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July 31, 2004

MOAT STORY

An oldie but a goodie.

Comments

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..wow. I've heard of spilled chicken parts and cows, but this is a new one. Set it on fire, maybe? Heh, fun stuff.

The real story was when the cops all started waving their hands above their heads, screeching and throwing handfuls of sh!$#t at passersby...

Look, I work in the wastewater treatment industry (human though, not monkey). I don't care how long your monkey s%&$t is "aged", aging it doesn't kill bacteria. You simply create new bacteria depending on the amount of air that is being added to the waste.
Quick lesson, total geek alert:
While you add air, you are creating an environment for aerobic bacteria. As the amount of oxygen drops, but still some air left, you create an environment for anoxic bacteria. In the lack of a presenc eof oxygen, you create an environment for anaerobic bacteria.
All this being said, there is no "safe" wastewater. Bunch of PR hooey is what they're pushing.
However, to be fair, their "aging" may be an easy way to describe to a journalist with out getting technical, some method of treatment.
Another thing......**crash** **AAH!**

Sorry folks, soap box broke. I'm done.

Brian B... (as in B coli?)

I believe that she said "viruses" not "bacteria"...

Blogging's slow this weekend, Judi? That monkey-waste story is indeed old....and probably the waste in question is even more well-aged by now.

Brian, I also worked in that industry (on the regulatory side) before my perma-maternity leave... Environmental chemist. You?

I wonder if this is Judi's answer to a certain request made in another thread which shall remain nameless?

judi, I am curious, did you post a "MOAT" story just to give the Mother Of All Threads people a rush?

"It's one of those things," she said. "You certainly don't want to be in the deputy's place" investigating the matter.

Heheheh. It only sounds right in Frances McDormand's voice (in Fargo, that is).

Leetie - It is the last day of the month and a full moon!!!

*examins the small vial in her labcoat pocket - nope not quite ready yet*

Now that's what you call being in deep shit.

Deeper than you know, ent.

*ears perk up*

Did someone say hallucinogens?

Wow, you folks were talking about keeping a new MOAT quiet.

Nice job.

*puts silencer on blender*

What number is the old MOAT up to? I can't comment nearly as often right now. There is WAY too much work to do outside. Soon it will be harvest time, then the garden will be done, and we will shut the pool, and quit mowing the grass so often, and, ahhh back to blogging during my kids' naptime.

I think that I am glad that no one spilled the Cleveland Zoo monkey poo. I agree with Brian B's assessment. As a chemist with a little bit of biochem and a lot of practical environmental analytical chemistry experience, whenever organic waste is spilled, especially fecal material, there is the risk of biological contamination. The environment will recover by itself, and rather quickly in this case, but I hope that the people who are clearing the mess are wearing protective gear. I am SURE they are using full air respirators just to approach the spill.

My hat's off to you, Judi. I think a monkey sh@#t MOAT is a stroke of sheer brilliance.

Monkey see, monkey poo.

Bangs, u stole my line! Fret not, u r forgiven.

I think I can safely say that, between this blog and my blog, my blog is the only blog that currently is currently conditioned to play the greatest television theme song of all time.

I think I can safely say that, between this blog and my blog, my blog is the only blog that is currently conditioned to play the greatest television theme song of all time.

Oh, come on, I so did not double-post.

Okay, somebody. Go ahead. Shoot me.

This does it. I'm just too tired. So I reluctantly must refuse to stay up past 5 AM ever again. (Am I serious?) I am serious. I justt ca'nt typpppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp (oops, this is evil)

Why, I can even reach from dialup...

[Sets pet carrier down & opens latch quietly]

Evidently so can Princess Bangi. Can you pull a water skier with that boat Bangi?

Leetie an attractive and saucy evironmental chemist? We are on a roll for blowing up stereotypes!

Speaking of saucy scientists, Mad . . .

is there any truth the the whole "moon" thing? [checks self for extra hair]

[Settles into water & positions pull-rope between skis] *PULL BANGI*

*bats eyelashes at Deon*

Discussion topic: How did you find the Blog?

