THANKS FOR THE MONKEY MOAT, ELLE

It'll look great over the couch.

Comments

[Kat]

hehehehehe... it works it works!!! THANKS Jeff!!
*sneaks over and gives Jeff a smooch on the cheek and tops ups his MOATarita.. ya gotta start the day out right

[Kat]

I float
in the moat
from my drip
MOATaritas i sip
as i doze
while i compose
this rhyme is sad
the iambic pentameter is totally out the window
and so is the rhyming scheme

see ya all later

[Kat]

awwwww thanks kibby..... what a welcome.. no wonder everybody comes back... *starts humming the Cheers theme* .. and I know I shouldn't mix my bars but it's that kind of night

[mudstuffin]

Joshkr: sory I didn't finish what I was doing last night, but my computer took a crap on me in the middle of a post. Yes, I'm trying to give you multiple earwigs, or at least earwig choices. The idea was to provide the moat with background music, so that you could hear appropriate monkey-themed music while sinking into the jello. I was going to post the lyrics to "Hey hey, We're the Monkees" too, but as I said, my computer took a crap.

[LabSpecimen]

Stats: D'Art, I have you @ 52 posts (not counting any pseudonyms) in the ReMOAT and 16 in the MOAT. I did this quickly and didn't care a lot about the results, so, as always, YMMV. When I get a chance, I'll convert the data to HTML and post it in the group that way so everyone can access it, even without Excel.

Thanks to this MOATelle, I had a dream last night about Billy, the Bodiless Boy. It seems Billy was floating in the ocean somewhere (a sort of self-exile) and I had to find him, with the help of two of my friends. We were swimming around in the ocean (no support boat or anything) trying to find Billy - who wasn't yet Billy in the dream, just a ping-pong ball.

Here we are, swimming around kind of randomly, trying to find a ping-pong ball and I was explaining the mathematical improbability - NEAR IMPOSSIBILITY - of actually finding a ping-pong ball in the ocean, when I stopped mid-sentence and said, "Hey, is that it?" Sure enough, it was the ping-pong ball we were looking for!

It was at that point that the ping-pong ball became Billy the Head. We talked to Billy for a while (I nearly held him under water to kill him when he mentioned my ex-wife) and it seems that we had to help him find Nemo. I swear, I am NOT making this up!

It was then that my alarm went off and the whole dream evaporated in a puff of orange smoke. Luckily for me, I never realized that I can't swim, or else the dream may have turned weird.

YMMV: Your Mileage May Vary

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

(Man, there's a huuuuge spam message in the comments section of the "Impressive - FLA driver" thread)

[Jeff Meyerson]

Morning, all! Thanks Kat, glad it worked. (Although that song was almost beyond the pale -- oh wait, it WAS beyond the pale.)

I see Frances is still bearing down in the east coast of Fla. so hope you're all prepared. Looks like djtony & the rest of you better call in the rock band after all. Rock band? Lesbians in Toolbelts, of course.

Last night's result:
New York 5, Cleveland 3

A beautiful (and satisfying) night at the big ballpark in the Bronx. El Duque is still THE MAN and it was great to see so many kids -- boys and girls -- out there with the folks. My father took my brother and me when we were kids and it's a memory that lasts.

When I left here at 3pm yesterday: #419
This morning as of 8:45 am or so: #663

At this rate we'll be looking to expand soon. Maybe when the Lesbians are done fixing djt's shutters?

eadn: don't give up. Try, try again. And any other cliche you like. You have all the supporters you could want here, even if long distance.

Midget: nice picture. Love redheads.

Back in a little while; need more coffee.

[Polly]

*Squints. Wanders blindly into kitchen.*

One of the feckin' monkeys took my glasses.

You're all looking so attractive this morning.

*Pours monkey chow into coffee grinder*

[Jeff Meyerson]

Hey guys, just heard that the fascists are cracking down again, so you might want to keep off Bangkok buses for now.

END OF ALERT

[Jeff Meyerson]

On the other hand, I've heard a few single and looking women hear complaining, so you might want to consider China for your next vacation.

[Jeff Meyerson]

But while you're in the Far East, keep an eye out for the lesbian cows.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Sheesh, it should read "here complaining"

Sorry about that.

[Bismuth]

Josh... I got a few more where that came from:

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs...

... lying in the weeds?
Russell

... sucking oil out of the ground?
Derrick

... in a hole in the ground?
Doug

... in a smaller hole in the ground?
Douglas

... waterskiing?
Skip

[Jeff Meyerson]

But keep your drinking on the MOATelle, and stay out of India, guys.

[Polly]

This coffee tastes funny.

[Mr.Fisher]

Keeping the corny theme alive.

Polly that's exactly what one cannibal said to another after eating a clown.

