WHAT YOU NEED TO DO

You need to take a cruise.

(Thanks to Ted Habte-Gabr)

Comments

[Boo Augustus]

I'm flying first class, so the cost and/or availability of alcohol isn't a problem (they give you champagne even before you get comfortable in teh seat). But I have tried to get booze route before . . . get way too dehydrated and feel miserable when you wake up the next morning. I think herbal might be the way to go. Just need something gentle.

[Kat]

RL beckons... see you all after I have destroyed my sanity yet again..

[Susan]

I missed kittens? Awwww...

Mr.Fisher-your flooding tale reminds me why I don't like to tackle home improvement. I know that no matter how simple it should be, there will be the inevitable complication. Even with turning off the water/power/whatever, there will be problems. I wanted to put in a GFI outlet in my bathroom. It won't fit in the wall box, and taking care of it would require a new outlet box, repapering the wall afterword, just a whole heap of work, to do something that should be very very simple.

[Higgy]

Boo - best travel tip for long flights (keeping in mind I fly to the UK every year.)

1. Shower just before you head to the airport! Very important - helps prevent utter nastiness when you arrive.
2. An hour before you board - take two tylenol PM - fantastic stuff. You should start feeling drowsy during the boarding process.
3. Grab a blanket, your own travel pillow - make sure your seat belt is fastened OVER the blanket - and bring the eyemask/ear plugs.

Works like a charm for me. First class - you lucky bugger! Best I've ever done was business class and I thought that was heaven!

Enjoy your trip!

[Mike Weasel]

Mmmm kittens!

*sneaks over to basket with predatory gleam in eye*

*peers over edge at kittens*

*picks up a little succulent mewling one*

*opens fangy mouth*

*..and gives it a big smooch, then puts it back and slinks off*

[slyeyes]

Hey, we may have gotten rid of the monkeys a little too soon.

The radio station I listen to will soon be participating in a multi-market contest called the "money monkey"...seems there's this monkey with $1,000,000 and will be giving away portions of that to lucky listeners.

Does anyone know where our monkeys went?

Susan...is your radio station participating?

[Susan]

Yay! I have two cats at home, but there's nothing like kittens.

Looking at an old yearbook...not for the enjoyment. A co-worker wondered who I graduated with, so I brought in a yearbook for all the names I know I'll forget. My what an odd looking bunch we are.

[Susan]

Slyeyes, no we are not participating in the money monkey. We are a small locally owned station, so we are not a part of any of the great big multistation groups.

A late note from TLAPD-a few weeks ago someone was here to mow the back feild. And he found-a sword. Don't have any idea where it came from or how old it is. But it is a sword. And I remembered that when I started working here, way back when, there was a silhouette (?) of a pirate's head on the front wall, and we refered to ourselves as "the Crew". Too bad we took down the pirate many years ago.

[Federal Duck]

Speaking of Kittens:

I was nearly fired from my Opinions Editor position at my college newspaper for running the joke ad, "Everytime you mastur..., God kills a kitten. Think of the kittens." And ran a photoshopped picture of kittens in a meadow running away from some floating paper bags with scary faces drawn on them in magic marker. Most of the campus thought it was awesome; most of the faculty and staff thought I was insane. It was freaking great.

[Mad Scientist]

*steals a kitten for the lab mascot*

don't worry I won't use it for experiments. I have one giant furball and a normal one. I love all animals equally.
Dang that sound obscene. I love them all but I don't LOVE them all. I save LOVE for weasels and some species known as Joshkr...

[kingw]

Dave D showed up on FIRST again. After the spam of course. Pulled a fabulous quadruple post, all for naught.

[Leetie]

Boo, glad you're a fan of the mango chunks. I actually haven't used Malibu with them... just good dark rum. I'll sometimes splash a little Malibu in other fruity rum drinks, but not daiquiris.

And I think that Higgy has the best advice. Do not use alcohol, as it will just make you feel crappy. You can try the Tylenol PM, but you'll probably get the same results by just taking an antihistamine (I believe that's the sleep agent in tylenol pm - you can read the package - buy whatever is cheaper - check out dramamine too). And drink plenty of H2O, because the antihistamine will make you a bit dehydrated too.

[Mad Scientist]

elle - maybe god kills kittens when women mastur... and dogs when men mastur... It sorta makes sense...

