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June 23, 2004

INCREDIBLE AS IT MAY SEEM

Cher is still on her Farewell Tour, which started during the French and Indian War.

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Yah, she's coming here to Tulsa...we're SO excited...(you know she's reaching for places to go if she's hitting Tulsa)

Is that just a bit of envy showing Dave?

I think her goal is to perform live for everyone who's ever heard one of her songs. That includes everything in the Sonny 'n' Cher catalogue.

ps: When did the French surrender to the Indians? I wasn't paying attention.

All I Ever Need Is You........TO QUIT SINGING!

Makes me want to believe in life after love

Dave's not jealous. I for one am glad he doesn't have a farewell tour yet. We are not ready to say good-bye. Besides, that would mean he might want to sing, and none of us are ready for that.

P.S. It's "French & Indian WarSSSSSS." Unless Cher was there for the first one...maybe she started it.... "Make her quit messing with her hair." "No - YOU tell her." "No, YOU tell her..." That's how these things get started.

The French did not surrender to the Indians. They left the New World (except for Quebec) when they found out it was full of panthers.

ooops - my faux pas - only one war.....unless someone feels like starting another one...maybe Cher could....Her outfit had me thinking of Star Wars (and Elvis's outfits near the end).


A two-year tour, at least . . .

Now before anybody gets excited... I would just like to state that there are two dodo's, a T.Rex, a velocirapter, a dead fish, two great auk's and a Frenchman on the same tour.

The beat will cease to go on. Unless Cher turns back time and gets Moonstruck while swimming with Mermaids.

I found the Amir Slama swimsuit photos at the bottom more interesting...

I heard Cher had herself cloned, and they're going to tour as a duet.

It's going to be called...

Cher and Cher Alike.

that's not cher. steven tyler.

Note: following comment is completely unrelated to Cher's refusal to actually, finally leave.

I was driving to work today and came across a large campaign poster. In very LARGE type, it said "BARRY" for such and such (don't remember the office he was running for, I hadn't had my coffee yet). For about two seconds, I grinned like an idiot. Then I noticed that in tiny text, at the top of the sign, was the word "Doug". I was very disappointed. Obviously, this Doug character is trying to cash in on the success of a similarly named candidate. I say we stone the interloper.

(could Stoning the Interloper be a gnfar album?)

"In an interview with NTV television, the singer said that one should leave the stage at a golden age."

Cher: you are that one, you are that golden age, and the time is now.

That is all.

If only she could turn back time . . .

Cher had been on this farewell tour for ages aleready when she played it 2 years ago in Minneapolis- I thought she was struggling to find places to play THEN!! What is wrong with this woman? And what is wrong with all the people who keep buying tickets???

I love Cher. Her good-bye tour tv special was great!!! You got double the entertainment because the audience was just as campy and over the top as she was!

She's just taking the scenic route. It's her "opening farewell."

May I point out that we are less than 10 years from the Rolling Stones Golden Anniversary Tour? Have they No Sympathy?

Leave poor Cher alone already! You're nothing but a bunch of gypsies, tramps and thieves.

If only she could LOOK like she could turn back time.

What, not even a groan? I'm losing my touch.

Mike W., I thought that was actually a good one! Right along with my agreement that the Amir Slama pic-show is more interesting! :-)

ugh - if she turns back time, does that mean she will play this whole tour ALL over again? ugh!

"I was driving to work today and came across a large campaign poster. In very LARGE type, it said "BARRY" for such and such (don't remember the office he was running for, I hadn't had my coffee yet). For about two seconds, I grinned like an idiot. Then I noticed that in tiny text, at the top of the sign, was the word "Doug". I was very disappointed. Obviously, this Doug character is trying to cash in on the success of a similarly named candidate. I say we stone the interloper."

It's funny Liljazzcat, I had a very similar thing happen today. I was returning books in the library when I spotted a new memoir. I was excited for a minute until I realized it was by DAN Barry. How dare he? Stone them both.

On that Chinese site, however, I know nude, and those supermodels were NOT nude, not even close.

Today is my birthday! And Cher Sucks. And Dave, her Farewell tour started in the Paleolithic Era. DUUUH!

