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August 09, 2004

TRAVEL ADVISORY

I leave today for the Olympics. I won't be blogging the Olympics, because my actual job -- the reason I am being sent there as a trained journalism professional -- is to write newspaper columns filled with inaccuracies and outright lies. But when I can, I will post items on this blog, assuming they have the Internet over there in Greece.

After the Olympics, if I'm still alive, I'll go to New York for the Republican National Convention and Metal Detector Festival. So for the next month blogging from me will be sporadic. I can't speak for judi. No, wait, yes I can: There WILL be naked men.

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Firt!

Don't forget lots of Ouzo.

Greek for beer!

Dave has run off to old Athens
Droll stories he aims to pen
While Dave's away
The bloggers will play
With Judi and her naked men

They have beer in Greece?

Congratulations Shauna on being "firt!"

Have fun, Dave. Come back alive because we need to know if just as much "nothing" happens at the Republican National Convention and what kind of personal safety kit they issue.

Oh Dave! We'll miss you so much! Do us a favor: if you see any naked men in Greece, do not send photos to judi.

You know, a naked photo of Dave Barry could keep this crowd commenting for at least a month. Possibly more. All positive, all flattering, all no doubt respectful. We promise!

*crosses wingtips behind back*

Thank you Jessica...I am so thrilled at being "firt"...I'd like to thank the academy, my lawyer, my first grade spelling teacher....
Shauna (hanging her head in embarrassment)

Dave, I'm pretty sure the Metal Detector Festival will also be available while you are in Greece...

John: Not good beer.

good luck in the cow-milking event dave.

Just Say No to naked men postings...

Granted, probably over half of the bloglits would PREFER the NMPs...

*gets out golf counter*

Ok, judi - go ahead with the naked men - I'll keep count...

*frowny face* what will we do without dave's blogging?

Dave:
Make us proud. Remember that you represent the best of what this great country has to offer.

What am I trying to say here?

Don't forget to leave an impression! This means donning a Speedo at the beach...
I also suggest wearing a t-shirts that say "I'm with Stupid" when sightseeing.
And if you're bringing the Barry Clan along, be sure you are all dressed in matching outfits so that you can find each other easily in a crowd.

May the spirit of BLOG be with you.

Dave, in case you've misplaced it, here is the formula for successful Olympics reporting:

Obscurity of "Sport" X Lack of American Contenders = # of Human Interest Paragraphs.

So, if you are covering the 4 X 400 Alpaca Doona Hogging Archery Medley (team), and the Americans look like they'll be lucky to vie for last if they sober up in time to find the event, you'll need to write 11 paragraphs about Elliot Gonzales' favorite Sesame Street character and how that inspired him to give his spleen to his best friend's grandmother (in a jar, even though she didn't want it) and finish with 1 paragraph on how Japan, as expected, took the Gold.

Keeping this in mind, you should be a shoe-in for the coveted World Homeless Soccer tourny coverage assignment next year.

Are we not all naked men? I mean except for the women.

Dave, PLEASE do us a favor before you leave (if it's not too late, which it probably is), walk into the office, rip your shirt off and drop your drawers for Judi.. after that she'll never want to see another naked man again.

Yes, they have the internet in Greece, but it works a little differently. You don't need a computer, you just take a "pen" and write what you want to say on papyrus (paper). You then seal it in an "envelope" and drop it in a "mailbox", being careful to write down where you want it to go on the front of the "envelope" and sticking a little "stamp" on there too. You may purchase these "stamps" at a Greek "post office" for about 30 sheckles (little round pieces of clay) apiece.

Please note- if you want to send Sophie a "postcard" from Greece and you want it to arrive before her wedding, send it as SOON AS YOU GET THERE.

Have a wonderful trip. Come back someday.

Since we're pretty much invisible in a dark room when we're naked (or not), I'm working on a formula to make myself equally invisible when I'm naked in a lit room.

It pretty much comes down to keeping my eyes closed. Blindfolds work almost as well...

Zed: I tried that once. It worked until the judge had the baliff forcefully remove the blindfold.

Dave (NB): 'PA-per'? This word is foreign to me. Is it a new computer program?

