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October 21, 2004

TERRORISM UPDATE

Now the bastards are using rabbits.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

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FIRST!

Numero uno?

first? 73 bunnies? ahahhaahah

His first CD: "Trapped Under 73 Bunnies"

- album credits will give thanks to the local SPCA and include a heartfelt note urging people to spay their (not there) pets...

So, the gestation period of a bunny is, what, 3 days?

(for all you smart asses out there ... I know it's really 31 days ... but with 73 bunnies in less than a year, it would seem more like 3 days, so step off, smarties)

Oh, boy! My own little bun-ny rab-bit!

I will pet him and pat him and hug him and hold him. I will name him 'George'. And this one 'George', and that one 'George', and also that one over there. Do not squirm, 'George'. Come back, here, 'George', or I will have to punish you.

I might have had them spayed/neutered after the 1st litter, but thats just me. Can bunnies be spayed/neutered??

Yup, iolite, my female bunny is spayed. Prevents all sorts of bad stuff like ovarian cancer and tumors, as well as pregnancy! :)

hop hop hop hop

They can also be rotisseried and fricasseed.

cures hopping

Overrun by hares
Puts quite a hop in your step
Spay and neuter them

Wasn't this an episode of the original Star Trek?

Yup, "Trouble with Tribbles"

We're bein' overrrun by rrrodents, Cap'n. Bones is spayin' and neuterrrin' 'em as fast as possible, but we canna' hold out much longer!

Punky - these may well have been those 3 day gestating bunnies.

Nobody knows what this man has been eating for the last year. My estimate, based on figures I obtained from my ass, is that it is in the neighborhood of 28.6 billion bunnies that he has eaten.

You know, C-bol, your ass has become a handy source of information.

Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a veterinarian!

I'm also no vegetarian. Pass the hasenpfeffer!

I don't like rabbit. Although I did utter that famous phrase "tastes like chicken" for the first time in my life...and meant it.

They don't seem to have enough meat on them, and the parts I ate were wa-a-a-ay too recognizable as actual animal parts. Kind of grossed me out.

I much prefer my meat (and I do love meat) to be highly unrecognizable as to what part of the animal it came from. I think that's why I like ground beef so much. It don't look like an animal when it's shaped like a disk and placed between two pieces of bread.

That's what he gets for playing Barry White on the stereo.

Sounds like this guy really needed to diversify and get into two-headed snakes a bit.

C-bol, could I borrow your butt to help me run these calculations on quantum physics? I'm trying to figure out how to travel through time...

SchadeBoy, when you're done with him, I have a Cold Fusion issue that I'm trying to work out.

Hey C-Bol, ask your heiny if the BoSox will win the Series. Or is it not prophetic? I have a huge wager in the balance, here.

flora! I'm not traveling through time. The environment is too dark and damp. And the atmosphere is so rank it's almost impossible to breath.
* walks a few more squishy paces ... makes sudden realization *
FLORA! This isn't time ... It's a colon!

Of course.

And just keep in mind that my calculations are purely for professional use only, and in the most manly sort of way.

Quick! The holy hand grenade!

* consults the Book of Armaments *

Time-Traveling Colon wbagnarb

First Album: Quantum Armaments

Deep in fortefied territory (under the couch:

Sarge: Alright ladies, listen up! We've recieved reinforcements, and the wenches are fluffy. Go out there and do what you do!

Fluffy: Sarge! Last time you said that, by tail hurt for a week.

Bunny Wench: Want me to rub it for ya, big boy?

Sarge: Quit screwin' around and start screwin' around!

*Wild bunny humping ensues*

Private Whiskers: Sarge! It's the SPCA; We're under attack!

Bugs: *to the rescue* It's ok, boys. I've done this before.

Daffy: Rabbit Season!

Bugs: Duck Season!

Daffy: Rabbit Season!

Bugs: Rabbit Season...

Daffy: Duck Season, FIRE!!

Elmer "SPCA" Fudd *BLAM*

Daffy: Youuuuu're dispicable.

*More wild bunny humping ensues*

Wild Bunny Humping would not be a good name for anything, it's just fun to say.

Also, Private Whiskers and His Bunny Wenches wbagnfsomethinginappropriate.

If anyone if brave enough to tell joskhr there is someone in Lousiana looking to find a home for 73 "Bunnies"..... I bet he'd break the sound barrier getting there.

Duck, that was the best Bugs episode ever.

