WHEN DEAD PARROTS ARE OUTLAWED

...only outlaws will be carrying 266 dead parrots.

(Thanks to pretty much everybody on the Internet)

Update: A transcript may be found here.

Comments

[MOTW]

She had 266 EX-parrots? At least they weren't European parrots...

[BarryFS]

I think they were just resting.

[Ima Nasshat]

First! I'm first! Not that I've read the post or have anything important to say; actually I just sit at the computer hitting the "Refresh" button every five seconds and as soon as Dave or Judi posts something, I go directly to comments!

Now I have to go add my comment to every other post on the Blog. It's like a dog and a fire hydrant: we bloglits have to leave our scent and mark our territory. If only I had a life...

But I'm first!

[Wack Job without the H]

They weren't dead. They were pining for the fjords

[elfbrains]

No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

[Lairbo]

Maybe she needed to feed her snakes.

[BarryFS]

They always sleep with nails in their feet.

[MOTW]

Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

[MOTW]

Dave
THIS transcript includes photos.

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Meimuna Ahmed anagrams to

Made him an emu.

I'm just sayin' is all. Didn't mean anything by it.

[Lily]

"Do these parrots make me look fat?"

"No, no. Really, Dear. You could probably take 10 or 20 more and no one would notice. Seriously. Here, let's just pack a few feathers in here and here to even out the bulges a little."

"I have bulges!!!?"

"No, no. Not at all. Just a figure of speech. You look great. Not many people could pull this off, but you can. Really. Off you go now. Call me when you get through customs. Oh, and here spritz on a little of this Ode D'Toilet. There's my good girl. See you soon."

[Graz]

Dead Parrot Ramparts wbagnfarb

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

BTW, If you like anagrams, this will help you to get over that peculiar interest. Or maybe not.

[igwanna]

ROTFL Lily

and WHAT a coincidence - just booked my tickets for Norway a few hours ago. i've been pine-in for the fjords m'self.

In any case, i'm guessing she was a secret member of the Dead Parrot's Society

[Boo Augustus]

I'm sure she was just tending to the parrots while seeking asylum for them in the West. Undoubtedly, they are the only remaining pets of Hon. Dr. Seso Mikabuti Jones who was killed in a plane crash in 1998 and/or had his farm confiscated, his wife murdered and his children sold into bondage in the recent unrest caused by rebels, corrupt government officials and/or The African National Diamond and Screen Door Company. HOWEVER, anf this is important, before he died he deposited $18.9 million dollars in a secret bank account and now needs a trustworthy foreign investor to help get the money out of country. Of course, said investor gets to keep 15% and 5% is set asside for expenses. Please provide accountin formation as soon as possible.

Or am I the only one who gets these e-mails?

[igwanna]

and elfless is right MOTW, the transcript has been available down in there for the last six months, and you never complained about it before.

[Garret]

When I saw the post, I knew I could count on some excellent Monty Python quotage. Thank you!

Oh, and for the record I did not post as Mr./Mrs. Nasshat. I'm just not that bitter (nor clever enough to come up with such a great post name). But I do find it delicious that he/she was third.

[Boo Augustus]

I'm sure she was just tending to the parrots while seeking asylum for them in the West. Undoubtedly, they are the only remaining pets of Hon. Dr. Seso Mikabuti Jones who was killed in a plane crash in 1998 and/or had his farm confiscated, his wife murdered and his children sold into bondage in the recent unrest caused by rebels, corrupt government officials and/or The African National Diamond and Screen Door Company. HOWEVER, anf this is important, before he died he deposited $18.9 million dollars in a secret bank account and now needs a trustworthy foreign investor to help get the money out of country. Of course, said investor gets to keep 15% and 5% is set asside for expenses. Please provide accountin formation as soon as possible.

Or am I the only one who gets these e-mails?

[Boo Augustus]

Oops, I said that twice. Well, at least it's not an extended commentary on being the first to post (especially when you end up third).

[igwanna]

No Boo, you're not the only one who gets those.