Howdy Dave,
I hear you're running for President too. I'm looking for a running mate, would you be willing to be the VP?

Or, we could draw straws-- longest straw gets to be Prez.

I'll give you a few days to get back to me before I ask Carrot Top. I know he'll take the job, it has to be better than "Dial down the center."

Later -Yellow Dog '04

Is it true that she will be touring with Spinal Tap?

I just want to know why every time I read this entry, I keep seeing "Cher is still on her Falwell Tour."

What's really eery is (this is true), I have a friend named Dan Barry, and just because he's a TV cameraman doesn't mean we ought to stone him, or, more importantly, me.

Tell me more, tell me more, ahhhhhh-hyaaaaaaaaanhh!

There is a taxidermist (animal stuffer) here in Winnipeg who sweared blind he stuffed Cher years ago. He remembers 'cos it was a busy day, and he did a moose and a beaver the same day. Some of the parts got mixed up, and he decided to leave 'em `as is' because no one would ever noticed.

Rightly so, not only have you guys not noticed that she was stuffed and mounted years ago, but she has the mooses head, and the beavers lower bits.

You all make fun of her.

Yet you ALL know ALL the titles to her hits.

I'm not casting stones here, just because you're too chicken to come out of the closet.

I was the Little Skinny White Dork who, back in the day when my fellow Little Skinny White Dorks were listening to Grand Funk Railroad[1], would sneak home every afternoon, draw the curtains, and listen to The Jackson Five[2].

Takes one to know one. Or two, or whatever number comes after that.

[1] You may recall, that was the three guys who had one guitar with a couple of strings on it, and they'd crank it up real loud and pass it around for forty-five minutes while they all screamed until they passed out.

[2] And, yes, I fantasized about being able to do That Dance (on Soul Train) that only Black Dudes could do. I even, in the privacy of my own room and with a full-length mirror, would occasionally try it.[3]

[3] I sucked.[4][5]

[4] Three. Three comes after two.

[5] I'm not ashamed. Every other Little Skinny White Dude sucked at The Dance as well. And the worst were the ones who thought they had it nailed, and would actually try it in public. We may have all sucked, but they sucked out loud.

Aha! So THAT'S what it stands for--Little Skinny Dude!

I think the reason we all know the titles is because of mass marketing on the air-waves. Ask the same Lot, "Whom of you have bought her albums/singles?" and see the response. The crowd you hung out with HAD the records.

I'm not casting stones here either, but:

1. This is NOT a serious content matter blog.
2. Cher has been around since the early 70s.
3. She has made huge strides in her talent. (Gotta give her credit for trying anyhow.)
4. She's on a two year "quest" - final tour?
5. This is NOT a serious content matter blog.
6. We’re the Knights that say “Neet!”

booger and toe jam too!

I think that outfit was made during the French and Indian War.

Dave, you should wear something like that in your movie. Find a way.

Hey - here's an idea - how about Cher as Dave's opening act for his nationwide stump speeches on the campaign trail. it might draw a crowd. wait. it might send them away. but at least she could really say farewell..........finally.

If you are a singer on a farewell tour, the farewell tour should not last forever.

Anybody remember Babs' farewell tour? How long did that last?

I like Cher. She's also half-Armenian. There aren't a lot of us out there.

Leave poor Cher alone already! You're nothing but a bunch of gypsies, tramps and thieves.

Am NOT a thief!

I know a few full Armenians.

I don't know the percentage of half-Armenians though.

I'm NOT a crook!

Good one. I laughed out loud when I read it.

Cher has none of her original parts - but I will defend to the death her right to obfuscate her age!

"Abe, Abe, WHAT do I do?"

"Seen a good play lately?"

Kibby: Wouldn't the percentage of half-Armenians be, roughly, 50%?

Maybe she just wants to become famous as "The Human MOAT". It's a thought, is it not? She must be half way there by now, at least.

And I'd like to give a big wing wave to Rance and his groupies, and mention that punctuation is fully functional here.

jeeesh....

I had an Armenian colleague and friend named "Armen."

Boo - why didn't you finish your limerick?

Moe, the Armenian percentage of half-Armenians would be 50%, however what's the percentage of the Worlds' population that's half-Armenian?

