THANKS FOR THE MONKEY MOAT, ELLE

It'll look great over the couch.

Comments

[mudstuffin]

the down side to virtual stogies is the virtual after taste that lingers even into the next day.

Ew.

(Takes virtual breath mint)

mornin' everybody

[Polly]

*Pads into kitchen in bathrobe and pink foam curlers. Rubs eyes.*

Ugh. I'll take some of that hangover cure, Kat. Thanks. Welcome.

*Grabs Krispy Kreme. Goes to take a bite when renegade monkey swoops from ceiling fan and snatches it away.*

All right. That does it. Somebody get me my stun gun. Little buggers are needin' a bit o' correction, me thinks. Argh.

*Grabs second Krispy Kreme and quickly shoves into mouth.*

[Higgy]

Polly - we'll just sic Fluffy on the monkeys - that should clean them out prontoquicko.

Either that or eadn's remote controlled imps should be able to overpower them...

Where is eadn anyway? How about a Smoking Wagon check from him, Peri and Joshkr? Hoping all is well in nicotine-freesville...

[LM]

Only 295 on the kink test. Relatively innocent here.

[Polly]

Anybody want to trade rooms? I didn't think through the whole "banana room" thing. I had 50 monkeys in my bed last night.

On the plus side, I've been groomed to the point where I no longer have lice.

[Higgy]

Is that 50 monkeys in your bed, or are you just happy to see me?

[Polly]

Oh, and that hussy Christy Cream emailed me again...apparently her new site is finally up.

[Polly]

Christobol,
That was my favorite episode yet...

That fuzzy toilet seat scenario is some funny monkey poo!

[Leetie]

Heh... renegade monkey.

[Higgy]

*moves into the top room in the East Wing - with the balcony overlooking the pool and the waterslide into the MOAT*

hmm - a little smaller than my previous accomodations - especially with all these banana peels everywhere...

*installs ceiling mirrors and anti-Deon tracking devices*

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

*wonders why an asterisk is always followed by a verb*

[kibby F5]

*because*

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Don't you just hate it when people try and sell their junk on ebay?

[kibby F5]

Morn'in Peri, how's the greenhouse going? REMEMBER Don't let Mad in!

slyeyes, what's wrong with that meaning? It was a good start.... Me thinks!

That hussy, Cristy Cream, she never mails me..... I finally got the poetry.com mails though. I'm holding out until one of the major political parties BEG me to take mucho $$$s off their hands - JUST because I'm a nice guy.... and all that.

[mudstuffin]

I was working in the office late one night
When my eyes beheld an wonderful sight
the stealth bloggerette from her desk began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise

She did the moat
She did the monkey moat
The monkey moat
It was a virtual smash
She did the moat
It caught on in a flash
She did the moat
They did the monkey moat

From my imprisonment in the cubicle east
To the master bedroom where 50 monkeys feast
The bloglits all came to this humble bordello
To take a dip in a pool full of jello

They did the moat
They did the monkey moat
I got a little smashed
They did the moat
It caught on in a flash
They did the moat
They did the monkey moat

The bloglits were having fun
The party had just begun
The guests included Punky
Christobol and his son

The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds
Virgins in chains, chased by baying hounds
djtonyb was about to arrive
With his vocal group, "The Moat-arita Five"

They played the moat
They played the monkey moat
The monkey moat
I'm completely trashed
They played the moat
It caught on in a flash
They played the moat
They played the monkey moat

Out from the convention, Dave's voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
He opened the door, with his entourage
And said, "Whatever happened to my complimentary massage?"

It's now the moat
It's now the monkey moat
The monkey moat
And it's a simian smash
It's now the moat
It's caught on in a flash
It's now the moat
It's now the monkey moat

Now everything's cool, Dave's a part of the band
And the monkey moat is the hit of the land
For you, the living, this moat was meant too
When you get to the door, tell them judi sent you

[kibby F5]

WOW! COOL! And it's close to the MOATelle! Did you see the ornate horn in the cabin?! And what a price!

