THANKS FOR THE MONKEY MOAT, ELLE

It'll look great over the couch.

Comments

[MadScientist]

What about federal neener duck? of course that sounds too close to weiner duck... what about Federal booger?

[Higgy]

FD - Stay away from crapweasel - because we already have one lawyer and Mike Weasel. No need for any confusion.

Personally I like Neener Demeanour....

[Susan]

Josh, here. Or right here...

[Midget]

I can't find my pic on Y! group. I sure hope Josh didn't edit it.

Josh-why won't you pinch anything??

[MadScientist]

*hands punky a $100000 and a lifetime supply of Moataritas.

I wan't to buy gigalo Josh from you. And form now on Josh I will refer to you as L.L. cool J cause the ladies love cool Josh...but we love hot Josh more.

[punky "sultry breeze" brewster]

You need to share, Susan!!!!!

Josh, you have two hands ... use them!

[MadScientist]

Midget - LLCOOLJ will pinch you plenty just give him time. He has this really great routine...trust me it is worth the wait.

[punky "sultry breeze" brewster]

Hell ... for $100,000 I'll go back to touching myself.

He's all yours!

[Higgy]

He charges extra for pinching

*sets up camera and lights*

Okay, rolling on the set of "Joshkr and the Bloglits - Episode Nineteen"

...and... ACTION...

Wait, we already have action going here...

[MadScientist]

Thinks of way to clone Josh's hands so that he can please all the bloglits at once....

Octo Josh like from spiderman2?

[Midget]

Ya know-I really think (although I hate to do it) I need to go home and eat something. If the MOATelle moves, someone please let me know.

*Sadly gets out of MOAT and wraps towel around self*

Did the monkeys steal my flip flops??

[Johnny Urinalcakes]

When the lights come on, the "Bwang schwackets" are on the way....

[MadScientist]

lol punky!!! Well I promise to share LL cool J in Vegas. It is going to be one H3ll of a great night in the suite...

Assuming Josh ever buys his ticket...

[Susan]

and I can't go to Vegas. Oh drat.

[MadScientist]

Susan - well record your voice and we will play it in Josh's ear and it will be just like you were there....

[MadScientist]

Josh - yeah so you keep saying. yet somehow I just can't see it. Anyhow enough Margaritas can fix that.

[Susan]

Josh..shy and quiet...nope. Just doesn't go together.

[MadScientist]

I agree Susan. I bet we can't shut him up...well I am sure we can think of a few ways to divert his mouth from speech

[Susan]

Yes, I could record something.

*thinking...*

Plenty of ideas here.

[MadScientist]

Ok Susan but send it to me not Josh so that I can tease him with it at the most oppertune time.

[jamester]

Slowlayne's gonna have to return his toaster before he browns his first bagel...

[MadScientist]

and please excuse all my spelling and typing errors. I haven't even had a drink, but you know some days 3pm feels like 3am

[Susan]

Mad-email me with any ideas for something really creative to surprise him with. Although I do have a few of my own...

[Bismuth]

Obviously, "Sultry Breeze" takes its origins from a phrase for which it is an anagram:

"zesty eel burr" or possibly "breezy luster"

[Lmd33]

Hey, ANYONE can be #1. I'm #541!!!! Let's see how many can say that!!!

[MadScientist]

Jamester - you just made me spray the keyboard - good thing it was only water.

[MadScientist]

Jamester, Weasel and other LA bloglits - Dave is signing books at the B&N at the Farmers market on Sept 22. Interested in meeting up? (thats a Wed night)

[MadScientist]

*looks around the suddenly empty lab*

I guess that means I have to get back to work....Ok OK

[Susan]

Finally I can go home. Should have a lot to catch up with later, or tommorrow...

[Lee]

This place hasn't even been open a day and it's already up to 557 posts! Dang, we're going to have to start MOAT jumping every few days! Hmmm, MOAT Jumping, there's a phrase you can have fun with... ;-)

Also, I give up on keeping up! I just searched for kinky scores and got stephens update and Midget's new. If I missed someone, email me. And since we seem to have a bunch of newbies,

Here's your very own Vegas and Kinky Updates:

The First Annual Las Vegas Dave Barry Blog Meet and Greet in Las Vegas, October 14-17th!
AKA Vegas Bloglit Invasion.
Location: Lee's at Boardwalk, Jeff's at Bally's
Confirmed: Lee (with buddy Brian,) mad scientist, Graz, Punky Brewster, Jeff and Jackie Meyerson
Mentioned, but unconfirmed: Polly, MeL, Alex, djtonyb, evil little pixie
Planned Activities:
Friday the 15th: the AARP function where Dave is speaking.

