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October 05, 2004

SHHHHHHH! DON'T TELL ANYBODY AT PETA!

Sheep abuse, Aussie style. Not to mention frog oddities that we'd rather not go into at this point.

(Thanks to Lord Greg)

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Come to me, my flock.

First?

Jim: How's your sheep lookin' fer the big race?

Clem: Not so good. Her knee is all wrecked.

Jim: You need you some burrowing Australian frog goo. It'll repair that cartilage in no time.

Clem: I thought burrowing Australian frog goo was just for sweetening phlegm shakes?

Jim: Nope. It's good on sheep repair, too.

Is torn knee cartilage a problem for sheep?

Must be all that skiing they do in the off season.

Darn. A lurker can't catch a lucky break. Sigh. Back to work. (Baaaaaaaaa)

cbol ... clem and jim? Did you just watch Eternal Sunshine on the Spotless Mind?

Tina ... that was Baaaaaad.

*ducks flying squid*

Awww. Come back Diane! You can be first and we can play with sheep! *pout*

Commercial Announcement

Pharmacist: What's wrong there, little guy?

Sheep: I blew out my knee again.

Pharmacist: How did you do that? Have you been making passes at that bull moose again?

Sheep: No, It's those darned Dave Barry bloggers. They're always chasing me around the pasture, snapping me with towels and calling me names, like stinkywool and mr. chuckletrousers.

Pharmacist: Well what you need is new and improved FrogGlop 3000, with MucusGuard(tm)!

Sheep: Wow! That'll fix my knee?

Pharmacist: No! But if you fling it on people, they will almost always leave you alone!

Announcer: Try new FrogGlop 3000! Proof that scientists are freaking bored!

point for punky for skiing sheep mental jpg

Punky - no, I was watching Jim and Clem Do Stuff to Sheep With Frog Goo

I found the unrated version with never before scenes and director's commentary. Apparently Bushemi totally ad-libbed the part with the goats and tub of jam.

What do sheep say on Talk Like A Pirate Day?

Baaaaaaarrrrrrrr!

*nurses squid lesion on side of head*

D'Art - you got some kind of weird nipple on the side of your head?

Sorry, that came out all wrong.

D'Art, when the squid lesion, may I have some of whatever the nipple on the side of your head is dispensing, please?

It's just like that Odd Couple episode where Oscar and Felix invested in their dentist's Barnicle Glue.

C-bol, the biopsy people were so freaked out when they saw it, they said to leave it alone, and left the room in a big hurry.

That's OK, more gunky secretion for me. It smells awful, but it's 10 times more effective than FrogGlop 3000 at sealing cartilages shut. Look for a huge eBay rollout soon.

And squid lesions like it too! You're going to be rich, D'Art.

I got no luck. Tried to get a squid lesion to nurse on my boyle, and instead it wrecked a perfectly good asshat I was planning on wearing out on the town.

That is, wearing, to go out. Not wearing out.

The next step, of course, is discovering that the sheep that have been glued with frog goo have developed some sort of special powers...

The mutants are coming, the mutants are coming! Run for the hills, it's the frogsheep!

*Runs away from disco lights*

"George Murrell of the University of New South Wales made a tear in the meniscal knee cartilage of ten sheep"

Wouldn't an easier solution to the sheep knee injury epidemic be to put Mr. Murrell in charge of something else? Like...accounting or politics?

"George Murrell, who had only recently moved from the Biology and Agriculture Department in the University of New South Wales to the Sociology Department, had anounced yesterday that frog goo does not appear to have positive results on humans.
'Out of ten politicians whose throats we slit and then tried to glue together, only one has stopped talking', reported Dr. Murrell."

You people rock me with laughter.

Look soon for Sheep Repair's New CD: Frog Glue Surgery.

Deon, that's great. I'd hate to be scissored with laughter, or papered with laughter too.

Sheep Repair's touring with Squid Lesions! RAWK!

You know, I've personally known people who've torn knee cartilage and needed multiple extensive, painful knee surgeries. If doctors now can go in once and glue the torn knee back together with frog spit...

Nope. Sorry. Somehow I'm still not buying it.

What'd the sheep do to get their knees done for 'em like that?

All I can say is......ewe.

*gets rammed with a squid*

OUCH

*lets out a bleet of pain*

*runs from other bloglits who are trying to use frog glue to glue fingers together to stop these stupid posts*

Perhaps those were the Serta sheep?

Has anyone heard of synvisc shots? Also called chicken shots. It's a substanced injected into the knees to help with joint pain.

The solution comes from chicken combs....and it is not known exactly how or why it works....and it doesn't always work, but costs aboaut $1,000 per shot.

