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June 25, 2004

WHAT YOU NEED TO DO

You need to take a cruise.

(Thanks to Ted Habte-Gabr)

Comments

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First. Ha ha, you regulars

Giorgos Lalikas?

Heh... I've never been on a cruise. I'll have to look into it. ;)

well, why were there no flashy commercials about this one, hunh?

Love Boat...ha! What is going on - are we exporting Puritans in the line of John Ashcroft? I say let them whoop it up; what could be better than on a boat away from the kiddies and grandparents.

If done in International waters, how does Cyprus exercise jurisdiction? And who tipped off the police? And who released the pictures?

And, more importantly, where's mine?

Whatever.... uh..... floats your boat.

Wait! These are Greeks complaining about debauched behavior?

And "100% Brummie"?

Yah, pogo, that is my question too. What is "100% Brummie"? And is it really worth mentioning in an article about a 100 member orgy?

"It's hard to even describe"

well, you could TRY. sheesh.

Wait. Lewd behaviour. Drug use (and probably alcohol too). Water. And not a Kennedy in sight? What is the world coming to?

Could the captain of the vessel actually have been defrocked Oklahoma judge Donald D. Thompson and his pump-organ?

"Blighted the good name of Cyprus"? I didn't know Cyprus had a good name, frankly.

HA! I knew Ted was on Orgy Alert!

Total Debauchery (a phrase you cannot use too often) wbagnfarb.

"the island's deputy chief of police, Sotiris Haralambous"; that sounds like something you'd order as an appetizer before your shish kebab.

100% Brummie just means he's from Birmingham (England) and -- appparently -- proud of it.

Gives new meaning to the lyrics, "Oo wee, oo wee baby."

Oh, and sorry -- only 2 ps in apparently

Why do I never get invited to these kinds of cruises?

I wonder what the fish thought. Has anyone paused to wonder what the fish in international waters thought?

(I need to work in elle's office)

Or have a free jockstrap...

I wanna work in Elle's office too. where i work, they make me work. i'm having a tough time getting around it. need more productivity aids.

"... good name of Cyprus..." ???????????

Good name? As in ... having to have UN troops on the Greek / Turkish border for the last 40 years??

That Cyprus?

If my friends could see me now!

Some naked people and some people who were clothed, but looked like they wanted some. Jiminey, what a crime!!! And to wear a shirt that clearly states that you are 100% from Birmingham . . . have these people no shame??

yooo hoooo

**waves happily at Peri**

**dons MOATarita float hat with sipping straw, coconut bra, and grass skirt and wades right in**

"They're all quite young, under 30" Just the way I like them..Woohoo

oh boy a new ship! How about "Titanic?" or has that been done?

Hi Peri! I was about the only one on yesterday evening. Very quiet. I guess most people had actual lives then, as opposed to me, at work. Where I am again.

I loved the Shopaholic books. Just when I think I'm out of control shopping, I remember them, and realize that I don't really buy that much after all.

I should not be watching the Food Network. Sushi. Yum. And what do I have? Leftover pizza. So unfair.

No dead mice, thank goodness. That is at the second station I work at, and it did only happen once (in the toilet that is). There are usually several mice running around there in the winter. One winter one or two had, um, shuffled off this mortal coil, gone to meet their maker, were ex-mice, as it were, off in one of the offices. I could never find them, but I certainly smelled them. Ugh. The station I'm at now is not out in the middle of nowhere, and has a great deal less animal life.

How do you get excess salad dressing off a salad? I have a bowl of salad, and poured dressing on, and it got out of control. Ick. I guess I'll be having more salad.

I wish I could get to a signing, but Dave's not coming to this area. I did get the new book though, and enjoyed it.

There was once a mouse in the building I'm in now. A sticky trap was put in place, and it worked. I was not the one to get rid of the mouse though. Even though my sister once had a pet mouse, that I would hold and pet and so on, the mice in the building are a different story.

One other place I worked was surrounded by wheat/soybean feilds, and when they were cleared in the fall, mice would get in. Poison was put down, and the mice would drop usually in plain sight. That was when I got familiar with the aroma of the deceased rodents. Work can be so much fun.

Wildlife is fine.


In the wild.


Not inside.

Peri, please, stop with the morbid stories! You're creeping yourself out, not to mention the rest of us! Happy thoughts!

For djytony, slowlayne & the rest of the Floridians: I heard today that this will be the first time in 120 years that 4 hurricanes have hit one state i a single season. I mean, what are the odds? If you'd bet on 4 you'd be rich by now and could afford to buy more plywood and lawn furniture. Seriously, I hope you guys are OK. The latest track looks like landfall at Vero Beach, so djt is on the right (that is, left) side but slowlayne in Jacksonville could be in for a very rough -- and wet -- time. Good luck!