"This coffee tastes funny"

Hmmm, Me thinks me need more coffee also.

[bbxl]

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs...

...in a floating in a pot of boiling water?
Stu

[Mr.Fisher]

I

[Mr.Fisher]

am

[Mr.Fisher]

trying

[Mr.Fisher]

to catch up to Joshkr's sh#%load of posts from the reMoat stats.

Damn Dude. You rock.

[Midget]

Good morning guys!! Coffee, please...

Josh- yes, I would love to be in the Calendar. Thank you for thinking of me.

Lee- I wasn't on your List and I had a pretty high score, but I did get a mention in the preamble, so you are redeemed.

Bismuth- Josh is right. You wouldn't believe the things I can do with scissors. Take it back.

Jeff M- Thanks!!

That is all.

[Higgy]

Bismuth - my favorite joke of that variety - What do you call a man with no arms, no legs and fifty rabbits up his arse?

Warren....

That is all...

[Mr.Fisher]

Well here goes nothing (Let's hope not)

Very Strange Lab. I too had a dream about Billy the Bodiless Boy last night too.

*crosses fingers and hopes that worked*

[bbxl]

errr....make that "floating in a pot of boiling water?"
*stupid fingers!*

[Mr.Fisher]

Yes!

*Dances Irish jig*

*Pulls hamstring*

Damn. Hey Punky? Gotta a couple of "pain meds" I could borrow. And of course by "pain meds" I mean breasts. They always make me feel better. ;)

[punky "sultry breeze" brewster]

Morning MOATies! Anyone get arrested or impregnated last night???

Mr Fisher ... I'm happy to share my pain meds and my breasts if it helps to ease your pain, sweetie.

*smooch*

[Leetie]

*hands Mr. Fisher HTML merit badge*

[Polly]

G'morning, Punky!

*Passes Punky a monkey chow latte*

*Hands Mr. Fisher my breasts. Walks away.*

[Leetie]

For some reason I think I had a dream about Billy the Head last night too.

I think Christobol should incorporate "Billy the Head" into his drama. Sounds like a gangster name. Not that Billy could break anyone's knees or anything... unless he gnawed on them.

[Polly]

Give 'em back when you're done, Fish.

[Mr.Fisher]

*Hands Miss Midget a cup of Joe (We sure have alot of loose body parts around here)*

Nice Pic, btw Midge. My wife is also fond of redheads. At least that's how I interpretted her loveingly smacking the back of my head with a large skillet after I repeated Higgy's words of "Hubby, Hubby"

[Polly]

SEPT 1, 2004 QUOTE OF THE DAY:

"I'm kicking their assholes out the top of their heads."

Posted by: Peri on September 1, 2004 01:24 PM

[Mr.Fisher]

*Suddenly feels no pain, only warm and tinlgy*

Thanks for all the mammaries. I'll cherish them always.

You know, now people are probably going to think I am such a boob. But oh, well.

I'll be back in a few. I must go ummm ... *blushes*

[Mr.Fisher]

See a man about a monkey.

[Leetie]

Holy Re-MOAT stats Batman! I knew I was up in the 6% range (I actually did a manual text search and calculation one "I have no life" day), but I had no idea I wasted so much t-- I mean, posted so much! Won't happen here though... I've seen a few MOATs in my time, and by "a few" I mean three, and this one is moving at the speed of a launched booger out the sunroof of JU's old RX-7.

Joshkr, loved your "If you were a booger.." pickup line!

Where did all the monkey chow go??? And what's this crap in the coffee pot?

BOOGER!

[Midget]

Mr. Fisher

Methinks you need more coffee. It was "hubba hubba". THanks for the Joe. I love a good shoulder in the morning.

Tell your wife I only do threesomes during a harvest moon.

[Scott McDonald]

Moving
Oranges
Around
Tampa

*imagine a moat filled completely with POTATOES!*

[Polly]

Gee, Leetie...I dunno. That's odd.

*Whistles innocently.*

[Mr.Fisher]

Oh, right. Maybe that's why she smacked me. For incorrectly quoting Higgy. I get it now.

Um, *checks calendar* right around the corner.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

See ya in couple of weeks. Polly, Punky? Can I borrow your breasts again in a few weeks? Pretty please, with Jello shots on top?

I stole it once from Josh and I'll steal it again.

Life is good!!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Lab: couldn't open the REMOAT stats. Help!

[Mr.Fisher]

Hopefully DjT and SlowLayne didn't pick up on that subliminal going ons about me shouting twice for a Husband. Cuz I didn't know even know I was in the closet.

So if everybody could just do me a big favor and don't say anything to them, I'd appreciate it.

or IN STREET:

Keep it on the Down Low, my Peeps. For moatizzle, mynizzle.