...but do you know that people actually responding to that Nigerian hoax is actually Nigeria's second largest industry now???

I am not making this up, stupdity sells....

[MOTW]

Not complaining, igwanna, but thanks for pointing that out.

[Stash]

By the way, if you haven't seen the updated video, download it. Palin plays a surprise on John Cleese and the ending is quite different than the transcipt!

[Lily]

Well, I appreciated the transcripts. I had never seen them before. Thank you.

Oh, and what does ROTFL mean? I've never seen that either.

[MOTW]

Lily - Rolling on the Floor Laughing.

Which is what you had me do when I read your comment! Hilarious! Hope you're having a better day now.

[BMX3]

"If convicted, she faces one year in prison and a fine of up to 10 million CFA francs ($18,230)"

What an exchange rate. For as little as $185.00 you can be a millionaire, you don't even have to phone a friend or anything.

[elfbrains]

Thanks djtonyb! Its only been about a decade since I read that - and I did completely forget about the sign. I'll have to go and dig all the guides out of storage. (Or is that, fish them out of the river?)

[Lily]

MOTW,

Yes I am. Thank you very much. Glad I made you laugh. I never really know.

In real life, most people just look at me strangely and edge away toward the door.

[Brad]

But the good news is that she got half a pound of crack through customs, so she can hire lawyers, pay the fine, and get back to business!

[John]

99 dead gray parrots on the wall
99 dead gray parrots
Take one down
Pass it around
98 dead gray parrtots on the wall.....

[Martha Stewart]

Psst! Hey Mister! Wanna buy a premium quality dead parrot?

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Hope she didn't get Churchill''s parrot

[Norm dePlume]

Not to be pedantic or anything, but do Norwegian Blues really prefer "keeping" on their backs like it says in the transcript? I always thought the line was "kipping", as in English slang for having a nap.

[Reddsuss]

She's probably what really happened to Speckles

[jamester]

MOTW!!!THE PLUMAGE DOESN'T ENTER INTO IT!

[bm]

This is scary.... I wanted to see what "Bannerman Turacos" look like and did a search for same - hangs up every search engine I've tried: Google, Yahoo and Lycos!

Strange.

[Guin]

Monty Python jokes aside, I say DEATH TO POACHERS.

[jamester]

YES! AND Smoochy!

[D'Artagnan]

LeAvE 4o rEd tUrAcO fEaThErS iN a PlAiN bRoWn PaPeR bAg At ThE iNtErSeCtIoN oF BaBuNdI aNd NoBoGuScAr aNd NoBoDy GeTS hUrT

[MOTW]

bm
Well, the article did say Bannerman Turacos were rare.

Other turaco species photos to get the general idea.

[Lairbo]

MOTW: Maybe the "Turacos Menu" link at the upper lefthand corner of that site explains WHY Turacos are so rare, these days. Maybe if people would stop EATING THEM!

Btw, are Turacos on the list of badger foodstuffs? I forgot to check. And, also on that topic, is it stinking badgers we're talking about or just the regular kind?

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Yo quiero Turaco bell

[Lily]

Turaco! It's what's for dinner.

[Lairbo]

Mahatma & Lily: LOL!

Isn't "Livingston, Turaco" a major port of call for Caribbean cruise ships?

Note to self: stop at supermarket on way home for packet of Turaco Helper. . .

[Lee]

Damn! Did Dave give us the ultimate straight line here, or what? Didn't everybody immediately think of Monty Python? And then Jimmy Buffet?

D'Artagnan! You got it goin' on, dude! ROFLMAO!

PETA = People Eating Tasty Animals

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

Didn't Jimmy Buffet have a restaurant or something? Was it a buffet?

[Boo Augustus]

I don't know, seems the Monty Python bit was somewhat obvious. I fixated on the whole Nigerian criminal thing, but I guess I'm just bitter.

[pj]

In a state of disbelief over the existence of an anagram website, I promptly entered "absolutely not" only to find that it anagrams into "a noble slut toy."

I don't know if I should be offended or flattered.