*hands elle a bubbling beaker and 2 little pills*

those will help your (not you're) headache. Also good for Boo and his long flight.

[BigD]

I get dehydrated flying from Atlanta to Ft. Lauderdale, so I can imagine during an overseas flight I would shrink up into a prune.

I want to take my daughter to England and Scotland (or more her choice: Alaska and/or Hawaii) next summer so this is all good advice.

Great article Fed, shouldn't people without a sense of humor be the first to fly one way missions to Mars?

[slyeyes]

What's mastur --

LIGHTBULB

oh.

(giggle)

PS, I like your idea, elle...about the main blog postings, etc etc.

[D'Artagnan]

'I'm more of a dog person', elle said
Does that mean she'd rather get laid?
I think that's the thought
But it's all just for naught
If it means that for canines she paid.

[Mr.Fisher]

MAD- What's right above the clavicle? On the side of the neck?

Federal Duck, Duck, *Goose*

See by you ducking at just the right time Fed I was able to pinch all the female Bloglits in that nice sort of way. Thanks for showing me that move Rita.

Oh and Kitty, That's just the resident Weasel, Harmless until you fall in the pudding pool and then well, I can't say what might happen then.....

[Mike Weasel]

Uh oh, I think I'm responsible for a lot of doggy deaths...

[Mr.Fisher]

I know it's not dark yet, but

Tina I'll put you on my Christmas card list, if you ever want to feel my PETA.

And Joshkr - You were really geddon it, a really geddon it. Moatageddon it.

Alright I'm off to do more damag....er, remodelling of the kitchen. Love me lotts of luck. Nah, on second thought just Love me a lot of Beer. That always helps. (Except on overlylong flights. Even I don't recommend that)

Hasta Lou wave a !

[D'Artagnan]

Tina, that is just grotesque. There shall be retribution in kind, if not by you personally, by the hopefully righteous 'system', whatever that means.

*loosens Tina's leash considerably out of concern*

elle, I'mma be all over those debates like a booger on a booger mask. By your guidelines, I expect I'll need to have two dozen bottles of booze around.

[Mike Weasel]

OK, Tina, now I know why you wished for a "boring day." That sucks. I hope they stuff him in a cell with Bubba the Happy Cannibal.

[Brian B]

Josh,

How can ANYONE be less than impressed with my ramparts?

**whisper whisper**

What's that? I don't HAVE ramparts! Oh.

Ok, I now fully understand how one can be less than impressed with my non-ramparts.

Resume blogging while I work my butt off on the road in my hotel room. Be back later.

Booger

[Leetie]

Tina, details! What buttons did you push, and how?

[rita]

Elle, thanks for the debate advice. I'm printing it as we speak. Or read.

Tina {{{{{hugs}}}}} I hope you're pressing charges, and that the blood comes out of your bra. Try OxyClean. It even took red wine out of my (landlord's) white carpet. Did you at least get drugs? How about Workers Comp?

[Jeff Meyerson]

Tina, that sucks. And it didn't even happen here in the Big Apple. I guess there are shitweasels everywhere. You should have taken tjt's advice.

elle, loved the drinkometer. I'm betting 25-40% which should give us a real nice buzz in the "don't get behind the wheel at any cost" stage.

[Leetie]

Neato! I just read that the sleep aid in Tylenol PM is diphenhydramine HCl. Which is Benadryl. So, why take Tylenol PM if all you need is the sleep aid?

Just sayin'

[Jeff Meyerson]

"djt"

"Let me know if I need to wander into maybe some kind of system and turn someone's credit to crap and give them about 20 prior felonies :)"

Joshkr, good idea, like Dennis Leary did to his ex-wife's boyfriend on Rescue Me.

[kingw]

Tina I hope you get the tooth fixed. But as I recall from our field trip to the bookstore, for most guys looking at your teeth might happen around week two of your relationship. The bloody bra might be off putting though.

[rita]

Tina, just what did they give you for pain?

And can I have some?

[Mike Weasel]

Resume blogging while I work my butt off on the road in my hotel room. Be back later.

Brian, your hotel room is on the road? I hope you got a discount...

Now, did someone say ramparts...?