[mudstuffin]

PS sorry about the earwig

[Polly]

Mudstuffin,
That was BRILLIANT!

Hee hee hee!

[Christobol]

bravo, mudstuffin.

i'd throw you a kudos, but apparently the monkeys have eaten them.

so here's a monkey's paw. mind ya, all the wishes will turn out to be curses, so make sure they at least involve gratuitous nudity, ok?

[Higgy]

aaaaaaaaaaaargh

must...get...earwig...out....

mudstuffin - great stuff....

*does the Monster Mash in his office*
*realizes that people might be watching*
*doesn't care - mashes away*

[kibby F5]

GOOD ONE! mudstuffin!

Think we should forward that one onto Dave and Judi?

.... think we should show them any of this?

Just sayin.

[Leetie]

Higgy, I'm sure TFMH won't mind watching you mash.

[Leetie]

Day-am! I meant mash the monster!

[Polly]

I don't imagine the great and powerful BLOG keeps up with the MOAT.

It's probably too time consuming for a busy guy like him.

[Polly]

*Smiles as Fluffy enjoys a breakfast of monkey on toast.*

Go gett'em Fluffy!

*Hopes nobody from PETA is reading this...*

[slyeyes]

Mudstuffin: Wonderful!!

[Christobol]

*hopes ALL the PETA members are reading this*
*and crying*
*and pondering the rats feasting on their entrails*
*the peta people's entrails, that is, not the rats'*
*lawn darts a monkey to the wall, and giggles*

[Klynn]

All this talk of frolicking in the Monkey Moat gives me the willies. One time I visited that key off of Key West where they kept the monkeys and the water surrounding the key was BROWN for several yards out.....from the run-off of monkey waste.....talk about EEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Here's something to go with the red curtains

[your mother]

"turn that racket down, I can't hear myself think in here!"

[Mr.Fisher]

*High Pitched BEEP, BEEP, BEEP*
*Perv Alert Test*

Kat, I'd love some hang over cure, and I'd especially love it if you gave it to me Orally.

Red Tulips. Well Tu-lips are my favorite, but all the ones I've ever seen have been pink.

*This has been a Perv Alert Test. Had this been a real Perv Alert, you would have been given detailed instructions to get naked and get out the Jello. I repeat this has been a test*
*High Pitched BEEP, BEEP, BEEP*

Kibby, it's community(Moat) wine, so it's quite alright. I just like storing it in the basement, but anyone is welcome to it, anytime. And the basement door is always open.

Fuzzy toilet seat, trying to hold up and aim visual.............Christobol, you funny cork soaker you.

Poor Farrah.....although, I still caught myself waiting for her uncross her legs and show her Basic Instinct.

COFFEE ME!!

And After I wake up, I'm going to try out that waterslide. Who's with me?

[LabSpecimen]

*tinkle* *tinkle* *tinkle*
*snap on lid*
*attach label*
*scribble* *scribble*
*shoves cup to the back of the fridge*

There. Now I feel right at home.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

I found the perfect MOAT house, but was outbid. Dang!

[punky brewster]

Is this the MOATelle? The sign outside said VACANCY and I've run out of gas ... can I stay here for a night or two?

[Polly]

Come on in, Punky! What took you so long?

*Hands Punky "IF YOU'RE WITH PETA YOU CAN EAT MY MONKEY!" t-shirt.*

[Higgy]

Punky - of course you can stay... plenty of room here..

In fact you can share my room...

*pats right next to him on the king-size bed*

How's the neck/back?

[kibby F5]

MKJ, don't think you lost out on anything. $15k for a match when the land goes for $2-4k?

Better stay with the Junk.