It has now been forever fouled for me, with images of wild (Bugs) bunny humping. At least Bugs is humping the drag version of himself. Slightly less disturbing, yet still... significantly disturbing.

*begins scrubbing eyeballs with Comet and steel wool*

I'm sorry I fowled up an innocent image for you TG. But you know Bugs had bunny wenches. He's in Hollywood, he's a star, and he's a rabbit. I'll bet he put Frank Sinatra to shame.

Is that where the phrase 'working the bugs out' comes from?

Christobol, your ideas stink.

sorry.

*clotheslines josh*

Sorry, sweetie. Knee-jerk reaction.

*helps Josh back up*

The Gestating Bunnies wbagnfarb. Just saying.

And if the killer bunnies don't get you watch out for this mouse.

From Jeff's mouse link: "While it's not against the law to discharge a weapon in a home, police advise against it."


Gosh, that's good advice. I wouldn't have thought of that.

Does everybody else have the Looney Tune theme song stuck in their heads now?

I once kept 2 bunnies for a friend. She told me they were two females. Believe me, they were NOT. When in the "act" they make the most outrageous noises. The whole cage was rattling and rocking while the bunnies were shreiking and grunting. I told my children the rabbits were "fighting". I had no idea. I want to scrub out my ears with a brillo pad just thinking about it.I separated the bunnies too late; a month later I was keeping 8 bunnies for a friend.

Bugs Bunny: Would you like to shoot me now, or wait 'till you get home?

Daffy Duck: Shoot him now, Shoot him now.

Bugs Bunny: You keep out of this. He doesn't have to shoot you now.

Daffy Duck: HA! That's it! Hold it right there! Pronoun trouble. It's not "he doesn't have to shoot you now," it's "he doesn't have to shoot ME now." Well I say he DOES have to shoot me now! So shoot me now!

Blam!

Neophyte - I didn't until just then. Thanks a lot. Just for that, how about this earwig:

This is the song that never ends
Yes, it goes on and on my friends
Some people started singing it not knowing what it was
And they'll continue singing it forever just because
This is the song that never ends...

I know I shouldn't even bother, but I have to ask:
1) It took him until 73 to admit he had a problem?
2) He let 73 rabbits have the run of the house?
3) The man does NOT have a mental disorder?

Clearly he doesn't have any friends either because I know I'd get slapped upside my head at, say, number 4, by anyone I know.

Forget earwigs. Now I can't get the picture of Klynn's shrieking and grunting bunnies out of my head.

Pass that Brillo pad, Klynn, please!

I have a bunny named Cher. I keep trying to release her into the wild but she just KEEPS COMING BACK!

Forget brillo pads, between shrieking-grunting-bunny-humping and other annoying earwigs, I need a jack hammer.

justlisa, think of it this way: he had two bunnies. Say... they produce, I dunno, four bunnies. Now, there are six bunnies. Say that there are three pairs. Each pair produces four bunnies. Now... there are twelve new bunnies. That is eighteen bunnies. That is (theoretically) nine pairs. Continue on this trend.

And I think that bunnies have to have a certain amount of time before the females can be fixed after they have had a litter. He could've fixed the males though. Although if he missed one it wouldn't have mattered if he fixed all the rest; bunnies is HORNY!!! Seen one go to town on the HEAD of another bunny...

aaaarrrggghhhh!

We're tiny, we're tooney... This is the song that never ends... We're all a little looney... Yes it goes on and on my friends...

They've morphed! Wait, given the nature of his thread, perhaps they've mated. In any case, the resulting composite song is driving me looney!!!

73 unspayed bunnies wbagnfarb

ROFL Tina!! I think your (not you're) kinky score probably just went up a few points. Surely there was a question there about having fantasies of pedophilic cartoons?

Anne, that reminded me of another horny bunny story...a few years ago, my daughter's bunny suddenly ran across my living room, tackled my cat, and went to town. Shoulda seen the look on kitty's face afterwards.

Klynn, I read it as "horror" bunny story. Must have seemed a horror story to the cat! Did you get baby cabbbits?

Tina, OMG, my face turned red at the thought. Not that theres anything wrong with that...

He's a CAT for criminitly! Cats eat rabbits! Why doesn't he turn around and just off the bunny!

Gratuitous technical info: Rabbit litters average 10 bunnies in domesticity. Females (does) reach puberty and can reproduce at 3 months. Gestation averages 32 days.