[Leetie]

*scoops up some oddly-shaped brown pellets from the kitchen counter, grinds them up and restarts coffee maker*

Hmmm... smells like Starbucks... oh well, better than nothing!

[Polly]

700!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Polly]

Make that 701. And 702.

[Higgy]

Leetie - I think that was where a monkey just did his....

Hmm - never mind...

Tastes like Starbucks, huh? I could see that. Where's a Dunkin Donuts when you need one...

[jamester]

And Now for Something Completely Unoriginal!
Listening to the RNC, I can't get these song lyrics out of my head, so thought I'd send an earwig to those of you who know old Donald Rumsfeld, no, sorry, Rany Newman, songs:
POLITICAL SCIENCE

No one likes us-I don't know why
We may not be perfect, but heaven knows we try
But all around, even our old friends put us down
Let's drop the big one and see what happens

We give them money-but are they grateful?
No, they're spiteful and they're hateful
They don't respect us-so let's surprise them
We'll drop the big one and pulverize them

Asia's crowded and Europe's too old
Africa is far too hot
And Canada's too cold
And South America stole our name
Let's drop the big one
There'll be no one left to blame us

We'll save Australia
Don't wanna hurt no kangaroo
We'll build an All American amusement park there
They got surfin', too

Boom goes London and boom Paree
More room for you and more room for me
And every city the whole world round
Will just be another American town
Oh, how peaceful it will be
We'll set everybody free
You'll wear a Japanese kimono
And there'll be Italian shoes for me

They all hate us anyhow
So let's drop the big one now
Let's drop the big one now

[slowlayne]

Too late Mr. Fisher, you’ve broken the hinges on the closet door.

Besides, I already gave back my toaster that I got for recruiting Joshkr. I should have used more butter.

[Mr.Fisher]

Damn it!

Who told em?

*Grumpily puts on Cabana boy outfit and brings extra butter*

[Vol]

Lab-

Which thread did you analyze . . . Original MOAT or ReMOAT??

[Mr.Fisher]

They stats on both are there, Vol.

*Notes to put 5 gallon bucket o' butter next to waterslide in Higgy's room*

This stuff's slippery.

[Peri]

Gee whiz, I post WAY too much considering I rarely have anything meaningful to say. I think I was just so excited to go online at home I ran amok. From now on I'm only going to post if I have intelligent, articulate and humorous things to say. Although, if Polly thinks the monkey asshole thing was worthy of Quote of the Day status, I may not be able to tell the difference.

[the artist formerly known as Federal Duck]

You people are insane. I like it. And this is turning into a chat room with a 2 minute delay.
I'm still hunting for replacement names, and I have extremely low standards. Any suggestions will be considered. I have devised a very scientific selection process involving a dart board and tequila.
Booger.

[the artist formerly known as Federal Duck, occasionally referred to as Crapweasel McGee]

Punky,
You didn't call! And I had the Redi-Whip and duct tape on standby! I feel rejected. *pout*
But I was NOT implying that, unlike other women, you are within my standards. You are WAY above my standards, inasmuch as you are not inflatable or livestock, as is my traditional dating pool.
BTW; Neener McGee? It doesn't have the punch of Crapweasel, but it does involve 5 e's, which is a lot more than George Bush or John Kerry can say.

[Scott McDonald]

*fires potatoe gun across the MOAT*

[TwoPeanuts]

aMOAT haiku:

-MOATers are coming-
seal the moat, hide the REmoat,
MOATers are coming!

[slyeyes]

Monkey doot coffee can be very expensive and rare stuff. We may have a gold mine here. Check this
out

[slyeyes]

crap

here

[Peri]

Potatoe gun? You're really Dan Quayle, aren't you, Scott?

We already have a carpweasel. I think it's too close. Just be patient Ducky, we shall discover the perfect nom de plume for you.

[slyeyes]

Hey, Lab, how many of those posts are due to double and even triple postings?

Joshkr, next time, we've got to remember to use clean socks. My mouth tastes like I've been drinking monkey doot coffee.

*pops breath mint*

[Scott McDonald]

No - I invented the internet.
Therefore I am Al Gore.
With a potatoe gun.
hmm...
must invent MOATatoes next

[Higgy]

*puts slyeyes' HTML merit badge on parole*

djtonyb - any word on the new job??

[punky "sultry breeze" brewster]

Crapweasel ... sorry, hon. I feel asleep after taking a few too many muscle relaxers ... but I made up for it by having some really cool dreams that involved whipped cream and a stripper's pole.

[Scott McDonald]

"PlatyMOAT" ?

[the artist formerly...ah screw it]

It's been 35 minutes since the last post that wasn't from me. I'm fiending over here. Is it because I keep peeing in the MOAT? Is it Jeff's breath? Is it iolite's Canadian Cooties? Would the Canadian MOAT Cooties bagnfarb? Inquiring minds could care less, but it's fun to ramble.