Christobol: Just as Japan takes the gold, so does Former Soviet Republic #752 take the silver and Switzerland the bronze.

Godspeed, Dave.

TETSU-

pa·per ( P ) Pronunciation Key (ppr)
n.

A material made of cellulose pulp, derived mainly from wood, rags, and certain grasses, processed into flexible sheets or rolls by deposit from an aqueous suspension, and used chiefly for writing, printing, drawing, wrapping, and covering walls.
A single sheet of this material.
One or more sheets of paper bearing writing or printing, especially:
A formal written composition intended to be published, presented, or read aloud; a scholarly essay or treatise.
A piece of written work for school; a report or theme.
An official document, especially one establishing the identity of the bearer. Often used in the plural.
papers A collection of letters, diaries, and other writings, especially by one person: the Madison papers.
Commercial documents that represent value and can be transferred from owner to owner; negotiable instruments considered as a group: “billions more invested in American stocks, bonds, certificates of deposit, and other paper” (Christian Science Monitor).
A newspaper.
Wallpaper.
A wrapper made of paper, often with its contents: a paper of pins.
Slang.
A free pass to a theater.
The audience admitted with free passes.
------------------------------------------------

I looked that up online.

Hi Dave: I live in a teeny, tiny twp. in Western PA and all we have to read is a weekly paper. My girlfriend that I graduated with way back in'54
sent me The Herald so I could enjoy your column.
It is the first thing I look at on my PC every morning.Please keep me laughing,as being 68 isn't for sissies!! Thanks, Marlene

Zed: Before you try it too, tinfoil folded into a hat shape does not work for this purpose.

have a great time, i think, now, when you get to nyc- i can help you with that. head right for the carnegie deli. 55th and 7th, i think. do not pass go. just go get a cornedbeef sammich! and a pickle and a knish. wait. that's what i want. anyway, dont get a glass of milk with that, and you will do fine. in greece-well, how much of your own food can you bring?
enjoy the trips!!

Dave,

If you could please let us know if you find any difference, apart from location, between the 1000 year old Greek ruins and the newly constructed Olympic ones, we would all be grateful.

b

PS. I found out that Ouzo actually means: DANCING NAKED ON BARS BEFORE A HANGOVER DISABLES YOU FOR A WEEK, something that was only in the FINE PRINT in the tourist books.

Thanks MKJ!

(Zed- putting down the foil)

"Gone To Greece", Dave’s now nomadic,
His blog contributions sporadic.
This Olympics report
Leaves the bloglits quite short
Writing rhymes and waxing rhapsodic.

I've heard that Greek plumbing cannot handle toilet paper. Is that true? Then how do they...OK, maybe I don't want to know........

Baklava! Bring back baklava!

And Dave, remember to throw the javelins in the opposite direction of wherever the other journalists, or the French, are hanging out.

John - here's a potential solution

my bf told me the Greeks used to compete naked..yes Naked.He saw it on the History channel.

of course im just happy he's watching the history channel as opposed to Fashion TV

Bangi - Just what is wrong with fashion TV? He can come watch it with me any time he wants.

Hey Punky! ur back!
and we're both talking abt naked men...
the world is back to normal.

Karma-ly urs,
Bangi
Ohm

Slowlayne,
it's not as good as what he sees on his webcam.
purrrrrrrrrr

I have got to get a webcam

Joins Bangi and Punky on the hunt for naked men

get me an autograph of the luge winner.

hey queensbee, i'm going to nyc before dave is .... why shouldn't i have milk with the corned beef?

Here's a travel offer for Michelle Larsen. Others need not click.

That is right many Greek toilets cannot cope with toilet paper. However the cradle of democracy invented the waste paper basket and you find one in the WC. Best to time your visit just after it has been emptied.

That is right many Greek toilets cannot cope with toilet paper. However the cradle of democracy invented the waste paper basket and you find one in the WC. Best to time your visit just after it has been emptied.

That is right many Greek toilets cannot cope with toilet paper. However the cradle of democracy invented the waste paper basket and you find one in the WC. Best to time your visit just after it has been emptied.

