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July 29, 2004

CONVENTION UPDATE

In yet another story that is being totally ignored by non-blog Big Media, the city of Boston -- despite all the so-called "security measures" -- remains dangerously vulnerable to the ever-present threat of molasses.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

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"Engrossing account of a most improbable tragedy "

Yeah who would of thought...

What a sticky situation
*groan*

Socio-Political Machinations
good name for a college debate team

I don't ever remember hearing about the 'Great' Boston Molasses Flood. Might make for interesting reading sometime.

i thought it was the back end of a buncha rodents.

Or not.

"Or not" was meant for MOTW's post, about interesting reading.

If anyone cares.

Thank you. Now you're in line with me. Only judi is ahead of us.

A terrorist armed with molasses?
What a frightening thought all of this is!
They’re up to no good
With their syrupy flood
Drowning the Democrat’s asses!

I care as well.

Punky - do you have first hand knowledge of your example? If so, do you have pictures, or better yet, video?

Hey Higgy, wanna get in line with Punky and me?

Punky! How heartless!

According to Amazon, the book jacket tells us:

"Shortly after noon on January 15, 1919, a fifty-foot-tall steel tank filled with 2.3 million gallons of molasses collapsed on Boston"s [sic] waterfront, disgorging its contents as a fifteen-foot-high wave of molasses that briefly traveled at thirty-five miles per hour. When the tide receded, a section of the city"s [sic typographicaly challenged] North End had been transformed into a war zone. The Great Boston Molasses Flood claimed the lives of twenty-one people and scores of animals, injured 150, and caused widespread destruction."

**gurgle, snorf**

Willie Wonka run amok?

Boy, it must be a really slow convention.

You know, molasses-slow...

isn't there a volcano erupting in Hawaii now? wonder what it is spewing...
this is actually a horrible story, like a liquid willard or something. what a way to go.

"Syrupticious Sludge Slathers Streets, Soaks Slow Soused Single Stilettoed Seniors"

i'll like to get in line with punky, now that i've seen her picture in the bloggers gallery at Leetie's site. This lizard is smitten.

I'm just shocked they haven't made a movie out of this one. Ben . . . Matt . . . there's your next big Boston film. I'd get Catherine Zeta-Jones (yes, I know she's Welsh) to play the lovely but troubled Italian anachist caught up in the socio-politcal machinations. Or maybe just use Muppets.

Dave,
As a concerned citizen, what would you do to protect the American People, (Or at least a select few of us) from Terrorism od this magnitude?

Elle,
As the newly elected president of the bloglits, what do you suggest we do to protect ourselves from this type of terrorism?

How does the whistle, flashlight and head bag thing protect you from terrorist molasses floods?

I bet even Dave could outrun the molasses flood. Although I'm not sure if he could outrun the drunk little old lady with one leg and a stiletto.

Especially not after saving all that beer from the earthquake.

the Terrorist Molasses Floods would be a great name for a band.

Registering at Dave's paper to get access to his column was easy and quick, but it also generated a reply email that I will treasure forever:

"Dear Pustule,

Thank you for registering with Herald.com. As a member, you now have privileged
access to the site's articles and services, all free. If you have signed up to
receive any Herald.com newsletters, they will arrive in your inbox shortly."

The second customer review said that when it came time to place the blame, many people pointed the finger at 'radical Italian anarchists'. You know, you just don't piss of those radical Italian anrchists or the next thing you know you're jogging up the street trying to stay ahead of the surging river of molasses. The reviewer did go on to say that maybe they were just 'pastries' - no, wait, that must have been 'patsies'.

rita -
It could be interesting, if you found a 'special' McDonalds parfait ...

That's "just plain stpidity" alright... If you can't spell stupidity, just go with dumb.

Ahhhhhhh, yessssss, it couldddddddddd

Dave calling Big Mike's Finer Escorts of Beantown:

"Yes, I'd like a 103 year-old woman with only one leg, drunk on gin and wearing a stiletto heel who can out-hobble molasses"

"Sorry sir, we're out of that. The DNC is in town you know."

"Damn it!"

"We do have a one-eyed dwarf with a dislocated hip."

"Ok. Can I have two?"

The Honorable Elle
President of Bloglits

As a member of the Florida delegation I can emphatically state that I did not vote for either Buchanan OR the one-eyed dwarf. Hey wait...maybe I did….like dude...I can't remember. I just got back from McDonalds. They must have voted while I was gone. Have you tried the parfait? Oh wow man…maybe Buchanan IS the one-eyed dwarf! I'm hungry. Anyone want to go to McDonalds with me?

And just how the heck do you put hyperlinks in your post anyway?

Has anyone watched the Dave Barry videos on the Daily DNC update page from the Miami Herald?

Not going to win any academy awards, but very funny nontheless.

I just discovered the video. Very good. Were there videos other days, or just today? I'm too lazy to check.

I thought elle was elected "El Hefe Grande Boom-Boom Big Sista"

Anyways that's what my ballot said. Whose idea was it to hold the election at McDonald's, anyway?

Rita: There were no videos the other days, save yourself the time looking.

I am surprised judi hasn't posted these yet. But then again, I think since Dave's been gone, she staying out late at night and coming into work around Noon or 1pm.

