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September 28, 2004

TERROR STALKS ARKANSAS

Moo.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

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Fugitive cow! I love it. And I don't believe I have ever seen one that needed tranquilized.

Fergy, the Bovine Fugitive
Thanks, Claire!

The cow was sliding? I don't think I've ever seen a cow slide. But that cow has got to have some nasty road burn.

meg - *sniff, sniff* Burger's up!

In entertainment news, NBC has announced that Conan O'Brien will be taking over the Tonight Show from Jay Leno in 2009!

And now we know what they did with the skins of the tranquilized moo cows. Sheesh, MKJ, that's just creepy.

MOTW -
There's always something cooking at the roadkill cafe!

djtonyb wrote: "Of course, I think that Fugitive Cows wbagnfarb."

Rats, my fingers are too slow. You beat me to it. And I highly recommend their debut CD "Sliding Across the Interstate."

This meat-guzzling shark car would take care of those bovine speed bumps

"..and one cow remains a fugitive from justice."
"From justice?"
"Yes Ken, from justice."
"I thought he just kind of escaped from a trailer and went into the woods."
"Shut up, Ken."

"In an unrelated story, the Arkansas Highway Patrol held an impromptu self-appreciation bar-b-que last night, with some 'damn good steaks' according to troopers."

Now that's the kind of car I needed in Highschool!

And before you guys laugh at the Akansas state police (too late!) consider that most of you have never seen a fugitive cow in the woods. Sure, their pretty docile out in the field, where the most they'll do is interrupt your outdoor sex or chew on your airplane, but get them in the woods... and they become...ninja cows.

One minute, you're walking thru the woods teaching your kids about nature, how slugs sound when you squish 'em, that kind of thing, next thing you know...moo moo here, moo moo there, here a moo, there a moo, EVERYWHERE a moo moo!

Yeah. You'd want tranquilizers too.

djtonyb,

"Of course, I think that Fugitive Cows wbagnfarb."

Excellent!

Exotica

Maybe the others were loaded into a trebuchet and launched after those silly English pig-dogs. The fugitive remains to taunt them a second time.

This is straight out of the Far Side.

Run, Forest Moo-Moo, Run!

Cows that are normally tranquil
Have proven amazingly nimble
They'll be out of luck
If they're hit by a truck
Cause then they'll get tossed on the grill

Isn't that Clinton country?
Perhaps they should check the NY state senate offices for the fugitive still at large.

As anyone who has run from a cow, you know how mean they can be, especially ones that have tasted freedom. They are also camoflaged for stalking. As any child that has crossed a field after having been told that the cows were in the other field and then seeing a cow stalking you in the same feild then knowing the electric fence is on and you have no shirt arrrrrrgh! more therapy eeekf.

Tina : "bovine intervention" just made me snort my tea .....

Terrible - I love it.

I guess that one's still out there hoofing it...

Deputy Marshal: Alright, listen up, people. Our fugitive has been on the run for ninety minutes. Average hoof speed over uneven ground barring tipping is one mile-per-hour. That gives us a radius of one mile. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every barn, pasture, field, farm, and meat processing plant in that area. Checkpoints go up at two miles. Your fugitive's name is Bessie. Go get her.

----

Cow in tunnel: Moo.
Deputy Marshal: I don't care.

It was a dairy-ing escape!

*groans and throws something at myself*

I'm going to take up some valuable webpage space to share this story from a college friend of mine. This happened about four years ago when she was about 26 years old. Reading this with an East Texas accent will help. (swallow alert)

I have a funny Monday story for you. Husband, mom, dad, and I went to the ranch at Fort Stockton this past weekend so that husband and Dad could hunt and also get a load of cattle to take to Seminole. Things were going good till we only had 4 more cows to load, when one of them became rather mad at me in a very short amount of time. Husband was standing about 6 foot from me when the Longhorn Cow From Hell decided to kiss my butt. Knowing that I didn't want to feel her breath on my butt, I took off running looking backwards, looking at the horns from hell approaching rapidly. After what seemed like a lifetime of running (still looking backward at her), my chin came in contact with a 3-foot tub. With my body flying forward, cow on my tail, I took a head drive in what would have been dirt, but it had been raining for two days and had turned into slop. I guess that the cow did not like the flying shit/mud hitting her in the face since she didn't hit me after all. After sliding to a muddy stop, I got her to my family (who are supposed to protect me); they were laughing so hard I thought my mom was going to pass out. Thank goodness I had a change of clothes, but no running water. So I went to the water tank and dunked my head and washed up as well as possible only to have to ride 3 hours to Seminole, then another 1.5 hours to Lubbock before I could bath. When I woke this morning I had more blue spots on my body than white spots.