And is it larger than the percentage of the Worlds' population that's full-Armenian?

Enquiring minds want to know.

And Boo, that's just cheating. That's like saying I'm from Scotland and my name is Scot.

Not remotely related to Carmen
He wore fur on his head
And accentedly said,
"I love working here as a barman."

WAY TO FINISH OFF MOTW!

KUDOS!

Sorry. I'm really more of a sappy, insipid Heartsongs-type poet. Oh, and I am also a huge fan of the art of Thomas Kinkaide. And Hummel figurines. And Hello Kitty merchanidse.

kibby,

"WAY TO FINISH OFF MOTW!"

Now you gotta finish your limerick. Have fun trying to rhyme "W"!

I'm from Scotland and my name is Scott.
(Although, as kibby, you know that I知 not.)
I'm calling you cheater -
Your reputation does teeter.
I can't rhyme, but my repute is still hot!

(Actually, it's just pronounced MOT-wah.)

Ah .... I'm with MOT-wah, whatever he said .....

waxwing, gimme a few mins. on that one. I'm quite out of practice.

kibby - try this, Hon'.

* whoops. how embarassing. * Still, I call my own sister Hon' from time to time. We're tight.

And waxwing is of the persuasive female sort, but I get the "he" and "him" overmuch also. Perhaps I should wear something besides a bracelet on my ankle?

Maybe a Cher Farewell Tour limerick could be an alternative project?

Er, sorry MOTW.

Ok waxwing, here I go....

"WAY TO FINISH OFF MOTW!"

Way to finish off MOTW,
I find your limerick is Tota(l).
You showed how "friend" Armen.
Loves working as a Barman.
AND justified your prose with, “I Gotta!”

*walks around muttering "no pressure, no pressure"*

Ah, very good, kibby. *thunderous wingbeats and chirping cheers* I can't believe you got that close to rhyming MOTW!

Okay, y'all weren't paying attention to my poem about the humorless lady the other day wherein I rhymed "W" with "trouble you".

(Bows)

Thank you.

Very nice, good job!

Maybe her tour would have gotten lost by now if she'd planned on a three hour one.

Now, mudstuffin, you know your reputation is secure here. Just let kibby bask a bit now, okay?

thank-ya, thank-ya, thank-ya

*quits while ahead*

Understand that's the next reality tv show, Gilligan's Island.

There was young lady named MOT-Wah
whose name inspired lots of thought-wah
What does it mean?
is it obscene?
She enjoys the attention, no doubt-wah.

Perhaps I should wear something besides a bracelet on my ankle?

waxwing... makes for interesting visualizations......punky goes for bells.

mudstuffin, good come back!

Hey, I would pay good money to watch Cher in a remake of Gilligan's Island. Gilligan, Skipper, the Howells, Ginger, the Professor, Mary-Ann and Cher (no, Cher does not get to play the role of the movie star, she's simply Cher). Based upon the origianl series, I am almost certain that the Minnow can accommodate all of Cher's Bob Mackie gowns. Better yet, maybe someone should just take all the old episodes and insert Cher digitally in all the scenes. Very surreal. And no, I am not on crack (just one cup of coffee this morning . . . and a berry muffin . . . but I wanted berry, so it wasn't a problem).

The thus two-year-long World Tour by Cher
Has been scheduled for here and for there
Playing Fargo and Reading,
Sakatoon, and we're betting,
It's two years longer than we can bear.

Or is it MOT like in boat or float?
in which case rhyming is harder
they say little things
amuse little minds
I say screw you, you got something better to do, go do it, and leave me alone.

and.. umm... booger.

Let's see....
MOT-wah
Got ya
fought ya
bought ya
taught ya
snot, yah!

*sneaks quickly out nearest exit*

mudstuffin - "young" lady?! Oooo, you just earned 1000 points, you Sweetheart, you!

*at least I know I have had mudstuffin's gender correct*

Thanks MOTW, you're a gem! If I bask any more I'll be well done.

Oh, and waxwing, if ALL you're wearing is an ankle braclet AND there's still a gender question, SOMEONE'S not paying attention.

I forgot, I am wearing a little black mask also. Now it is understandable. It's still more than Cher wears but dammit, she looks good that way.

