THANKS FOR THE MONKEY MOAT, ELLE

It'll look great over the couch.

Comments

[Polly]

Christobol,

Are you, ah, doin' anything with that severed monkey brain?

*Prepares pot of boiling water for defleshing and skeletonization*

I could use a monkey head for my collection...

[punky brewster]

Faces of Death, anyone?

[Polly]

Damn. Severed monkey head.

[kibby F5]

... we have a Chaplain too??? Or should that be Chaplin?

Father .... Ah ... I've been a good boy, honest. If you don't believe me, go ask that monkey over there.... yea, the one with the panties on its head ... DUH!

[No-Nonsense Type of Guy]

What is all this nonsense?

[Mr.Fisher]

You know I've always used the phrase "looks like a monkey fu%#ing a football" but never have I actually seen it until now. Interesting

Skinny Dippers. Incoming!

*Sheds clothes, grabs beer, hops on waterslide*

Better turn over on my back. There.

Bonzai!

[Christobol]

Hey Polly - here's an idea for you in your work with bones:

You can take any dead thing you want and lay it on top of a fireant mound and the very next morning it will be perfectly skeletized.

Probably best you not ask how I know.

[Midget]

Joshkr and Mr. Fisher-

Thanks for joining me!!! Would you like a plastic floatie? Or would you rather share mine??

One at a time, though, boys.

[kibby F5]

Severed Monkey Heads WBAGNFARB!

[punky brewster]

Bonzai?! Where? I love bonzai trees ... it's like a form of meditation for me ... I like to listen to my desk top babbling brook fountain while I play my Chi Chakra Chia Pet Harmony CD and smoke a little maryjane and snip at the little bonzai branches ... soemtimes, if the 'jane is really good, I can hear the tree whimper everytime I snip ... Ow! Quit it!

Sure wish I had me some PAAKES.

[Christobol]

Elle - five more minutes and then, really, get this monkey off of me, 'kay?

[punky brewster]

cbol ... they say the protein is good for them ... but now you're gonna have monkeys following you around begging for more "milk".

Ew!

[Peri]

WARNING! JOB RANT FOLLOWS WARNING!

The retail people are having a trade show tomorrow and yesterday they all started coming to me for all the booth signage and visuals they need and none of them really know what they want so I make what they ask for and when they see it they realize they wanted something else and by the way did I mention the trade show is TOMORROW but no one came to see me until yesterday and it's not like they all just woke up yesterday and thought "Hey, let's have a trade show on Thursday!", they've known about this for weeks so WHY DID THEY JUST START COMING TO ME YESTERDAY?!? AND WHY DON'T ANY OF THEM KNOW WHAT THE HELL IT IS THEY WANT?!?

[Christobol]

Punky - the monkey-boy ate the PAAKES, but I fixed you some french toast. It's sliced blue berry pound cake, dipped in my secret batter, and then browned just so. Try it with the whipped cream and syrup.

'Course if you eat two then your heart will immediately sieze, but not to worry, I think there are some willing to play doctor in the house.

[kibby F5]

Here, THIS ought to keep those monkeys busy for awhile......

[Polly]

Christobol,

Yeah. REAlly? *Ponders this.*

I used to work in FL (where there are lots of fireants). The little darlings effed up more than one scene with their munching. I never used them to skeletonize anything, though...

[punky brewster]

link no workey, Kibby

[jamester]

Cbol - but then don't you have to fight the fireants for the skeleton?

[punky brewster]

Nevermind, Kibby.

*puts down the crack pipe*

[Midget]

Joshkr-

Those aren't plastic though. You want proof, you say? Fine...give me your hand.

Polly- it mights work...I stepped on a fireant hill once....not pretty.

[MeL]

:pokes head around corner:

Hello? Anyone here? Did y'all miss me? ;)

[Susan]

Fire ants? *cringe* My ramparts are not yet recovered from the attack at work earlier this summer.

[Polly]

Susan...LOL!!! How the heck did the fireants get to your ramparts???

*Giggles at Susans misfortune.*

[Midget]

Fireant Ramparts? gnfarb?

*floats around MOAT, happy my ramparts are just fine. Ask Joshkr.

[slyeyes]

*fireants? Monkeys? Do I have the right address?*

[slyeyes]

I have a huge decision to make. Either read the MOATelle and regular blog. Or each lunch. After all, I only have an hour.

Talk of skeletizing monkey skulls IS helping with the decision.

