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October 11, 2004

STUDBOY REDUX

This sort of thing may be inevitable when a man can't get the pickle jar open for way too long, if you catch my drift.

(Thanks to many alert readers)

Comments

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first!

He didn't expect her to call the police?! No wonder she married him. He's quite the intellectual.

I just saw Fargo for the first time this weekend. I guess this guy never saw it. Needless to say, I don't think his little stunt HELPED his marriage any. I'd say he's in the fastlane fo either a divorce or mental evaluation.

Has he claimed to have been accepted to Medical School yet?

ohhh nooo

I JUST saw that on the local news! The horror!!

Why didn't he just use the 200 bongo bucks to hire a strip-o-gram and then ravish her later?

That's what I did.

Hmmm, the mic is on isn't it?

She's gonna be really impressed by his prison tattoos and jealous cell mate.

Um, whatever happened to flowers and jewelry?

Maybe he was intimidated if he was married to this woman, who was definitely more manly than he was.

Or, possibly, he was worn out after this experience and had nothing left for his wife, if you get my drift (and I know that you do).

Well, I sent in my absentee ballet. I would have voted for Dave, but apparently he's not a registered write in candidate in Indiana. Geese Dave you can't even run for office right! You're not getting my vote.

Duck tape, uh? Ouch.

Who says romance is dead?

Amen, Christina! Putting away his clean clothes all my himself is another way to a woman's heart, for me anyway.

Christina: exactly.

Not to brag, but my husband just baked a chocolate cake. Does he know the way to my heart or what?

A chocolate cake? Your husband knows the way to my heart, too, kj!

Oh, but I'm not nursing the kids for him. Not even for chocolate cake.

This chap is teaching the young people of Oklahoma, friends. What, exactly, he teaches is up for grabs, though I am almost sure it is something like Driver's Ed.

I think he's been having trouble getting the ol' pickle into the jar for way too long, if you catch MY drift.

Wow . It is amazing what someone would do to impress their wife.No wonder he is getting a divorce this guy has the brains of a small pee.His wife should of divorced him much faster. What took her so long ?

Christina, KJ & Jessica R . . . too funny, but go easy!

[whips out notepad & pen]

OK, say again? fold garbage...no, wait, uh, put garbage away...er, take out laundry..

Really, I'm gonna listen this time. What was that again?

oooh, look something shiny!

What has this man taught the young people of Oklahoma? *DUH*

disconnect the phone line before you play hero with your wife. he just failed to detail his plan enough.

geez. At least I'M getting something from my increasingly expensive education (one could argue)...

....what a lovely little town we have here.

So your husband baked a chocolate cake. Are you sure it doesn't contain a file and isn't meant for the brilliant man in cell block D?

Hey Bangi.

You are one in a thousand (according to Brian B).

Your fella is a very lucky man. If he isn't as good to you as any of our bloglits on their very best day, you can send him around to us for "bangi appreciation" training.

He paid students to burgle his home
But his wife quickly dialed the phone
She was unimpresseded
And he was arrested
For an overdose of testosterone

My husband was semi-helpful, he would take out the trash and mop the kitchen every once in a while, then I broke my arm. He has been such a trmendous help. You really learn what a relationship is about, when you can't get dressed by yourself! Now if I could get him to put down the toilet seat, life would be great!

Maybe that's all that guy needed to do to save his marriage.....

(note to self: re-think plans for Saturday night)

Jeff's article: "The crocodile walked into the tent and dragged the man out,"

I'd like to see that! I've only seen them crawl.

The bear tried to crush him with its arms

Bears have arms now? I thought they were front legs.

I'm observing a trend with animal attacks lately. And now they're taking on human attributes... or these are disgruntled relatives DRESSED like animals.

oh duh.

Some of you female bloggers (you know who you are) are being a tad rough on this poor rapscallion (I've always wanted to say that). He did exactly what any red-blooded male would do when his domestic tranquility was threatened. Something egregiously stupid, but heartfelt.
When women read this article, they're thinking, "That was pointles and stupid. Why didn't he just try listening for a change, or telling her how pretty she is?"
When men read this article, they're thinking, "That's a great idea! I'm going to try that someday, but I'll hire real burglers and disconnect the phone."
This is why Dave is from Mars and Venus.
Neener.

Well spoke--erm... typed.

I hope someone has taken the time to hail the guy's wife as a hero. Freed herself and called the police. She's the one I'd want around in a crisis.

Typical wife: The husband is wrestling vicious criminals, trying to save her from those nefarious rapscalions (there, I used that word too, although I can't figure out what inner-city onions have to do with this) and all she can do is yak on the phone, screwing up his plans for a romantic weekend!

This guy is an evil genius, and you just don't see it, do you?
---
"Hey Clem, how's it going?"

"Not too good, man. Cherelle just won't let this 'relationship' thing go, you know? She wants us to go to a 'Couples Actualization' seminar down at the Motel 6 meeting room next week."

"Well, you have been married for three years, and you do have them nine kids, Clem. But that seminar, well, that's just wrong."

"Tell me about it. I can't take it no more. I feel like Dale Earnhardt boxed in on turn number three. I've got the pedal to the floor and ... uh, the ... well I feel like a coon dog with one leg, and there's this big old fat coon but I can't seem to catch it, and it's laughing at me and there's this guy selling elephant ears and a cat wearing a dress is floating by in a baby basket... and "

"Who doesn't feel that way, Clem? What are you gonna do?"

"What can I do? I've tried staying out 'til all hours, coming home drunk. Letting the garbage pile up...leaving the toilet seat up, down, whatever - peeing all over the damned bathroom... you name it. Nothing' works, and she still won't let me get a new entertainment center."

"Have you tried faking a burglery?"

"What?"

"Fake a burglery, man. She'll never understand that - they don't talk about that kind of thing in the magazines she reads. She'll leave you, and you can get a new stereo and TV out of the deal."

"Why would she leave me over a burglery?"

"No man, it's a faked burglery, man. You make sure she finds that out - so she knows you faked it, to, I dunno, impress her."

"To IMPRESS her? What the hell?"

"She'll believe it. Trust me. But she'll be too embarrassed to stay with you, after the national news picks it up."

"Ok - you want to break in for me?"

"Hell no, Clem. Ain't you got any kids flunking shop?"

"Oh yeah. Good idea."

Excellent, C'bol. It's like you bugged the guy's house.

Gun-wielding ice-cream truck drivers, apparently.

When I was in collge, I shared a house with 4 other girls. About the middle of the year, we were "under bombardment"; windows broken, trash cans tipped over, obscene phone calls, someone banging on the house...We were just off campus so the local or campus police wouldn't handle it and it would take the state police 30 minutes to get to us. One girl called her boyfriend who came to "protect us"...yeah, that's right, the ploice eventually caught him harrassing us. Ugh!

Russian proverb: Don't skin the bear you haven't killed yet.

True fact.

Maybe our hapless would-be hero should try acting as a career instead of what he's doing now... I mean after he gets out of jail and all.

I thought that was a sweet thing for a guy to do. Not sure about duct tape though...

Freak, aint he got no brains to think up a better plan?

And Duct Tape, ugh!!!

Poor guy, he should have called Ron Jeremy to fly in and show him how that pickle worked..never mind, opening a jar. violence is totally unnecessary when trying to impress us women....we wanna see the pickles.

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