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October 14, 2004

TERRORISM UPDATE

Now the bastards are using Mexican milk snakes in Tameside.

Key Quote: The unnamed snake is now being cared for at the centre and will be used for training or re-housed.

Rehoused? ReHOUSED??

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Firssssst?

Dave, don't worry. I'm sure they'll probably take advantage of your absence to help it settle in under calm conditions...

"The unnamed snake"
I read "unarmed snake" first

Today's Assignment:
Name the Mexican Milk Snake found in England.

"Monty", of course, comes immediately to mind, but since the snake wasn't a Python, I must disqualify the name from contention.

MKJ -
Unamed Snakes / Unarmed Snakes -- Either one wbagnfarb.

I just noticed that the snake will be "used for training". Training what? Whom? Where? Tell me so I can never go there.

"Re-housed" implies that this Mexican milk snake previously had a house. That's what makes the UK a step ahead of us - they provide training AND shelter for homeless snakes. When is the good ol' US of A going to catch up with the rest of the world in solving these social ills?

I've had a mexican milk shake lots of times, assuming that when you say "milk" you mean "tequila" and when you say "shake" you mean "in a glass without ice."

Of course they say it will be rehoused. PETA would birth heifers if they told the truth.

"The snake will be taken out back and beaten to death with a shovel."

Is there some sort of press agent whose job it is to keep snakes in the news?

"You don't expect to be face to face with a snake."

Nahhhhh. Too obvious.

Does the Mexican Milk Snake sound vaguely like an adult movie, or am I just a perv?

rita, I am reminded of the gal in the BC comic strip who whaps the bejeezus out of snakes.

That would be my response, as opposed to training or re-housing.

I'm still trying to figure out just how the heck you milk a snake. And are snakes allowed to breastfeed in public in England?

*Opens Vent*
Snakes...Why'd it have to be snakes?

slowlayne~ in public yes, but not in a starbucks

First we had men lactating and breast feeding...now we have milk snakes that are kept as pets..how long before we have men lactating and milking their snakes?

*leaving topic open for WIDE interpretation*

Fed: Obviously.

I can't believe I'm the first one to make the following observation:

My snake can be taken to the tameside by milking, too.

useless trivia : they're called milksnakes because they tend to live around barns and farmyards, and people used to believe they would sneak up and drink the milk from the cows and other milkable animals.

there's gotta be something funny in there somewhere but i'm just not seeing it.

*hammers sign with "PG-13 rating" on thread*

*considers changing to "adults only", but is concerned that would attract spammers*

Am I the only one who wonders how they are planning to retrain a snake?

And by the by, I LIKE snakes. They are better than, say, ferrets. They don't smell like ferret, which no matter what anyone says still smell even after their musk glands are removed. In fact, they (the snakes), generally EAT ferrets. What a great pet.

Are there little terrorist Mexican Milk Snake training camps that need bombing. 'Cuz I'd be all for that.

*quietly and carefully steps away from Anne and stands by Tina and djt*

I found a snake in my back yard that smelled like a dumpster. And it pooped on me.

Sorry, I'll clean it up.

Leetie- When I was about 11 yrs. old, at summer camp, on "nature" walk, another camper found a rather large garter snake. When it was picked up it excreted something that was absolutely vile. The counselor explained that it wasn't poop but was a defense mechanism. Whatever, it was gross!

BTW I hope your (not mine) backyard doesn't smell like a dumpster anymore!

hmmm... Everything I type about this topic sounds dirty, and has to be deleted!

Sounds like hmmm should take the kinky test. Someone have the link?

Kinky Test!

I just emailed Dave a news article about a snake that contains the words "bifurcated" and "yonkers." If he doesn't post that I'll lose faith in humanity.

You folks are missing the real story. Look to the right at the links to other current stories. The one titled "Youth held over bike sex attacks" conjures up some interesting images!

Oh dear

yeah, but I checked out the bike sex story, (naturally; who wouldn't?) and unfortunately it's a real story about kids who rape women

I know, interesting title, boring story.

BTW, Leetie, the link to the Kinky Test? Thanks... I think. Who knew?? I'm going with Tina's theory that the test lies; yeah, that's it.

That also conjured up a youthful image of a "friend" of mine who had their snake milked, so to ta speak, on an ATV. (Both parties willingly, um, yeah, so "he" tells me)

Where was that question on the Kinky test?

My "friend" could have scored a few more points in his favor if itwur. ;P

Hey Rita- When a snake manages to wind his way up and out of one's toilet, what do think God is trying to say ?

You shouldn't be taking crap from anyone? *Shrugs*

Just asking?

So umm on the kink test thing? Since when is a low score a bad thing?