[Christobol]

*goes to google "do it to yourself"*

Hey, I don't have a hurricane coming.

[Higgy]

slyeyes... is that really a decision to make... after all, you can eat lunch ANYTIME....

Beer - it's not just for breakfast anymore...

*backhands stray monkey into the MOAT*

[Susan]

Polly-I was at work. I knew there were ants on the floor, and thought I had killed them all. Without thinking, I picked up my headphones without checking them (the were no where near the floor), put them on and started reading news, live on the air. All of a sudden I feel something on my ramparts...ants were all over the cord and got under my shirt...made for an interesting newscast, clawing at the ants. Good thing I am in radio, not tv.

A week later there were ants all over the toilet. Not a fun place to work at times.

And I have just realized I have a flat tire. My left hand was broken less than a month ago. This could be a load of fun to take care of.

[kibby F5]

The Origins of MOAT - alt. version

"In the worlds before MOAT, Primal Chaos reigned.
Heaven sought order.
But the phoenix can fly only when its feathers are grown.
The four worlds formed again and yet again,
As endless aeons wheeled and passed.
Time and the pure essences of heaven, the moisture
of the Earth, the powers of the Dave and the Stealth Blogette
all worked upon a certain blog, old as creation.
And it became magically fertile.
That first egg was named 'Booger'.
Tathagata Dave, the Father Dave, said,
'With our boogers, we make the world.'
Elemental forces caused the egg to hatch.
From it came a stone MOAT.
The nature of MOAT was....irrepressible!"

[Polly]

Oh!...I see....

Well, maybe not. Still having trouble visualizing.

Were you lying on the studio floor, Susan?

Or maybe your ramparts were resting on a tabletop...

[LabSpecimen]

This is good news!

*LabSpecimen strips and jumps in the moat*

[Mr.Fisher]

I've never shared a Midget floatie before. But what they hay.

Joshkr I thought she said your hand?

Peri, it's gonna be ok. I'll come help ya set up the greenhouse and we'll forget all about ....what? Huh? Did somebody say something?

But first I'm gonna make sure these Midget floaties aren't plastic.

Hey! That monkey just took off with Punky's crack pipe!

[Susan]

Josh-why certainly. Between the ants and the bruises from the car wreck, they have been put through a lot this summer that hasn't been pleasant.

[MeL]

It didn't involve driving through Dallas so it was easy to find y'all.

Now that my schedule is semi-normal again, I should be around more often.

BTW I quit the job of cubicle hell and now work at office depot.

[slyeyes]

Higgy, that's why I'm still here reading. Thank the blog gods for delivery.

Kibby: Great. I bow down before ye.

Well, I would except there's a monkey who keeps trying to goose me.

[Polly]

Gotcha, Susan. Thanks for clarification.

*Giggles at fireants on toilet seat.*

[Midget]

Joshkr-

Take all the time you need. I won't even move. (okay, I might writhe and squirm a little...) you should tell me your SN....

Susan- has the fireant problem at your workplace been resolved?

[Susan]

Polly-the headphone cord was near the counter support. Apparently the ants had climbed that, and got all over the headphones. That building is prone to all kinds of creepy crawlies. Heard at least one snake has gotten in, and mice are not unusual in the winter.

[slyeyes]

Anyone else feel little ant-like legs crawling on their skin?

Just me?

Hmmm.

*dials phone*

Hello, Doctor? It's happening again.

[kibby F5]

Slight plagerism there. Remembered the beginning monolog of Monkey (see previous url) and made it fit.

I like elle's version ALLOT! I haven't been able to fit it in - yet.

[punky brewster]

Mel ... I need some more No. 2 pencils ... can you send some over ...

How is Office De-Pot? I hear there are cute young men there? True? Are they still hiring? I'd love to be in charge of employee morale ... I have some tried and true techniques that work wonders on cute young 'uns...

[Susan]

The ants at that studio seem to be gone. I did walk out to the tower here today, it's all overgrown and I felt itchy all over although I didn't see any ant hills today.

[Susan]

Off to tackle the flat tire...oh what fun.

[Jeff Meyerson]

#280? Wow.

[Midget]

a screen name. preferably for aol if you have one. if not...yahoo maybe??

[kibby F5]

In RL, SN = Sir Name (i.e. Last Name)

[Higgy]

Hey - we should add that to the database table in the Yahoo ReMOAT group - Screen Name...

That way, when we're not wasting time here, we can waste time chatting individually with each other..