Unlike some of you I'm sure, I didn't actually say to myself, "Hey, I wonder if Dave Barry has a website?", even though I always looked forward to his columns in the Sunday paper. I kind of stumbled upon it while doing "research" into low-flow toilets (I swear). I always knew that they sucked, but was trying to come up with evidence to prove it to my husband who decided that he wanted to get all new toilets in the house. Upon finding a link to a Dave Barry site in my Google search, I knew I had to look no further.

So. Here I am.

so, the blog came up before db.com? or you came here from there? or was it the herald site? just curious ;)

I came to the blog after db.com.

And we will never replace our toilets.

After LMAO reading Dave's column in a local newspaper, I needed another fix so I googled Dave. Found db.com's blog just before the Great Migration to Herald.com

judi, can you make it so the spammers don't eat up MOAT 1?

I know you're there, elle...

Hope you're feeling OK today!!! Boy back in town???

Leetie,

Re: how we found the blog;

I’ve been reading Dave’s work on-line since way before the Herald required your name, address, blood type and next of kin – and in print through clipping services before that. But I’m way new to the whole blog thing. Clicking through his columns one day I hit the wrong link and before I knew what happened I fell in to this pit of monkey poo, crapweasles, subservient chickens and bastard lawyer terrorists.

However, since both my shrink and my boyfriend made me give up Internet chat rooms this is my new addiction! (Well, one of them; I’m still partial to parfait.) Besides, the company net-police think Herald.com is a perfectly legitimate use of bandwidth.

Thanks to all (and Dave & Judi) for making my secretary continually stick her head in my office to see why I’m laughing out loud over the budget reports I’m supposed to be doing. Now if one of you would volunteer to finish the marketing analysis that I’ve been putting of for the past week you’d be my friends for life!

Last line should read:

"...analysis that I’ve been putting OFF for the past week you’d be my friends for life!"

My Dam speel chicker don't do grammer.

deon - it is all true why you think i was making sure i had that vial in my pocket....

*walks in carefully carrying all her lab gear. Trips over djT...
*CRASH*
Damn ruined the new palce already this is gonna overpoer the stench of monkey poo.

Everybody watch your step

*knock knock*

Hello? Is this our new place? It looks so clean and new ... well except for the little chemical spill over by Mad ... Did we all stake claims on rooms yet? I want the room in the back with the fireplace ... any objections?

*waits the obligatory three seconds*

Great! I'll be in my new room unpacking. :)

Dang - punky beat me to the room! Guess I'll take the other back room - with the king bed, mirrored ceiling, kegalator and 70" plasma TV....

Is this our new hangout? Me Likee....

*waiting*

Graz, can ya toss me a bag of snicker-doodles, please? Fluffy's eyein' me but don't look to happy about the choices on the menu. I guess I jest don't look good enough for even a taste ;-)

Neil, your bedroom's on fire!

*in full biosafety/hazmat gear hoses down the moatlet and uses eadn flame thrower for sterilization*

Ok everyone can breath easy now.

Ill share a room with joshker....

Sorry about the LTTG all. In response to a few questions WAYYY earlier.
I know she said viruses, but she also said the waste was safe.
Leetie,
I work for a company that manufactures wastewater treatment plants. So, I get to deal with the environmental regulators, engineers, and contractors. Yippee.
Also, is this REALLY the new MOAT? So, if they archive the first however many number of posts on the old MOAT, we're staying with this MOAT? I am so friggin confused. That's what I get for actually doing non-blogging work this weekend.

Le MOAT est mort, vive le MOAT.

Oh, and I have no idea how I found the blog. I started reading it at least a year ago if not longer. Time has become one big blur....

**puts down bottle of Barenjager, picks up bottle of beer**

That should help.

Oops ... forgot to answer the question about how I found the blog ... well, I dated a guy who was/is (whatever) a huge fan of Dave Barry ... things didn't work out between us (despite his good taste in writers) but I got something good out of it ... an introduction to Dave Barry's writing ... I realized that I had read his work before, but didn't realize it ... that led to me wanting to read more of his work, so I googled Mr Barry and came upon this here site ... and, more importantly, this blog ... and well, the rest is history!

So thanks, Chris, for turning me on ...

to Dave Barry, that is.

