A READER COMMENTS

From yesterday's voicemail:

And maybe so, but if you write, you'd like people to answer you, and you should have an email. And as far as saying Judi Smith has given birth before, that's very disrespectful, sir; I don't find that the least bit... not a bit funny. But I would like to respond to your column today, which is most biased, ridiculous and actually stupid. That's why we're in the shape we're in.

We wonder why she thinks giving birth is supposed to be funny. And we can't wait to hear what she thinks about today's column.

Comments

[lm]

first

[markhh]

I assume the shape in question (which we are in) is "cheese puff" shape.

[snethet]

First?? I'm first?

[Christobol]

Wow. Dave nailed the trifecta! Biased, ridiculous, and actually stupid. If he doesn't win a Pulitzer for this then we KNOW the fix is in.

PS - childbirth is WAY funny! Remember "get that for me, would Diedra?" from "The Meaning of Life"?

[snethet]

Argh!

[Christobol]

Correction: "Get that for me, would ya Diedra."

Also, it wasn't from MPMOL, I think it was from "How Forcing a Bowling Ball Out of Your Privates is Funny" starring one of the Baldwins and Sandra Bernhardt.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Anybody have a spare username and password for an old ex-leper?

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Nevermind about the password, bugmenot had one
herald@miami.com
bogus1

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Watch out or the guys in the suits will call you girlie, man . . .

[Jeff Meyerson]

Or use this:
crockett@tubbs.com
password: miamivice

[Christobol]

Or you can use:

Username = Iherbygiveyoupermission.com
Password = tosellmypersonalinformation

But I don't advise it.

[Peri]

Yes, but what was this woman ranting about? Yesterday's column did not mention judi giving birth, it was about David Dreier having carnal relations with a llama (or not). Dave's column is responsible for the shape we're in? Maybe she had a point about the email - better put one on each column. Apparently there are a lot of humor impaired people out there who are Google impaired as well.

Can I come and work in your office, judi? I would LOVE to listen to the voicemail and read the email and regular mail every day. Making fun of stupid people is one of the things I do best.

[Amy]

Ooh! Me too!!! I want to work with Judi!

[Christobol]

Reality TV Pitch: Have Dave Barry go around the country and personally apologize to everyone who writes or calls to say they were offended by something he wrote.

Invariably, these people have no sense of humor, which is another way of saying that they mostly chewed their pencils in school.

So we'll have Dave making fun of stupid people, who, even if they catch on, won't be able to think of a witty retort until the show is in reruns, and then they can shout it back at the TV.

"Look honey, here comes my part. Oh YEAH! Well YOU'RE a booger!....That's what I shoulda said. Dammit."

Dave, Judi - I'll take 5%.

[Marvin the P.A.]

Christobol:

But if Dave went around the country apologizing to everyone who was offended by something he wrote, then we'd never see or hear from him again. Let's say he took just one minute per person, that'd be, oh, 260 million times 1 minute per person, um, carry the 9, divide by the square root of.... ummm....

Oh, anyway all I'm saying is he wouldn't have time to blog or attend conventions or anything else. Let alone write more colums to offend someone.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Mike, thanks, I really enjoyed that. (But had I been a woman about to give birth, maybe not.)

[etc.]

judi — when did Dave ever write anything, disrespectfullly or otherwise, about you having given birth before?

[cuzn ed]

yeah, i'm lost on the judi giving birth thing, too. little help, anyone? or perhaps one has to be insane to get that one.

[SchadeBoy]

Let me tell you, after having delivered my htird child without a midwife (just me and my wife there), giving birth is the funniest thing in the world. It's incredibly miraculous, but funny. Let me tell you how it works:

You site next to your wife, while the baby is coming out. You're watching the miracle happen, and then BLAM! The baby squirts out, and you get a blast of amniotic fluid all over you (this happened with my first child).

It's time for your second child to be born. You think you'll play it safe by sitting behind your wife, helping in whatever way you can. Thing's are going along great, and then BLAM! Through some bizarre twist in physics, you STILL get hit with a shot of amniotic fluid as the little guy squirts out.

Your third baby comes along. You feel it doesn't matter where you are at this point, so you decide to go UC (Unassisted Childbirth) and play the catcher position. Of course, as the man, we really don't do much accept stand there wondering what to do. Then your wife asks "what's that" and you say "the head." Then before you know it, the baby flies out and...you get NO fluid on you!

If that isn't funny, I don't know what is.

[Brian B]

Great columns Dave. I'm sitting here in an airport getting funny looks from my future co-passengers because I'm laughing out loud at my computer screen.
Also, 'Get that for me would ya Deirdre' is one of the funniest things in Meaning of Life, that and the penis song.

[Pullet Surprise]

Which is a funnier user name: Pullet Surprise or Crapweasel McGee? I'm taking votes. To the MOATmobile Robin!

[judi]

there's a voicemail at the herald that tells people not to call unless they're going into labor, in which case they can call me, because i've given birth twice before. or something like that. it's been on there for 14 years, and nobody ever listens to it. i don't know why it offended her tho.

[Kat]

aaahhhhhh mystery one solved... now heading for the MOAT.. I last was there about 300 posts ago.. this could take a while ...

[Laguito Mojito]

Kill the spammers!!!!! Please?

[Scott McDonald]

if only we could convince the Bush administration that (comment) spamming is a form of terrorism...

[Jessica R.]

My response to the HUGE post of illegible domain names: What the far are you doing in this BLOG?

My response to the original post: Why do people who don't appreciate Dave's humor, and who don't love judi, take time out of their obviously busy, and meaningful lives to critique writing which they do not understand in the least?

[Meanie the Blue]

booger

[Meanie the Blue]

Knock knock....

[Meanie the Blue]

Knock knock

[Meanie the Blue]

Knock knock

[Meanie the Blue]

Pass me the roll, please...

[Meanie the Blue]

Pass me the roll, please...