*cracks another beer*

[Midget]

Higgy-

Excellent Idea!!!

Next beer's on me.

[Mr.Fisher]

Joshkr isn't it easy to see?

SN - Salami Needs

Midget wants to know what your Salami needs.

Right, Midget?

[Midget]

Ding ding ding!! We have a winner. Mr. Fisher, you devil, you...ya caught me.

Shameless hussy? Moi??

[Mr.Fisher]

Midget. May I help pour the next beer on you?

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

In da MOAT, I don't know,
a little disorienting, need to take
my meds . . .

[kibby F5]

Midget, aka Cristy Cream too?

Are ya?

[Susan]

And with the flat tire, rain. Just a preview of what Frances might bring I guess.

[kibby F5]

Well fellow MOATelle guests, pivo:30 (beer:30) here! I'm out.

May the power of The MOAT be with you!

Hey, anyone heard from Blogchik? Her blog is down too....

[PETER]

*sniff sniff*

Sometimes a blurker just has to come out of hiding. I am so moved by your selflessness here. Giving that poor boy a monkey body...sniff, is just, well you all have big hearts, that's for sure. And you gave him a job! It's just endless! I have just one slight concern, who's going to Moat school him?

[mudstuffin]

Here, let me rub a little ointment where those bad ants were.

[slyeyes]

Susan, there HAS been a full moon. I know. Dead computer. Dead battery. Dishwasher acting wonky (although I still haven't cleared Peri from suspicion).

Good luck.

By the way, membership to AAA is the best investment I make all year.

*starts to cry when she realizes how sad that is*

[PETER]

LOL Elle! I believe joshkr's the man, has his Phd right?

[Peri]

I gave the retail suitlings some paper and a box of crayons and told them to come back after lunch. Since I was bleeding quite badly and waving a drywaller's t-square around like a scythe they all ran away. I have cut off the side of my index finger AGAIN. I tend to get a little quick on the draw with my exacto knives when I'm upset.

Yes, indeed, a parfait in the greenhouse is just what I need. And if I see any monkeys on the way there, I'm kicking their assholes out the top of their heads.

[Jeff Meyerson]

"Jeff: Wasn't "Tainted Spice" one of the Spice Girls?"

Well put, mudstuffin. I think it was probably ALL of them, but that's just me.

Rita, good to see you back. JB concert at Jones Beach on Saturday. Can't wait.

Midget, don't forget that Tool-Belted Lesbians wbagnfarb. She can even bring her Goddess Drums.

(But Pool Piss is definitely NOT agnfarb, Lab.)

[Mr.Fisher]

Elle. Who's teaching Monkey Business Management this semester?

[Polly]

Wow, Peri.

*Eyes exacto knife and gives wide berth*

Remind me not to piss you off...

NO, MONKEY! NO!!! DON'T GO IN THERE!

*Covers eyes as sounds of carnage come from greenhouse.*

Damn! That was the one that folded laundry...

[Jeff Meyerson]

Mahatma, I may have to bid on those for my brother.

[Christobol]

"What's with you?"
"Somebody just kicked my asshole out the top of my head?"
"Really?"
"Yes"
"Can't tell."
"That's because it was just the hole. Had they kicked the sphincter along with it, well, I wouldn't be talking to you."
"What would you be doing?"
"Eating cheetos."
"Weird"

[Midget]

Mr. Fisher - pour away

Kibby - no, I'm not Christy Creme. I just get a little crazy when I've had too many MOATaritas. Hope nobody has been offended.

Jeff- yes, that would be agnfarb, but they'd better keep their goddess drums on the other side of the MOAT.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Well Polly, now's the time to test out Christobol's fire ant theory, I guess.

[Polly]

Hee hee hee!

Oh, my tummy hurts from laughing, Christobol! I should thank you for my six pack abs. You are a HOOT!

[LabSpecimen]

Any objections if I collect C'bol's story-so-far into a Word document and post it on the Yahoo group?

[slyeyes]

*sprays computer screen with Windex*

*wipes spewed fajitas off screen* ("spewed fajitas" wNOTbagnfarb)

*reminds self of oath to NOT eat or drink while blogging; especially when c-bol is in the MOAT*

[mudstuffin]

Hey C-bol (munch munch) what are you trying to say?

[Johnny Urinalcakes]

djt - my oldest sister is a lesbian who...*drumroll*...WORKS FOR HOME DEPOT!!!

