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June 19, 2004

TAKE A TIP FROM A MAJOR INVESTMENT BANK

Have sex.

(Thanks to Jason Easterday)

Comments

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Will do.

Oh, and First!

"The note recommends clients have sex, ideally with someone they love"

Picky, picky, picky. Guess I'll be focusing on my money for a little while longer.

Katie ... I think everyone else is still asleep. I, unfortunately, am up because I have to go to a shower that I am a bridesmaid in ... my dress color in the wedding is banana ... I'm really excited about this ... so excited I may throw up. Does anyone look good in banana?

Punky-
NO. That is a color specifically designed for bridesmaid dresses to insure that the bride will look better than anyone else up there, even if she weighs 400 lbs and has terminal acne.

After getting that advice:

1. I'd pull my money out of Dresdner Kleinwort Wasserstein (which would NOT bagnfarb) immediately.

2. I'd call for an immediate audit of the customers' accounts.

Punky, I'm sure YOU'LL look good. Just take this as your role model.

Punky -Perhaps if you add shrimp and soy sauce the banana will not look so bad.....what kind of friend would make you spend $$ on a banana dress that I hope you will burn after you're done wih it?

key quote: "ideally"

"what kind of friend would make you spend $$ on a banana dress that I hope you will burn after you're done wih it?" Well, queensbee, for some reason this seems to be traditional. Or maybe women aren't just satisfied to rub it in their friends' faces that they're getting married and you're not, so they have to make you look even worse. After all, remember the hideous turquoise dresses in MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING?

If my bank ran an ad or sent me a statement with these "money isn't everything" sentiments, I'd change banks, pronto.

I was a member of a couple of weddings back in the late disco era, when bad taste reigned supreme (and dinosaurs walked the earth and there was ice and rocks, everywhere), and can attest that along with hideously colored bridesmaid dresses (I just got a flashback of a lime green that is turning my stomach, thirty years on), the guy's tuxedos were awful, too. Somewhere, deep in my brother's photo album, is picture of his wedding, with me as best man, all of us decked out in peach-colored (and peach-flavored, probably) tuxes. Admittedly, the Fu-Manchu facial decor and the slicked back mullets only add to the overall effect. And, yes, somebody (I won't say who) was driving a Camaro.

Is this bank safe to have money in? Or to deal with? Sounds like it could go slow.

Investor: I'd like to make an investment.

Teller: Make sure to have sleep and sex.

Investor: Come again? Oh brother, I haven't the time for...

Does this bank give you free condoms instead of a toaster for brand new clients???

Lairbo, you're right. I totally blanked out my sister-in-law's wedding when we had to wear powder blue tuxedos! Pretty horrible. No mullets, however. I'm glad we skipped the big wedding so we didn't torture someone else.

I think that everyone should wear black at a wedding.

Oh, and these.

huh?
do their atm receipts come with ads for XXX HOT LIVE GIRLS WAITING TO TALK TO YOU XXX?

the mind continues to boggle.

I'm with Meyerson. I don't know if I can trust a company whose name is "Dresdner Kleinwort Wasserstein." Maybe I can make an exception, though, just this once.

And if you can't find someone you love, there's always an osteopath in Oregon.

Thanks Bangi, I slipped on a banana peel and my mind went straight into the gutter! :-)

Graz, my wife is a big fan of Loretta LaRoche, but I must admit I'm with Bangi -- I thought you were heading for this.

Or perhaps this?

Or better yet, this.

"I thought it was time that I reminded people there was more to life than watching screens every day," he told Reuters.

Yeah, right, tell that to the Barry bloglits.

Yeah, the groucho glasses! i'd do that. ugh, i had one of those dresses -pooofy sleeves and taffetta. blech. i guess i was hoping that women today weren't doing the matching bridesmaids - what was i thinking. i better get back on my meds.

Hey, my bridesmaids will be wearing navy blue sleeveless dresses. Because I love them. And it is way more fun to threaten them with some of the things I have come across on uglydress.com. Then they do anything I want.

Thanks, eadn, couldn't find that link.

"And it is way more fun to threaten them with some of the things I have come across on uglydress.com."