The How Kinky Are You test.

The Scores:
850 - Blogchik! (Smooookkiiinnnn! She must have done extra credit work. wink, wink, nudge nudge.)
700 - Maximum Score
650 - lizagain (The Current Kinky Leader!)
600 - djtonyb
*600 - theresa
595 - igwanna
590 - Joshkr
580 - slowlayne
570 - Graz
570 - BMX3
565 - St. Jude
560 - Punky (Actual yes and no's.)
560 - Steven
555 - lore
550 - Jeff P.
550 - Mr.Fisher
545 - Brian B.
505 - Punky (Apparently she wants to be less kinky than she is, see above!)
505 - Psychocat
>500 - LaguitoMojo
492! - judi (YES, that judi! And yes, I made up the number - She just admitted to the 400's)
490 - Pattie
490 - Lee (and dropping ;-) (Ok, I'm gaining now! Redheads! ;-)
483 - The Baron
483 - JuliaZ
470 - elfbrains
456 - surfbunny (+10 for excellent positions! She was sandwiched between Lee & eadn in the beginning.)
440 - Sara (Hall & Oats Or Fleetwood Mac? ;-)
418 - mad scientist
415 - slyeyes
405 - Leetie
398 - kay
395 - Mike Weasel
395 - Midget
393 - rita2398
385 - JT
380 - Polly
363 - grimreaper
348 - MeL
346 - eadn
336 - Kanye!
333 - Jessica
330 - philintexas
325 - Peri
318 - Doug Brockmeier
310 - Vol
305 - mudstuffin
305 - brat
300 - Higgy
300 - kibby F5
285 - Jeff Meyerson
280 - Susan
270 - LabSpecimen
265 - gfunksizzle
261 - evil little pixie (was 216, but jumped 5 places via the cybersex bonus!)
259 - alex (originally 234, but he’s been busy! ;-)
255 - Genevieve
240 - jamester (was 205, until he got the cybersex bonus!)
230 - telcontar
215 - barbiguinness
35 - jimARK
lowest claimed but unrevealed score - JCT, Bangladeshi_gurl (Bangi_G, Bangi_sizzles, etc)
0 - Lily (If this were true, the blog alone would give you a heart attack!)
REMOAT
The MOAT

[kingw]

JU I had some of the Dirty Dick's this summer in London, on vacation. It was good. But then I said the same thing about the other 60 beers I tried. Sounds bad, but it was two weeks. Still sounds bad. But it was fun.

[Christobol]

Wow, good work here. This thing's almost full.

I'll be driving this evening, so Snake is taking a night off.

ciao moatellerinos, parting is such sweet...um, sweet buttered ass.

[Higgy]

Joshkr - how many pics are you looking for per month? I've got a few that might suffice - but you can use TBSOHE (the best shot of Higgy ever) from the Yahoo group if you'd like...

Of course, anyone meeting me in real life is dissapointed, but them's the breaks...

[Lee]

Hey Joshkr, I'll get you a pic from the pool this weekend!

[Lee]

Common y'all, find or take a 'sexy' pic for the blog calendars! We need to get this done in time for Christmas!!!!!

[Lee]

And I'm sure Dave and Judi can't wait for each of them for Christmas... ;-) Well, I know judi can't!

[MadScientist]

Josh - me and the umbrella will get you a pic this weekend. That means the other ladies need to step up to the plate and not just send in pics but volunteer for all the empty months on the calendar. I will take two months if I have to but that still leaves quite a few gaps. Come on lady's don't make me entertain Josh (and all the other bloglits) all alone.

*goes to work on an anti-testosterone solution if she is going to be surrounded by this many men all alone

[MadScientist]

*standing ovation*
Magnificent Perri - I can see captain stubing on my screen as I sing it...

[MadScientist]

Hey if I am the only lady can I just borrow a month and pose with one of the men for the calendar? Maybe in Vegas...