Oh, and what are the Shopaholic books? Sounds like chick books to me.

"in" a single season

It looks like Jeanne could hit the Carolinas as well, making this the first year in I don't remember how many that three named storms will hit. That little loop over the last week was an interesting touch, I thought.


Oh, hi Jeff! (I'm a little slow tonight...)

If only my mind hadn't gone blank...
*think, think, think...*

Tying in with what's on tv now, organization. Are you organized? I have moments when I try. I can get everything organized. I like things organized. I am just absolutely terrible about keeping things organized. Of course, the fact that I have so much stuff doesn't help things.

Now I'm actually in the mood to do some cleaning, laundry and so on. Doesn't hit often and I should take advantage of it.

The problem is I'm still at work. Crud.

Jeff -

Hurricane Jeanne Update:

It's breezy and damp here in Ft. Lauderdale. We're getting a little more wind than with Frances, but we still have power, we are girded and braced well. Any reports from the north side, slowlayne?

Peri - you can keep talking, I have nothing new to read in the house and a trip to Barnes & Noble is not really a good idea right now.

Susan - let's hope Jeanne spins herself out before the Carolinas or wanders back out to the Atlantic. She does seem to wander aimlessly, and I think she's picking up her Florida driver's license as we speak ;-)

djtonyb-Jeanne really needs a Florida drivers license. I'm trying to keep an eye on her so we know what to look for here, but you can't follow something so erratic.

And thank you for the crab rangoon recipe. They were wonderful. In fact I still have some of the filling made up, so I may use that up tonight when I get home.

I've clearly done my share of talking for the evening.

Night all!

hello anyone home?

Peri - you don't need imaginary friends - we're all right here for you!

Well - some of us, anyway.

Peri- I havent been on lovemoat since yesterday
it tends to crash my browser
I am here we can have fun in the green house now.

peri I am sure the usual storm will be in on Monday.

she jsut reported in the WI pic thread
She got her bone signed!!!

Peri if they don't Dave certainly will after we finish with him in vegas
Polly said it was a right tibia and dave called it left femur or some such. I am sure he got a kick out of it, I hope she told him she was a blogger.

hopefully we can see tomorrow after her Ihop visit.

Polly I need to come to kenosha soon. Very dear friend lives there she does public health at the college there. Maybe I can buy your pancakes some time.

I will be here sooner or later tomorrow.
night Peri!

Am I too late?

The cowboy outfit? I thought tonight was firefighter...

Can I use a feathered pimp hat instead?

And she hasn't run off screaming? Wow!

Hey everyone! IT is almost 130 am here and I just finished reading all the stuff I missed on lovemoat. will probably be 2am when I finish writing this. And sorry in advance for any seriousness this induces.

I just now read all the kind thoughts illicited after Josh so thoughtfully aired my private sobs to you. Thanks Josh!!

First- Thanks everyone for the support. Broken hearts are never easy, but being around funny people helps alot. Thanks to Jamester, Weasel, and Dave himself for hugs that meant a lot. And thanks for all the hugs wished from the rest of you...especially Peri.

second - I don't hate all men just having some trust issues now. So fear not blogmen resume shameless Pg 13 flirting

third - please honor the men and women of the armed forces. What my (not my) marine does is very admirable. All the folks who fight for this country even when they don't agree with all the policies deserve our respect. They get paid little, and their families pay the biggest prices.

fourth - I love you all for the support but I am done talking about this for awhile.

OK on to the fun stuff -
Thanks for the cake Josh I didnt get any on the real one.
ok LTTG hair color brown with red highlights. Highschool - 92, college #1 95 college #2 god I hope very very soon.

I am sorry for my absence last week but you know when it rains it pours and Marine was just a drop in the bucket. Wish I could say the worst is over but it aint. I will drop in when I can in the coming weeks but I have a conference in october and I am getting my own lab space!!! But that means a lot of cleaning and set up time - it also means when I am done noone will look at me strange as I laugh at my computer because I will have privacy!!! After the meeting in Palm springs is VEGAS baby. I am sure to have fun and need the break by then!!! I can't wait.

So please forgive the sporadic blogging and know that I do read all the posts and laugh for hours on end in my tiny corner of CA.

Loves all the bloglits some love!

Man that sounded like a dear john letter or something...

I need to get back to making barry manilow clones to torture in the lab!!