Geez, that's the trouble Anne! Low IS good! (dang, even that sounds dirty now) But now I've just found out that I've been a perv all these years, and never knew it!

Anne - when you're partner scores very high!

As someone else recently remarked, a snake's rear-end is called a vent. So, when this so-called "VENTilation expert" came face to face with a snake, he was obviously looking at the wrong end! It is apparent to me that this "expert" is the one that needs training, not the poor snake. I'm sure the snake already knows where his vent is.

What a jolly bunch. Tina's in the corner and Rita's under the bed.

I didn't think of that Tina. Lots to learn can be lots of fun!

It's quite alright Rita, I usually interpret things God tells us a little Broadway.

And that can be a little weird at times, but the songs are really great. I still can't figure out what Chicago means though. Maybe Cbol can help me figure it out. I'll have to ask him.

Oh And, I've left a few snakes in the toilet. But I'm always sure to frush them down immediately so as not to make the entire house smell like a dumptser.

*toot*

"A bite from one could be quite nasty, but they are only a danger to their prey, which they suffocate."
----

lemme tell ya, it don't tickle neither.

Tina should have done less shows and more studying in "collage"

and now, ladies and gentlemen, all the way from somewhere overseas, er, Pueblo, put your hands together for the one, the only,

PUEBLAN TRI-COLOURED MILK SNAKES!

*cue punk music*

Gee Whiz Tina, I didn't mean all that, gosh, now I feel bad cuz I made you feel bad...will you lash me with the wet noodle while you're at it?

Looks like we'll be keeping the noodle factories busy this weekend...I'll put the water on to boil.

At least in my experience, Once a snake has been milked it sadly becomes a wet noodle.

Just sayin...


Rita- Sounds like the highly feared TWO-Frusher.

Very scary indeed.

Noodle lashing?! Oooh, count me in!

From the Dead Horse Dept.:

Typos on blog entries hastily composed while at work - understandable

Typos of historic figures' names enshrined in ceramic tile in front of institutes that promote literacy, followed by denials, accusations and grandiose claims - perhaps less so, 'ya think?

NOOOO!! Not the Low Flow!!!

*Passes out and bumps head on toilet*

I envision big, fat, wet, lasgne noodles! whoopeeeee!!! Imagine the sound as it connects with exposed flesh!

OK, I've sorta grossed myself out now. I guess I'll have to go back to work.

Blue, are you kidding? That "horse" will still be kicking for a long time! I was just thinking, maybe say something funny about being on a "Bloopers" show and I thought, a well made video could easily be on America's Funniest Video! I can just hear Tom Berjeron(sp?) now, "Now you might think this is just a nice mosaic" zoom in, "But on closer inspection" show the misspellings, "You see the artist was a little off with the spelling. But the kicker is, this is in front of", show library sign and building, "a library!!" Much laughter and applause!

Klynn the noodle nazi,

I've been keeping track of Tina's grammar and spelling for some time now, and she misspells at least one word or makes one grammar gaffe in every post. It's part of her charm, kinda like Bangi's vowell boycott. I've thought about following her lead, but I can't bring myself to make a miskate on purposse. :)

Tina, I've got your ducky sponge reserved, btw.
I'd like to request a noodle lashing, please.

OK, last comment for the day, I really need to work (yeah, right)but I wish to thank you all for making a crappy day a little more bearable. And yes, Tina, the kinky test put me waayyyy out there!

Foul! *throws flag*

No fair keeping score!

Though I like to be careful when I type and will correct it if I happen to catch an error, if I had to watch every word for spelling and grammatical perfection I just wouldn't bother with this blog. I actually think it's a bit obsessive that folks make an extra post to insert a letter or apostrophe, fix some bit of syntax, or rescue a dangling participle. I will do that if a mistake changes or confuses the intended meaning, but just to keep the Nazis at bay, well...sorry.

*toot*

or *tout*

Tina,
Aren't you a nurse?
How does that work, exactly?

Yes, Mr. Smith, I'm sorry to inform you that (interrupts self) HA HA HA - wet noodle.

You are more woman than I to be able to read the blog without laughing out loud! :)

87th???????????

waiting for Rita to say, "heh heh Blue Meanie said 'dangling'"

Dam! 88th. what a loser....

i hereby ground myself from the internet for three days.

heh heh, rita said insane, heh heh

Vowel has only one L... :) It's okay FD. Lots of people make mistakes while correcting them. Call it sympathy pains.

Hey guys, it's time to Win a honey for a year!

heh heh, rita said Beavis, heh heh

I HAVE to start spending more time on ebay. :p

Rita - the proof of insanity is the fact that you are here, but that just puts you in good company.