[Polly]

Good idea, Jeff!

*Looks up 'purchase fireants' online*

Anybody up for a field experiment?

*Wonders if it's such a good idea introducing fireants to the MOATelle.*

((Shrug))

[Peri]

Did anyone remember to bring the class and professor listings from the reMOAT? Semester starts September 7, MOAT college at DB Blog University. My Domestic Crisis course is remedial but I have tenure in Advanced Herbology.

slyeyes, I only used your dishwasher once, that time I was round your place dropping quarters. I swear I only used that stuff under the sink in the purple bottle. It had a picture of a little man in a little boat with scrubby bubbles, so it looked okay to me.

[Brian B]

For cryin' out loud! I leave for one little half-country flight, meet one hot little french chick in Houston, snake one little wireless connection off the Continental executive suite from outside it's doors, and you guys run the total through the roof!

Way to go guys, I wouldn't expect anything else!

I'm in the middle of my 4 hour layover in Houston, waiting to get to my final destination.

See you all soon!

[Vol]

Brian,

Mister Language Person reminds you that the proper pronunciation would be:

"See ya'll later"

*wink*

[slyeyes]

*psst.. BrianB, don't remind Peri that you are going to a trade show in B-E-L-I-Z-E. She's dealing with a trade show in Manitoba and is a little hot under the collar right now. Talking exacto knives and such*

[Johnny Urinalcakes]

"Carpet department"? I don't get it. Actually she's in home and garden... she specializes in sod.

JU

[Polly]

Mister Language Person would put my ass in a sling if he read my posts from the past two days...

[Higgy]

elle - could you hear the massive groan from Gaithersburg... carpet section, indeed....

Midget - just FYI - the day you offend someone here on the MOAT is.... well... umm....

It's kinda hard to insult us. Although we came close with elle's metrosexual boyfriend issues...

[Christobol]

Mr. Language Person will have to wait at the end of the line for the Polly's Ass Swing Ride.

No crowding! Hey, mind the sign - you have to be THIS big to ride, and believe me, she checks.

[punky brewster]

The Munching Carpet Cleaners wbagnfarb ...

Maybe not.

[Higgy]

*buys ticket to ride Polly's Ass Swing Ride"

Dang this is a long line...

[Christobol]

Make that "Polly's Ass Sling Ride".

No wait, there are TWO rides. Woo-hoo. This counts as first in line for both!

Higgy - coming close might just be offensive. This ain't that kinda film. Oh wait...nevermind.

[Vol]

Guys and gals -

Keep the MOAT flowing. I'm off to the dove fields. Opening day!! Dinner is on me tonight.

*cringes from probable upcoming comments*

[PETER]

I'll say, so sorry, first...

Polly, ahh, and that would be a bad thing for Mr. LP to do?

[Midget]

joshkr-(and the rest of the blogging community)
yahoo - xrhainex
AOL - rhaine84

[Vol]

LOL @ Joshkr. Guess I should have phrased that a little better . . .

[Vol]

Camo - check
Boots - check
12 gauge pump - check
Ammo - check
License - check
4 wheel drive - check

* Sings "Thank God I'm A Country Boy" *

[punky "sultry breeze" brewster]

Hey Bangi! You've got the "just f*cked" look going ... very nice.

[Polly]

Damn it! My sling broke!

((Pout))

And I was having so much fun....

[Midget]

Bangi!!!
C'mon in, the water's fantastic!
Just watch out for those women with the drums.

[LabSpecimen]

Yahoo id: gusleama

[Peri]

I'm going to put my ass in a swing right now (if there is one large enough these days) because I don't have to wait in line for Polly's. These ass swings are a good idea, is there a whole jungle gym to go with them?

[Higgy]

Vol - don't forget:

Neck Shade - crimson - check
Case of cold Schlitz - check
Orange Hat with earflaps - check...

etc, etc.

[PETER]

DANG, I DON'T GOTTA SLING!

[slyeyes]

Vol - oh the PETA people are definitely going to be in a snit now. First the monkeys and now--

Hey, wait a minute. You wouldn't happen to need about a dozen highly trained "bird" monkeys, would you??

[Christobol]

All I got was this "My Friend Got Locked Up in Joshkr's Room And All I Got Was This Sticky T-Shirt" t-shirt.

Fit's nicely though.

[Polly]

Well, since my sling broke, I guess we'll improvise.

*Crosses out "sling" from sign*

Anybody wanna go on Polly's Ass Ride?