So 2 can become 12 in a month. Assuming all bunnies are females and incest is best, the orginal 2 could be could be 123 at total elapsed time of 4 months.

One more cycle and we've got 1343 at the end of 7 months. I ignored the fact that some of the bunnies would be male, but to balance that females can reproduce more often then every three months once they reach puberty.

Also this gene pool is pretty shallow, and some these bunnies might have both eyes on the same side of their noses.

There was nothing remotely dirty about my last post. It was meant in the predator eating prey sense.

That is all.

Tina I wouldn't think it would be the humans gasping for breath after all that.

Assuming all bunnies are females

Pogo, if that were the case, there would be no problem.

p.s. I like your name

PLEASE, I'M BEGGING YOU......STOP!!!!!!

Either that or a brain transplant, one or the other.

Ouch it hurts to snort coke out your nose! (Coca-cola.)But I can just imagine someone yelling:

Hey everybody, come see! Humpy's molesting Chester again! You've got to see this!


(Poor kitty!!)

Is it just me and my depraved mind?...or is Dave having an affair with Claire Martin???...Just wondering....Dave please clear it up....

Of course I know that, Tina. Squirrels aren't the only furry creatures the gov't uses as spies. Humpy is one of our undercover agents.

*wonders if Humpy's cover is blown, but realizes that no one will really suspect a perverted bunny*

TIna, I'm begging you...please?

I can't stand to see all these earwings without adding one:

Life is like a hurricane here in Duckburg
Race cars, lasers, aeroplanes - it's a duck blur
You might solve a mystery or rewrite history

Duck Tales, Oo-oo
Tales of derring-do, bad and good luck tales, oo-oo

D-d-d-danger, watch behind you - there's a stranger out to find you
What to do? Just grab onto some Duck Tales, oo-oo!
Not pony tails or cotton tails but Duck Tales, oo-oo!

When it seems they're headed for the final curtain
Bold deduction never fails, that's for certain
The worst of messes become successes!

Duck Tales, Oo-oo
Tales of derring-do, bad and good luck tales, oo-oo
Not pony tails or cotton tails but Duck Tales, oo-oo!

Ow, ouch, stop it, Tina; my sides hurt from laughing!

You've got a submissive kitty, fer sure!

*giggle... a crossed furring bunny*

Tina, I think we need pictures of that on the Y-group. That would cement our place in the oddball hall of fame.

Maybe Chester likes it, but is confused about his speciesality.

julietine: don't know, but I DO know Claire Martin is an anagram for:

Carla Interim (I love this one)
Cranial Remit
Lariat Mincer
Martian Relic
Alarm Inciter
Miracle Train
Marin Recital
Crimean Trail (or Trial)
Clear Martini
Minicar Alert
Manic Retrial

What you failed to noticed Tina, was the suggestive look Chester gave me over that bowl of kibble.

Federal Duck, naturally you would manage to pull that song out from under your hat... er... wing... or where ever.

*wonders what Humpy would do with a two-headed snake*

I love reading what people submit as their email addresses.

humpy@chestersbits.com

Priceless.

heh heh... Tina said "strokes"

Ok, I'll quit now, sorry

KEY QUOTE: The doctor called the SPCA, which chased rabbits through the house for much of the day Monday.

Oh to have been there with a video camera!

Tina, I don't know if Jeff is desperately changing the subject, but I do know that
Desparate Jeff anagrams to:

A PESTERED JEFF
EARED JEFF PEST
A PEED JEFF REST
A FED JEEP FRETS
A DR. SEE JEFF PET
PET JEFF ERASED
PRE-SEDATE JEFF

etc.

Tina, you could have Humpy neutered...which might make him less interested in Chester....

Tina ~ giggling at my love interest? I'm seeing a bit of cross species feathering going on now.
*crosses front paws and looks superior*

C'mere Tina,

We can do the Humpy Dance.

earwig alert

The Humpy Dance, is your chance
To do the hump.
All right!
Stop whatcha doin'
'cause I'm about to ruin
the image and the style that ya used to.
I look funny
but yo I'm makin' money see
so yo world I hope you're ready for me.
Now gather round
I'm the new fool in town
and my sound's laid down by the Underground.
I drink up all the Hennessey ya got on ya shelf
so just let me introduce myself
My name is Humpty, pronounced with a Umpty.
Yo ladies, oh how I like to hump thee.

Bangi, did you say "shake my tail feathers?"