[Brian B]

Mike,

They most certainly did NOT give me a discount. I am at a very lofty (and proud of themselves, as evidenced by their room rates) in Rochester...New York...out in the road...
Seriously though, I am finally finished with my work for the evening here. One more night in Rochester and then it's back to southwestern OH. I feel a bit like Dave currently. Blogging from the road. I leave Sunday for New Orleans. I love company paid trips.

PS.-Josh, I hate picking up my AOL mail on the road. Can you love me those rampart pics to the same username at gmail.com?

Best Lumberg impression:
Yeah, that'd be great, umkay?

[rhealist]

Semi-caught up. Tina: I'm glad you're okay. And I'm glad that they gave you something for the pain. But seriously, they didn't send you HOME????

"Well, Tina, gee, that's too bad. Gonna be a Bi*%# finishing off your shift with that toothache. Oh well. Can you please try not to get blood on these reports..."

[Brian B (now with NEW! and IMPROVED! email address!)]

Would those be TPS reports, Rhealist?

Sorry all, I'm on a big Office Space kick tonight.

PC Loadletter!? What the f%&(k does that mean!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Brian B: NEW ORLEANS? I am sooooooooo jealous. I love New Orleans. Won't get back until Xmas but we always have a great time, even in the heat of July. Where are you staying? What are you doing? Where will you eat?

(sorry, get a little carried away there)

[rhealist]

You know Tina, if you want to try taking on your boss next, I could send you a goalie mask... I don't care how short-staffed you are, that's just plain wrong.

And Brian B., sure TPS reports, why not? (??? makes note to rent Office Space)

[Mike Weasel]

Well, I'm not too proud... Ramparts this way, Joshkr?

[Mike Weasel]

*donates steel-shod boots to Tina*

[Brian B]

Jeff,
This'll be my first trip there. We're (not were) down there for a trade show. I'll fly in Sunday, go to the show Mon. and Tues., Wed. is a free day, and we fly back on Thurs.
We're staying in the French Quarter (Monteleone, I think?). I know we're going to Dickie Brennan's at least one night. My uncle (who I'm going with) (also my boss) has a bad case of the "I need to eat at the best restaurants" so I'm sure we'll be spending a lot of company money on places that I wouldn't even be allowed to LOOK AT, if I wasn't going on the company dime. Oh, and it helps that he owns the company.

[Mike Weasel]

Woohoo! Nice footwork!

Thanks, Joshkr!

[Mike Weasel]

p.s. you *did* include the ones taken inside Mad's lab right?

[Brian B]

OK, I don't know if I've mentioned this before, I probably did, but this hotel is SWEET! Every night they bring me two cookies and ask me if I want turn down service.

Now, I'll gladly take the cookies, but I can get turned down on my own whenever I like!

Hotel Attendant: Would you like turn down service?
Me: Yes please, that would be wonderful.
HA: Go to Hell! I wouldn't sleep with you if you were the last man in the hotel and I was stuck here forever with no hope of escape unless I slept with you! You're (not your) disgusting and I've seen better heads on boils, better ramparts on a broken down castle, better legs in a bucket of KFC, and you smell like an orifice for evacuation of fecal matter!
Here are your (not you're) cookies.
Me: Uh, thanks, I think.

[Brian B]

Tina,
I treasure and record ALL the things you say to me. Especially when offering me turn down service. It's not everyday that I can get turned down by such a fine bloglit such as yourself.

All,
I'm going to be back a little later. My inner dork is coming out and compelling me to watch Smallville, then I'm heading to dinner. See you in a couple hours (if I don't get lost in the bar on the way back up)

[Mad Scientist]

****PROPOSAL TO SINGLE MALE BLOGLITS****
Please Marry me and allow me to sit on the couch eating bond bonds and blogging all day.

In exchange:
-I will order the housekeeper and cook around so that a hot dinner is on the table when you come home and the place is clean

- I will do whatever you want in the bedroom and any other room

- I love football and baseball so not only will I not bug you during games, but I can actually yell at the TV with you.

- I will give you free reign over my ramparts

- I can carry on witty, intelligent conversations with all business associates and brown nose with the best of them.

All this can be your's (not you'res) if you promise I never have to set foot into a laboratory again.

[Higgy]

Tina - just slip off that bra and I'll get it soaking for you to get out the blood stains....

Well, I tried at least....

