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October 07, 2004

SPORTS UPDATE

Robin Big Snake has been reassigned.

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First!

Is anyone awake? (except Dave and me)

I feel alone.... alone... But, it is my 3rd first of the week.

Eren! It's after 9 freaking AM! Of course you're not alone out here.

He's an excellent addition to the team

"Hi Robin."
"Hi. Do I know you?"
"I'm Jeremy."
"Ok. Do I know you?"
"No. So they call you 'big snake'?"
"Yep."
"Well, I have the biggest cock in Britian. I thought we should hang out."
"We can't really help but do that, can we?"

C-bol, you just can't get Jeremy out of your mind, can you? Me neither.

Key quotes:

"Big Snake impressed New York Ranger GM Glen Sather during a summer rookie camp..."
"...they liked what they saw. He showed them some things. Now, they will monitor his performance with us as a 20-year-old this season."

Big Snake should be ready for duty this weekend...

Woo hoo!!!! I'll be your drill sergeant, baby!

*Big Snake and girlfriend in bed*

GF: Hey! Where's the big snake? I feel cheated. I'm going home.

BS: I hate my parents.

This wouldn't even be a story if not for the NHL lock-out. Even though the NHL lockout, IMHO, belongs in the "Who Cares?" category.

Although it may take a bit of creative deductive reasoning, the IMPORTANT thing to conclude from this story is that college basketball begins in less than four weeks!

And I might add that Big Snake wbagnfarb.

rita, didja notice that "MELVIN" authored the margarita recipe? Talk about your multi talented
rooster!

Way to go Dave! When I try to bring up this article, I get a 500 Internal Server Error. Not quite sure what that means though. Did we flood the site?

Sure Big Snake is pretty good with a slap shot, but I think Rusty Anus is better on defense.

Bet this guy made up the name himself

"they liked what they saw. He showed them some things."

I'll bet he did. But who was "they"? Rita, Leetie, Tina, Punky & Bangi?

Sorry Polly, didn't mean to leave you out.

Jeff,

I would just like to say that I am highly offended I was not included in your list of female bloglits when referencing a big snake.

*looks up at ceiling and fans eyes so the tears stop*

HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*gives Jeff big ol' kiss on the lips*

I'm sorry I doubted you.

Big Snake: *strutting* Hey girls, you know why they call me "Big Snake?"

Blogettes: Because you're a full status native who is half-Cree and half-Blackfoot?

Big Snake: *really bringing it home* 'Cause I've got a BIG...wait. What?

Blogettes: Don't hurt yourself there "Big Snake" C'mon girls, I hear there's ball gags and butter back at the moat.

Yea! And they're auctioning-off Federal Duck!

That sounds dirty.

No, this is the most important thing

rita: dare 'ya

Tina: who's cires? Wasn't that like a goddess or something?
;-)

rita, go to Hawaii and have a sag-fest with Cher on her 60th birthday suit shoot. (just kidding!)

Anyone ever think the clothing line "Sag Harbor" a poor choice of names?
Sag Harbor - for women who sag!

Photoshop can work wonders.

Jim "Manly Bollucks" Smith: Hey everybody! It's Robin Big Snake. Welcome, Big Snake!

Frank "Impressive Girth" Jones: Yes, welcome. Our pucks will now be flying straight and true.

Sam "Dayam Sam!" Johnson: Well have you spoken, Frank and Jim. It is our pleasure to have you on our team, Big Snake.

Thad "Flaccid Worm" Edwards *mumbling* oh great. i hate those guys.

who would ever make up such a name?

yeah, really

Huh?

Hey, guys, the potato goes in the front.

Just heard one of those Bud-Lite Men of Genius commecials. I didn't catch it all, but I think it's for a plumber. One of the lines is "and everyone will be saying 'Hey, are you the guy with the big snake?'"

Is that you, Robin?

We better get the puck out of here, before someone gets hurt.

Speaking of sports, does anyone know where I can get a hold of Dave's column about football and trying to explain it to a non-American person?

Oooohhh! That's why everything's been all crazy. Hah, I thought I was losin it!