*leaves out latest release of Blog butter (version 9.3)TM enjoy oh and I added candied sprinkles to this batch!

mmmmm candy sprinkles....
*spies a not quite yet famous 1970-something Tom Selleck... snags Tom and a tub of blog butter
* heads for a banana lounger..drops Tom in, curls up on his lap leans over an whispers in his ear
butter me up Tom honey. I see big things in your future

ok... here ya go .. this about sums up my weekend. I looked after my niece, two nephews and their friend. (aged 7, 7, and 5 years, and 17 months - not in that order) By this afternoon (about 3pm) I was so stuffed from the constant everything that I started to doze off on the couch. Coming to a few minutes later, I looked up and said "Zach, get in your pyjamas". The kids all looked at me and cracked up. I think they thought Aunty Kathy had finally lost it for good... it was then I realised it was after lunchtime not after dinnertime...

thanks for the butter Mad... it's brilliant.. and Tom's shaping up quite well too... the moustache tickles a little, but in a good way...

and here is my pun of the week.. this is usually an email thing for me, and it's not necessarily weekly either, but I thought we could all do with a good groan, so here goes ..

One day, God calls down to Noah, and says "Noah, me old china, I want you to make me a new ark"
Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being. Anything you want. After all, you're the guv."
But God said "Ah, but there's a catch. This time I want not just a couple of decks, I want 20 decks - one on top of the other."
"Twenty DECKS!" screams Noah. "Well OK Big Man, whatever you say. Should I fill them all up with animals just like last time?"
"Yep that's right.... well, sort of right....... this time I want you to fill it up with fish" God answers.
"Fish?" queries Noah
"Yep, fish..... Well, to make it more specific Noah, I want carp - wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling carp!"
Noah looks to the skies "OK God, let me get this straight. You want a new ark?"
"Correct."
"With twenty decks, one on top of the other?"
"Correct."
"And you want it filled with carp?"
"Correct."
"Why?" asked Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether.
"Dunno," said God, "I just fancied a multi-storied carp ark"

*ducks flying moatini glasses and coconut bras*

and short and sweet... here's last week's pun.. from about 3 weeks ago I think

Two fish were in a tank. The first fish said "You drive. I'll man the guns"

*uses new remote control system to set up breakfast bar without leaving Tom's lap..
hmmmmmm.... I could get used to this

IMHO... I think this cruise should head for St-Moaten, ummm ... I mean St-Maarten
Just a passing thought.. it looks like a beautiful place to head for.. but wherever we go be better leave soon .. I see Britney and Kevin catching up with us.. who knew they could swim?

*susbsides back into chair awaiting comments....

ok... retiring for the night.. I feel like one of the walking dead... and i'm shaking.. I've also typed this about 3 times .. night all .. see ya in the stew!!

Hey all – thanks for the kind thoughts of concern. We’re going to be ok up here – the storm keeps moving farther to the west than they originally thought. Windy and wet like the last time but nothing as bad as the folks taking a direct hit. Of the regulars, it looks like D’Art will again feel the worst of it in Whorelando… err…Orlando. They’re saying the power may go off here for several days since the repair crews are already spread out everywhere else. We’re actually getting quite good at this hunkering business but one does grow weary.

Anyway – the blog continues to be a beacon of mirth in an otherwise gloomy month. Thanks for keeping me laughing.

(emerges soaking from the ocean of lonliness to climb aboard ship)

Howdy all!

(pant pant)

Kat, that was very bad (and yes, that's good), though I'm not sure all Americans get car park= parking lot.

Peri, your "imaginary friend" conversation reminded me a little of Fins, the Jimmy Buffett song.

slowlayne, looks like you're right about Orlando (& Tampa) getting it bad, but don't stop girding just yet. What a mess.

Hi, Peri.

Just got back about a half hour ago, as a matter of fact. I had apple crepes today. Yum!

Tell the little pig droppings they need to work for their food. Make them clean your toilets and scrub your floors.

Cookies? You have cookies over there?

Hi, Bangi! I'm here. Be careful not to sizzle too near the water as you might start on fire.

Beer and smokes. Hooray! I'm in!

*Bums smoke off Peri. Takes a drag.*

Cough! Cough! Hack! Weeze!

*wipes watery eyes*

This is great!

I learned my lesson about leaving piles of clothes on my floor to be washed. My youngest was two at the time and just potty training. I had him neked, cuz that way he'd remember that there's nothing to pee in, right?

Well, it appears he had an intestinal bug, because he ended up with diarrhea. And he decided that my pile of clothes to be washed was as good a place as any to take a dump. But, you know...he realized he'd made a mess and went into my bathroom afterward intending to clean up. He got a few stray pieces of TP and smeared it around. But that didn't do much good...so he got the toilet brush and smeared some more.