Go get 'em, Dave! Bring back the Gold for the US Blogging Team! (soon to be a major motion graphic.)

Mmmm, banana...

Looking forward, Punky.

judi:

Meat + milk = not kosher.

A hunt for naked men? That will take my mind off my hand...

Personally I find the naked men pictures very insulting and distasteful. I do however like the tasteful "Who Is This Pop Diva" ad on the right column of the blog.

Bangi__: I'm glad you're OK with your bf watching naked men on TV (not that there's anything wrong with that)

I'd like to send you off with an authentic Greek saying for a safe and happy journey.

"Dolmade Tzatziki Mousakka"

So obviously my Greek could use a little work beyond the foods category. :)

"...the reason I am being sent there as a trained journalism professional -- is to write newspaper columns filled with inaccuracies and outright lies."

You think they would send you to Iraq!

Judi, you can't have milk with the corned beef because the Carnegie Deli is Kosher (no dairy!) ;)

-- Guin

Punky! Glad to see you made it back in one piece. Were the flights as awful as anticipated? Did you get to join the Mile High Club at least once?

Actually, we're flying off tomorrow -- to Buffalo -- and then driving to Niagara Falls. Back at the end of the week. I'll be watching the opening ceremonies to see if Dave holds up his "Hi, Mom!" sign, or even "John 6:26" (or whatever).

queensbee, if you feel the need for a few slots with your corned beef, there's a Carnegie outlet at Foxwoods Casino in Connecticut. Just saying.

Judi, I'm sure you're kidding about the milk & corned beef. And I'm sure you'll be able to find plenty of naked men in our fair city. Sadly, they tore down Peep World on 42nd Street recently, but there are plenty of male strippers around. Enjoy!

Truly, the line between "male stripper" and "flasher" is a fine one.

And not all circuit judges see it the same way, either (though they're pretty consistent when you do it in their courtroom, I will admit).

Just saying.

Maybe I'll get the chance to be first, now that Dave and I will be in the same time zone :)

dave, Travel advice for you: Don't bend over.

At the Olympics OR at the Convention...

Judi: Welcome in advance to the city that never shuts up.

While someone as determined as you should have no problem, Jeff M. is right that it's probably harder than it used to be to find naked men. Something (hard to pin down what, exactly) was definitely lost when Times Square was sanitized for our protection. I got a big laugh, though, when the ubiquitous signs that used to say "Live Nude Girls" started getting replaced with signs saying "No Live Girls" at the time of Giuliani's crackdown.

Be sure to stay a safe distance from those liquored up conventioneers and the mouth-frothing protesters.

Maybe you and Dave can, some seventeen years after Dave originally posed the question, tell us if New York was able to save itself.

If Dave is going off to Athens to tell outright lies and post inaccurate unfacts, he must also be a stringer for the New York Times. Attaboy Dave! A Pulitzer is within your grasp.

If Dave is going off to Athens to tell outright lies and post inaccurate unfacts, he must also be a stringer for the New York Times. Attaboy Dave! A Pulitzer is within your grasp.

If Dave is going off to Athens to tell outright lies and post inaccurate unfacts, he must also be a stringer for the New York Times. Attaboy Dave! A Pulitzer is within your grasp.

Isn't "inaccurate unfacts" a double negative?

Yes Drew, but if you post it three times, it becomes a positive :)

Bon voyage, Dave.

Have a great time in NYC, judi.

It's gonna be so quiet around here for awile ...

Dave...just don't come back..."Hellenized"...If you know what I mean...

True fact: I once went to a Greek monastery in America which had the same toilet paper issues.

I had the same reaction most of you would. To wit, "EWWWW!"

There were signs in the bathrooms instructing you to dispose your tp in the basket, not in the toilet.

my hubby is from one of those countries where you'll be looking at the business end of a plumbing hissy fit if you flush any tp, so i totally know about the whole tp issue. it's yucky and you don't get used to it.

Remember, play fair and more than anything drink the ouzo for all us who can't. Both in Greece and you will definitely need it in New York. Ater watching all that crap, then you have to come home and listen to more, but twice as bad.

Safe trip and drink bottled water.

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