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October 12, 2004

SLITHERING FASCISM UPDATE

When 17-foot, 110-pound Burmese pythons are outlawed, only outlaws will have 17-foot, 110-pound Burmese pythons.

Update for Duck-Farm Workers: Be careful.

Update for Golfers: You, too.

Comments

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And it's called *baby*??

Today seems to be "snakes in the news day"

....herding the 4- to 5-foot long reptile into an insulated ice chest...

The visual of snake herding is cracking me up.

...used a dead rabbit to lure the snake out of hiding...

I can picture it now:
"Here Baby! Here Baby! Look, it's a nice dead rabbit! You can make Back-Bay-Bayou-Bourjulai-A-La-Antoine!" (with apologies to Chuck Jones and Mel Blanc)

Lets see, this guy has been living with this enornmous snake in his apartment for five years... how many women visitors do you suppose he's had in those years?

As Shrek put it, "do you think he's compensating for something?"

(coughs) "loser!"

"...the duck farm worker, from South Windsor, had been walking between duck sheds when she was struck on the arm."

Muahahaha. My bretheren are forming organized attacks now.

*sings* Let my people go!

Yeah, I'm taking the duck thing too far, but taking things too far is my hobby.

Why is it that dangerous snakes always escape from cages in apartment buildings? Don't people in houses ever leave the cage door open?

Perhaps "cage" was a bit of a stretch, it was really just a book leaning against the wall, but I had told slinky to "STAY!"

In re: The Update for Golfers.

Anyone else think Snake Snatch wbagnfarb?

Lets see, this guy has been living with this enornmous snake in his apartment for five years... how many women visitors do you suppose he's had in those years?

Hey Mudstuffin, how about the guy in NY who had a 600 pound tiger in his apartment? That's a real conversation starter when you bring a date home.

And "Snake Loose Scorn Aplenty"? What kind of incomprehensible headline was that?

Whoops, that was Snake Looses Scorn Aplenty

"Why is it that dangerous snakes always escape from cages in apartment buildings? Don't people in houses ever leave the cage door open?"

Its more fun to terrorize your neighbors when they are just a thin wall away.

Yeah Jeff, I've never had much luck with the "Come up and see my pet that might eat you" line, even with my tattoos, piercings, heavy-metal t-shirt, etc.

Go figure.

That's weird, afkam, because I've always had great luck with the old "I have a giant snake to show you up in my apartment" line.

*agrees with Jeff re: headline.* What does that MEAN? It looks like it was generated by the Random Word Selection Program. "Turnips Value Apathy Escalator."

Who doesn't value apathy escalators?

I don't

anyone seeing a snake should not attempt to pick it up because some snakes are poisonous but they should try to keep an eye on it while they call police. If they can’t keep it corralled, he said, "Kill it. ... Take a heavy rock and smash it. Break its back or smash its head."

Fred: Oh, my. Lookit th' size o' that snake!
Bubba: Yeah, buddy. What'll we do?
Fred: Call the po-lice, Nimrod, 'n I'll keep it corralled until they git here! Whatever you do, don't take yer eyes off'n 'im.
* * W H A C K thump W H A C K thump* *
Fred: Why in tarnation didja do THAT?
Bubba: Makes it easier to keep an eye on 'im if'n he ain't movin', Genius. Pass me another Bud Lite, would ya?

Shoot, if you called the police over a snake in these here parts, you would be laughed out of town. They tell you to "git yore gun and shute it or take a shovel and smash it".

I didn't register for the Sydney Herald, so I couldn't read the duck article, but there was a link in 8 or 10 pt font at the bottom of the page that said "Click here if you are blind or visually impaired" Now how the H E double-hockey-sticks are they supposed to read that?

Kat,
I love the drive thru Burger King menu board that states "Picture Menus Available". If I need a picture menu how the hell can I read that statement?

Kat, if they went to any effort, they'd've coded the page so the computer readers for the blind/impared read out the line on contacting them... though considering how much trouble some readers can have with tables and other junk, it probably still ends up as much a joke as it seems.

The other day, we learned what a snake vent was.
Today, we learned what a snake snatch is.
This must be the most snakalicious eductional site on AL Gore's little network!

Hey everybody! So I was driving to work this morning and...

What's Tina doing with that gun?

Tina: Oh, nothing! I'm just...cleaning it.

Oh, carry on then. So as I was saying, I was driving to work when a midget crossdresser in a bikini...

Tina: Look over there! It's Christobol with his giant snake!

Really? I've always wanted to compare...

*Sssshhhthunk*

Why the hell is there a dart in my neck? And furrrthhhermooore mmmph rmmble neener sshrhrmmb
*crumple*

Awwww Tina you went and shot him before he told us where to find the midget crossdresser in the bikini!

*pouts in corner*

i'm right here!

Just a side comment on the actual article:

Why did a woman use her three small children as an excuse to sign a petition against snakes? Burmese pythons don't eat children; they (the children) are too big! Unless they are dead rabbit-sized kids, that is...

Kat ... not unlike he Hooked on Phonics ad ...

Dial 1-800-ABC-DEFG

Yeah, OK. Cuz the folks that can't read or write will have no trouble reading that phone number.

Idiots.

Oops ... I dropped my T. I hate when that happens. I meant "the" Hooked on Phonics

But would Dead-Rabbit Sized Kids bagnfarb?

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