[Mr.Fisher]

Ol' MacDonald had a Potatoe gun.

Eieye, eieye, oh?!

[Scott McDonald]

Is it the lack of hitting refresh?

[steven]

TAFKA Federal Duck- I vote for Neener McGee

[Scott McDonald]

Watch it Mr. Bobby - or I'll call the yiddish conspiracy to revoke your MOATport.

[the artist formerly...ah screw it]

Hah ha! I forgot to hit the refresh button. It's one of those days. Booger.

...

the Platypus Booger? nah, too far off topic.

[slyeyes]

Hey, Duck: How about "Aflack"

[Polly]

Elle...

LOL on the Uberwinky!

*Snort*

That's my vote, Fed.

[Polly]

*Watches as FedEx truck pulls up to MOAT. Driver unloads large crate.*

Oh, goody! My fireants are here!

*Skips to door to sign for order.*

[Scott McDonald]

Aflack picked a Platypus Booger out of Uberwinky's Crapweasel - so I shot em with my big old motatoegun.

[Mr.Fisher]

What about my bare winky? I thought you girls like it that way?!

*put penguin thong back on*

[Scott McDonald]

*off to build a better moatatoe thong*

[Polly]

How about LaShikra?

That'd be a good name, Fed...

[Uberwinky]

Uberwinky is a good temporary gnome de plum. The reason I chose it as my hotmail address is that I spent an hour trying real, somewhat respectable addresses and they were all taken. So I googled uberwinky and nothing showed up. I use that address on my resume, which is why I'm poor.
Uberneener.

[Peri]

Canard Fédéral, Municipal Goose, Duck l'orange? Do you like Douglas Adams - Ford Prefect, Zaphod, Marvin, Slartibartfast? How about Terry Pratchet - Rincewind, Mustrum Ridcully, Ghengis Cohen, Captain Carrot, Nobby, etc?

[Mr.Fisher]

Hmmmm.......How's about DuckButter?

[Polly]

*Goes to get dead monkey from freezer*

I ordered these fireants from some guy in Iraq. Wonder why there's a skull-n-crossbones on the crate?

And why does the label say, "Baby Milk Factory"?

[Don't Panic]

Hitchhiker's Guide is real; most people don't know that. I've been carrying my towel and waiting for the Vogons for years.

[Mr.Fisher]

Hmmm.....How's about I see you guys a little later after I make a sad attempt to actualy do something today?

*Puts more beer on ice*

[slyeyes]

Huh?

[Mr.Fisher]

Oh, Hey Polly speaking of "Baby Milk Factories" here ya go.

*Gently places polly's breasts back on*

Ooops, think I gottem on backwards. Sorry. I'll play with, er um fix them when I get back.

[Mr.Fisher]

Oh, and one more thing.

Does what happens in the Moat(s), stay in the Moat(s)?

[Higgy]

MF - generally, yes. Unless you then go ahead and get together with other bloglits, mix in alcohol and then ALL sorts of stuff comes to the surface...

Especially when pictures are taken...

[LabSpecimen]

Holy crap. Hard to keep up around here.

The stats for the MOAT and the ReMOAT are both there.

I'll try to get it into HTML format soon. Been busy today.

I didn't filter out double posts. That would be complicated, I think. Too complicated to tackle on a busy day.

Cheers, all.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Let's see: comment #1 August 31, 6:51 pm
Comment #750 September 2, 12:41 pm

That's 24 + 18 = 42 hours approximately, divided into 750 comments = nearly 18 per hour

That has to be some kind of record, right?

Uberwinky? Hmm, I like it.

[Polly]

*Gets crowbar. Pries open crate.*

Hmmm...there's a dirty little man in here and keeps saying he's the President of Iraq.

Damn it! This always happens to me when I order things online...

[Jeff Meyerson]

But how about

[Jeff Meyerson]

people who

[Jeff Meyerson]

inflate their statistics with

[Jeff Meyerson]

stupid stunts like this one?

[Jeff Meyerson]

I really hate that.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Really.

[Jeff Meyerson]

(End of joke/stupid stunt)

Polly, I guess you can test him. Does he know Rock, Paper, Saddam!?

[Polly]

OMG, Jeff!!!

That was HILARIOUS!!!

*Slaps knee and passing monkey.*

[slyeyes]

Peri, if there were "posting requirements" such as being intelligent, articulate, and meaningful....well, we wouldn't be over 700 at this point...and this would be a v-e-r-y boring blog.

And on another matter:

ARRGH!! I left my CD's at home. The only station I can get here at work is currently playing Milli Vanilli. MAKE IT STOP!!!

[slyeyes]

Whew! There's hope. I found a Maroon 5 CD in my briefcase.