I thought sharlit was kidding, but she wasn't:
check this out.

You are a banana moon subverting the sun.

Quoted from The Surrealist Compliment Generator.

Punky: I know a woman whose wedding colors were hunter green and orange. The bridesaids all looked like pumpkins.

As for the bank thing: sure, I'm all for individuals to think more about sex and sleep and fun than money. But I want my bank to concentrate on NOTHING else than my money!

"...I'm all for individuals to think more about sex.."

Not sure what I was trying to say there, but the grammar is just weird. All our individual are belong to us.

I lucked out in the bridesmaid dress department. I got to wear a tasteful red number with spaghetti straps to my brother's wedding (the only wedding I was in the wedding party of, although I've been to plenty).

However, considering there were 9 of us in her wedding party, we looked like a chorus line in red.

I'm having 2 attendants, max. And I'm thinking of letting them pick their own dresses (subject to my veto). If I ever get married, that is.

Jeff, couldn't help meself but have a link to it to keep Bang_Gurl SIZZLING!!!!

Blogchik, Life goes onnn, even after escaping the Viridan Room is gone... ;-)

Now, I only wonder about Lady Punky slipping on her own banana-peel dress.... (WOOOHOOO! :-)

Well, first it was grapes, now it's bananas.

OH! That should be "Bangi_Gurl"! Such a sizzle sparking and sparkling 'cross my night-life :-)

Graz, none of that "insectoid" sort here! "humanoid" sort is another matter ;-)


(an' we won't mention octopussy / 'poids ;-)

Graz, what a great story! I'd get bitten by a spider voluntarily if it meant the store gave me money afterward...as long as it was a sufficiently large amount.

Still wouldn't do Fear Factor, though.

Glad I'm not the only one who has been subjected to bad bridesmaid dresses ... a few years back my cousin made us all wear Barney (that annoying-ass dinosaur from hell) purple dresses that not only bled in the rain (which we got stuck in BEFORE the reception) but also ripped up the seam in the back until the nice little leg slit was a slit all the way up to my thong wearin' tush. I had to wear my dates suit jacket all night so that I didn't give all the 250 (it was an intimate and small wedding) guests more than they bargained for ...

Needless to say ... my cousin and her new husband divorced less than a year later ... shocker.

Blogchik, on first glance I thought you'd written 'I f.cked out in the bridesmaid dress department'. Would have given the people behind the one-way glass something to talk about, I guess.

Talk about a double take. My neck still hurts.

I'm not one to usually take direction without asking questions, but on this one... okay. :-)

punky- LOL!

That's great. First bleeding purple, now banana. Complementary colors!

D'Artagnan, I guess you saw what you wanted to see! heh heh.

Thanks, Graz. Here's another:

"Madame, ist thou donning space underwear? For thine ass doth lie beyond the physical boundaries of this world!"

Punky: bleeding Barney purple, split up to the thong? You should have pushed your cousin head first into the wedding cake for that one.

I love uglgdress.com!! what a riot. i'm a decrepit old hippie, so, a lot of my friends did things like getting married on the beach at 6 am, that kinda stuff.... or, well, just not getting married. bridesmaids of the world, revolt against revolting dresses!!

Here's a salutation du jour to men with offspring!

Let's try that again

Back to the story...

Penalties for early withdrawals ?

yeah, marie - why would probably otherwise sensible and nice people do this to their friends! maybe uglydress should be a requirement for brides before they select the lovely togs for their friends. yeah, we all look great in lime green!!!;)

queensbee: I was particularly taken with the giant blue shoes.

Bangi: was this what you had in mind?

speaking of gigantic platform shoes...as if so much of the clothing from the 1970s wasnt ugly enough!! a lot of my friends got married back then - i dont think anybody wants to look at the wedding pix. shudder ...

queensbee, that sounds like my uncle...he got married at sunrise, barefooted, in some kind of white linen getup. The bride had a wreath of flowers on her head. Her long straight hair was worn down. Very hippie.

Bangi_G, I saw the penguin thongs. They were truly frightening.

On the other hand, Penguin Thongs wbagnfarb.

Bangi: Eadn posted them above. Scroll up.

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