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May 13, 2004

TURKEY ADVISORY

Watch out, turkeys of Maine. Mr. Subdivision has it in for you now.

(Thanks to Garret Wood)

Comments

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also, turkeys of maine wbagnfarb. opening for fountains of wayne.

I recommend stuffing and gravy

He (the turkey) was actually part of Animal Planet's new "Wildlife Gone Wild!" series, a desperate attempt to boost their ratings and pull in young viewers. The turkey-themed episode will air around (duh) Thanksgibving.

I don't suppose that Mr. Bitar (if that really is his name) considered that the vandalism to his SUV was the work of eco-terrorists disguised as turkeys.

Also, since this happened in Maine, we can expect a Stephen King book about it within days. Maybe hours.

Oh, come now. Did the disgruntled hunter really need to get a hunting license? Couldn't he just let nature take his course and figure that eventually, he'd roll his SUV onto a turkey?

Maybe the turkey wasn't trying to fight the SUV...maybe he was trying to get inside and drive it. "Hey, every other turkey's got one..."

Please note the real culprit in this story:

"... the tom turkey, which was accompanied by a hen ...".

You know the expression. "Behind every successful crazed turkey is a hen."

this is nothing new. Turkeys are so stupid I don't know why turkey hunters don't just use mirrors in the woods. I put an old mirror out by my garage to be thrown away and the next morning a big ol' Tom was beating his head against his reflection. I could have walked up behind him and beaten him to death with a rock. Do you need a license for that?

C'mon, it was a 2002 Ford Explorer. It's not like it was a brand new Hummer, or something.

judi, you forgot to say "First".

Although, I never say it.

But what was the Explorer's name?

Obviously he was just following orders from the Giant Squid. Wasn't the maniac otter from New England?

Thus the danger of waxxing your car too often.

Does that turkey have a Florida's drivers license?

MOTW: the turkey already qualifies for one.

I'm absolutely amazed that the Explorer didn't rollover and blow up. The guy could have had roast turkey for dinner and then spent the insurance money on a decent vehicle.

The score so far:
SUV 0 - Turkey 1

I beat my turkey can beat up your SUV!

Oops!

I bet my turkey can beat my spelling any day too!

what a jerk

the guy, not you Zed...

Some marinade for the turkey might be in order. I've heard of grudges but this guy is a regular Charles Bronson. Oh the humanity!

Whew -thanks!

If we could just get rid of all those nasty bothersome, what are they called?, oh yeah, animals, ... we wouldn't have these kinds or problems.

While we're at it, let's cut down all the trees too. I'm getting tired of raking my lawn in the fall!

Yeah, and cows are born ground up and wrapped up in cellophane. Anybody got a Boca Burger?

A few bay leaves and fresh garlic rubbed over the skin seasons the turkey nicely.

Save the liver!

Needless to say, Turkey Vandalism wbagnfarb (but not a car).

I'm definitely with the turkey on this one. I hate those SOBs, I mean SUVs.

"He had his claws on my gas cap" -- is that a euphemism for something sexually painful?

I'd like to see a turkey-peacock rumble like West Side Story.

Rival Turkeys- Good name for a rock band?

mmmm....turkey and dressing and gravy....mmmmm (dressing is non-stuffed stuffing for you Yankees and it is supposed to be made with cornbread and not have things like raisins and nuts in it)

On a side note, I used to own a 2000 Ford Explorer with Firestone tires. It never rolled over or even exploded into flames. It did, however, roll into the (closed) garage, right through the door....but that might have been my fault...I'm still not sure, I think it (Explorer) was related to Christine. That turkey would have been lucky to have a feather left if it had messed with that SUV. It definitely had a creepy "I'm out to get you vibe". It was fun to drive, though. It's always exciting to drive something that has explosive tires and is out to kill you, especially if you're an adrenaline junkie.

And people thought Hitchcock was crazy. They're starting to mobilize, and it's just a matter of time . . .

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