[Peri]

I'm getting afraid to read the MOATs because someone is always mentioning smoking in one way or another. I'll post a smoking update but from now on I'm keeping my fingers in my ears whenever y'all are going on about it. I have no idea how many days it has been since I quit. I do not think about it - I do not smoke, I am a non-smoker, and I immediately squash any thoughts of cigarettes as soon as they come into my head. I eat constantly but still feel like I'm always hungry. I tried to put on a pair of jeans this morning and I couldn't get them done up even when I lay down on my back. I have been a bitch with a capital C to everyone around me. Other than that, it's going great!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Brilliant, mudstuffin! And great episode, Christobol. I HATE when that toilet seat thing happens. You try and hold the damn thing up with your left hand (or knee, perhaps?) while trying to aim with the right... ah, you said it all. Piss on it and throw it in the yard. Way to go.

Welcome newcomers. Writers Cramp, here's another hyperlink tutorial, though the other one looked good too.

Hope everyone is recovered from last night's festivities. My wife doesn't seem to totally get it that she's retired so I had to drive her downtown to help her friends with their school schedule, but I'm back now.

I am so glad (although I might be speaking too soon, the way things are going lately) that we got tickets for Yankees vs. Cleveland for tonight and not last night. I mean, can you believe 22-0? Incredible.

And we're already up to #166? Wow.

I hope Punky is feeling well enough to join us soon. Be gentle with her until she gets the neck brace off.

[Christobol]

Who fixed the sign? It's supposed to say

V A A C Y

so that it matches the one across the street that says

P A A K E S

Ever notice that Pancakes houses, by federal law, are not allowed to have all the letters in their sign work?

Man, I could go for some paakes tho.

Oh and Punky, you don't want those rooms, the maid hasn't been by. Just come with me.

[kibby F5]

Ah, Maaaaan Polly! GREAT t-shirt!

What's it say when it's wet?

[Jeff Meyerson]

Ah Punky, you made it. How's the neck?

Ditto on the PAAKES Christobol; this South Beach Diet is driving me nuts this week. Oh well, no pain, no gain, right?

And keep up the good work with the you-know-whats Peri (and others).

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

I think PETA might want to have a word with this honey badger (warning: video is not for the I repeat not for the squeamish and especially not for snake-lovers)

[kibby F5]

HI PUNKY! How's the neck? I haven't gotten a wink of sleep yet (yea, right), well, except because of those few bottles of wine out of Mr. Fisher's stash. But I dreamt about you (that count).

Please check. I think we got all your KS toys, mean tools, over for you. Some may have grown feet. You'll need to check with Mad and Joshkr about it.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Jeff:

I am so glad (although I might be speaking too soon, the way things are going lately) that we got tickets for Yankees vs. Cleveland . . .

You are a master of the understatement, if I may say so.
('nuther Yankees fan)

[punky brewster]

Neck is on the mend ... Thanks for asking! And don't worry about finding all the toys ... I've got extras.

*takes christobol's hand and follows him*

But aren't all the rooms over there?

*looks up*

Oooh! PAAKES! I love PAAKES!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Hide & Seek anyone?

[steven]

Kaye Trammel just posted on the remoat

[Leetie]

Then there's the new and improved version.

[Mr.Fisher]

*In best stoner voice, which now that I think about it, is actually my regular voice, huh? weird. Oh well*

Dave's not heere, man.

[jamester]

Ah, a great start to a new month! I thought I was the only one whose Kinky Score mysteriously elevated...
Cbol, I swear to god you are so funny you're not human and I love you even though I'm jealous as hell!
Punky, just to be on the safe side, you'd better take me with you when you shower in this here MOATElle.

Gonna dress the kids up in pirate or Peter Pan costumes and try to get picture with Dave at his local book signing.

Life is indeed good.

[Christobol]

Cannon: Consarnit. How the hell am I supposed to find them in THERE? Thanks a lot, elle.

[Polly]

Mornin' Maddam President!

*Hail to the Chief blares on surround sound indoor/outdoor deluxe stereo system*

[Leetie]

Jamester, send us pix!!!!!!!

[Jeff Meyerson]

djtony & other Floridians, watch out: Frances is coming. Wonder if Dave will be able to get home after the convention.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Just what I've always wanted,
the gigolo knits woman's diagram
(I think some of these Chinese sellers just pick words out of a hat)

[Jeff Meyerson]

Talk about wrong place, wrong time. Someone should have hosed this guy down!