[mudstuffin]

Cover me when I run
Cover me through the fire
Something knocked me out’ the trees
Now I’m on my knees
Cover me, darling please
Monkey, monkey, monkey
Don’t you know when you’re going to shock the monkey

Fox the fox
Rat the rat
You can ape the ape
I know about that
There is one thing you must be sure of
I can’t take any more
Darling, don’t you monkey with the monkey
Monkey, monkey, monkey
Don’t you know you’re going to shock the monkey

Wheels keep turning
Something’s burning
Don’t like it but I guess I’m learning

Shock! - watch the monkey get hurt, monkey

Cover me, when I sleep
Cover me, when I breathe
You throw your pearls before the swine
Make the monkey blind
Cover me, darling please
Monkey, monkey, monkey
Don’t you know you’re going to shock the monkey

Too much at stake
Ground beneath me shake
And the news is breaking

Shock! - watch the monkey get hurt, monkey

Shock the monkey
Shock the monkey
Shock the monkey to life

[mudstuffin]

Come on come on come on come on
Come on is such a joy
Come on is such a joy
Come on take it easy
Come on take it easy
Take it easy take it easy
Everybody's got something to hide except for me and
my monkey.

The deeper you go the higher you fly
The higher you fly the deeper you go
So come on come on
Come on is such a joy
Come on is such a joy
Come on make it easy
Come on make it easy.

Take it easy take it easy
Everybody's got something to hide except for me and
my monkey.

Your inside is out and your outside is in
Your outside is in and your inside is out
So come on come on
Come on is such a joy
Come on is such a joy
Come on make it easy
Come on make it easy
Make it easy make it easy
Everybody's got something to hide except for me and
my monkey.

[mudstuffin]

They tell us that
We lost our tails
Evolving up
From little snails
I say it’s all
Just wind in sails
Are we not men?
We are devo!
We’re pinheads now
We are not whole
We’re pinheads all
Jocko homo
Are we not men?
D-e-v-o
Monkey men all
In business suit
Teachers and critics
All dance the poot
Are we not men?
We are devo!
Are we not men?
D-e-v-o
God made man
But he used the monkey to do it
Apes in the plan
We’re all here to prove it
I can walk like an ape
Talk like an ape
I can do what a monkey can do
God made man
But a monkey supplied the glue
We must repeat
O.k. let’s go!

[Lee]

And I'm sure Dave and Judi can't wait for each of them for Christmas... ;-) Well, I know judi can't!

[slyeyes]

As far as calendar photos, I posted one on Y Group awhile back for about a day, and then took it down. It was one that I had used for ANOTHER calendar a couple of years ago....but I did a lot of cropping for this one. *blush*

It's saved in some folder on my computer. Let me see if I can find it.

[slyeyes]

I can't find it. I scanned it in at the same time I did Bangi's pictures. Now, only one of those remains. I did a system restore and apparently they disappeared with that. I'll go scan again and then e-mail it to you.

[jamester]

Mad - I've gotta do Glendora on Thursday, can't do Wed, work too late and too far away.

I do remember Paul Williams, he wrote a few pretty good tunes in a Carpenters sort of way.

"I've got blisters on my fingers!!!!!" (Lennon)

[MadScientist]

Josh - I don't think the others want to see you kneeling in front of me no matter how many moataritas they have. But as long as your down there on your knees begging....

[MadScientist]

Jamester there are a few other LA dates. Actually Glendora on the 23rd at 5pm. If you are already in Glendora then maybe that could work. I have no clue where glendora is though... It is at the Sam's club there. I wonder if we would have to be members to get in?

[MadScientist]

ok we have 3 hours to hit 1000 we need to pick up the pace here
faster harder faster more more more....

[slyeyes]

We've had almost 600 posts in 26 hours!! THat's amazing. I won't be surprised if the officials decide to test us for performance enhancing drugs.

*drapes some of Vol's camo over the greenhouse.*

Anyway, I've been reading back most of the posts today at a more leisurely pace and we've got some very funny people here...ok, a little strange, too, but f-u-n-n-y!! I'm cracking up at the image of DJTony and Slowlayne trolling for lesbians, sitting next to a case of beer and powertools. Who'da thunk it?

By the way, guys, when they're done putting up your shutters, can you send them my way to fix my dishwasher.