What an angel, huh?

*sigh*

Kat - about halfway through your joke, I was sure it was going to end similarly to this one:

My dad took me fishing one day long ago. Though I was only a wee lad, I remember it well. We went out in his little motorboat and we tried and tried and tried to catch a fish, but nothing was biting. As we prepared to head in, my father's wallet fell out of his pocket and into the water. Both of us watched intently as it sunk down into the crystal clear lake. Suddenly, a carp swam up and started nibbling on the wallet. A second later, a bigger carp came and grabbed it away. No sooner did he have it, when a giant carp took it away from him. Then, from the deepest part of the lake came the hugest carp I ever saw. It swam nonchalantly up to the wallet and swallowed it whole.

My dad sighed and started the motor. As we headed back to land, I asked "Dad, what just happened?"

He looked me squarely in the eye and said: "That, son, was carp-to-carp walleting"

*ducks*

*geese*

Mad, congrats on the new lab. We'll have to um.. break it in properly ;) It does include one of those big metal tables with the restraints, right?

Hi ... just checking in. I have now (drum roll please) finished doing all my dishes!! I am moving on to the bathroom next.

No Peri..I haven't had a chance to look at the Monty Python links yet but I will. Actually my cousins are all fanatics & can do the skits word-for-word...it's pretty hilarious.

Hi, Peri. I've been watching the Browns get tromped by the Giants.

I don't know if he recognized me or not, to be honest. I told him I was from the blog and he asked which one I was and I told him. I think he said something like, "Oh! Okay!" Dunno if that means he knew or not...

Anyway, he was very nice and really cool about pictures and signing weird things like horse radii and ulna. :-)

I didn't get a lot of time to talk to them because there were a lot of people in line behind me to have their books signed. The way it worked was we were given a letter (A-D) and each group was cued to come up and get their books signed (so it wasn't a mob). I was a B, so there were lots of folks behind me.

I suppose I could have stuck around after the signing, but I had to go meet my mentor and he was staying across town. Bummer.

Blueberry Boat, huh? Never hoid o' dems, and I'm an American college student... and I made the pic with the help of this fine website which was actually posted on the blog a long time ago, perhaps even Blog BC (before comments)

I am heading over to a campus computer lab to work on our group report. I'll catch up with all youse guyse later-

*staggers out of cabin... don't worry Tom's coming out soon ... *yawns, stretches and crawls towards the belated breakfast bar whispering "coffee.. elixir of life.. I need coffee..."

Bis.. thanks for the joke... that was a real groaner .. I love that kind of joke!! Also the stalker/kidnapper letter composing site was kinda fun too... but it flickered too much before the coffee kicks in
Bangi.. great to see you back and (occasionally) sizzling .. here's a water-proof sizzle kit for ya... I hope it helps.
Zoodle... I understand... there are times that a woman needs a corner desk and a piston engine.. It makes perfect sense, really (no I am NOT kidding...pass me the piston engine and I'll show you)
Peri... it is not only okay to give them cookies.. you give them all multiple cookies and then you tell Jamie and her friend to go play at the neighbours house because they have better toys.
Polly ... that story is a keeper for your son's 21st or wedding.. whichever comes first!!
PS.. don't overdose on the candy sprinkle blog butter.. you get a sugar rush.. and the downside is a killer.. I'll take an alcohol hangover over a sugar hangover anyday

Food goes in.. coffee goes in... washing gets hung out.. OK.. I'm partway to being organised

companion joke to this one Bangi....
How do you know there's an elephant in your fridge?
there are footprints in the butter.

or alternative answer b) you can't get the fridge door closed

there are some more cryptic answers that rely on this joke being part of a thread of bad jokes, but we won't go there cos I don't want to be thrown into Fluffy's tank.
Someone did bring Fluffy didn't they? She won't survive long with only Ted McGinley to eat

see ya hon ... and keep laughing

Hey, I'm doing laundry too while my wife lounges on the couch and reads. Aren't I good? Actually, believe it or not she has NEVER done the laundry in 34 years. She does iron, however, the one household chore I can't do.

Actually, it was a nice day. We went out for brunch and then went to buy a birthday gift for our 1 year old niece (the aforementioned Brooklyn; girl in store: "They really named her Brooklyn? Why?"). My wife is a master of these things and got a Brooklyn t-shirt, matching jeans with pink highlights, and a book about the old neighborhood my sister can read to her.

Polly, that poop story was gross. But you knew that.

