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June 30, 2004

SEEMS LIKE AN EXCELLENT CONCEPT...

...uness you run into a pizza thief.

(Thanks to Steve Lancaster)

ANOTHER TROUBLING HEADLINE

Speak for yourself, is this blogger's opinion.

(Thanks to Matthew Lepke)

WHY WE RESPECT POETRY.COM

Because it has very high standards, as you will see if you go here and search for the poem "How Much I Love You" by Freemont R. Pustule.

What's that? You think it's EASY to get a poem published on poetry.com? You think they'll publish ANYTHING?? Well then suppose you prove it, buster or busterette! Be sure to use the last name "Pustule," so we can find your work.

SHOCKING NEWS

From the world of award-winning poetry.

(Thanks to Freemont´┐ŻAaronson)

INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY

Dear Dave,

Perhaps this will open a whole new category for Mr. Language Person -- Inept translations into English. I've seen a lot of poor translations in my day, but none compares to [this] caption.

Sincerely,
Rich Johnston

A Star Town in China -- Xinba
Land of Promise and Pioneering, Paradise for Investment
Investment Advantages:
phoenixFIX.jpg

THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS

Now they're using flying moose.

(Thanks to Tommer Peterson)

A KEY SKILL FOR MENTAL-HEALTH THERAPISTS:

Knowing how to handle paperwork.

(Thanks to Blair Keel)

TROUBLING HEADLINE

What, exactly, are they trying to tell us?

SCUBA DIVERS WILL BE DELIVERING A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

...to this motorist.

(Thanks to EIB)

HUNKS OF BURNIN' LOVE

Maybe these people need a new hobby.

(Thanks to Tess)

IT'S NOT JUST RENTAL CARS

You also need to stay out of bed.

ON THE ONE HAND...

...grownups should not do stuff like this. But on the other hand, if you have ever been forced to spend more than five minutes in a Chuck E. Cheese...

(Thanks to many people)

June 29, 2004

MEANWHILE, IN THE NON-SNOTTY NEWS

Dr. Trubshaw is leaving Wee Waa.

SNOTTY REPORT

Research indicates that Snotty is a community in Greene County, and The Zodiac Club is a nightclub. The chase took place through both Snotty and the Zodiac Club's parking lot. Sadly, there are no Snotty links. But there is plenty of local color on The Pulse of Alabama.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

If this doesn't stop them, nothing will.

YOUR EUTAW CRIME UPDATE

Things are out of control.

Key Quote:"Malone followed the car through Snotty and the Zodiac Club's parking lot eventually the suspect jumped out of the car and ran on foot," Isaac said

Snotty and the Zodiac Club?

Update question: He ran on foot?

PRODUCTIVITY UPDATE

We're not even going to attempt this. We're just going to link to it, and go on about our business.

(Thanks to Steve Lancaster, who claims this is "not as hard as the Crimson Room.")

HURRAH!

A judge has upheld our precious constitutional right to pose Barbies naked.

(Thanks to Mike Billips)

BEAVER NEWS

"Survivor" star Amber Brkich has donated her bikinis to -- and this makes total sense to us -- an exhibit celebrating firefighters in the Beaver Area Historical Museum. The exhibit is "anchored by a hand-operated pumper from 1836."

(Thanks to Gary)

THEY ALSO MAKE EXCELLENT PETS

At long last, the government says it's OK to market leeches.

(Thanks to tavesawyer)

URGENT ADVISORY FOR TRAVELERS IN RENTAL CARS

Get out now.

(Thanks to many people)

SQUIRRELS: NASTY, UNPATRIOTIC LITTLE RODENTS?

We report; you decide.

(Thanks to Isabelle Briand)

DOES IT MATTER WHERE YOU HOLD THE PHONE?

Bad news for guys.

(Thanks to Ted Habte-Gabr, who asks: Can you hear me now?)

June 28, 2004

ATTENTION, FLORIDA ELECTION OFFICIALS

Don't give us any ideas.