Sucks that you have to work out the day...

*loves Tina some alcohol to go with the pain pills* Let the fun begin!!

[Higgy]

Mad - if you can persuade TFMH to move to wherever polygamy is legal, I'll take you up on that offer...

Of course, it would mean you'd have to become a Red Sox and Buffalo Bills fan...

Do we dare ask what went wrong in the lab today? Are you still getting your own lab?

[Higgy]

Alright, Tina!!! Way to go commando under the scrubs... *makes mental image of Tina under scrubs - aaaaaarglllee*

And I thought we didn't tie up the newbies on the MB until their SECOND day??

Or did I miss a memo again? You seemed to have a lot of fun with crash, Dave B(ickle) and Targetgirl...

[Mad Scientist]

Mr. Fisher - didn't I say scapula? that or the vertebra in your neck I cant think of anything else. Perhaps Polly can help.

[Polly]

Did somebody say scapula?

[Mad Scientist]

Higgy - I did say single bloglits - I don't mind the Red Sox. and I was a Bills fan a long time ago. Now if you said I had to like the Yankees well that would have been a deal breaker. Anyhow thanks for the offer, but I will leave you to TFMH (shouldnt she be TCMH now?)

No you shouldn't ask as I did not even go to the lab for fear of killing someone. And yes I am hopefully still getting the new lab space. I have been spending about an hour everyday carting the junk out of it, but it has a lot of junk. Think unused space for the last 5 years. People offloaded anything and everything into the space. I'm still working on getting Environmental health and safety out to remove the HAZMAT in there....

[Mad Scientist]

Hi Polly - trying to figure out Mr Fisher's question about the location of his Tattoo? or something I forgot the original question now...he said side of neck above clavical. Should be scapula right? although he said bottom of neck. I dont know.

Someone love me some alcohol

[Mad Scientist]

I'm going hunting for some dinner. Catch you after dark (on the west coast) moaties.

[Polly]

Brian B. I love Smallville. Cuz there's that hotty that plays Clark Kent. Yum!

[Polly]

I've partaken in some red wine this evening. So..ya know.

Scapula is on the back. It's the flat bone that you feel move when you make a rowing motion.

Clavical is in the front...the two long bones on either side of the midline just below the neck. They extend out to the humerus.

So where is this tattoo, Mr. Fisher? On your neck? Clavical? Scapula? Inquiring minds want to know...

[Polly]

Tina,
Can't we all just get along?

[Polly]

*pours glass of red wine for Tina*

It's Italian.

I love Italians.

[Polly]

Hey, Higgy!

You're a cuty buttooty.

[Polly]

Here here!

Here's to men that wear their hearts on their sleeves.

And are hung like horses.

*takes sip of wine*

[slyeyes]

*sings* red.. red.. wine....

Darn. that's all I can remember

[slyeyes]

Hey, Polly, how ya doin'. Missed you.

[Polly]

It's okay, Slyeyes...

*hands Sly a glass of red, red wine*

[slyeyes]

*heads to wine rack*

*opens bottle of Black Swan Merlot, clinks glasses with Polly and Tina*

So, what's tonight's topic?

[slyeyes]

Thanks

*looks at glass in each hand*

Looks like it's gonna be a good night.

[Polly]

Once you've had Italian in you, nothing quite measures up.

Har har.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Sorry, Mad, but that Yankee things is a deal breaker, as well as my being married I guess. Sounds like a nice deal otherwise, though.

Brian B: Nice! Have a great time. Haven't eaten at Dickie Brennan's but walk by it to get to Mike Anderson's and looks very good. We always mean to stop in; maybe this year. (Mike Anderson's a little downscale from the Brennan's, but try the seven-way shrimp. Yum. And people swear by their cole slaw, but I don't eat it so can't tell you for sure.)

[slyeyes]

..well... as my ex is Italian.....hmmmm....I'll be nice.

[slyeyes]

speaking of cheesy pick-up lines...the other night in the mail, I had a "mash note" from a local delivery guy.

Since then, he's called twice and hasn't left a message (Caller ID ratted him out).... it's getting weird.

[slyeyes]

speaking of hunky Italians....just saw a commercial for Ladder 49 -- John Travolta....

[Susan]

Tina, I'm glad to hear you're (not your) feeling better. Not good that you had to keep working, but good that the guy got arrested.