Peri, as for Buffett what about Cheeseburger in Paradise? Or the barroom favorite, Why Don't We Get Drunk (and Screw)? Check out the Fins lyrics I linked to for the idea of "land sharks" circling you. Actually, my favorite of his songs is probably A Pirate Looks at Forty.

I've got the washing out.. technically I should be getting dressed and going to the bank to sort out my plastic cards, before I go and pick up some stuff I have on hold.. then home.. then work.. but I get ahead of myself..
Hey Josh.. good to see you back. Glad the weekend went well!!
Hmmmm well.. gotta go get things done.. back in a bit

all this talk of laundry...anyone want to do mine?

NO

*sigh

Ok if I do mine naked?

YES!

Actually, Mad, your (not you're) question reminds me of a great story. I don't know how many out there remember actor Tom Ewell. He was in The Seven Year Itch with Marilyn Monroe, among many other movies. I once saw him on the Tonight Show telling a story about when he'd just gotten out of the military and was staying at a hotel in San Francisco. Somehow he got locked out of his room naked (tlak about your nightmares scenarios!).

Anyway, next time on the show he told about various letters he'd received since telling the story. One was from a woman who had gone down to the basement of her house to do the laundry. After throwing her stuff in the machine she decided to take off what she was wearing and add it to the load. While she was sitting there, a persistent drip from above hit her on the head. Rather than move she grabbed her so's football helmet and put it on.

At this point (naturally) a guy came to the door to read the meter. Halfway down the stairs he noticed her sitting there, naked except for a football helmet. As he backed away to the door he turned and said, "Lady, I hope your team wins."

It may not be true but it made a great story.

"talk" not tlak
"son's" not so's

Hello to all!

Josh-glad to see you survived the weekend!

Mad-congratulations on the new lab!

What is with all the laundry today? I'm glad to see I'm not alone. I really really meant to do mine last night. However it didn't happen. It also completly failed to get done this afternoon as well. I guess I know how my evening will be spent.

And it looks like Jeanne will in fact be heading through my part of the Carolina's. Don't expect power outages here, but I guess that's just another reason to go ahead and get the wash done.

Well, there is the growing lack of clean underwear...

*wanders threw blog with laundry basket strategically placed to maintian PG13 rating*

threw hmmm well I see being naked affects my grammar...
I was wandering through...

Peri are you trying to get me to lower my basket?

or raise my basket?

or drop it all together?

Lucky people with all their laundry done. I guess I have to go do mine. And no internet so I can't check the blog. *sigh* A long night, but one that will end with clean clothes.

(and that will be the highlight of the weekend. Not a thrilling weekend here...Maybe next weekend will be better.)

Night all!

Just got back home and got caught up. I went down to daughter's school in Kentucky for Parent's Weekend. Right now, I'm working on getting rid of my southern accent....again. I used to have one and working at a radio station the first time I was in college knocked that out of me. But every time I go to visit my daughter at school, I sl-i-i-ide ri-i-ght back into it. So easy to do.

And y'all are makin' me feel guilty with all this talk of cleanin' and laundry.

by the way....Peri, did you ever let Rick Springfield out of your cabin, or is he still locked in there on the deserted Love Moat? Well...deserted except for Ted McGinley, Fluffy and Pliskin.

OK, I'm going to go do at least 2 loads of laundry tonight, ... and a boatload of paperwork to go through to prepare for tomorrow.

.....and still work on gettin' rid of this accent.

"the rain in spain stays mainly in the plain."

*fills Moat with moatarita mix for Josh, so he doesn't bellyflop like that again..
It serves a double purpose though.. now you can absorb alcohol through your pores.. never even have to lift a glass to get well and truly smashed

"Well, there is the growing lack of clean underwear..."

Susan, you could go commando...

slyeyes, but will you be emulating the eminent Mad and be doing it naked?

sheesh.. if I didn't know better I'd think I was pregnant .. (I do know better, I think this is just hormones). I'm eating crazy food today.. a tub of cottage cheese for breakfast, an icecream, some leftover chocolate, then some broccoli and carrot leftovers that I was chopping up for a meal

I think I would have noticed had it been you Josh.. you would have left far more of an impression.

Joshkr....the only thing with accents that come and go is that people think they are fake. I was born in Kentucky, then we lived in Georgia and Southern Illinois (which has a distinct accent). My current accent is really my "fake" accent that I had to adapt when I was working at a radio station so I would sound "normal" (as I was told).

So, when I slip back to my roots, people think I'm fakin'.

Sue, are you originally from South Carolina? Have you ever encountered that "accent thing" with your work?

*goes back to practicing the 'rain in spain' speech.*

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