Conversation in the lab:

Dr. #1. Let's squeeze that thing on top of the chicken, whatever comes out we inject into people's knees and whether or not it works, we charge them $1,000.

Dr. #2. OK

I got so drunk last week on chicken shots.

by the way, it is not suggested to use Romanians to obtain the chicken shots. Horrible things happen when they get in the chicken coop.

Moist Habitat wbagnfarb......but you knew that.

Nine months under the mud when I get out it's pissing down rain and some Aussie bastard says Guday mate in that bloody awful accent then tries to turn me into glue.
It's enough to give ya the ribbets.

so will the sheep be able to leap on to lilly pads now???

you dont have mice. its sheep.

maybe no leaping, but maybe they'll shed and eat their wool, capturing bugs in the process?

-actually, the story was pretty cool. better than the current option of having someone (dead) else's body parts stuck in your knee.

I dunno Josh, I had the eyes of a busload of nuns and orphans implanted in my left knee, and it no longer aches like a sumbich when it's fixin' ta rain.

'Course it's as big as a piano now.

Actually, they weren't (dead), just stopped at a McD's to use the facilities, so I take your point.

C-bol, why is your knee winking at me?

Don't be alarmed, Penny. It just wants to have sex.

That ain't all that's winkin' at ya, darlin' ....

And you know what they say: "Once you've had a knee full of the eyeballs of a busload of nuns and orphans, you'll probably die of the dry-heaves."

Well, it's a saying around here, anyways.

Ah, here we usually say that something is 'as bad as climbing the stairs with a knee full of the eyeballs of a busload of nuns and orphans', so I can see the connection.

Christobol, I know some dogs who would love to take your knee up on that offer

We live in strange times.

Cristobol lives in strange places.

We have that one too, sorta, it goes "as bad as climbing the stairs with a knee full of the eyeballs of a busload of nuns and orphans is better than two in the bush."

We also say:

A knee full of the eyeballs of a busload of nuns and orphans saved is a knee full of the eyeballs of a busload of nuns and orphans earned.

Don't look a gift knee full of the eyeballs of a busload of nuns and orphans in the mouth.

A stitch in a knee full of the eyeballs of a busload of nuns and orphans saves some of them from squirting out.

You can lead a knee full of the eyeballs of a busload of nuns and orphans to water, but you can't get a woman to dress up as Daisy Duke and call you Superman.

A quitter never wins, and a winner never has a knee full of the eyeballs of a busload of nuns and orphans, unless he took it from a quitter.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, all of the people some of the time, but you can't put a knee full of the eyeballs of a busload of nuns and orphans into a subway turnstile and expect to get away with it.

A fool and his money are good to run into when you're selling a knee full of the eyeballs of a busload of nuns and orphans.

There are more...

Morning all!
Good to see ewe guys again.

No thanks, Josh. Don't call shallow just because it demands good looks. After all, it does have about 76 eyes, so it's understandable.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, all of the people some of the time, but you can't put a knee full of the eyeballs of a busload of nuns and orphans into a subway turnstile and expect to get away with it.

*sigh* Too true...

Perhaps the frog goo would be goo-d for Constantin Mocanu, the Romanian who detached his nether-region .. well, if the dog hadn't eaten it. But Constantin could probably sell some of his chicken combs for the chicken shots.

Has anyone seen my Superman?

Don't be mad, Daisy, but I saw him up at the bar chatting up Linda Carter, telling her how he's stronger than a speeding bullet and all.

He's a little differently sober right now.

*sings*
'I've got a pocket full of kriptonite...'

Sorry, make that Kryptonite...

Cool, I've got a pocket full of trojans and some of 'em used.

No wait, that's Prince.

I've got a pocket full of poseys, tho.

...And you know what they say, a pocket full of poseys is almost as good as a knee full of the eyeballs of a busload of nuns and orphans when you're begging for some extra change in the middle of the street in February!

hey, has anyone seen my Yoko Ono?

Check your cereal box, c-bol ... she likes to hide in there.

You can be my Yoko Ono

A stitch in a knee full of the eyeballs of a busload of nuns and orphans saves some of them from squirting out.

All I got to say is..... ewe ewe ewe ewe

*bad mental image*

But... I have pissed my overalls laughing

This is the funniest thread I have read in a long time.

MeganBareNakedLadies - are you from Canadia?

Also, a recipe:

Blog Stew

1 cup boogers, packed
1/2 cup nun and orphan eyeball mix
3 tsp. frog glue
4 lbs. roast cock, chopped
1 medium movie theatre snake, diced

Mix all ingredients in a slow-cooker. Cook over low heat for 6-8 hours. If stew burns, blame the people who asked you to make it for not noticing that the heat was too high.

Serve with roast vegetables and spew over keyboard and monitor while reading this thread.

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