*throws a bag of snickerdoodles across the REMOAT, lets Fluffy out of the badly chewed cardboard box, and jumps back quickly*

Hi, guys.........

*starts hanging a new and improved hammock with built in heated massage function, CD/DVD player, and wet bar*

I used to read Dave's column every Sunday in the local paper when I lived in Ohio. I moved to Michigan due to my job, and couldn't find Dave's column in the papers here. So, I remembered something in the paper about a website of Dave's and found the blog about a year ago or so. And when the comment section was added....well, I couldn't keep my mouth shut.......but I actually do much less work now........

So, here I be.

*hops in hammock, spins, and flips out the other side*

Man, that sucked.....

*stands up, shakes head, and gingerly climbs in*

I'll have to be careful till this thing is broken in right......

I left the other hammock in the MOAT to soak a bit......there's something that is stuck to part of it that is either tapioca pudding or..........I don't wanna know......

*taps on the window*
Is there a ceiling fan or a bust of Pallas in here upon which a smallish bird may perch and enjoy the conversation of the humans? Maybe not the ceiling fan, on second thought, because it would be dizzying if someone were to turn it on.

I discovered the pre-comment blog about 6 months before the Great Migration to the comment blog. I think I waited about 2 weeks before I started commenting. It might have only been one week. I'm not sure.

That's why I became Blogchik- it was around the time the word 'bloglit' was coined. It was a variation on that.

As far as being a DB fan, I've been one for years and years. They run his columns (a week late mind you!!!) in the Washington Post Magazine.

And yes, I get plenty of odd looks from folks at work wondering what could be so funny.

I get the blue room with the big ceilings and the beanbag chair. We need lavalamps! And those bead string hangy-up things! And a disco ball!

DJTony, can you secure the disco ball?

I see everyone is claiming their rooms. Since I don't comment alot, is there a guest room I can stay in when I'm here? Or would anyone like to have a part time room mate?

Graz, in reference to a comment you posted on the MOAT- what is a "Hot Damn" and how do you make one? It wasn't on my friend's bartending exam. (This is, btw, a class I plan to take next summer.)

Steven, I'm sure somebody can scare up an Aerobed or a futon for ya! :)

Thanks, Blogchick I'll just keep a sleeping bag in the closet!..BTW hotdamn is a brand of cinnamin schnapps, I think.

djtonyb,

Thank you for the pallid bust of Pallas. It's perfect. The waves in the hair fit my feet perfectly. "Hot Damn!" is good stuff. First tasted it during mid-winter in northern Canada. Yummy. Was a bottled cinnamon flavored drink - we drank it over ice. Sure helped take the chill off.

No pooping on the bust, waxwing.

As long as my room overlooks a beach with palm trees and beefcake, I'll be happy.

I've been reading DB since wayyyyyy back in the 80s, when his books looked like comic books. I used to buy the Washington Post just for the comics and his column, but it became too much of a hassle and I quit buying it. Then I found him online and one day stumbled upon the blog, probably about a year ago (while school was in session, which is when I have PLENTY of time to roam the internet), then the comments section appeared, and voila! Even less work is done!

And now *wipes tear* I have a family.

I forget how I picked up my first DB book - but I now own them all AND most of the compilations. I got to his website during his 2000 presidential run - and from there, went to his pre-comment blog. Since the comments were introduced, I have been able to give full vent to my sarcastic nature!

ummm... OK Leetie.
are no housekeeping services here?

Leetie-
Started reading Dave in junior high (seriously), came to his website looking for info on a book several months ago, found the blog, have gotten very little work done since.

'Simultaneous' took much practice and training, but very much better than 'first.'

I could request a few feather dusters from a couple of ostriches if that would help...

Are we telling how we found Dave? I found him to be charming, humorous, intelligent... and the blog from reading column, books, and surfing the 'net making google-google eyes at favorite authors.

[wanders in dripping wet]

Dang! That Bangi drives a wicked ski boat!

Leetie's Q: I had a DB column link on my start up page since February 19, 2002. Monday lunch was DB time. I think I went to the column, the weblog and DB.com all at about the same time. (trimultaneously? bonus points perhaps?)

