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July 21, 2004


...and the Bloggerette completely misses a major urgent Algona breaking news flash.

Key Quote: Most people have been using the Diamond. They like the tri-foam...they'll spend the extra money."


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first, and: "Algona Autowash, featuring four different wash styles..." uh, scuse me, but what does that mean? do they give these cars a curly-mike brady perm? what?


Scents include vanilla, wild cherry and Cassens' favorite, new car scent.

what, no cheeto scent?

I liked "If you pull in here with a Hummer, it will wash a Hummer." That's good to know. I wonder how many Hummers the area has, based on "Per Capita."

The comment that I noticed was about washing a Chevette - how many people who are cheap enough to drive a car that hasn't been built in twenty years are going to pay to have it washed?

J Rob,I have been to Algona and never have I seen a Hummer at the local "Cum and Go".I SWEAR that is the name of the local convienient marts out there.SWEAR TO GOD!

We currently have 2 hummers per capita.

They are both mine.

One is cheeto orange.

The other is banana yellow.


I'm wayyyy too mature to connect the words "Hummer" and "Cum and Go" in the obvious way.

So I'll just say - Welcome Back Dave! and leave it at that.

Wouldn't this be a great (albeit boring) world if the front page headlines were all stories like this?

Anchor: Good evening. The big story this evening... A new mall is opening up out on the loop. We go now live to Chip, reporting.
Chip: Thanks. It looks like we're just moments away from the ribbon cutting... Yes here comes the President and the head of the UN Shopping Council. This is truly a momentous day.

Of course then you'd be subgected to endless slo-mo replays of the giant scissors cutting through the giant yellow ribbon for the next two days.

Life could be worse.

Sean: I know — unbelievable as it sounds, you are NOT making that up!

I may not know much about Hummers at the Cum and Go, but I DO know that the U.N. Shopping Council gets its work done in an efficient manly manner.

"The Diamond is part of the G5 laser series....All feature a double presoak, laser wash and spot free rinse."

Laser wash????????? What the hell ever happened to a garden hose and a bucket? Or if you really want to splurge, by the new Mr. Clean spotless wash kit, you'll never have to dry your car again! And you can take my word for it, it really works to, although no lasers are involved.

Who invented this car wash Dr. Evil? "In addition to the sharks with laser beams on their heads, I want a G5 laser car wash. Come people, throw me a bone, is this to much to ask?"


A YMCA, a Aquatics Center and now a Super Laser Guided Car Wash with new car scent. Oh, and let us not forget the World's Largest Cheeto.
I'm so impressed.

There's one, maybe two hummers in Algona. Similar to one, maybe two years of marriage. And it's KUM and go. Not that it matters. Erotic gas stations are really ahead of their time and just not catching on yet. Did anyone notice, you can post comments regarding the story at the bottom of the page? I think the folks at the paper would love to hear from Dave's bloggers.

Oh, I am so sorry that I neglected the most important feature of Algona: Bryce Wilson, young radio announcer and champion of Algonia!
* cue anthem "Hail, Algonia: Fairest in Iowa!" *

We have that triple-foam car wash thing here in Ann Arbor.

We just don't make a big deal about it.....

"If you pull in here with a Hummer, it will wash a Hummer."

Makes sense. If you pull in with a Hummer and it washes a Volvo, that would be way wierd.

You're right, Ernie. But it would be the world's first long-distance car wash, so that would be kind of cool.

The computers were hit be "lightening"??? Does that mean someone opened up the cases and removed stuff?

There's a law that says every post that points out a typo will itself contain a typo. That law has been followed in the above post!

Good catch, Rich!
Yeah, if they were lightened by, oh, say, a CPU or harddrive, I can definitely see where it would be "throwing the system out of whack."

... maybe they were lightened by triple-foam ...

Yea, where's Bryce when you need him?

Hey Bryce! Good boy! Fetch the Hummer! Goooood boy.

My exact thoughts too Ernie. Nice sharing a brainwave with you.

"There's a vacuum fragrance machine, with three different fragrances in it."

Um, how does that work? If the fragrances are already in the vacuum, how are they gonna get out to make your car smell nice? I'm not turning that thing on reverse & spewing the last guy's farm dirt and gum wads all over just to get some new car smell. Besides, what's the point in trying to make a Chevette smell new?


Pronunciation: (lIt'n-ing), [key]
—n. Med.
the descent of the uterus into the pelvic cavity, occurring toward the end of pregnancy, changing the contour of the abdomen and facilitating breathing by lessening pressure under the diaphragm.

now i'm really confused...

that brainwave comment would be from iolite not io. going back to typing101 now.

why would anybody with a chevette want it to smell new? when was the last time they made one of those anyway. i suppose if you really had to have one, you could store it in your hummer...

kibby F5 I don't fetch hummers. Unless you mean, "fetch" like, "get" as in, "get hummers." In which case, nope, I still don't.

" undercarriage wash, side and wheel blast, seasonal bug pass, double presoak, laser wash, triple foam polish, clear coast protectant, spot-free rinse and laser dry"

Sounds like my "regular" at the massage parlor.