Shake Your Booty Earwig Alert

Everybody, get on the floor, let's dance!
Don't fight your feelings, give yourself a chance!
Shake shake shake, shake shake shake,
Shake your feathers! Shake your feathers!
Oh, shake shake shake, shake shake shake,
Shake your feathers! Shake your feathers.
You can, you can do it very well.
You're the best in the world, I can tell.
Shake shake shake, shake shake shake,
Shake your feathers! Shake your feathers!
Oh, shake shake shake, shake shake shake,
Shake your feathers! Shake your feathers.
Shake shake, shake shake!
Shake shake, shake shake!
Shake shake shake, shake shake shake,
Shake your feathers! Shake your feathers!
Oh, shake shake shake, shake shake shake,
Shake your feathers! Shake your feathers.

Let's hear more stories about Humpy and Chester. Even better, we need pictures!!

Sigh.... What IS it about seeing a man... um... duck... er... whatever... shake his tail around on a dance floor. As long as his wings aren't over his head.

*peers around into the mist*

hello? *echo* hello..ello..llo..lo

Way to go Humpy. You scared everybody off again!

Horny little bugger... c'mere..

*pan to wide angle shot of feathers and fur flying out of a window*

My daughter just turned on the TV. First thing out of the box was
"It's DUCK theathon"
"Rabbit season"
"DUCK theathon"

BLAM!!

Makes me smile.

*Utters strangled erp and he's flung out window*

Help, help. I'm being repressed. Now you seen the injustice inherant in the single species love system.

It's random English ramparts time!

Tina, if you're ashamed of knowing the title of "Trouble With tribbles", what about me and my painfully trivial mind? I also knew off the bat that it was written by a guy named David Gerrold (he also wrote a fairly decent "computer becomes aware" sci-fi novel called "When Harly Was One").

I'm absolutely mortified by comparison...
*hangs brain in shame*

I had a pet tribble for a while. Don't know what happened to it, come to think of it. Prob'ly either got tularemia or that wascally Humpy ran off with it.

Just grab 'em in the Biscuits.....


(Thanks Fed)
(and a BIG Thanks ElmerDjTFudd)

CHAR is almost the same as CHER, ho ho!

Jamester & Tina - Don't feel bad, I remember that episode well. It was written by David Gerrold, who also wrote several books about Star Trek (TOS.) Gerrold War with the Cthorr series was OK, but his books centered around the "Star Wolf" were excellant - they're something like Run Silent, Run Deep. He was working on Harly 2.0 as well.

Yet even more Trivia - if you read Robert Heinlein's book "The Rolling Stones" (written sometime in the 50's) you'll discover that Tribbles were very, very obviously Flat Cats from that book. Although Gerrold maintained that it was a coincidence...

"Look, MKJ found a picture of a four-headed set of breasts!"

Well done, Lee. Obviously time for me to re-read the juvenile Heinleins, I barely remember flat cats. I re-read Glory Road pretty frequently, managed to retain a copy somehow...

Tina- You scared the man or scarred him?

or both?

A neighbor stopped at our door to inform my mother that our rabbit was chasing our cocker spaniel around an around the house (outside). He said that just prior to the Doggie Downs,(not Kentucky) Sunshine, the dog, had been chasing Peter (who just happened to outweigh him by several pounds. Peter finally came to a self-realization of his latent abilities. He stopped dead in his tracks, jumped around in a nano second, and took off after Sunny in a dead heat. Our neighbor said that he had never seen anything like that in years! (Bunny Bustin')

Yes, it's close, but I'm much younger and better looking than Cher. Okay, maybe not a whole lot younger, but the only plastic I have on my head is the back to my earrings!

I know it's old news now, but I once had a friend mis-sing the Tiny Toons song, and I've never forgotten :

We're toony, we're corny,
We're all a little horny.

Seemed appropriate.

Whew, trying to catch up here.

Megan, Cher bunny, very funny!

Some in my family, (don't know how this started) have an odd phrase for doing doots: "I gotta go bunnies". Just saying...

*yipe*

Someone just grabbed my biscuits! All because I brought up the simple fact that:

I'm a freak
I like the girls with the boom
I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom
I'm crazy.
Allow me to amaze thee.
They say I'm ugly but it just don't faze me.

Dem bunnies luv the Humpy dance.

I mean't "Humpty"

I'll sing Beethoven's 5th if you'll...*nervous cough*...butter my biscuits.

Aw, aw, do me, baby!

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