(Thanks to Christine Uhlmansiek and Sam King)

GOOD NAME FOR A "TECHNO"-STYLE BAND

Squid Proxy and the Bandwidth Reiners

BUT HOW DO THEY PUT THEM ON?

Snake condoms

EMAIL 101

Watch where you're sending it, you twit.

(Thanks to Fi Craig)

ATTENTION, PARENTS

Do you know what your child is playing with?

(Thanks to Eric Halpern)

OUTSOURCING

Taking it to a whole new level.

(Thanks to Lord G.)

ALGONA (THE NON-GIANT-CHEETO ONE) POISONED-COW-CASE UPDATE

Moo

SOCIAL NOTES FROM BIRD-IN-HAND, PA.

read.asp.bmp

(Thanks to Anne Morton August)

PLEASE

Please cease sending the link about the woman who gave birth to a frog. First, the story is obviously not true, and no responsible news organization would repeat it. Second, judi already blogged it.

June 27, 2004

THE RULES ARE DIFFERENT THERE


Dear Dave,

I have no idea whether or not this is the best way for you to actually see something, but I had to send this after your column a month or two ago about public etiquette.  I live in Moscow, Russia, and receive your column by internet every week since it was dropped from the Moscow Times awhile back. Anyway, I think that public bathroom etiquette must be the final frontier in civilizations! 

Even at the gorgeous, lush Bolshoi Theater, there are no seats on some of the toilets, as people just step on them anyway.  Yes, go to any McDonald's or public restroom (women's anyway - can't speak for the guys. I would think that a urinal is a urinal), and there will likely be footprints on the toilet seat.  Best I can figure is that they use the western style toilets as a squatty-hole-in-the-floor type.  Go figure.  And they DON'T wipe up the pee-pee that gets splattered about. In a smaller city outside of Moscow, in a newish mall type affair, I found the following in a public restroom.  I had to take a picture of it.

Thanks for the laughter which your columns bring!

Sincerely,         
Victoria Andes

toiletseat.jpg

FROGS IN THE NEWS

Frankly, we'd rather find one in our food.

(Thanks to Lord G.)

June 25, 2004

SAY WHAT YOU WANT ABOUT LOBSTERS

They make excellent watchdogs.

WHAT WE ASPIRE TO

We aspire to be on a salamander panel.

DON'T GO INTO THE WOODS

...without your nappy.

TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME

Mr. Snail, you could learn a thing or two about promotion from this team.

(Thanks to Jen Sirois)

HEY, GIVE DICK CHENEY A BREAK

He's just carrying on a vice-presidential tradition.

TO GO WITH YOUR WEASEL-POOP COFFEE

Moose cheese and other low-carb treats.

(Thanks to ARC, Mahatma Kane Jeeves and nicole the wonder nerd)

A FRANK EXCHANGE OF VIEWS

View this.

(Thanks to many alert people who are shocked by a frank exchange of views on the Senate floor)

A SURE WAY TO IMPRESS THE LADIES

Invest in fine window treatments.

(Thanks to Chris Kern)

DUCKLING-PHOTO UPDATE

Here's the story behind the duckling photos.

(Thanks to Joan Lee)

PRODUCTIVITY (BURRRRP) TIME

Here's an application appropriate for a Friday.

(Thanks to Jacob Aldridge)

INCREDIBLE BUT TRUE

It turns out that there's ANOTHER Algona. This one is located in Washington, and it has a poisoned-cow case.

THE UK UNDER SIEGE

Counterfeit teabags!

(Thanks to Fi Craig, tea-drinking English person)

TERRORISM UPDATE

Now the heartless bastards are using vending machines.

(Thanks to Gordon)

CHER FAREWELL TOUR UPDATE

Rest assured that it will continue long after all human life has disappeared from the planet.

UNKNOWN CANADIAN DOG HERO

A big woof of thanks to the mystery mutt.

(Thanks to Tom Race)

WEST VIRGINIA STATE ARCHIVES PHOTO OF THE DAY

Here's a nice shot of a child with a possum team.

(Thanks to Andrew "Drank No Water" Kantor)

Update: And do not miss the ceramic grasshopper.

 
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