I found Dave way back when I was a married struggling student/mother/employee in college. It was a very busy and stressful time in my life. *sniff!*

In fact, I was just about ready to throw the baby out the window (with the bath water) and purchase a semi-automatic weapon when the most amazing thing happened.

I drove over to Tony's Gun Shop to buy a piece, but when I walked through the door I glanced at (you guessed it) a newspaper just lying there...beckoning. I heard music...it was techno...

Anyway, I bought that paper instead of a gun, found Dave within (more techno music here), and proceeded to laugh until I peed. Tony was not pleased about the mess, but it otherwise ended well.

I found the blog when my cousin sent me a forwarded copy of a Dave article a couple of weeks ago. I liked it and went searching for more. And found the blog.

Dave is the Bloggod. He is omnipotent. He is the great and powerful BLOG. You can never know if he is, in fact, hearing our tiny little voices because he does not comment. The connection to Bloggod is an anwswering machine called "comments". Does he erase our messages without listening? Does he listen and smile and wonder at his creation? I like to think so. *sniff*

YYZ (funky "search-for" marker...also keen Rush song)

MOAT
http://weblog.herald.com/column/davebarry/archives/014026.html#014026

Gate to MOAT
http://weblog.herald.com/column/davebarry/archives/2004_07.html

Gate to April MOAT
http://weblog.herald.com/column/davebarry/archives/2004_04.html

April MOAT
http://weblog.herald.com/column/davebarry/archives/013263.html#013263

FIRST (for those with a malicious bent)
http://weblog.herald.com/column/davebarry/archives/013761.html#013761

= = = = = = = = = =
ANTHEM

My eyes have seen the glory of the Blogging of the Bored
We are trampling o’er each other to find out where the alcohol’s stored,
We have loosed the margaritas and in ten minutes we’ll be floored
The MOAT is marching on.

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
The MOAT is marching on.

I have seen the online pictures of all the Bloggers in DC
They all met to go to Blunch and were photographed by Leetie
Somehow 15 more were added and they all have the name of “Lee”
The MOAT is stumbling on.

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
The MOAT is stumbling on!

Suddenly we saw Punky decked out in a wig of pink,
And Bangi tried to guess the rest, but they don’t look like what you’d think
I can’t remember the next line, so hand me another drink!
Since the MOAT is crawling on!

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
The MOAT is crawling on!

Now DJTony’s spinning music and we’re so drunk we cannot see
Rita’s knitting sweaters so that she can get some drugs from Leigh
Graz and all the single guys are all hitting on Punky
The MOAT is passed out on the FLOOR!.

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
The MOAT is passed out on the Floor!

= = = = = = = = = =
Lee’s tally sheet:

The How Kinky Are You test.
http://www.hotlanta.com/kinktest.htm

The Scores:
850 - Blogchik! (Smooookkiiinnnn! She must have done extra credit work. wink, wink, nudge nudge.)
700 - Maximum Score
650 - lizagain (The New Kinky Leader!)
600 - djtonyb
*600 - theresa (Score was pre-husband...Make of it what you will.) ;-)
595 - igwanna
570 - Graz
570 - BMX3
565 - St. Jude
555 - lore
550 - Jeff P.
543 - Brian B.
515 - Steven
505 - Punky
505 - Psychocat
500 - LaguitoMojo
492! - judi (YES, that judi! And yes, I made up the number - She just admitted to the 400's)
490 - Pattie
490 - Lee (and dropping ;-) (Until Vegas, anyway ;-)
483 - The Baron
483 - JuliaZ
470 - elfbrains
456 - surfbunny (+10 for excellent positions! She was sandwiched between Lee & eadn in the beginning.)
440 - Sara (Hall & Oats Or Fleetwood Mac? ;-)
418 - mad scientist405 - Leetie
398 - kay
395 - Mike Weasel
393 - rita2398
385 - JT
363 - grimreaper
348 - MeL
346 - eadn
336 - Kanye!
333 - Jessica
330 - philintexas
318 - Doug Brockmeier
305 - mudstuffin
285 - Jeff Meyerson
280 - Susan
265 - gfunksizzle
261 - evil little pixie (was 216, but jumped 5 places via the cybersex bonus!)
260 - barbiguinness
259 - alex (originally 234, but he’s been busy! ;-)
255 - Genevieve
240 - jamester (was 205, until he got the cybersex bonus!)
230 - telcontar
35 - jimARK
lowest claimed but unrevealed score - JCT, Bangladeshi_gurl (Bangi_G, Bangi_sizzles, etc)
0 - Lily (If this were true, the blog alone would give you a heart attack!)

surfbunny also gets the honorary 1000 for the MOAT!
And our very own Punky Brewster nabs the 2000 MOAT bonus! Plus the 2004!
Doug gets -1,000,000 for snagging 3000 away from Blogchik. Blogchik is awarded an honorary 3000 for handling it nicely!