[waxwing]

Awww, this story makes me mad/sad. I say scalp her and hang it from a tree so the birdies can use it to make nests. Tie her to a chair and force her to watch my favorite Hitchcock movie on continuous loop. I'll peck her eyes out myself!
v V v V v V v (have I drawn blood yet?)

[Brian B]

Hey Jamester,

"Look kids! It's a rocket ship!"

Great movie.

[orcel]

I just tried out that anagram thingy... It seems Bob Dole anagrams to Bob Dole.

Wow! Everything about that guy is boring!

hmmm thinking I should try Al Gore

[crash]

Atleast she embalmed them first.

[Lily]

*Didn't everybody immediately think of Monty Python? And then Jimmy Buffet?*

I did not think of Monty Python. I never do. I was barely aware they existed before I came upon this site.

Who's Jimmy Buffet?

[MeL]

Lee can we just go ahead and declare you keeper of the important stuff? (sorry, couldn't come up with anything witty).

[Lee]

Cool! The Links all work! Unlike me... But, you know, I always wanted to be a LUMBERJACK! Ohhhhh, I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok! I sleep all night and I work all day! (ouch! ouch! Ok, Ok! I'll stop!)

[MeL]

Methinks Lee's been sharing crack with John Kerry?

[Doug Brockmeier]

"Isn't everyone technically gay? We're all gay people trapped in the body of a heterosexual of the opposite sex." --Alex

I am not gay.

[telcontar]

Using the IAS, I found that Turaco Feathers anagrams to A True Chef Roast. This may indicate what the feathers are really used for.

[eadn]

Lee, Great Minds think alike. Those are all the links (names too!) that I have bookmarked!

[Lee]

Doug, does that mean you are a straight person trapped in the body of a heterosexual of the opposite sex?

Remember Mel Gibson in "What Women Want?" He was trying to imagine being a woman, so he think of advertising ideas. But all he thought of was a Tahitian woman under a waterfall. "I'm a Lesbian!"

[MeL]

If you think about it Doug you are a lesbian trapped in a male's body.

And this so reminds me of some really odd conversations at the lunch table freshman year.

[Lee]

eadn, cool! I'm complimented! I just wanted to make sure everyone had directions to the parties...

MeL, no crack. But I've had quite a few drinks over at the MOAT... Also, those last two posts were eiry! We posted at the exact same time, with the very similar messages. I guess were all Great Minds around here! Or we share the same delusions...

Of course, if Kerry's daughter had better taste in underwear, we might have had some crack...

[Graz]

Whatever you want to call it, I like the female form. It can make me a televangalist for all I care. Or call me a Suburu. Whatever.

But, it all works out the same.

[Doug Brockmeier]

Am I the only person left who doesn't cheat when making anagrams of "turaco feathers"? Don't be a SOUR FAT CHEATER! Do 'em from your head! Look what ******I****** can do!

GOOD:

FERREOUS ATTACH
HAUT FORECASTER
FASTER OUTREACH

BETTER:

ARTEFACT HOUSER
CATHOUSE RAFTER
TREACHEROUS TUFA

BEST:
A RUFOUS CATHETER

JENNIFER LOPEZ:
A FROTTEUR CHASE

BROCKMEIER OUT!

Or is that 'BROCKMEIER IN TROUBLE!'?

[eadn]

Graz, Amen to the female form! :-)

At least when they wiggle us guys don't giggle!

(or has some guy figured out how to walk across a room naked, pointing proudly, and not look like he's dowsing for a laugh ;-)

[telcontar]

Doug, those of us who can never hope to match your skill must resort to machines.

Didn't Dave Barry write something about this?

[MeL]

Lee- of course we're all great minds! And I guess luckily for Kerry's daughter most men don't tend to look at women's faces. :)

[Doug Brockmeier]

Probably, since he has written on every interesting topic possible, and is now forced to write increasingly more about politics, but if you meant has he written about me, no, because--I can't stress this enough--Dave tends to write about things such as celebrities and pop culture and exploding toilets--most of which have IQs above 30. So my chances aren't so good.