I don't know how I used to do this all the time when I was young and not even hurt myself.

Trying to play Fling the Cow, I guess. Further proof that video games distort our perception of reality.

That's the only reason I can think of for the cows getting away, anyhow. Or was it for the tranquilizers? Assuming cows react to drugs the same way humans do, I'd imagine that's like rewarding them for escaping.

Christobol - I'm still laughing.

MOTW - That has to be one of the funniest stories ever.

I guess one could say that the cows were a moo-ving violation.

*dodges tomatoes*

Thanks again Cbol- A little spew here, a big spew there, Here a spew, there spew, everywhere a spew spew!

'scuse my error: WEST Texas accent.
* Note to self: review geography *
P.S. My friend is about 5'1", a blue-eyed spit-fire. You'll notice that she did bring that cow in after all.

its a cow on the lamb - he he he, sorry I couldn't resist.

That's hilarious, Bangi. Thanks for a much needed laugh!

Other Fugitive Cow hits:

"Udderly Delicious"
"Rebel without a Cud"
"Splat Three Times (on the pavement) if You Want Me"
"Rib-Eye Love"
"Nine-to-Five" (Sorry that's a Dolly Parton hit)
"(When I think about you) I Milk Myself"
"Moo, I did it Again"

WARNING WARNING WARNING
Anyone who hates cowpuns better steer clear of this thread!

In fact, you should probably hoof it way away from here!

OK, OK, I'll go quietly...

The Best of the Fugitive Cows includes:

"If Heifer I Would Leave You"
"In the Moooood"
"Moooon Over Miami"
"I'm in the Mooood for Love"

and don't forget their recent release: Cowsills Retrospective

LMAOAWIRDTH...(and watching it roll down the hill)

What did one cow say to the udder...

"I am tired of all this mooving... lets skid away from this truck and become fugitives."

My suggestion: look for a black and white moose..

I have to agree with Punky: I immediately flashed on The Far Side with cows in the woods planning something dastardly to do to humans.

And Cbol, loved "here a moo, there a moo..."

Tonight on Fox: The Hunt For the Fugitive Cows
(with a re-enactment of their daring escape)

I didn't know they were re-enacting The Mooogitive in Arkansas. Where's Harrison Ford?

Cbol, I'm cracking up at the image of cows doing ninja moves.

Best of the Fugitive Cows 2

Moogaritaville
Mooneyback Guarantee
Mooconut Telegraph
Moo's the Blonde Stranger
Volcamoo
Browneyed Cow
Bocaburger in Paradise
The Captain and the Cow
Moo-ñana
Come Moo-nday
If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Moo

and my favorite
Coast of Moo-seilles

This is the biggest load of bull I've ever herd.

Megan,
New here??

Uh...yes! Yes I am. I just added Dave's blog feed to my LiveJournal friends list.....and one thing I am drawn to like moth to flame is cow puns.

Oh, and, hay.....nice to meat you.

I think we've milked this udderly silly story for all its worth now.

Well, don't have a cow, then.

I think we're in need of bovine intervention.

Well this has all been udderly mooving, I feel much butter now, so spare(rib) me any more cow puns, I'm off to hit the hay.

Why is the word "moo" so funny? It is, but I don't know why...

Moo.

BOOGER!

Sounds like a GREAT way to get yourself off a rustling charge...

Megan, if it's puns you want, you're definitely grazing in the cowrect pasture.

you want cow puns - look what I found! go here www.pungents.com/specfeat/cow.htm - these guys are nuts!

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