Sooooo, is mudstuffin Poet Laureate of the Dave Barry Blog? Or are there too many contenders for the title?

Just a waxwing
Doesn't wear bling-bling.

Hate to interrupt with something off topic, ladies, but some offers require urgent action before it's too late!

MKJ pulls through again!

NOT worth it! Ladies, keep the hands in your pockets!

Something's wrong with the photo...aren't there supposed to be little numbers on a sign hanging around his neck?

There was an old singer named Cher
Who had not one strand of real hair
On her head was a mop
That toured at us non-stop
And wouldn't stop doing that godforsaken song where she says "Do you believe in love" 850 skillion times until we lose our minds and have to jam spoons into our ears just to find peace from the worst song recorded since the 17-minute version of "MacArthur Park."


Hmm....lost the rhythm a teensy bit at the end there....

Yea, but you captured the spirit in the most amazing way!

Better than rhythm ANY day!

Thank ewe...thank ewe verah mudge.

Cher is here to remind us that in the past when an old mule croaked, it was rendered down real damn fast, and was glue and dog food by the next day.

A freak show no doubt, this woman named Cher -
been recording since pterodactyls circled the air

the accompaniment to "I've got You" sounds like it was performed by a duck on a kazoo

the vocals on "Life After Love" sound eerily similar, synthetic, untrue

even her voice has been technologically enhanced like the cheeks that stick out of her almost-not-there pants

Over the top, her garments they are, to make fun of them is like shooting fish in a jar

If she and Michael Jackson did marry, their offspring would certainly be extraordinary

What would it be? A Barbie? a Smurf? A big-eyed green alien, born on planet earth?

Why don't the swimsuits do a tour and let Cher get some rest?

BUT I DON'T LIKE SPAM!


Cher's such a doll

HURL ALERT:
If you are eating, or about to eat, or have recently eaten, lunch,
DO - NOT - OPEN - MKJ's - LINK.

Cher redressed in Elizabeth Taylor's Cleopatra dress?

Oh yeah, what MOTW said.

whew. thanks for that. i was eating lunch. with not tooo much spam in it.

Too late!

Jeez, what a dog!

Let's face it, you hear of singers with a 5 octave range; Cher has always had about a 5 NOTE range. She got by on balls. Where she lost me for all time was the blond hair. WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE THINKING? Every time I see that face with that hair it makes me long for beauty of this guy, so ENOUGH ALREADY!

Tulsa? What next, Grant's Pass, Oregon?

This one surprised me. I was actually AT Cher's kickoff concert in Toronto for the farewell tour, and I'm pretty sure that was more than two years ago. I wouldn't normally attend a Cher concert, but I got a free ticket (my friend who took me also got a free ticket...yay corporate giveaways!). The concert was actually fairly entertaining, if only because Cindy Lauper opened and was very obviously high on something. And I quote (yes, I STILL remember this):

"Thank you, Texas! ...wait, I'm not in Texas, this is TORONTO!"

Yeah, good times. A long, long time ago. I can still remember.

Perhaps her tour will end, when she has to stand with a placard at seedy intersections in Winnipeg or Cleveland. The placard could say `Will stop singing for food'

...99....

..100! Ready or not here I come!


oh, wait....sorry. Got confused...

June 14 St Petersburg - June 27 Leipzig - June 29 Rotterdam –
July 23 Calgary - July 24 Kelowna - July 26 Edmonton – July 28 Kaskatoon - July 30 Rapid City - July 31 Sioux City
Aug.02 Green Bay – Aug.04 Cedar Rapids – Aug.07 Fargo – Aug.09 Tulsa – Aug.11 Hidalgo – 20040813 Baton Rouge – Aug.14 Biloxi – Aug.23 Hamilton – Aug.26 Halifax – Aug.28 Uncasville – Aug.30 Binghamton ….

Where the heck is "Hidalgo"?

unfortunately, it's in Texas...

Rachel: Hidalgo is the horse on which Cher will finally off into the sunset...

...burning up as she enters the sun's outer surface and igniting in a spiting fireball of bodily grease.

Not sure if this will work. You may have to zoom out.
Hidalgo
Near south border of Texas.

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