Maybe he'll write a column about Salvador, though.

[Doug Brockmeier]

"Telcontar" anagrams to "corn latte."

[Lee]

I'm with you Graz (and eadn!) Nothing beats the human female form! I can look at forms all day... Beware, Las Vegas! The bloglits are coming, er, on the way? Vegas may never be the same... See ya in the airport for Jager Bombs!

MeL, with that dress no one even saw her face.... And, refering to your earlier post, do we have important stuff to keep? Either way, I'll take the title of Keeper of the Important Statistics and Stuff (KISS.) ;-) Why, it just seems to fit...

Talking about important stuff, do ya'll realize that the kinky list is up to 46 bloglits and still growing? Did you even realize that we have more than 40 people here who are semi-regular posters? (Ok, some of them are blurkers that de-blurked just for the test, or de-blurk uncommonly.) Considering the number of drop in posts we get in a day, I'm figuring the ratio of blurkers to bloglits is about 8 to 1. Which means there could be somewhere around 500+ people reading our posts at any given time! Ack! I just gave myself stage fright! Um, Uh, er, Hi Mom!

[telcontar]

Should I be complimented or insulted?

Alright, an old-fashioned anagram from the noggin:

Doug Brockmeier = Muck robe, ire God.

But I'm sure you already knew that.

[eadn]

Doug, daily I thank my lucky stars that the most you can do is send me to the dean or should you so dane me...well I do have an eighth! ;-) or (I just looked it up) I 'spose you could claim I come from the Gulf of aden, but there's no nead.

I must say you get ultra+plus points for finding real words far beyond my ken!

[mad scientist]

Lee - Why did you have to mention Mel Gibson. Now I just have the image of you as his Butt stand in on my mind...I'll never get any work done.

[eadn]

Lee, your last post, I do agree! Sorta the same feeling I had when Joshkr yahood / googled me for LTTG!

We're Worldwide, I tellya, WORLDWIDE! :-)

[Doug Brockmeier]

Correction: A RUFOUS CATHETER is just RUFOUS CATHETER. My bad.

And actually--shock!--I like my own anagram of my name better: "gird me, buckeroo." Buckeroo. Ha ha ha. I'm so clever. But that anagrams to "mice lover's," so, beside being untrue, it's a really nasty name for a Pizza Hut pizza.

[Lee]

Hi mad! Speaking of crack, I'm just the butt of the joke, but I'm pretty cheeky about it! Must be a full moon, tonight... ;-)

eadn, go for the fifth instead! I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

I yahoo/googled Kinky Update and we showed up as number 11! And Kinky must be one of the most searched terms out there! We're BIG, real BIG! Soon, we too, will be invited to appear on Jimmy Kimmel! Bring your laptops so we can show them how we do this.

djtonyb, Are you in disguise? Oh. Hey, you're not dbtonyb at all, are you?

Waves to the blurking masses!

[MeL]

Lee- that was my point. ;) And don't the kinky test scores count as important stuff?!

[MeL]

My theory is, if there are hundreds of blurkers out there that actually take time to read the comments we must be at least somewhat funny...right?

[telcontar]

After some creamed ham (which anagrams to mad mech ear and came here mad), I found that telcontar also anagrams to Rent a Colt.

[eadn]

dj, at your last, me too.

And we are here now...gone from another place ;-)

[Graz]

Yeah, I blurked for a bit until I got the guts to post.I was slow to find the comments, cause I came here every week or so.

So, once I found them, it took me about 15 minutes until I posted a comment.

[Lily]

Doug,

I have been worrying about Salvador since I hear that his snail died. If you go to the pet store you should (if you can get a helpful clerk and not a Monty Python reject)be able to get a very small snail that will fit through the hole that his food pellet goes into. You could lower him into the box with a toothpick. Snails start out very, very small. Sometimes you will get an infestation of snails when you buy real plants for an aquarium because the snails were too small to see on the leaves without looking closely. It has happened to me.

I would hate to see such a valuable frog die mired in his own algae.