Soonerboy, I have just one thing to say:

Ahem,

♪ ♪ ♪ Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner
Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, Boomer Sooner, OKU
I'm Sooner born and Sooner bred and when I die I'll be Sooner dead
Rah Oklahoma, Rah Oklahoma, Rah Oklahomaaaaaa...
OKU!

Just can't get enough of the name possibilities.

Actual people I have met (albeit not necessarily shook hands with): Dick Wacker, Dick Burger, Major Johnson, Gay McNutt,(a mixed message if you ask me) and finally, Willy Ball (and he assures you that he.. um ... will.)

Mr. Appleton, allow me to introduce you to Dick Kuntz, a real live employee at my company. (Google says there are 10,700 of them out there!)

Sorry - make that Ms. Appleton.

Thanks Polly & Tina; I needed that.

Rita, from the pictures I've seen I'd much rather see you than scrawny Amy any day of the week. Really. Do I get my kiss now?

Blue: But do you know Dick Hertz?

I forgot an interior designer:

I also forgot to say this interior designers name: Anita Goodkuntz.

No, but I can have him paged for you.

Here's an adorable Mrs. Potts from Beauty and the Beast costume for Little Snake to wear trick-or-treating

That is adorable MKJ!

Wait, "adorable" means "has what looks like a big penis sticking out of it" right?

That's how I always use the term, anywho.

My favourite -
Real Estate Agent: Anita Hoare

ScadeBoy,

I'm sorry to be so dense, but the only really important things in life are family, God, Home Depot and Star Wars? I think I'm missing something.

What about Lowes?

Oh, I see what I was missing. It was the "h" in SchadeBoy's name. Sorry 'bout that.

I knew a guy in school named Harry Sachs.

"He Hate Me" was a better name.

Eavesdropper,
What more to life is there? Without family and God, you're alone. Without Star Wars, you don't have imagination. Without Home Depot (or Lowe's) you don't have a good place to buy power tools.

Does nobody want to invent an anagram? I can't do everything.

Well, I see some things that you have missed in the list of important things.

They are:

1) Soft, nice-smelling ramparts.

2) A lady wearing frilly see-through underwear.

And 15) A MOATarita.

Not necessarily in that order.

Robin Big Snake anagrams to "skin a big boner."

Good. Thank you.

The lock-out is going to stink. It (obviously) is not just hurting the fans, but your up and coming stars too.

AJ

Will we also be seeing links to articles about non-aboriginal people with names like Cox? No? Gee, I wonder why.

Erm... because it's not funny enough?

PBrain, find a story headline with a person named 'Big Cox' or 'Enormous Cox' or even 'Small and There's a Wart on One Side Cox' and I promise that Dave or Judi will link to it.

Oh, unless the person in question isn't one of those heap'm big choctaw injun bingo monkeys - they're funny!

the funniest name i ever heard of was dr. zoltan ovary - not making this up - he was a gyno. fer reall.

went to school with a girl named candy canes. no double entendre or anything, just stupid parents.

The most important thing has to include this or something similar

honest to the big guy, i worked with a guy named Dick Eder (can't tell you why he didn't go by Richard), and know there were Jack Offenberger, Dick Small, and Dick Burns among the employees too

two pregnant engineers made a pact: one would name her son Wade N. Poole if the other would do Stu D. Baker

You guys are missing another vital part of life...


motor vechiles


There is a coastie named Harriman... Petty Officer Harry Man... haha

The greatest "joke" name ever: Barry McCockiner

The stupidest real name ever: Anus Brown

Seriously, a co-worker's mother-in-law is named Anus Brown, and get this, her nickname - "Muddy"

How unfortunate.

Christobol -- I ain't holding my breath.

PBrain, you actually found a headline containing the name "Small and There's a Wart on One Side Cox" and emailed it to Dave and Judi and they refused to blog it.

Wow, you're right. They hate the red man.

I wasn't going to say anything, but the other day, when I was driving (well slaloming) thru Miami, I saw Dave and Judi littering on the side of the highway just to watch a big tear slowly trickle down a Native American Indian's cheek.

There's a doctor in my town who does penile enlargement surgery. His name? Dr. Stubbs.

First!

Twenty...five...hours...with no...new blog...fodder...

Must...have...new...post

*gasp*

a friend of a friend of an acquaintance knew a guy named Brown Corner.
not sure which corner was actually............