Wait a minute. Never mind. I think I'll get either a hunky stud studly hunk to take care of me....and then if he's not too tired, I'll ask him to fix the dishwasher. (ba dum dum)

[Susan]

Josh-you could use my picture on Yahoo, or I can try to get some taken in the next few days.
Although after a day like today, it may be more than a few days...

[Susan]

slyeyes-if you know where to find some studly hunky studs-send one my way!

[jamester]

Mad, I don't know but also wondered if we need to be members. Will try to call Sam's and clarify this tomorrow. And yes, Glendora is in my neck of the woods.

Good night all.

[MadScientist]

Jamester - what neck of the woods is that. I am going to have to go get my maps out. Is it east or north east of LA? I am in the OC and I think LA is as close as Dave gets to OC. Anyhow let me know as the day gets closer.

Naked twister anyone?

[eadn]

OK, Hello Everyone,

I jumped (full-gainer) off the smoking / drinking wagon today. Don't F*CK with me.... I'll run like the Energizer Bunny and get back on it tomorrow.

Like the nice Moat-elle link special and someone hadda say First! sometime.

Over 500 posts just from yesterday's origin. Kitty sticks his nose out from under the bed, but smells RL too.

Peri, I do understand and DO FEEL YOUR PAIN.

Folks, different lives. Do grant us "trying quitters" the grace of lives lost, lives unknown, changes WHAT?

Mine's my own personal, so's Joshkr's, Peri's and maybe even djtonyb's. Wanna try my shoes on for a mile or so? I don't think so, so be generous, understanding and polite, Thank You.

Heaven will find no worse fury than a believer left undone. Lee? Cryptic enough for thee?!

Grace to You All....

[eadn]

P.S.

Welcome to the Moat-elle California!

Boogers :-)

[MadScientist]

Welcome back eadn.
(((HUGS)))
eadn we love you anyway you are. Cryptic, drunk, smokey, whatever...

[MadScientist]

*lends eadn a pair of black pumps*

Just in case you want to walk in someone elses shoes for awhile.

[slyeyes]

You know, I said I needed a studly hunk or hunky stud to come by.....and guess what. Ask and ye shall receive.

A friend I hadn't seen in a long time dropped by. Emphasis on "friend" and it's gonna stay that way....but he's nice to look at. Nice to talk to, also, I guess. Suppose I should have paid attention a little more.

Just kidding, he's a ton of fun.

[MadScientist]

awesome slyeyes - you go girl!!!

[slyeyes]

Hi, eadn. I have walked in those shoes and know what you're going through.

*Pulls up chaise lounge and fluff a pillow*

Here, sit down and relax. Have a moatarita.

*smack monkey trying to steal pillow.*

[slyeyes]

Has anyone else typed a comment, read through it to make sure it makes sense, then hit "post" and as soon as you hit the button, realize there's a big glaring mistake that makes you sound like a goober? ...but there's no way of getting it back.

Booger.

[MadScientist]

slyeyes - every day

[eadn]

Mad Scientist Sweet Dear, I've read how them pumps over the years cause foot troubles for the Lasses. Even though they are sexy, TAKE 'EM OFF! Rather have you feeling barefoot and fancy than standing like a tripod just to please me ;-)

(Nice try though, just never have cottoned to the physical business of a Lass stumbling around even sexy about to topple on her ass :-)

Sexy thought maybe, but given my own feet, too much to believe in let alone respectably ask!

[MadScientist]

Josh - would you calrify what would NOT work on you?

Eadn - I could give you a foot massage.

[Higgy]

eadn - no worries - we just keep helping you back on the wagon because we want you here posting with us for years to come - same to Peri and Joshkr.

Where do we stand on the post count? Don't make me break out the twister mat, beer funnel and jello shots...

[eadn]

Thanks Mad Scientist, but I've tried...neuropathy minus diabetes as the cause...Thanks though.

Elsewise, monkeys: This is getting out of hand. 2 monkey-Moat posts to continue the party....

OK, I'm gonna haveta set down a (Hel)ish remote for the zombies ONLY too. Them imps think the monkeys are playthings.... Anyways, I'm gonna trust one of you dj's can figure it out, but the zombies will come in move the monkeys along and then leave. The imps'll just join the bestiality party!