[Billy Evans]

I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. Don't cry, Mommy! Mommy is always sad, but she says it's not my fault. I asked her if it was God's fault, but she didn't answer and only started crying harder, so I don't ask her that anymore.

The reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe. The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves.

The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.

I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this e-mail to everyone you know. Forward it to people you don't know, too. Dr. Johansen said that for every person you forward this e-mail to, Bill Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school children all over America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they will come back to earth and go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me get better then.

Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Right now I can only be third base. Every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take another prayer to the angels and my dream will be closer to coming true. Please help me.

Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10. If you don't forward this email, that's okay. Mommy says you're a mean heartless bastard who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow horrible death and then burn forever in hell.

What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take five freakin' minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine- year-old boy?

Please help me.

I try to be happy, but it's hard. I wish I had a puppy. I wish I could hold a puppy. I wish I could hold a puppy that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury its shit in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much.

Thank You.

[Christobol]

Jamester. Ha. Of course I am humanoid!

Say, could someone put a lump of coal in my energy port? Throw some remoatellerita in there while you're at it.

[Midget]

Man, I got here really late. Is it too early for Moataritas and cannonballs? *hastily removes clothing and jumps into moat*

By the way, my kinky test score was 395, just 6 points shy of "major league kinkster". Slip me a couple more moataritas and it my "score" might improve.

[Jeff Meyerson]

But would Tainted Paprika be a gnfarb?

[Jeff Meyerson]

Joshkr: too funny! It made me laugh. Maybe Mel Brooks can film it and sing the lead?

[Boo Augustus]

djtonyb

Did you remeber to by bleach, too?

[punky brewster]

What the "Billy Evans" is going on here?

You know ... burlap has MANY uses... come 'ere Billy Boy. I've got candy.

[Boo Augustus]

Also for djtonyb

Lesbyterian Preservation Society
1-888-467-1938

[Jeff Meyerson]

Around here anytime there's even a hint of a major storm the senior citizens strip the shelves bare of toilet paper? I mean, they're all constipated anyway, right, so what are they going to do with all that paper? (Of course bottled water and milk go fast too.)

[mudstuffin]

"small spots of missing paint and a light craquelure due to age."

Don't we all.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Yes, that was rhetorical. Maybe they're going to send the paper to needy Greeks or something.

[Christobol]

*severs monkey head*
*staples billy's head to wriggling monkey body*

There, now quit yer bitchin, and go mind the bar, monkey-boy.

Woo-hoo. I just created us a manservant monkey-boy! Could be a woman-servant too.

No wonder Dr. Franknfurter did this - it's fun.

Enjoy.

[Mr.Fisher]

Kosher, you really put me in the mood.

ROFL....Thanks Joshkr.

(I find it particularly funny because I LOVE pickles. I currently have 5 different jars open in the fridge. Hot ones, Kosher, Garlic, Another Brand of Kosher, and Dill. I guess you could call me a pickle conasewer. Conasewer? Wait that's not right. Did somebody grab the Dictionary from the reMoat?)

Hey anyone want a pickle? And a beer?

[Midget]

Maybe they use it as clothing....um....because eventually theirs becomes dirty or something. Maybe they.....

Damn it! That monkey stole my train of thought!

By the way...had a few more moataritas and my kinky score went up to 540.

[slowlayne]

DJTony - Ever wonder why we seem to be hit by hurricanes when Dave goes out of town?

[Midget]

Mr. Fisher,

Do you have any sweet pickles? Those are my favorite.

It might be time for me to lay off the moataritas. Toss me a beer?

[mudstuffin]

Jeff: Wasn't "Tainted Spice" one of the Spice Girls?

[BigD]

I heard a story like Billy's one time. He finally got his body and was so happy he ran out into the street and got run over by a car. Moral of the story: Quit while your ahead.

[Midget]

I think that Dave has made a deal with the crack hurricane team when he wrote his hurricane safety article. He gives everyone bad advice cleverly organized into a very funny column, and they only send hurricanes when dave is out of town.