Bangi:

I'm exhausted. I think I'll go make cookies...

Bangi- I saw Con on the Blog a few days ago..
He has his own blog, Tunnelvision.

*sound of an incoming Newbie*

I've been poking around here and there, throwing out a few random blurts. I didn't know commenting could make me tingle like this. I , like the lovely and talented miss elle, was introduced to Dave by an obviously brilliant High School teacher(who oddly enough also just passed away recently) and have followed his Sunday articles religiously in a way that is quite disturbing to most. I happened to notice just recently my cousin who is also a fellow Blogger (of a mostly political nature)had given "props" to Dave's blog in his honorary Blogroll. Who knew?!?! And I have been purposely wreaking unwelcomed havoc ever since. I should stay fairly unoticed by staying in the basement, keeping an eye on the community wine and parfait. See ya on the veranda at 8, oh, and I'll bring an extra salt shaker, just in case one gets lost.

Thanks DjT. !!

Most Excellent!! I guess I better go shave those nether regions...

*happy sound of beanie propeller twirling*

I think I should put in for a room upgrade...

Mr Fisher - be aware that the coconut bra is "optional"...

As evidenced by our lovely elle...

Forgot to build the secret door in my room leading to Punky's.... *gets out hammer and saw* I'll get right on that....

No, on second thought, my room is right next to Punky's, so I won't have to go far to be where the fun is. :)

Ok, I go away for the weekend, and y'all just up and move? It's a good thing there were some relocation signs over in the old MOAT. Unless, that is, I wasn't supposed to find this one? Oh well...I'm taking over the TV room with the leather sofa and the 65" plasma tv.

Like elle, I had a teacher who taught some history classes with Dave Barry slept here. Then I started picking up Dave's books at the library, he made me laugh out loud (before that became LOL) in public places (which garnered me quite a few unusual looks). I have been reading him ever since.

On a side note, elle, what year did you take the AP History exam, we must have taken the same one!

Sorry I'm late … I was waiting for my parfait guy to call; you know how they are. Then I had to stop by the Beer Barn. Where should I put the keg?

Thanks for the warm welcome gang. Ok, I'm all trimmed up with nowhere to go until 8. So in the meantime I'm gonna mix things up a little. (this is a result of a couple of Margaritas and a parfait for lunch)

*opts to save coconuts for possible later use of dinking mechanism, and puts penguin thong on head, then puts beanie propeller on MR.Mister*

(making elles eyebrows raise yet again)

oh, and have I mentioned that I to, am not getting a damn thing done at work.

Welcome:

aaaargh
BarbiGuinness
Brian B.
Drew
Guin
Joshkr
Jessica R.
Lori
Mr. Fisher
Polly
slowlayne
Vol

And welcome back Steven & Waxwing.

D’Artagnan, always a pleasure.

Roller disco!? I'm having a "Ring My Elle" flashback!

You can ring my E---e---elle. Ring my Elle!

[cringes at account of Mr. Fisher shaving nether regions with beanie propeller as his comment above seems to imply]

elle, this dates me, but I took my AP History exam in May 1991. My teacher did NOT use Dave Barry; in fact, she put me to sleep. However, I did get a 5. :)

This, with the fact that I graduated from college, is my greatest educational achievement to date. :(

So this is the new MOAT? It kinda smells like monkey doots in here, but I guess it'll do. Clever, Judi! :)

thanks, slowlayne.... thanks alot.

*tries to dig earworm out*

Cha-cha Elle - Meeting people is why my bf had me banished from the chat rooms. Oops...methinks I said too much.

