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September 20, 2004

BREAKING NEWS ITEM FROM THE "LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE" SCHOOL OF JOURNALISM

"Do Not Disturb"

(Thanks to Josh Tolley)

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Ooooh....first twice?

*sigh*
Oh well...

But at least they found my bomb!

Oh, that's not the only WMD we sort of lost. Our best hope is that the Sourh won't rise again and attempt to raise the device like they raised a Union ship to become the Next Great Weapon (Monitor vs. Merrimac)

This might be a good time to dust off one of the old classics

So Sadam was hiding them in Savannah. Very clever.

"The United States lost 11 nuclear bombs in accidents during the Cold War that were never recovered, according to the Brookings Institution, a Washington think tank.

An estimated 50 nuclear warheads, most of them from the former Soviet Union, still lie on the bottom of the world's oceans, according to the environmental group Greenpeace."


So, um, where exactly were all the other bombs lost?? I need to know where I won't be vacationing in future.

would also be handy for knowing what vacation spots I will be recommending to the mother-in-law ;)

We all know that brain surgeons have a high-stress job. But I think that Nuclear Warhead Plutonium Trigger Installer would have to be the most stressful job on the planet!

I'm waiting for somebody to put a "Used Mechanical Clown with Nuclear Warhead" for sale on e-bay.

I might bid on that sucker...

Terrorist Alert:

Now the bastards are using Southerners.

That's no bomb. It's Godzilla. Taking a nap. Godzillas like to kip on their backs...

That's why since 1989 all nuclear weapons come with a "page from handset" feature.

Hi Josh.

"Oops. My bad. I'll send a tow to pick it up."


The scene at Central Naval Command

*10 Star Admiral with Seaweed Clusters* Captain, would you please explain how in the H E DOUBLE TOTHPICKS you managed to lose 11 nuclear warheads!!!

*Submarine Captain...soon to be not* Well, Admiral, Sir, It's like this, we were going along and I thought, well, you know, that it would be a good idea to clean out the missle tubes. *pause* It had been ever so long since thay had had a good scrubbing and the boys and I....

*Admiral* Get to the point!

*Captain* Yes, well, you know how it is if you dump your purse or something, lots of times your keys or lipstick falls where you don't see them and you don't even know they are gone until you go to use them... and poof they're gone.

*Admiral* You mean to tell me that you think this is on par with losing your LIPSTICK?

*Captain* Well, not on par, not as such, obviously. But since we weren't actually going to use them at the time, I didn't seem like such a big deal.

*Admiral* Not unless some terrorist FINDS those missles and warheads???

*Captain* Well who would have thought of that? I mean, if you find a lost lipstick, you aren't going to use it are you? That would just be gross.

*Admiral* Get the Hell out of here, Captain, and I use that term loosely.

*Captain flounces out, miffed*

*Admiral to aide* That moron is too dangerous to be in command at sea. See if we can find a pentagon positon.

*Aide, with a remarkably straight face* Yes, Sir, I'll get right on it, Sir.

It's been 46 years and they have now found the bomb. Yet the Air Force wants it to "remain categorized as irretrievably lost."
Is it just too much paperwork to strike the word lost from that statement?

And since no one has said it yet ...
Is that a plutonium trigger in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

lily It's been too long since I've seen one of your fabulous contributions. Please stay around a while this time, okay?

Oh wow I went skinny dipping in the waters off of Tybee. Maybe that explains this rash that just won't go away.

Wacked - 'bottom of the sea off of Norway' how'd you know that was my fave vacation spot? Hey, it was cheaper the Cuba, what can I say?

True story...several years ago, I was on a dive trip off Panama City Beach. A 15 year old kid surfaces holding a shell in his arms....and we're not talking sea shell. The boat captain, after saying "oh sh*t", put it at the bow, gently cradled in life jackets and covered it in wet towels. Then he turned off radio equipment and got everyone off the boat and made us go farrrr away from the boat.

We later found out that he quickly turned on the radio equipment and called it in to the Coast Guard. He described what he had and they said "oh sh*t"

They patched him through to the Navy and when he described what he had, they said, "oh sh*t." They sent out help and when they got on board, they said "oh sh*t."

Our capt. said he told them he was tired of hearing that and wanted them to do something because he had divers circling the boat who were getting pruney.

They took it away to an isolated island and detonated it. From the serial #'s they told the capt. that it had "disappeared" a month before off a munitions boat.

Curious.

The kid who found it....totally pissed off he didn't get to take it home. His dad told him to hush.

sly: I think "oh shit" covers it perfectly.

Is it just me, or was that article the best wbagnfarb fodder we've seen in a long time? Here's my list:unarmed nuclear bomb
sophisticated equipment
recovery operation
thermonuclear bomb
plutonium trigger
simulated combat
flyable
irretrievably lost
nose first
resting place
celebrated accidents
midair refueling
ensuing explosion
high explosive igniters
relatively intact
recover the device

FUN STUFF!

hey earl! lookee what ah found here! eeeha! y'all wont belie......

Thanks, CNN, for letting the terrorists know where to find it!

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