that would be 'throwing'.

Moral of the story: Always insure your fish.

The koi, which measures almost 20 inches long, is jet-black with blue hue on the tip of its tail, and it disappeared along with three smaller fish sometime Wednesday
Those three other fish barely got a footnote in the article. Maybe there was some jealousy involved, there. Could they be responsible?!
Unnamed Fish 1: I've about had it with that Darth. Thinks he's SOOOO valuable.
Unnamed Fish 2:Yeah. I'd like to see him try and use the force to keep me from flushing him down the toilet.
Unnamed Fish 3: Hey! An egret! Let's go introduce him to Garth! An egret wouldn't dare try anything if there was four of us to contend with.

"What mean-spirited person would do something so scummy?"
I'm not even going to mention the pun. Nope. Not going to do it.

Found him...John Cleese is posing with him...

I don't know if I buy this story. The whole thing sounds fishy to me.

this time the terrorist have gone too far.

"Black koi that size can sell for anything from $150 to well into the thousands, depending upon its color, size and subspecies."

Can someone explain to me how the price depends on the color and size of a "black koi that size?" Wouldn't all "black koi that size" be black and that size? I'm guessing Darth is a $150 sushi roll right now.

I can't wait for the episode of "Cops: Koi Pond" that covers this particular crime.

Black Koi, Black Koi,
Whatchya gonna do?
Whatchya gonna do
When they come for you.... [doo doo doo doo doot]

Repeat Chorus

How do they know the thief wasn't a carp weasel?

Also, remember that putting a picture of a missing fish on a carton of milk probably isn't kosher.

If this fish thought he was so special (as hilariously depicted by Brain Jello) I guess he would be koi poloi.


Boy, they sure have an exciting newspaper up there in Oregon, don't they? All this hard-hitting news and everything. Whoa.

I guess Sheriff Taylor and Barney don't have a lot of other things to do, 'cept finding the fish 'nappers.

What I found the most surprising out of this story, is that apparently, I've been mis-spelling "koi" all along.....well, maybe it was just the 2 times in my life I have had to spell it.

And, I wonder if anyone is checking with the usual suspects, including Frankenfish

This fish was obviously an imposter. Everybody who is really old knows that Grandpappy Amos is the REAL McKoi.

Dagnabbit, and by cracky.

Hello, Metford police, Yeah, Uh, I have some information for Brenda Hogge. Yeah, about Darth & the appetisers. They needed more salt. Bye for meow.

Hmmm... first we see a picture of Dave with John Cleese, and then we're invited to play 'Where Is The Fish?'...

Coincidence? I think not!

Hey Dave, you still want to be President? Here you go! We might need to take up a collection though.

I'm with iolite. Frisk your local racoon. One cleaned out a local Koi pond here a few years ago.


My first visite to this site today,and I already like it! I dont know whether to laugh at this or to be concerned! but Im pretty sure that Im supposed to laugh!
so .....
you dont know me!
dont look at me like that!?!
* dissappears without a trace*

Bored fellers? Well then it's random ramparts time!

I hate it when that happens...but I guess it's par for the koi...

how would they know if they got their fish back? could they pick him out of a lineup?

"yes, officer. that's him. i'd recognize that blank stare and sparatic flailing anywhere!"

marc: Here's your fish back.Hogge: But Darth was black.marc: Oh, just a sec, then. And close your eyes.Hogge, 58: OK.Can of Spraypaint: *Clac-clac-clac PSHHHHHHH!*marc: OK, you can open your eyes now.Hogge: It's Darth! Oh, thank you, Marcie!MarC: Uh, whatever. Gimmie some reward money.

That's nice Bangi, but what is "whr" in english?

Is it a coincidence that tartar sauce is on sale this week? I think not.

AAAW! Those evil koinappers!

Sounds funny to the ignorant, but raising koi is a multi million dollar industry in the USA, and more in Japan. One fish, who won the All Japan Show was purchased for one million US dollars. Some fish can't be taken out of Japan, because they are considered national treasures.

When judging fish, the body shape, size, depth of color, and conformity to the type standards all differ from fish to fish. So a 20 inch black koi that is shiny, bright, and has the hue of the skin of an eggplant (that's a color cue) is worth a lot more than the same size black fish which is greyish, patchy, bent, or doesn't conform to the ideal.
A pure black fish can be called "Hajiro" which is Japanese for crow.
Many black fish are actually other types that are darker than they should be - like Ochiba Shigure (Leaves on the Water) - and not as desirable.