OK, Blue button = zombies clear monkeys. Y'ello! means "I want that monkey here! ;-) Ware yo'selves...I'm runnin' outta color coordination :-)

[Higgy]

Dang - we're only at 613... looks like we have to rely on the west-coast bloglits to beef up the posting.

I know, I'll give Joshkr a blindfold.... there... and then put targets on Mad there... there... and there and there...

Now - Joshkr can start groping and Mad can tell him if he's warmer or colder...

[eadn]

Psst! Slyeyes, Thanks! :-)

My hardest part is "crawling under the bed". That's not a joke beyond the fact that I'm too big to, but that's the way I feel even after *ahem* 5 1/2 days.

I've not only lost my "chemical-support group" ;-) I've also lost my "personal reward system". He(l)l hath no fury like a mind dissing itself, however my "renovated" guts have been adjusting well, it's just me.... 'Nough said else I bring The Blog down way past where the demons do go.

Speaking of which, BRAT!!!! WHERE'IN YO' HE(L)LS ARE YOU????!!!!

[slyeyes]

I just finished reading through all of today's posts. Couldn't do it all at once, had to break it up so I could do laundry, dishes and visit with old hunky friend.

ANYWAY, did anyone happen to remember to bring the Bangi-to-English dictionary over from the ReMOAT? I'm sure I misunderstood something she said. From what I interpretted, she just came out of the closet. That can't be right. However, if it is, DJTony and Slowlayne are looking for her.

[LabSpecimen]

Okay, I was bored so I hacked together a perl script to grok the MOAT and the ReMOAT and count how many times each person posted. I massaged the data to try to combine variations of the same name where I could, but I didn't spend a lot of time on it. Here it is.

[slyeyes]

...and while you're at it, someone get the "Lab-to-English Dictionary."

perl....grok....massage????

[eadn]

heh heh Joshkr, if you've man-aged yourself after all this time plus 17 days, I can just believe you'll be a spectacular whatever-some of your own self for your gf ;-) :-) !!!!!!!

[LabSpecimen]

Sorry. It's late. Tech-speak.

How's this: "I did some stuff and ended up with this."

[slyeyes]

YIKES!! I joined the reMOAT half way through the month and I was #4?!?

*stuffs sock into mouth in probable useless effort to stifle self*

[eadn]

slyeyes, I'm simple...

Tomorrow, I'll try to catch up on the Moat-elle, but not tonight. In the meantime, I just imagine Bangi sizzling, and try to keep my hands off so much integrity-based fire ;-)

Bangi?! Ya read that? Be Well! :-)

Lab Specimen, I'll check into it tomorrow. When I'm suffering from that fall off the wagon.... Thanks in advance though.

G'night All! Don't let the monkeys bite ;-)

[djtonyb]

*tries to digest Lab's analysis, and figure out how to skew the statistics*

slyeyes - I'm somewhat frightened, I didn't need a dictionary to translate Lab's posting. As for bangi, she's always coming out of the closet, but usually wearing something revealing and/or latex ;-) I feel for Shoeab if this ever becomes a short distance relationship!

eadn - hope the battle is going well, remember you have a support group available most hours of the day! If you are feeling the urge, de-blurk and we'll all try and talk you down.

slowlayne - hope your cabana is dismantled and tied down. As well as the cabana boy ;-)

*goes outside to check for passing lesbians, thinks it might be time to ruin his manicure to secure the house from "sultry breeze Frannie"*

[djtonyb]

*wonders why he's always finding Joshkr tied to various things very late at night*

*really starts to question the "quiet shy and innocent persona" someone seems to be frontin' with*

[MadScientist]

Josh I'll tie you down and find some lesbians to entertain you with.

Oh wait you guys are seriously talking about that monster storm in the Atlantic. Well good luck everyone on the East coast. I went through ANdrew in Miami. Wouldn't want to live that again.

[MadScientist]

josh - are you going to beg me to untie you? Let me hear you beg!! Then and only then might I consider letting DjT help you. Otherwise I am getting those beewax candles for ultra pain...

[djtonyb]

*makes popcorn and sets up the video camera with microphones for Dolby 5.1 surround sound*

Frances who?

*debates on whether or not to save candles for possible impending power outage or let Mad use them*

[D'Artagnan]

LabSpecimen, something's off with your perl script thingie - through another means I counted about 65 hits for me instead of 16... not that it makes a whiff of difference, in this day and age of large hurricanes, unfinished Snake stories, and Republican National Conventions.