Drat my fingers don't want to work tonight. Typos all over the place. (you should see what this looks like before I correct it. That previous sentence had errors all over. I can't think apparently)

And I haven't even started in on any of the red red wine...make me feel so fine...ok I'll stop. I need to go get some work done, which with my typing ability could take hours. Oh I hope not.

[D'Artagnan]

*fakes cheap Italian accent again*

Hmmma, hmmma, whatta we hava heara, coupla hotties drinkinga winea... allowa me to showa youa perfect drinka...

*pours grappa shots for the ladies*

[Susan]

I agreee slyeyes, that delivery guy does sound kind of creepy. And I certainly get some creepy guys around here.

None lately though. All has been quiet.

[Susan]

*does one shot quickly*
No I really really have to get some work done. The night is not getting any younger.

[slyeyes]

Mille Grazi, D'art.

(or something to that effect)

[Susan]

Night Tina!

Ok,ok, I'm really going to get some work done.

*checks to see if there are more comments*

I really need internet at home...

[slyeyes]

I'm not toooo worried. I'm in a pretty secure situation. I've considered calling his boss...but if he's just got a crush (tries to say that with all humility), I don't want to get him in trouble. I kind of think that's the situation. It's just that I won't be ordering from there for awhile. Darn. Life as a femme fatale can be sooooo trying.

*takes long drag on imaginary cigarette and blows smoke*

[slyeyes]

'night, Tina. Do you get combat pay?

[Polly]

What kind of delivery guy are we talking, Slyeyes?

[D'Artagnan]

Sure, I show up, Tina and Susan walk. Story of my life. Schmeh!

Hello, sly, Polly...

[Polly]

D'Art....I'm liking that accent...

[slyeyes]

*listens...hears no one....puts CD in sound system and starts dancing to "It's Raining Men".

*when song is over, raises glass* RIP, Izora.

[slyeyes]

Polly, NOT the porn movie shows-up-at-the-door and asks "where would you like this" type.

[slyeyes]

He says he's retired and only works to keep for getting bored...portly...dull....and is a train nut.

[D'Artagnan]

*pours Peri a double shot for sweetness*

Here, hon.

*whispers nonsense in bad Italian accent in Polly's ear*

[slyeyes]

Peri! carefull...the grappa is {STRONG!!!}. (whispers) If I didn't know any better, I'd think he's trying to get us drunk. *hic*

[Polly]

Linguini! Portabella! Ziti!

*waves hands in front of face*

Howdy, Peri! Want a nice Italian red?

*pours glass for Peri*

[Polly]

I'm *hic* feeling fine.

*hic!*

[Polly]

Oh, man.
Really, Peri?

[Polly]

D'Art... have some vino!!

*hands D'Art glass of wine*

Speak Italian to me, baby!

[Brian B]

Peri,
Umm, I really do think that it's time for you to consider a move away from Beirut..I mean Canada. Molson can do some crazy things.

Also, ooh! grappa. Being of the italian persuasion I can honestly tell you that I fit all of the above stereotypes. I even "work" for the "family" in "waste disposal".

**hides under hotel bed and waits for FBI**

[slyeyes]

Violence hits the moat....Tina gets popped in the smacker...gunshots...

[Polly]

See no evil

Here no evil

Say no evil, Brian B.

[D'Artagnan]

*floats sly a miniature HTML badge inside another grappa shot*

And prego for saying 'effect'. The whole 'effect'/'affect' thing kills me.

[slyeyes]

My Italian ex lived next door to a funeral director with "connections"

[Polly]

Someone smacked Tina?

*calls mafia contacts*

Faggetaboutit!

[slyeyes]

I'm prego?? Darn patch didn't work!

[slyeyes]

Oh...you're supposed to put the patch THERE??

So THAT's how it works.

[D'Artagnan]

LOL.

*swigs Polly's vino*

Ahh, excellenta choicea...

[slyeyes]

CSI's on...Ciao, tuti.

(Polly probably hates it because of all the inaccuracies, but I wallow in ignorance and love it)

[Polly]

*Gives Joshkr glass of vino*

Chill, man... Relax.

[Mad Scientist]

Joshkr I'm bloggin at you

[Mad Scientist]

Polly - can I have some vino please?