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July 19, 2004

MONTY PYTHON GOES TO ST. LOUIS

"We're not dead yet!"

(Thanks to G. Hooker)

Comments

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first

I'm waiting to hear about some of the insurance company phone people who say they've been talking to ghosts.

Key quote: The insurance company told the family "you're dead".

Insurance company: "You're dead, and if you're not we're gonna make you dead. It's just business".

*some prepaid funeral contracts had died while they were still alive.*

No fair dying while you're still alive.

[Insert Haley Joel Osment joke here]

The solution is to get your nearest and dearest stuffed. Then add wheels.

I see dumb people

"Newman bought the funeral home several years ago after the family that owned it for years died."

'e's not dead, he's stunned.
Stunned?!
Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

Yes, so do I! I live in St. Louis and I see lots of dumb people...

**The insurance company told the family: "You're dead."

"We're not dead," the family replied.

Insurance company: "Well, we've got a claim."

The family: "I don't care what you have - we're still alive." ***


Just like an insurance company to argue with you when you tell them you aren't dead.

I'm getting better!

No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.

Oh, I can't take 'im like that. It's against regulations.

I don't want to go on the cart!

Oh, don't be such a baby.

whoops

Well, who are you going to believe, a trained funeral home expert, or some old lady . . .

anybody seen Ju-On ( The Grudge)...a Japanese horror movie....scaryyyyyyyy
scarier than the insurance ppl even

I think I'll go for a walk.

You're not fooling anyone, you know.

Sorry, can't contribute better than what's already been done. Kudos everyone!

Ex-parrot with pictures

well, you can burn em, bury em, or, eat em.
uh, you're not suggesting that we, uh, cook my mother?
well, uh, yeah, with a little parsnips and broccoli, [smacks lips] yum.

judi, I could have sworn I saw you reference the cuddles blog.... and I was going to say maybe THEY are actually dead by the insurance company's standards....

Or was the 'WHOOPS' comment regarding the dry dead humping or wet dead humbing?

Or was the 'WHOOPS' comment regarding the dry dead humping or wet dead humping and not the 'you are NOT alive' humping?

Or was the 'WHOOPS' comment regarding the dry dead humping, the wet dead humping, or the 'you are NOT alive, you are dead' humping kind of cuddling (which is against rule number 7 was it?)?

DARN...got in the groove there... actually, NOT!!

"If you state that someone has died, and they're really not, you're gonna get caught," Putnam County Sheriff Jason Knight said Tuesday. "There's no way to cover something like this up" forever.
Actually, if you get away with it long enough... the person will eventually die for real!

Barry, are you referring to Bob the Bear?

How disappointing. I mean, that was funny, but I was expecting something along the lines of a guy popping out of a coffin or something.

Another obligatory Monty Python posting:

[thud]
[clang]
CART MASTER:
Bring out your dead!
[clang]
Bring out your dead!
[clang]
Bring out your dead!
[clang]

Bring out your dead!
[clang]
Bring out your dead!
[cough cough...]
[clang]
[...cough cough]
Bring out your dead!
[clang]
Bring out your dead!
[clang]
Bring out your dead! Ninepence.
[clang]
Bring out your dead!
[clang]
Bring out your dead!
[clang]
Bring out...
[rewr!]
...your dead!
[rewr!]
[clang]
Bring out your dead!
CUSTOMER:
Here's one.
CART MASTER:
Ninepence.
DEAD PERSON:
I'm not dead!
CART MASTER:
What?
CUSTOMER:
Nothing. Here's your ninepence.

DEAD PERSON:
I'm not dead!
CART MASTER:
'Ere. He says he's not dead!
CUSTOMER:
Yes, he is.
DEAD PERSON:
I'm not!
CART MASTER:
He isn't?
CUSTOMER:
Well, he will be soon. He's very ill.
DEAD PERSON:
I'm getting better!
CUSTOMER:
No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.
CART MASTER:
Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.
DEAD PERSON:
I don't want to go on the cart!
CUSTOMER:
Oh, don't be such a baby.
CART MASTER:
I can't take him.
DEAD PERSON:
I feel fine!
CUSTOMER:
Well, do us a favour.
CART MASTER:
I can't.
CUSTOMER:
Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long.
CART MASTER:
No, I've got to go to the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today.
CUSTOMER:
Well, when's your next round?
CART MASTER:
Thursday.
DEAD PERSON:
I think I'll go for a walk.
CUSTOMER:
You're not fooling anyone, you know. Look. Isn't there something you can do?
DEAD PERSON: [singing]
I feel happy. I feel happy.
[whop]
CUSTOMER:
Ah, thanks very much.
CART MASTER:
Not at all. See you on Thursday.
CUSTOMER:
Right. All right.
[howl]
[clop clop clop]
Who's that, then?
CART MASTER:
I dunno. Must be a king.
CUSTOMER:
Why?
CART MASTER:
He hasn't got shit all over him.

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