Koi can live longer than their owners if they are cared for. Some koi are passed down through the family as heirlooms. The longest recorded life span on a koi was 228 years. The fish was kept in a monastery, and there are records of her (each fish's pattern is unique - like a fingerprint) in the ink paintings that go back. When she was killed - she didn't die a natural death - her age was confirmed by an examination of her scales. The scales on a koi have aging rings, like trees. Interestingly, she could have been older. The scales only show the age of the scale, and if she had ever been injured, the scale could have regrown some time after she was spawned.

If you are interested in learning about koi, instead of laughing at something you don't understand like a "Deliverance" idiot, go to www.koimag.com (a British site), or www.koivet.com (a site in Georgia).

>>Boy, they sure have an exciting newspaper up there in Oregon, don't they? All this hard-hitting news and everything. Whoa.

Trystan- I lived up there for about six years. Welcome to the "Medford Mail Tribune". Had my picture published in that rag once, when I was hired as the city's newest parking enforcement officer. My beat was the downtown area, which I walked.. took me about forty minutes to cover the whole thing.

>>If you are interested in learning about koi, instead of laughing at something you don't understand like a "Deliverance" idiot, etc..

Wow, Savannah- I'm not the one who "laughed like a deliverance idiot", but I still can't help thinking.. "how very condescending of you".

duh duh duh duh da duh da duh dum . . .
(duh duh duh duh da duh da duh dum . . .)
duh duh duh duh da duh da duh dum . . .
(duh duh duh duh da duh da duh dum . . .)
duh duh duh duh da duh dum . . .
(duh duh duh duh da duh dum . . .)
duh duh duh duh da duh dum . . .
(duh duh duh duh da duh dum . . .)
duh da duh da duh da duh da dum . . .
(duh da duh da duh da duh da dum . . . )
Ya hoo! Git down Billy Bob Boy! Whee doggies!

I'm getting back up to speed from the weekend. Looks like I didn't miss much. What - no new posts yesterday?

*Ahem -

Mega-Koi wbagnfarb?

Here's a fine piece of property that would look good down by the river, so's we could watch for those city folks in their canoes . . .

Let me see if I have this right....aubergine hue is cute on koi and egg is a cue for the plant that plays pool?
Beats me, pass the salt please.

Squeal like a carp fer me, weeeeeeeeeeah!

According to Aldous Huxley's book; "After Many A Summer Dies the Swan," carps are the secret to longivity. It's in their livers! The National Carp song: "On a Clear Day, I can See Forever!"

going out on a limb here, but, methinks savannah is a kerry supporter.

How many Bush administration officials does it take to change a light bulb?

None. There’s nothing wrong with that light bulb. There is no need to change anything. We
made the right decision and nothing has happened to change our minds. People who criticize
this light bulb now, just because it doesn’t work anymore, supported us when we first
screwed it in, and when these flip-floppers insist on saying that it is burned out, they are
merely giving aid and encouragement to the Forces of Darkness.

I wonder if savannah finds it hard to type with that stick up her butt?

Boop! Boop! Diddem, Daddem, Waddem, Choo!
Boop! Boop! Diddem, Daddem, Waddem, Choo!
Boop! Boop! Diddem, Daddem, Waddem, Choo!
And day swam and day swam,
Right ober da dam!
Swim said the Mama fish!
Swim fast as you can!
And the three little fishes.
Swam ober da dam!

DJT -- applause, applause!

Did you know that Chinese Carps have invaded our American streams and rivers? They are eating our baby bass and trout. This is a "true" statement by our glorious leader.

Here's a nekkid person auction that will not last long 'till the ebay censors catch her (again) DNOAW OIYDWYMTHY . . . (can't remember the rest)

CARPE DIEM??!! No, CARPE CARPE! Yup, that's what somebody did!!

Savannah, despite some of the reactions to your (not his) post I'm sure they/we appreciate the info.. and you didn't quite "get" this blog. Thanks!

