WHAT, THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS?

Now they're trying to tell us we can't coat an entire motel room in Vaseline.

(Thanks to many people)

Comments

[mudstuffin]

His mother must be SO proud.

[lurker]

& you just know he tried to sneak those 14 jars of Vaseline through the "12 Items or Less" line at Piggly-Wiggly.

[Higgy]

That's got to be tough - "holding him at a county cell" when he's covered in Vaseline.... Imagine the lucky cop that got to handcuff him and put him in the squad car.... sssswippppp!

[qetzal]

What do they mean, the room's unusable? They're not actually going to try to clean it, are they? It's the perfect roadside tourist attraction!

"Amazing Vaseline Palace! 24 miles ahead!"

[waxwing]

personally i would not commit a legal offense that involved vaseline in such quantities, especially if the offense was going to land me in jail, and especially if there were others in the jail already, and the cops were mad enough already...

[punky brewster]

oh yeah, waxwing ... Once Bubba takes one look at him it'll all be over for the poor guy. The Vaseline might make the meet and greet a little smoother, though.

[MOTW]

Chamberlain was a day late and a jar short ...

[MeL]

I bet he feels just about stupid.

[MeL]

or at least highly violated by now.

[MOTW]

Egads, Mike, look at the glossy shine on that car!

[Garret]

Wait. There was porn involved, too? I'm shocked!!!

[BMX3]

Mad props to the article writer for the gratuitous use of the word "unctuous"!
Next time you're in your local supermarket, ask the produce guy where the "unctuous substances are, chances are he won't know what the hell you are talking about. Either will anyone else in the store.

[Jeff P.]

"they found 14 empty petroleum jelly containers and numerous pornographic magazines in the trash can"

The real crime here is that he threw away so much perfectly good, slightly used pron.

[Jeff Meyerson]

As one of the "many people" who knew Dave would like this one, all I can do is repeat: Ick.

Now that I realize it happened in Binghamton, however, I'm less surprised.

Good one, Punky.

[Blogchik]

NOTE: The article misspelled the place in Virginia the man is from. It's McLean, not McClean.

I live nearby, scarily enough...

[MOTW]

If not petroleum jelly, what about used grease ?

[jamester]

This would be a perfect "theme room" for the fabled Madonna Inn out here in California..

[JakeDaSnake]

What I particularly loved was the Cars.com ad that appears in middle of the article, showing a guy lovingly stuck to fender of his car with this stupid grin on his face. I could only picture this guy as the greasy bandit. (your actual ad may differ...)

[Chris Cypser]

That can't be good for his complexion.

[Webmom]

Binghamton, hmmm. Doesn't surprise me. Take it from someone who grew up around there, THERE IS NOTHING ELSE TO DO! The winters are so bad it's bound to drive you a little loony. He was probably celebrating the first day where the temperature was above 20 degrees.

[MonsterMagnet]

Perhaps he was just very, very chapped?

[Gregg]

You beat me to it, BMX3! That was exactly what I was thinking. I actually had to look up that word to recall what it meant.

"Hey baby, let me slather you with some unctuous substances."

"Some WHAT?!"

[igwanna]

I think Piggly-Wiggly just about sums up this guy's motive, lurker.

[mad scientist]

Starts saving up jars of unctuous substances for the Vegas Bloglit Meet and Greet

[Jeff Meyerson]

Webmom: we agree. I went to summer camp up in that area for 6 years and boy was it dull!

I too first thought they guy fondling his car was part of the story (and are we sure that it wasn't?), as he looks WAY too happy.

[Lee]

My imagination simply fails me here. Can someone a little further up the kinky scale explain to me just what the heck this guy was doing? Or is this beyond kinky and into pathology?

[jamester]

Rita, I've never actually stayed at the Madonna Inn. Will expect a full, well, no, wait, maybe a somewhat less full account of your stay there.

[bigtom]

I would imagine that most reporters go thier entire career without an opportunity to use the word unctuous....unless they cover politics

[mad scientist]

Lee - It could be Kinky pathology? Oh no wait that was a different course in school.

djtony-"Lee: My guess is just that he wanted to keep all of his options open." Well at least he wanted entry into the closed options to be a little smoother.

And as a side note: Petroleum Jelly does not wash out of hair for several weeks - please do not attempt to use it as hair gel - I speak from experience

[QueensBee]

I lived in Binghamton when I was in grad school. There really isnt anything to do there. this is probably as good as it gets!

[Jeff Meyerson]

Why would you use it as hair gel, mad scientist, or shouldn't I ask? It doesn't wash off of other body parts that easily either. 'Nuff said.

Rita, we visited the Madonna Inn a couple of times while driving up the coast of California, though we never actually stayed there. Some of the rooms are pretty wild looking. Have fun!

[Alex]

As a side note, I'd like to point out that petroleum jelly really does work when used properly. Properly meaning a light coating on the face following a severe skin rash.

Bad spelling ticks me off. Am I the only one? It's "porn." Don't be afraid to say it.

OK, now for the article:

Men have gone to the hospital for making love to vacuum cleaners. Don't rule this thought out regarding the motel room. It may be a fetish.

[CPhil]

When, oh when, will they pass a limit on how many jars of Vaseline can be purchased at one time??!! Fourteen jars, for God's sake. Let's hope that Osama never gets wind of this.....

[Jeff Meyerson]

CPhil makes a good point. I mean, they wouldn't let you buy 14 dozen eggs on Halloween, would they? Well, actually, around here I've seen 10 year old kids walk into a grocery store covered head to toe in shaving cream who were allowed to buy more shaving cream and eggs. OK, bad example, scratch that.

[BMX3]

"Bad spelling ticks me off. Am I the only one? It's "porn." Don't be afraid to say it.

Alex: Words like "porn" are intentionally spelled pron on purpose. It's not because we are afraid to say it, but a some BBs and msg boards, chat rooms etc. censored or omitted posts that contained "naughty" words. So porn became pron, Jesus became Jebus, shiat, goddam etc.

[Mike Weasel]

14 jars? And it covered the entire hotel room? Those musta been some big-ass jars. Er, so to speak.

[Alex]

BMX3 -- Thanks, I hadn't heard of that one.

Anyhoo, all you have to do is put spaces between the letters:

f u c k censorship

[jamester]

Hey Alex, I don't really think you could refer to that as "making love"...lust certainly, raging hormones + kinkiness of course, but love? I hope not...

[Alex]

Hasn't the rhino article established that you can mistake inanimate objects for a member of the opposite sex? Coupled with some LSD, you could probably talk to the vacuum cleaner and fall in love with it, right?

[Brad]

Alex writes: As a side note, I'd like to point out that petroleum jelly really does work when used properly. Properly meaning a light coating on the face following a severe skin rash.

Huh? I though it kept fat women from producing static electricty and thus igniting gasoline fumes when their thighs rub together at the pump.

But honestly, Vaseline is great for preventing all sorts of painful chaffing for distance runners.

[whurlie]

When my younger brother asked our dad what he got vaseline for ~ he was told, "89 cents a jar."