If this keeps up, I'm going to have to work. And that would make me thwarted by the Man.
I will NOT be THWARTED!

New post...*whine*

In a recent issue of Sports Illustrated:

Somewhere in the U.S., a company called Reliant Energy, a electricity providor, sponsered either a college or professional football stadium enough to have it named after the company. Thus, Reliant Stadium.

But at the first game played at the new stadium, the lights went out for 10 minutes.

You can suit up and the ladies will think you have a big snake

Don't fret, I sent in something they're SURE to put up.

(But that NEVER works . . .)

It would be nice if they would at least have someone put up a message like "Look, we are too busy to play with you today" or something, anything but ignore us.

Sheesh, MKJ, I just checked out that suit. Don't women already suffer disappointment enough? ...oh... that's just me??? Well, nevermind then.

(Psst! Guys! Check out these ringers)

MKJ - You mean for only $1,200.00 I can have muscles?! Gosh, I thought I had to use my cheap Crossbow exercise machine. I was going about it all wrong! Now I feel like such a dork!

And by "cheap", I mean "not really".

Thanks, Rita. You're a real woman.

And speaking of dumb parents, a friend of my wife's taught a kid with an odd name. Turns out the mother thought when the hospital put the little bracelet on the kid they were naming her, hence the name: Female (pronounced like Tamale).

And let me remind everyone again to look for John Train's book Remarkable Names of Real People, which includes Rita's favorite (Dr. Zoltan Ovary) and many more, including:

Mrs. Belcher Wack Wack
Gaston J. Feeblebunny
Hyman Peckeroff
Ave Maria Klinkenberg
Cinderella Hardcock
Caresse Pecor
Aphrodite Chuckass
Siddhartha Greenblatt
Daphne Reader's Digest Taione
and my personal favorite:
Mene Mene Tekel Upharsin Pond

As Dave would say: I am not making this up!

I have an uncle with the name of Dick Champ. His sister, my aunt, calls him Richard.

mahatma - that "phone' with the ringers looks oddly like the coconut bra Dave was wearing on the book tour, doesnt it??? hmm.

As a child, my parents used to joke with me saying that they had considered naming me Lamp, seeing as how my last name was (still is) Schade.

Instead, they chose to give me a first and middle name that results in the initials of BS (first and last) and BM (first and middle). The first set of initials got me through college, so I guess it came in handy.

A man named Dick Hyman, who is both a pianist and an organist. Am I so juvenile that both these disturbingly phallic sounding professions are almost too funny to be true?

It must be time for random ramparts (scroll down to last image)

MKJ, I tried to do as you asked (scroll to last image) but couldn't make it past the object in the 3rd photo...I mean, I've seen similiar things before, but never with HOOKS on it...what are those for?

Klynn: you can check out their ramparts display in their ebay store

As far as the bazooka hook is concerned, it does look rather deadly, no idea what it's for

Oh, "bazooka", that's what you call it, huh? I call mine, I mean the one I saw one time, oh, never mind. And BTW, thanks for the link to the ramparts display but having quite the lovely, well-rounded, (and all natural) pair of my own, all I have to do is look down. Any time I want. Like right now....

Klynn: stop!

Somewhere in Texas:

A friend of mine works as a guidance counselor for a middle school. One of the girls (pregnant middle school girls--it's a small town with nothing to do...) actually named her little girl Abcde. Pronounced: Ab-suh-dee.

And the Lear family (who named their daughter Shanda)

Klynn: we need proof now . . .

Hey Klynn,
This is a dangerous place to make a statement like that. There's a lot of raging hormones floating around this blog (or so I hear).
You're liable to start a riot *grin*

Sorry guys, didn't mean to start anything, just sayin' ya know?

Proof! Proof! Proof! (insert panting noise here)

*Starts RIOT!*

YEEEAAAARRRGH!

signed:
Howard Dean

This thread is taking on many of the characteristics of a Tailhook convention, only without, sadly, the adult beverages. We shouldn't be unsupervised for this length of time on a Friday.

Well, normally, I wouldn't reveal this, but what the hey, we're all one big happy family here, right? This little secret stays here in the blog, kay? Remember the pic of those ramparts that MKJ linked us to...that was ME!

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