I'm obsessive at the other end of the spectrum - I usually do go over my posts before letting them go. I suspect that your tendency to go back to make corrections is part of your educator mentality (if I understand your RL job correctly).

Obsessive enough? I think you've coined a new oxymoron!

Kokob: I don't

Speaking of spelling, ebay girl - "betweek"?!

Tina sweetie!

It's not stalkerish :) I was a copy editor for 3 years, so I can't help but notice little weenie mistakes that would get me lashed with wet noodles if I let them slip into print. However, that albino homeland security android spy squirrel that I sent to tape you in the shower; that is stalkerish.

Blue Meanie is right; since none of us have copy editors and most of us are drunk at work anyway, nobody cares about correct spelling and grammar. I'll correct myself if it's a blatant error or goofs up the meaning, but otherwise, I say ferk it.

ferk it? I would have thought you'd say, "F'duck it!"

PETER: No date for a year for YOU!

Fed, my friends at the Federal Energy Regulatory Commmission would like a word (a different one) with you....

*2t*

MKJ, So then this year will be the same as the last! Just wondering though, about how much does ebay pay you?!

I apologize if I offended anyone with my spell check comment. As has been pointed out mnay tmeis here, as lnog as the 1st & lsat letter are corerct, we get the maennig, rgiht? My twisted mind just thought Tina's misssssspelling was amusing and ironic.

Anyone need a spare "m"?

I do, I do, give it to e Bleu!

Hey, all you digressors! Did anyone notice that the article said the snake was 5 ft. long? Fer cryin' out loud, everybody knows Mexican Milk Snakes don't grow that large. The record is 41.5"
(See www.kingsnake.com)

_ichael,

On second thought, I may need it soetime.

One sin of commission, one sin of omission.

Woo! We just beat the 110 posts on the "are these guys attractive" mini-moat from yesterday, and in less time. And without being exposed (huh huh) to half-naked men.

Please, I am new at this. What is a moat? I keep seeing the term, but I just don't get it.

Darn! Work won't let me into the milk snake forum! Crapweasel!

Neophyte,

It's a large ditch full of water that we surround the blog with to keep out spammers.

And not mentioning any names, but someone has been peeing in it. Please stop, For the love of Fish.

Oh yeah, I pee in it. Nevermind.

Which vowels exactly are you not using? Or does "the art choose them?" :)

Tina, FD put up a link to the camera; we ALL know about the ummmm nevermind

Ahh, Fed. Duck. I see. It is a ditch that you fill with water and sewage to keep out neophytes.

I'm getting darn tired of making decisions for people....and then getting blamed for their (not they're) mistakes.

I don't really like snakes.
But i don't mind being BITTEN.

8>

neophyte — Mother Of All Threads

thank you

Neophyte,

No nonono. I'm sorry it came across that way. Everybody is welcome here. I really didn't mean that to come across as smart-assy or trying to exclude you. *bows head in shame*

But yes, it means Mother Of All Threads. It just refers to the times when we fill up a thread with hundreds of posts instead of the 20-50 that we usually do.

OOOOH!
I got another bite.
Thanx Bangi.

I am really happy to know that i finally have a peer group.

Also:
"You never expect to be face to face with a snake" Is too easy. I'll run with it.
1) Women are used to it.
2) So are prison inmates that weigh less than 250 lbs.
3) Gay men expect it TOO much.

And as for beating a snake with a shovel.
I say do it.
I should run for president.
(I would too, but DAVE BARRY beat me to it)
(No chance against him)
But i would have a good slogan.
"I say DO IT!"
Gay marriages-DO IT
Socialized healthcare-DO IT
Nuke Saudi Arabia-DO IT

And stop being a whiny friggin POLITICIAN.

Thank you.
8>

Did i mention stem cell research? DO IT

And buy drugs from other countries. DO IT.
Safety is not the primary concern here.
WE NEED DRUGS.

"I say DO IT!"

Addendum:

"Spammers" on this blog usually refers to the people who post hundreds of links to a website or websites in order to boost their Google rank or somesuch other nefarious plot. They are scum and we hate them. They are the ones I was to whom I was referring.

I like to be bitten on the fin. Ooooh, or just behind the gill is always nice too.

My cousin Great White wrote a song about it once. Maybe you've heard it?

Once Bitten, Twice Shy.

Oh, and pardon all the gayness in my previous posts. It's a campaign issue.

Tina, Bitten on the neck is good.
Also bitten on the back or shoulders.
Most places work fine.

In summation: BITE ME!

(I should bow after that one.)
Sorry, that was kinda low.

8>

Wow. That was one of those brain stutters. They are the ones to whom I was referring; or who I was referring to, or those for which the referring was being performed...

bah. ferk it. :)

*chomp* Mmmm, tastes like...Duck!

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