[Midget]

joshkr-

Yes, as a matter of fact they were. That falls under the "threesome" questions. You guys got me thinking about it.

[Boo Augustus]

I thought it was Arlington?

Anyway, elle is renting a motorhome for us. We're going to park outside the Olsens, tap a few kegs, and start standing in line next Tuesday.

[jamester]

Cbol - I always figured you were humanoid - not that there's etc etc - just not entirely human.

Around here that's a very good thing indeed, unless of course you're Billy!

[Mr.Fisher]

*Tosses Midget a beer and it goes flying way over head*

Oops sorry. Sweet pickles, hmmm don't much care for, but let me see.

*digs in the back of fridge*

Yep. Here ya go.
*Hands Midget a beer this time*

[Boo Augustus]

elle, as Blog Presidente Supremo and Chief Beanie Wearer, is supposed to be arranging an exclusive Bloglit access, um, containment area with judi.

[Midget]

Mr. Fisher

Don't worry...happens all the time. Just aim a little lower next time, kay?

Thanks for the beer (hic)

[Boo Augustus]

Rita, you can be in charge of making t-shirts. I think Leetie is in charge of collecting women's panties to throw at Dave.

[Federal Duck]

Aww yeah,
Glad to be part of the reMOAT. *grabs his inner tube and moatarita and dives right in*
Just for my personal humor, I want to say "NeenerMoat" and "BoogerMoat" so I can Google them.

[slowlayne]

I just forwarded poor lil' Billy's story to my friends. I'm pretty sure I can expect an intervention the next time I see them.

[Susan]

Here in the Carolinas we're bracing for Frances too...Could be a long weekend. A co-worker thinks it will go to a catagory 5 storm...

[punky brewster]

*squirts monkey with water bottle after it steals my tequilla*

These monkeys are NOT behaving! Stupid monkeys.

"If you monkeys don't stop stealing my stuff I'm gonna ship you off to the rainforest ... and let me tell you something, monkey-butt ... those Brazilian monkeys have ZERO tolerance for juvenile, human headed arrogant monkeys with sticky paws ... they cut off monkey balls for far less, fuzz head. Now scram!"

[Ulle Gibbons]

You know, many parts of a burlap bag are edible. Take, for instance, this corner....

[Christobol]

Were you still talking about beer that time, Midget?

[Midget]

Oops. Accidental post...I think.

Here leetie, I just did laundry. These are clean. *hands over panties to throw at Dave only to have them snatched by monkey, which puts them on it's head*

[Midget]

Cbol -- Could have been beer, could have been something else...either way most people have to adjust their aim for me. Especially if we are both standing up. (I'm 4'10", which is not really a midget, but close enough)

And of course the monkey put my under wear on ITS head, not "IT'S" head. Excuse my moatarita and beer induced bad grammar.

[Midget]

Now enough of this talk...I'm going skinny dipping. Anyone want to join me?

No, not you, monkey boy.

Arg! Not the scary tool-belted lesbians either!

[kibby F5]

Yep, Punky's feeling better. One can tell......

[Peri]

These monkey's are really freaking me out. I'm going into my greenhouse and I'm not coming out until they're gone.

This is our MOAT now, piss off monkeys.

[Susan]

Yeah, the monkeys are rather, rambunctious.

I'll turn my fans on too, I don't want Frances any where near here.

[Susan]

Well, the monkeys aren't ALL that's rambunctious around here...

[Polly]

Not all the monkeys are bad.

That one over there gives great backrubs.

And that one with my panties on gave me this great new haircut.

[Vol]

For all the newcomers, there's also a Yahoo group. Please take the time to visit & post a picture if you have one.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ReMOAT/

Welcome!

~Vol
"Unofficial" Blog Chaplain, Fire & Rescue Specialist, College Football Fanatic

[kibby F5]

rita! Get something about the MOAT on the t-shirts too? Something like

MOATies want Dave for President

...or something like that....

*looking for some shameless self promotion*

[punky brewster]

Send that back-rubbin' monkey my way!

I could use another monkey on my back.