Bryce, I'm just finishing up a 24 hour "shift" in Moscow so I'm a bit punchie.

There's an amazing amount of Hummers, Merc and Beemers up here. I heard the Merc dealer here FAR out sells all the others IN THE WORLD!

For a country that has the GNP of Portugal, per capita they sure have allot of large cars. Haven't seen many car washes though. Even lazar ones.

Imagine, if those lazars are out of calibration, wouldn’t they have a tendency to just burn the finish right off your car!? I don’t know about a light saber car wash. Maybe a bit to close to “The Force” for my liking.

No disrespect intended Bryce. Although you would get the MANLY prize and admoration from the female Bloglits around here if you hauled one of those things bare chested and tow-hooks in your back.

Algona breaking news flash = A blasé kar wash fling, 'n gone

When I was in Novgorod, Russia, about 8 years ago, I hardly saw a car on the road, and all the cars I saw were Russian make. I wonder what it's like today. St. Pete had more cars then. Never made it to Moscow that visit.

Doesn't that Algona story sound pretty much, oh, EXACTLY like a news release?

vol: 97 trillion people sent that in. so i figured everyone had seen it already.

Vol & judi,

I knew I'd seen it before. Still it was a blast (groan, I know) reading it again ;)

"Cum and Go?" in IOWA??? i happen to know of a couple of liquor store establishments in San Francisco with the monikers "Sukker's Likkers" and "The White Swallow," but that only makes sense...

All of you missed the most important point. The G5 adjusts perfectly in length and width...

What girl wouldn't pay extra for that?

Actually echo, I suspect the reason this article wasn't blogged is because in Miami, this type of driving is fairly common place. Only going by previous blog items and commentaries - not necessarilly my personal opinion :)

We have no Hummers in Algona. This is big news here, and then the old farts in town wonder why the 18 and 19 year olds go to college and never come back (me included). And its spelled Kum and Go, not Cum and Go, although we make the jokes just as easily. Somehow the marketers decided a K instead of a C will prevent juvenile humor. I all for this new car was though, cuz we dont already have 2. Interesting side note: Mrs. Cassens, wife of this daring entreprenuer, was my grammer teacher AND my composition teacher. 2 semesters in a row, woo!

"The city of Algona has been super as far as getting this together. They have been so nice to work with," said Cassens."

Algona's a CITY?

Another example of editorial abuse of the repoprter. Directed to fill 15 column inches of space with 2 inches of actual news...

Another example of editorial abuse of the reporter. Directed to fill 15 column inches of space with 2 inches of actual news...

oops. "Preview" my ass!

No, wait a minute...that came out sounding like an offer...It's not, really.

Get your tentacles off me, Fluffy.

I agree with Dave, that the key line is "Most people have been using the Diamond. They like the tri-foam..." I mean, who doesn't, right?

Dave, welcome back from Iowa or Idaho or wherever you really were because Judi has been flooding the blog with semi-naked men and ignoring important blogging stories like this heartwarming animal tale.

Hey Bryce, how ya been? How's the Speedo?

In other important area news, we learned that "Billie Jo's Bar and Grill opens in State Street location after remodel" and "Fairboard discusses A.B.A.T.E. riders use of fairground campsites."

Jeff M No more speedo talk. It's time to put that behind us.
7th Angel There is at least one hummer in town. If you count the local sluts, though, there may be many, many more.
Bloogers I'm surprised no one left a comment in the comment section of this story. People actually read that website and get pretty worked up over any sign of potential controversy or trash-talk.

No, I don't like it.

I think we should take up Bryce's suggestion and overload the papers web site like we did poetry.com.

Submit comments.

Yes, it is kum & go.

Bryce buddy, better be careful how you refer to female Algonians. As a public figure you might be facing a "slut lawsuit" one of these days.

"undercarriage wash, side and wheel blast, seasonal bug pass, double presoak, laser wash, triple foam polish, clear coast protectant, spot-free rinse and laser dry"

Do I HAVE to bring a car? I'm in need of a shower, and all of that sounds rather.. exciting :-)

Hey Bryce, who's Hummer is it? Do you know? Probably someone who lives out by the country club huh. And Jeff, Bryce is right. There are some pretty sleazy people here.

7th Angel: oh, I don't doubt that for a minute. I'm just warning him about possible legal ramifications if he SAYS so. No names, no pack drill; don't ask, don't tell. Whatever.

Slut Lawsuit wbagnfarb

And I don't know who owns the hummer. But I'm emarrassed to have this conversation.

I'm only slightly embarassed to have this conversation. I'm only home for the summer, then back to college.

Don't be embarassed, Bryce! If there's one thing this blog prides itself on, it's being a safe and comfortable emvironment for discussing Hummers.

I think having more Hummer-capable autowashes are a great idea. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a dirty Hummer.

Those dang Humboldtites think they know everything.

"undercarriage wash, side and wheel blast, seasonal bug pass, double presoak, laser wash, triple foam polish, clear coast protectant, spot-free rinse and laser dry. This guy really got the works."

- Detective Lenny Briscoe

Coming soon to your local theatre "FAHRENHEIT IOWA" learn the true story of what happened when two guys opened a car wash.

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