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September 24, 2004

THE MEDICAL COMMUNITY: SERIOUS RESEARCHERS WHOSE DISCOVERIES WILL HELP MANKIND, OR PRANKSTERS PUT ON THIS EARTH TO MAKE DOGS MISERABLE?

You make the call.

(Thanks to Ol' Chumbucket)

Comments

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These are the same dogs that eat other dog’s puke and poop, right?

And how do you know if they are sniffing out cancer or asparagus?

I need more info before I fire my doctor and hire Lassie for my annual physicals.

Make dogs miserable? I can't think of ANYTHING disgusting enough that my dog wouldn't gladly smell it, then eat it.

I always thought dogs were being rude and intrusive when they crammed their noses in my crotch. Now I see that they were only trying to help.

Here lassie - you say you smell cancer, where, where... oh puleeeeez

This is probably the same British Centre that trained dogs to detect upcomng seizures in their owners.

I saw an after school special on it.

It actually appeared to work. While demonstrating the dogs ability to a woman, on camera, she went into a seizure and the dog had made that prediction.

Cats, however, have NO chance of doing this. They'd much rather worry about where their next meal was coming from than a humans health....

So - they get right answer 41% of the time and that's supposed to be GOOD?

Doctor: I'm afraid you have bladder cancer.

Patient: Oh no! Are you sure?

Doctor: As sure as science allows. Snoopy laid down next to your urine, and usually that's bad.

Patient: Usually?

Doctor: Well, lots of times it's been bad. Sometimes it just means you ate something funny, or that Snoopy got tired of sniffing urine. Plus sometimes I'm convinced he's deliberately throwing us off, some kind of dog rebellion thingy. Anyways, far as I know, you're very ill.

Patient: What should I do?

Doctor: Well, if you mix some Pabst Blue Ribbin in with your pee, Snoopy tends to ignore it.

Patient: And that will cure my cancer?

Doctor>/b>: Far as I know.

"Sigh...It wasn't supposed to be like this. I wanted to be a famous world-champion Frisbee catcher...I had my sights set on that. But nooooooo, I'm a pee-sniffer."

DaMMit!

I was giving my dog a massage the other day when his ears perked up and he led me, Lassie style, to the bathroom. Using a form of animal sign language I've been developing during breaks from my macaroni art and glue sniffing enterprises, he instructed me to make weewee. After sniffing it, he informed me that I have toenail cancer and should inform my podiatrist immediately.
Catastrophe averted!
Neener.

Ah, dogs smell wee-wee all the time - for them, this is like shooting pool or playing darts - it's their hobby...

slyeyes already posted this yesterday

Woodstock: How was your day?

Snoopy: Stupid humans made me smell pee all day

Woodstock: Why'd they make you do that?

Snoopy: Beats the heck out of me ... but everytime I had an itch and scratched behind my ear, the naked guy in the paper robe would start to cry ... so I started scratching just for the hell of it ... got kinda fun

Woodstock: I'll never understand humans. Let's go poop in their shoes!

Will insurance pay for this?

"I need more info before I fire my doctor and hire Lassie for my annual physicals." LOL, Punky.

LOL Punky & Mudstuffin - thankfully I was between latte sips.

"As a group, the dogs correctly selected bladder cancer samples on 22 out of 54 occasions."

We should hound the labs for better results. Canis be the best answer we have? Urine a world of hurt if 41% is good, boy.

MOTW: you've gotta be kidding me.

So when a dog licks his crotch and then tries to give you a big wet sloppy smooch, he's just trying to say "Hey, look, I'm cancer free!"

Good lookin' out, Ol' Chumbucket!

Just think: if they would train Labrador Retrievers, they could file the claim as a lab report!
* ducks *

This reminds me of the joke where the guy goes to the doctor, gets sniffed over by a dog, then a cat, and is then charged several hundred dollars for the "lab test" and "cat scan."

Will we soon be getting our annual physicals done by a chicken from the other side of the road?

judi, it was the last comment and no one was going to notice it (no offense, slyeyes), so I'm glad you posted it today! :)

* gasps as she thinks about asking the Subservient Chicken for a medical examination *

"As a group, the dogs correctly selected bladder cancer samples on 22 out of 54 occasions."

Hmmm...obviously these dogs were chosen because of their experience as part of the QA team for Windows XP Service Pack 2 !

Ooooh-and when they are done the can check this out ! Canine Cinema

Ooooh-and when they are done the can check this out ! Canine Cinema

You guys are complaining that they only got it 50% of the time? I want to see YOU recognizing bladder cancer in 22 out of 54 samples of urine with only your nose, bucko.

"The average success rate was 41 per cent, compared with the 14 per cent that would have been expected by chance alone."

Um . . . I don't know about you, but them's not too good odds IMHO. Think I'll go back to reading chicken entrails.

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