'A' for effort, though, fo' shizzle. Booger.

[MadScientist]

DjTB - save your candles I'll bring my own.

josh - that just didn't sound sincere. Try again and mean it.

[MadScientist]

Don't worry josh baby your big mouth is good for lots of things...

[Bismuth]

Hey!

What do you call a Midget in a MOAT?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Bob!

*Ducks assortment of rotten fruits, water balloons, and the occasional midget*

[MadScientist]

*lets josh free*

*goes off and fans herself while drinking icewater to cool off from Josh and his breakfast comment

[djtonyb]

*focuses second camera on Mad and Joshkr, tosses Mad a riding crop and runs to start "ACID" boom-schwakka background music*

[djtonyb]

drat, another "Kodak Moment" missed.

[MadScientist]

Thanks Tony. I will put this riding crop to good use. Now I need to find my boots and bustier. Or should I just wear the labcoat.

[MadScientist]

*gives josh happy pills*

It's ok sugah your free now go enjoy your night and sleep well.

[djtonyb]

*hopes he at least got some stills for the "Naked Jell-o Twister Postitions of the Blog" calendar*

Mad - boots, bustier, riding crop, and unbuttoned labcoat. Please reference these little numbers if you are looking for ideas.

[djtonyb]

*bites tongue really hard and does not make any sort of double entendre re: Joshkr's last post, jumps on inflatable raft and drifts slowly down the MOAT towards his MOAT-elle room*

[MadScientist]

djt - thanks I already refrenced the Dr. Anita Lay costume. If Josh managed to steal it back for me I will pose in it for the calendar. Minus the jello and twister

[kibby F5]

Joshkr, I'll dig out a photo and get it scanned in for ya. It was taken before I had a digital camera, but it's appropriate for October.

Morn'n MOATelle guests. ME thinks the breakfast bar is open.

[Kat]

hey josh.. you missed a joke...

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying under a car?

Jack!

Also.. I "posed" for an online calender last year, along with some friends .. will see if I can find the link and post it here..

[kibby F5]

Hey Kat! NZ huh? You're a native or an exPat? (May I call you a Kiwi? I've a few NZ friends and they don't mind it.)

Bangi's from, well you can guess.

I'm American living in the Czech Republic.

We also have, when they appear again. Blogchik, an American moving to St. Petersburg, Russian. And Marie in Barcolona, also an American. I thought MeL was from Austrialia, but she's really in Texas (same thing).

Again, Welcome!

[Kat]

ok... its not there.. just because April is gone... Miss April disappears as well... damnit... aahhh well .. i will go find another photo somewhere ... but not tonight.. or this morning (wherever you are on the globe) ... it will have to wait until i've worked again.. and come home again.. and got a houseful of stuff done ... RL is a bummer somedays... in the meantime I'm hopping on the pool lounger and taking my chocolate MOATini with me... its not a MOATarita, but it is alcohol... hehehehehe... here monkey monkey monkey...

[Kat]

Thanks kibby... and call me (almost) anything you like.. Kiwi is just fine.. I'm still a native.. I live in Christchurch, which is about halfway down the SOuth Island on the east coast, where the little "knobby" piece sticks out .. and I know I'm asking for trouble with that comment, but I'm beyond caring.. MOATinis will do that to you

[Kat]

ok... since Jeff ever so kindly posted the hyperlink tutorial I've been wanting to try it .. so here goes.. I sent this to Judi the other day, but I'm gonna get in first... I'd have loved to have been at the conference just for this song.... this site has the lyrics only... you have to download the link at the top of the page to get the full effect..
try this

ok.. if that doesn't work.. copy and paste this..
http://f2.org/humour/songs/crs.html

[kibby F5]

I'll call you ... hum .... Kat.

Heard it's a nice place and I wonder why I run into all these Kiwis that leave???? The closest I ever got was to Singapore in the '80s. My parents have been to Austrialia (foriegn exchange student "son") and a short hop to Figi. I hope to make it over there some time.

Right now I'm contemplating moving to Dublin Ireland to be close to my daughter (see Kibby's f2 on the Y-hoo page.)

Have another MOATini on me and enjoy the pool-side. Issac! On MY tab please!