Darth! Darth! Darth!
Darth the Koi, Koi, Koi
Darth the Koi, Koi, Koi
Darth the Koi, Koi, Koi

As I swim, I知 not a decoy
Nothing can stop Darth the Koi
Except the coyote named Wiley
He is stealthy and moves so slyly


djtonyb -
I'd like to quote jamester here

"A really good artist shouldn't have to proclaim the excellence of her own work..."

Likewise, to paraphrase, this really good blog does not have to defend its humorous content/intent/puptent.

Severe technical problems have delayed this post but here it goes: Good for you Lairbo, that's all they are GD carp. Here ye here ye all you naive suburbanites (oxymoron I know) Go down to your local pond,steam,crick,rill, abandon quarry, pothole... and save yourself 150+ dollars. It's a stupid carp. However if you so inclined I will let you have my Turtle "JOJO" who likes long walks in the park and polka music for a cool 2 grand.

I'll venture that savannah is a fan of the art of one Maria Alquilar and is one of the people who send Dave's Mr. Language Person articles back with red marks all over them.

You sell yourself short!

Gee Shucks?
"Picks banjo Back up"

Where's Christobol???

I miss his silly yet intellectually stimulating posts.

C'Bol, where ye be, YARRRR????

Sorry syntax error; (always wanted to use a semicolon; right or wrong) should read *picks banjo back up*

I'm getting sick and tired of these deliverance stereotypes. Just because we play the banjo and shmeckle our sisters does not imply that we are not interested in the Japanese carp market. I personally woke up this morning thinking deeply about the economic ramifications of Japanese carp futures.
I am currently writing a reference guide entitled Overpriced Fish of the World and the Asshats Who Love Them, and I have devoted an entire chapter to the difference in color between Eggplant and Ochiba Shigure (Leaves on the Water).

And since you asked, this is the fourth thread in which I've pointed out that John Cleese kissed Lucy Liu on the mouth in a major motion picture. This is, however, the first thread in which I've pointed out that he was on his knees at the time.

Hrm. It turns out that if you don't close the bold tag, it just keep right on bolding away.

But, pish-tosh, as I always say when I wake up after a long and raucous weekend of bolding.

Kinda wondered about the over-bolding, but no newbie in his right mind would mention it. It did however not take away from your central point that Lucy Liu is hot. I would even drink poo water for her. Just not out of Antlers. Got it?

Wow, no typos, who would have thunk it?

Jeeze, don't you thik y'all were a tad harsh on Nurse Ratched back there? I mean I realize that she has "takes-herself-too-seriously" issues and timber in her kiester, but her post was sooo over the top with the condescension and the nanny-nag that I wonder if she wasn't employing a little sarcasm herself.

Mebbe she was just offering herself up as a sacrificail lamb since we have had nothing to comment on today.

The downside to my theory is that if I'm right, we still have nothing to comment on today.

Can any of you Miami bloglits lean over and give Judi a shake?

I looked at that nice property you linked to on ebay MOTW.. and its already up to a bid price of over 10 dollars! Can you believe it! Someone is breaking their bank on that one.

I agree C'bol needs to come back! I loved reading his little stories and such!!

I think I'll just sue every one of you freaks here!

I'll take everything you own, including your so-called sense of humor!

I'll be filing an injunction against you morons shortly, just as soon as I cast the first of my 62 votes for kerry.


I see that although John Cleese is mentioned here in the blog in the topic in which we have a koi, a type of goldfish, that has the name of Darth Vader, not a single person has alluded to "A Fish Called Darth", the offshoot to "A Fish Called Wanda".

*Calls to bartender* "NURSE! I need my medication!!!! NOW!!!"

Zaphod -- Hey! He stole "it was a dark and stormy night" from Snoopy! How dare he! And how forward thinking of him to think of that in 1830.

Regarding the post a couple above mine....I thought Republicans sued and liberals simply whined, protested and tried to get on tv...

DJT, I noticed that....and she's apparently a Texan for Kerry. Gotta have thick skin and a sense of humor to deal with that.

Koi taste just like chicken. Please God something new!!!

Them's some there fer sure

Them's some expensive fish there fer sure

Ain't masterd that aich tee emmm elle stuff yet

Bush in 2008? In political speak, when they say "No", it ends up being it really means yes

Excuse me, I have to go back to proof reading school.