DJT - Have we met? Palm Springs? Fire Island? Winter Party? Or just some random Thursday night over long island ice tea at Alibi?

Wow Too much excitement on moving day. I'm gonna lay low with a bottle of Tequila under my blankie. If joshker shows up you can direct him to my blankie please.

Hey dj, see if you can dig up an LP of "My Ding-a-Ling" to go along with that,I'd greatly appreciate it.

Oh, and you can't go roller skating with hearing a little Queen. But I have a feeling you already knew that.

Hey, elle.....mind giving me a "virtual" tour of your room.....I'd love to see the view

(puts on joshker disguise and slips under madscientist's blankie)

Thanks, Deon! Does anyone mind if I use the attic to set up the monitors for my hidden camer- er, uh, security system?

I think I'll just hide in a remote corner of the refrigerator, if y'all don't mind.

Is it safe in here? The retired MOAT used to make my brain hurt trying to keep up with it all... Or maybe that was just a hangover.

Just don't go in the Viridian Room. Or the Crimson one. Unless it has mirrors.

And welcome lab specimen...

No relation to Mad's, er, misplaced one are you?

[Assembles fans & air conditioners to keep some bloglits from melting in the presence of Bangi, Blogchik, elle, Leetie, Mad Scientist, MeL, Polly, Punky and others whose antics are on the saucy side]

I knew I should have checked in this morning..I just knew it. Can't even be here tonight, a thrilling meeting to cover.

Mr.Fisher, I think I have a copy of My DingaLing around here somewhere, I may have to play it today.

I may even have to go appear to be productive. Not the way to spend a rainy Monday.

Mmmmm.... Bangi in cat suit....

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrggggggggllllleeee

(Thanks to Homer Simpson)

Drew - of all things, the MOAT is not safe...

You've been warned - have another margarita...

Zowie!

[affects not to notice anything unusual about elle]

Tact is my strong suit. I believe the personality type is known as "phlegmatic." Suitable for diplomats and butlers.

Other choices of personality types are "choloric, sanguine, & meloncholy"

http://www.oneishy.com/personality/personality_test.php

(Not quite the "kinky score" test, but mildly enlightening personality assessment)

Putting elle in stilettos...

*gets out calculator*

that makes her legs....hmm.. carry the two...

nine gazillion miles long....

If Bangi gets to be Catwoman, then I get to be Wonder Woman! :)

*cue the theme music* "Wonda Woman!"

Who was it that was standing on there head the other day?

I have twenty-spot attached to my beanie propeller that I would love to see picked up by those upside down girls.

But, be sure to stretch first.

*slow gulping his moatarita*

*discards idea of changing into Superman outfit*
*cracks a fresh beer*
*pulls up a front row chair and enjoys the show*

Since we missed Punky's last "interpretive dance", I'm sure not gonna miss this one!

Ah! so I didn't miss it!

WOW!! you girls can really shake your groove thangs!!

[still wearing penguin thong on head, and propeller on lower Mr.Mister, but now using both coconuts to transport Moataritas to mouth]
*seeing double*

also, I am sitting with the lower half of my body under a moat table as not to offend the lovely dancing ladies with my *ahem* rather large display of affection that this wonderful pole dancing seems to have developed..........

Yup, Mr Fisher fits right in...

Don't worry about hiding little Mr Mister..

Jump on a table and start dancing yourself...

Trust me - between the ladies and the other appreciative folks, you'll have quite an audience...

Thanks Deon. LTTG, but I scored 270 on the Kink test.

*enters room feeling slightly embarassed*

I thought the dress code for tonight was propeller beanie,coconut bra, and penguin thong.

Oh hey, Mr Fisher can I sit at your table?
Maybe I won't be so noticable there!

*wanders in*
Good to see that no matter how things change, the more they stay the same.
*Pulls up chair*
(plans drunken grab for shapely ankle...)

sure steven!

Actually, here, watch my bra...I'm going up on the table over there with the girls and I'm gonna invent a new dance called the "Pro-pella"..... Make sure you try a Moatarita and you might wanna cover your hair and your eyes!! well, you can peek through your fingers...

*squeezes all the pole dancing ladies in a friendly co-dancer kinda way*

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