[punky brewster]

There was no blurking for me ... I posted on day one ... I have no shame.

Although, I did post under a different moniker for the first week ... so you can't trace me.

MWAHAHAHAH *cough*

nevermind.

[Lily]

I saw the comments section and thought Hmmm. I can commment. Cool. I didn't realize that you should work up to commenting. Clueless again.

Now that I know that hundreds of people are reading these I probably won't be able to comment again.

[mad scientist]

See how excited you have me I am stuttering

[Lee]

Ra Ro! ;-)

[mudstuffin]

Here's an oldie but goodie:

Doug Brockmeier = Duck Boogermire

I could never understand why this didn't catch on the first time.

[mad scientist]

Duck Boogermire sounds like the bastard cousin of the Afflack Duck!

[eadn]

But Punky! Now it's just a matter of style! ;-)

And Your's is So Considerably Delectable! If I weren't who I am, I might even over-stuff myself at your buffet! :-)

(That last is called Grace, Dear Lass, I Much Enjoy You as you are without disturbing your Peace!)

Same said and meant for all of the Ladies on The Blog! GentleMen, you've never had a thing to worry about!

All that said, I'm setting my flamethrower down for the night. The firehose however...ain't there a wet T-shirt / thong contest still to be done?! ;-)

[punky brewster]

The wet T-shirt and thong contest is happenin' over in the MOAT as soon as you and mad scientist are "done"

(wink wink)

[harper]

It was the anagrams in this thread that caused me to de-blurk. Now I feel geeky. Oh, well.

In the spirit of the previous political anagrams, I discovered the following amazing revelation:

George W Bush = Hugs Web Gore.

My conscience compels me to apologize to Doug. The preceding anagram was machine generated. Sorry. I'll try harder next time.

[Jessica]

So, Lee, how often do you have to post to be a regular and not a blurker? Sometimes, I don't have time to come here till you have all moved on so why bother entering a comment? Sometimes, I have nothing to say so I remain silent. The "blurker" label makes me feel as if I am intruding, but this is a public comments area, right? I rarely have time to do anything for myself right now. I really enjoy coming here; so, please, am I welcome? Sorry, I had a tough day; I'm not normally so sensitive.

[Graz]

Jessica, I think that I speak for everyone when I say that you are most definitely welcome here.

Whether you post once a day, week, month or year, you company here is appreciated.

Please continue to visit.

[Graz]

And, I do truly hope that your day gets better, and your tomorrow better still.....

[Doug Brockmeier]

Not to always be the bearer of bad news, but "tomorrow" anagrams to "root worm."

[telcontar]

After watching the Nets get sent home, I realized that the Pistons were not piss, the main reason being that Ben Wallace seemed to be following bee clan law, running around everywhere, grabbing rebounds, and draining jumpers.

(all noggin-based, of course)

[Doug Brockmeier]

Nice.

Also:
Higitus Figitus spirochete, numb!
Tyson fatigued, but Agnew dumb!
Higitus Figitus porcupine stone!
Press the digit onium!

Higitus Figitus Mortimer Ram!
Eat ya beans and eat ya Spam!
Higitus Figitus slippery Trump!
Slap the happy hippo's rump!

Higitus Figitus maximus minimus!
Termini termin-you terminate terminus!
Higitus Figitus Bluto Bus!
Presto! Digit-phobias!

[Alex]

Some Google searches that turn up this blog:

wbagnfarb

OIYDWYMTTY

productivity enhancers

Not to mention anyone who's left their real names.

We're out there. That's what the deal is with not leaving any tracks and using the chat room. That's how Mom found the blog, too.

[MeL]

I'm always late for all the good stuff! Yeesh.

[telcontar]

I must be really tired, Doug, because I can't find any anagrams in your poem.

[Alex]

For more on Google, look at the Life Theories blog. That is my final word on that.

telcontar, there are plenty of anagrams everywhere. Here's one: "anagram" angagrams to "an' a gram." Wait...that's more of a Jeff Foxworthy thing. I must be tired, too.