MKJ and Savannah, isn't that just a bit pricey, considering the deal I can get at Long John Silver? But on the other hand, ebay does deliver. Can I order them blackened, grilled, fried or broiled? Do I have to order the hushpuppies separately?

"Coy" has never before been among the adjectives describing Darth Vader (the guy with the precious little WWII Nazi cap).

"Coy" has never before been among the adjectives describing Darth Vader (the guy with the precious little WWII Nazi cap).

Disturbing fact I just dug up from Google: The word "Koi" means both "carp" and "love."

Honey, I really carp you a lot!

I misread that, ita can mean both "crap" and "Love"...totally different meaning.

Did anyone notice on Savannah's website that she thinks she looks like Sigourney Weaver?

The only logical explanation is, she must have a koi named Sigourney Weaver.

Once upon a time, many, many years ago, there was an old woman that lived in a vinegar bottle. The old woman went fishing one day down at the creek below her vinegar bottle because her cupboard was bare (not bear). Late in the afternoon, she finally caught a very unusual fish. The fish spoke up as she was reeling him in (ha) on her cane pole. He said, "old woman, old woman! If you will let me go, I will give you whatever you wish for,-in fact,-your heart's desire! The old woman thought, and thought. She finally decided what she wanted. She told the fish that she wanted a nice little cottage with a beautiful rose garden. The fish said, "go back to your home and your wish will be granted!" The old woman motalated back to the place where her vinegar bottle had been. To her surprise, a cozy little cottage with climbing Red Radience roses careening over and above the quaint cottage appeared in view. She was extremely contented,--well, at least for a while. As the days went on, she became restless and indulged in compulsive over-eating. She did this until,-once again, her cupboard was bare. She knew exactly what to do. So she went down to the stream once again and threw in her pole, calling ,"fishy, fishy, come here! I have some goodies for you!" The fish came to the surface and said, "what do you want this time, Granny?" She said, "I want a new carriage with over-drive, white walls, Tiffiny side lamps, and 6 white horses! That's what I want!" The fish said,"Go home, Queenie. and you will find your heart's desire!" So the little old woman went back to her rose covered cottage. In the road running by the cottage, stood the new carriage and the beautiful 6 white horses, all groomed and curried waiting to be at her disposal. (her beck and call) She was quite contented for a while. But one day she rode in to town to buy a pig for roasting. (in Texas, we use the expression, "BarBie-cueing") Well, sir, she saw a sight that she had never seen before. Ladies and gentlemen were pracing around the town square in the finest silk and lace garments that she had ever seen in her life. (she wore homespun) Not only were they arrayed in the most elaborate fineries of fashion, but they were covered in jewels of every description! She was so dazzeled (?) that the sight purt near blinded her for the moment. But gathering her senses back, she raced her beautiful carriage and the 6 white horses back to her cottage as fast as a greased lizard! Immediately, she went into the house and fetched her cane pole. She didn't stop even for one minute, but grabed the chicken guts out of the trash barrel and headed for the stream. (uh, creek) She tied the chicken parts on to the string which was attached to the pole and threw them into the creek. The fish, by this time, had figured out that the old woman was never going to let him off of the Hook, So he swam to the surface and said, "Keep you stinking old guts! I've lost my apetite, anyhow, you Greedy Old Woman! Go back to your vinegar bottle!" The old woman meandered (?) back up the incline to her home, dragging her feet in the dust as she shuffled along, prolonging the inevitable as long as possible. The moral of this story is,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,(?)

the moral of the story must be that old camp song:

Fish and chips and vinegar, vinegar, vinegar!
Fish and chips and vinegar, vinegar and pop!

OK, being a resident of Oregon, the Identity Theft State, I just want to get a few things clear.

1.Medford is hot. No, not like "oooh, baby, is he/she/it hot" but hot as in dry and over heated.

2. There is nothing there to do.

3. There is REALLY nothing there to do, which is why they have a koi napping crime spree. (I know it was just one, but who knows when they will hit again.)

4. Deliverance was set in Georgia, not Oregon. I have never seen a banjo player in Oregon, and I'm pretty old. We are not all gap toothed hicks. Some of us have dentures. Granpappy makes quite a good living whittling them.

5. I lied about the banjo playing, but the guy was from Califonia so it doesn't count.

I would sign this proudly with my name, but someone has stolen my identity and I can't remember who I am. I think it rhymed with Garth...

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