APPLICATION FOR INTERNSHIP UNDER THE PRESIDENCY OF HER EXCELLENCY, ELLE

Name: Brian B
Age: Old enough
Qualifications: Avid bootlicker, insatiable Yes man, and doesn't wear blue dresses, so no dry-cleaning required.
Comments: Ooh, ooh, pick me, pick me!

APPLICATION FOR INTERNSHIP UNDER THE PRESIDENCY OF HER EXCELLENCY, ELLE

Name: Brian B
Age: Old enough
Qualifications: Avid bootlicker, insatiable Yes man, and doesn't wear blue dresses, so no dry-cleaning required.
Comments: Ooh, ooh, pick me, pick me!

Elle -- Outlaw clothing?

That reminds me of the old (and very pathetic) political joke with the punch line "No nude axes!"

Think about it...

I remain your your humble intern.

In an instance like this, Cipro is useless. I'm stocking up on insulin.

If elected, I promise to do something about that meddling FCC. Shoot them live on FOX. Also, we're not gonna have anymore of the Celebrity Sportscenter Variety Hour. You guys do NEWS, dangit. And anyone who attempts to cancel The Amazing Race will be executed without trial.

Why, no, I don't have any non-TV policies.

Speaking of old political jokes, has anyone heard from Dave?

slowlayne: this site makes it simple. It must do, as I figured it out.

what you want the link to say, as in "with a flashlight" in elle's post.

And back to the conventionnews. (I removed the space for safety purposes, Dave.)

Wasn't The Great Boston Molasses Flood a group in the 60s? You know:

1910 Fruitgum Co.
Peanut Butter Conspiracy
Strawberry Alarm Clock
Great Boston Molasses Flood

Or did I spend too much time eating parfaits, man?

It's not a problem, Punky. It's just that Ronald McDonald has a little bit of a contract out on my knee caps on account of I haven't fully paid for my last shipment of ...um...parfait. So the Cheeseburgler is after me and I had to wear a fake mustache the whole time I was there.

Still, it was worth it to see your slide show. Definitely not what one usually expects when one hears the term.

Jeff...thanks dude...pass the spoon.

We need to send Officer John Douglas out to pepper spray the Hamburgler, before he strikes again.

Obviously, his criminal genius has moved beyond petty theft and into parfait-drug trafficking.

APPLICATION FOR INTERNSHIP UNDER THE PRESIDENCY OF HER EXCELLENCY, ELLE

Name: Higgy
Age: Half ancient
Qualifications: Willingness to do WHATEVER (wink wink, nudge nudge) it takes as an intern...
Comments: Also handy with massage oil....

With apologies to Captain Renault:

"I'm shocked! SHOCKED to find parfaits being eaten here!"

I've got parfait and a whole box of cigars. *buttering up for an interesting internship*

parfait papers?

PresidentElle - Can I be the official intern manager. I promise to return all interns to you in their original packaging (but maybe not their original condition).

OH , and for the record I'm great in the sa...I mean I really know how to file in those folds, um folders......jeez, sorry ,I'm just a little anxious about being screened for internship, Ms. Punky somewhat intimidates me. Or maybe it was just that cigar sized parfait I had for lunch.

Hey whatever happened to molasses? You know, the original topic of this thread?

Was the Great Molasses Flood swallowed by the Even Greater Internship Flood?

Tetsu - I think the molasses is being used as intern massage oil now.

who needs molasses, we are trying to help Elle get a great group of threadbare interns, and free parfaits for everyone. After all to quote the immortal words of Donkey from Shrek
"Why can't it be parfait. Everybodu loves parfait."

who needs molasses, we are trying to help Elle get a great group of threadbare interns, and free parfaits for everyone. After all to quote the immortal words of Donkey from Shrek
"Why can't it be parfait. Everybody loves parfait."

Don't pay any attention to the fact that we aren't talking about molasses. who needs molasses when we have pot parfaits and truly threadbare blogging interns.

*strips naked*
*applies oil*
*stands at attention and whips out a smart salute*

Intern Higgy reporting for duty!

Of course, if Mad Scientist gets any closer with those needles, parts of me may not be standing at attention for very long (nudge, nudge, grin, grin)

I forget. What is it elle promised to do in her first 100 days in orifice?

Coming in at number one on the charts again for the fifth consecutive week, that slippery little jingle we'd all like to get to know, yep, you guessed it "100 days in orifice"

Good for you elle. Way to stad by your principles.

K- that was a great link. I live in Cincinnati and read about this, but by then the post was gone. Glad you saved it. The guy that did it was a contract technician at WLWT. I think someone else composed it and he was supposed to remove it before it was sent on to Yahoo. He got fired. I guess the truth does make you free, ( of a paying job anyway)! WLWT does have the most idiotic reporting staff around.

Higgy - not sure from that comment if you would enjoy the pain of needles or not. lol

Elle - don't worry I will screen all supplicants er um applicants for transmitable diseases.

Oh and the top intern will be determined by putting on the penguin thong and rolling about in mollasses. Then Bangi gets to taste test all the supplicants for freshness. Punky will then test for limberness and I will determine stamina. That is the menegie twa exam. (pardon my illiterate french)

Hey other jt,

Another Cincinnatian here. That article was great. I've got a buddy that works for WCPO and he only wishes he could get away with stuff like that. Publicly at least. He gets away with it all the time privately. Only in Ohio right?

Here's a story on why Bangi is sizzling underwater these days.

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